Hi, everybody. Welcome. Hi, im jimmy, im the host of the show. Thank you for watching. Thank you for joining us here in oh please, relax. Traffic has come to a complete stop thanks to the president of the United States, who is here to raise money. I feel like if we got organized we could pay him more to not come. [ laughter ] took my wife an hour and a half to go six miles last night. They shut down everything. They closed all the roads from disneyland to magic mountain, all roads are closed. The traffic is slower than, well, this. [ laughter ] easy, easy, just be real careful, no need to rush, steady as we go. Steady. Just its just a few more steps till we get well get you in that car. And there will be okay, all right, great. He made it. I mean, is there anything more heartstopping than watching him walk down stairs . [ laughter ] it makes me feel like im in the movie a quiet place. Theres that much tension. [ laughter ] anyway, the president is here to raise money. And also to see if Steven Spielberg can dayage hilike he did Harrison Ford in the Indiana Jones movie. All the godless liberals were lined up for a starstudded event that made it very clear who hollywood backs in this election. Hello, everyone. Its Joey Hollywood touching down in la la land to pick up some shekels from my showbiz pals. All the big names are going to be there. Cary grant. Liz taylor. Sammy d. Marilyn monroe. Whats that . Oh, apparently those stars are deceased. Crack kills, folks. As my dear friend fred astaire always says fred will be there, right . When . In 87 . So i packed my tiptap shoes for nothing . Okay, so heres the deal. Any of you not dead movie stars who want to swing by the pool to hobnob at the beverly hilton, come on by. Ill be the one wearing swim trunks up to my big old nipples. Eating some of that sweet gummy california candy youre all so proud of. Anyone else got a craving for candy buttons . Used to love to pick them off one by one, like a monkey eating ticks off a baby gorilla. What was i saying, again . Oh, yeah. Dont forget to get your kids spayed and neutered. This has been a message from president joe biden. What about the skipper from gilligans island, he dead . Ah, dammit [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy ive got bad news about the professor and marianne, too. The president may be old, and he is old. But even though he, by just about every measure, is doing a pretty solid job of running the country, hes been steering us through some very rough waters. Hes not getting credit for it. This is unlike any modern election weve had, and so now, with that in mind, and i think this is smart, he wants to make it clear to American Voters that the choice we are being asked to make in november is between him and a lunatic. Briana, what weve learned is that President Biden himself personally instructed some of his top Campaign Aides to be even more aggressive in highlighting some of president trumps more inflammatory and wild comments. We are told that the thrust of the president s direction was to significantly ramp up the campaigns efforts to highlight the crazy [ bleep ] that trump says in public. [ laughter ] jimmy all right, well, thats [ applause ] [ cheers ] jimmy operation crazy [ bleep ] is under way. [ laughter ] i think this is the right approach. It must be very frustrating for joe biden. Having all these people doubting whether he is fit to be in office when hes running against hair mussolini. [ laughter ] fortunately, Donald Trumps doing everything he can to keep the crazy train moving. He had plenty to say last night at a fox news town hall where he confirmed a list of names on his running mate shortlist. Including ron desantis. Thats right. [ laughter ] the forecast is cloudy with a chance of meatball ron. [ laughter ] how is ron desantis on his short list . Maybe he thinks its a list of people who are short . [ laughter ] this is a guy, he has also on the list are tim scott, vivek ramaswamy, kristi noem, byron donalds, and tulsi gabbard. Wow, what a group. He had better bookings on celebrity apprentice. [ laughter ] its like he went running mate shopping at goodwill. Thats what they came up with. [ laughter ] his secret is while the other guys are focused on the major issues russia, nato, climate change, et cetera donald trump zeros in on the issues that dont even exist. They come out with faucets where no water comes out. If you go and buy a home, and they know what i mean, the showers, you stand under a shower, theres no water coming in. You end up standing there five times longer. In ohio, you have a Great Company that came to me, a dishwasher company, one of the biggest and finest companies, they were going out the business, they said, were not allowed to use water. [ laughter ] jimmy its true, its true. All whirlpool products now run on sand. [ laughter ] what a strange and mysterious world he lives in. Trump said the ruling against him in new york is a form of navalny, which is a disgusting thing to say. This is a fine he got. Trump owes a lot of money, 355 million, which will become 450 million with interest. Hell probably file for bankruptcy to avoid paying it. The attorney general in new york, letitia james, said financial frauds are not victimless crimes. He engaged in a massive amount of fraud, it wasnt just a simple mistake like eric. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] she also said if he doesnt come up with the money, she might seize trump tower. Turns out one of the downsides to putting your name on everything you own is everyone knows who owns it. [ laughter ] she could do it, too. It would be refreshing to see a woman grab his assets for a change. [ cheers and applause ] when youre attorney general, they let you do it, you dont even ask. [ laughter ] you just seize, you grab them by the property. Trump needs to come up with 355 million to avoid having his prop seized. Lets check in on his gofundme. That his fans have well, thats almost 900 okay, only 354 million to go. [ laughter ] and he should be square. I love that trumps supporters think hes super rich, but also needs money. [ laughter ] god bless the maga faithful. They buy into this, they worship this ape like he is their orange baby jesus. [ laughter ] went to maralago, how was that . It was awesome. The food was great. I had fish and chips. They were from scotland. They got a chef to come down. So they can get the actually the actual recipe from scotland. And so the fries were actually big and the fish and chips were actually crazy good. Thats awesome. President trump invited you from the rally, it was just a popup rally . Humble, he is such a humble man, he is such a people person. He is one of us and absolutely represents us. Jimmy right, right. Hes very humble, humbly represents you. He humbly flew in a chef from scotland to steal his recipe for fish and chips. [ laughter ] i want to hear more from that kid. Id like to see that kid become his running mate, wouldnt that be cool . [ laughter ] 10yearold running mate . Something to think about. The fish and chips are hitting the fan in washington right now where this biden impeachment clown show goes on and on in the house. You know how theyve been trying to prove theres some kind of nefarious Biden Crime Family . Like the trump crime family . Most of this is built around intelligence provided by an fbi informant. The chair of the house judiciary committee, jim jordan, last month went on fox news and said this highly credible source was the most corroborating evidence we have. Well, last week, that informant was arrested and charged with lying about the whole thing. He got the information from russian spies. Passed it along. That was their star witness. Not only that, Hunter Bidens attorneys say the federal prosecutors who were searching his Electronic Devices mistakenly believed they found a picture of cocaine that was actually sawdust. Look at that photo. From his phone. That the government, prosecutors, claim show lines of cocaine. Thats what the government prosecutors are saying. Theyre saying thats sawdust. Take a good look at sawdust thats lined up in Perfect Little lines. Take a close look. Does that look like sawdust to you . Jimmy yes. Yes, it does, yes, yes. [ laughter ] yes is the answer, the answer is yes . [ applause ] not only does it look like sawdust, it is literally on a saw. [ laughter ] thats pure, uncut colombian cedar. [ laughter ] its either sawdust, or a very wellplaced ad for Monster Energy drink. [ laughter ] and you know hunter biden isnt the first president s son to learn you cant get high by snorting sawdust. I mean, why do you think don jr. Always looks so sad in the woods . [ laughter ] you know, between the president s son, president s day, and this neverending campaign, theres been a lot of potus talk this week. So we thought itd be a perfect time to play our very popular game, on the money [ cheers and applause ] it involves the president. It involves our announcer lou, who is standing by on hollywood boulevard. Wow, look at the size of that steak behind you, lou. Lou oh, god. Im hungry. Jimmy all right, lou. Lets first meet our contestant tonight. Hi, there. Hi. Jimmy hi, tamara, how are you . Im good, how are you . Jimmy im good. Where are you from . Im from oklahoma. Jimmy okay. What do you do for work . Im a bartender. Jimmy oh, okay. This is perfect. Do you deal with a lot of cash . I do. Jimmy okay, so heres how this works. Im going to ask if you can identify whose face is on specific denominations of currency. Okay. Jimmy if you get it right, you keep the coin. If i do get it wrong, you lose, you lose everything. You can walk away at any time, okay . Okay. Jimmy all right, are you ready . Lets start with the penny. Okay . Who is on the penny . Oh. Damn. President lincoln . Jimmy that is correct. [ cheers and applause ] Abraham Lincoln. Now you have a decision to make. Okay. Jimmy do you want to keep the penny . [ laughter ] or do you want to keep going . Do you want to risk it . Lets keep going. Jimmy lets keep going, shes going to keep going, everybody, all right. [ applause ] oh, lord. Jimmy tamara, whose face is on the nickel . Oh. I do not look at the nickel. Uh George Washington . I dont know. Jimmy oh, im so sorry. That is absolutely incorrect. Oh, tamara. Lou, we do have a consolation prize for tamara . Lou we do, a margarita maker. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy okay, thats not bad. Thank you, tamara. Lets get somebody else in there, see if they can go a little bit farther than one cent. [ laughter ] oh, hello. Is it papoo . Yeah. Jimmy how are you . Doing good. Definitely nervous but hoping ill do all right. Jimmy theres nothing to be nervous about at all, this is an almost completely insignificant amount of money were playing for. [ laughter ] what do you do for work . I work at community work, primarily with Higher Education and the youth, helping do what i can to get them into Higher Education, pursue education. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy all right, thats great. Ill be honest, it sounded like a lie, but lets play the game. [ laughter ] all right, first question is, who is on the penny . The penny. Uh i dont i havent held change in a minute. Im going to guess Abraham Lincoln . Jimmy Abraham Lincoln is correct, thats right. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, i guess this game gets harder as we move towards a digital world. Do you want to keep that penny, or do you want to keep going . Uh im going to keep going. Jimmy youre going to keep going, okay, all right. A gambling man, i like that. Lets do it. Im going to roll my dice. Jimmy who is on the nickel . The United States nickel . 5 cents . Um im for sure its hopefully a president. Jimmy uhhuh . And im going to im going to say andrew jackson. I dont know. Jimmy oh wow, im so sorry, papoo, it is not. It is, in fact, Thomas Jefferson on the nickel. But we do whats our consolation prize . [ laughter ] lou weve got a full set of tires. Jimmy a full set of radial theres two more, right . [ laughter ] lou take those two and come back. Jimmy all right, thank you, papoo, im so sorry. One more. One more, lets get one more person in there. Lets see who is there. We got all right. Jeff, how are you, jeff . Not too bad, how about yourself . Jimmy what do you do for work . Im a plumber. Jimmy all right, good. All right. [ applause ] whats the weirdest thing you ever found in a toilet, jeff . I dont really go looking too hard. [ laughter ] jimmy all right. Well, jeff, are you ready to play . Im ready. Jimmy okay. Who is on the penny, jeff . Abraham lincoln. Jimmy that is correct, jeff. [ cheers and applause ] now do you want to stay and keep the penny, or do you want to keep going . Lets keep going. Jimmy all right. [ cheers ] who is on the nickel . Oh uh Thomas Jefferson. Jimmy thats right, jeff [ cheers and applause ] wow. Now jeff, youve got a decision here, youve got 6 cents. We could make it 60. Do you want to keep going . Lets keep rolling. Jimmy hes going to keep going, folks. Jeff, who is on the dime . Oh, no. Uh not Thomas Jefferson. Uh Thomas Jefferson. [ laughter ] jimmy didnt you just say Thomas Jefferson . Thats the only name going through my brain right now. Jimmy do you think hes on all the coins . No. Jimmy no. Give it one more try, jeff. Think of a different president. Uh lets see jfk . Jimmy oh, no, im so sorry. Wow. You know what, you lose all 6 of those cents. It was roosevelt. Fdr. And what do we have for jeff there . Lou a ps5. Jimmy im so sorry, jeff, youll have to take this ps5. [ cheers ] thank you for playing on the money. Wow, weve got to really work on that. Were going to have to the mints got to get an ad campaign going, weve got a problem on our hands here. [ laughter ] we have a good show for you tonight. From abbott elementary, Tyler James Williams is here. [ cheers and applause ] we have music from the beaches, and well be right back with Jeff Goldblum. And well be right back with jeff ghead shoulders is so launching something huge. The bare minimum. Antidandruff shampoo made with only nine ingredients no sulfates, silicones or dyes and packaged with 45 less plastic giving you outstanding dandruff protection and leaving hair beautiful and moisturized. Major dandruff protection, minimal ingredients. Job done. New head shoulders bare. [traffic noise] [text message] lets ace this thing i got you coffee. Oh my god, what . You literally read my mind. Got you, girl. How do i do it all . With a little help. And to support my familys immune health, i choose airborne. It has an unbeatable amount of vitamin c, plus a unique blend of immune focused ingredients to turn up our immune support. Airborne smile. Are you wearing this just to get recognized . No. Its comfortable. Tell your driver when you return the car, well fill it up for you. Nice to have a little status. Its not you, its tmobile magenta status. Drive driver you dont need to be famous to get premium benefits from brands you love, thats magenta status. What is cirkul . Cirkul is the fuel you need to take flight. Cirkul is the energy that gets you to the next level. Cirkul is what you hope for when life tosses lemons your way. Cirkul, available at walmart and drinkcirkul. Com. Zyrtec allergy relief works fast and lasts a full 24 hours so dave can be the. Deliverer of dance. Ok, dave lets be more than our allergies. Zeize the day with zyrtec. Shopify helps you sell at every stage of your business. So you can sell it online, take it in person and go big. Like a million orders big. Whatever the stage, businesses that grow grow with shopify. Hmmm twix with cookie and cookie dough . Kinda makes you wonder which came first. The cookie or the cookie dough . Kakaaaw so embarrassing conservative republican steve garvey is the wrong choice for the senate. Our republican opponent here on this stage has voted for donald trump twice. Mr. Garvey, you voted for him twice. As your own man, what is your decision . Garvey is wrong for california. But garveys surging in the polls. Fox news says garvey would be a boost to republican control of the senate. Stop garvey. Adam schiff for senate. Im adam schiff, and i approve this message. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi, there, welcome back. Tonight from abbott elementary, Tyler James Williams is with us. Then later, a rock band from toronto. Their album is called blame my ex. Music from the beaches. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night oh, weve got a big show tomorrow night. The nominated cast of best picture nominee oppenheimer will be with us. Cillian murphy, emily blunt, and Robert Downey jr. Plus comedian, rory scovel. Jimmy our first guest is an actor, musician, raconteur, and probably eleven other things too. His new animated film, they shot the piano player, opens in theaters friday in new york and l. A. Please welcome Jeff Goldblum. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy how are you . You look great. Thank you. Jimmy are you feeling well . Im feeling very well, thank you. Oh, theres a little echo here, isnt there . Jimmy a little bit. Is that just my resonant voice . Jimmy both. Acousticky. Jimmy a bit of an echo in the room. Nice to see you. Jimmy nice to see you, too. I saw you from across the stadium at the super bowl. Yes, sir. Jimmy i think this video went viral, as a matter of fact. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats how you do it. Thats what you do. I didnt know they were going to come upon me, as that seems. And i was just thrilled to be there. I was eating it up. Jimmy i think you got the biggest ovation, outside of the players, on the field of anybody in the whole game. I really do. I cant imagine that. Jimmy just by comparison, i would like to show you what happened when i was on the video. Yeah. They didnt even notice that i was there. [ laughter ] it was just kelly clarkson. They didnt even notice carrot top was sitting next to me. [ laughter ] thats a mistake. Did you know, for instance, im curious, did you know they were going to come upon you . Jimmy no, i had no idea. So what happens . When you see it on the jumbotron, whats going on . Jimmy my first inclination is to