[ cheers and applause ] jimmy im jimmy, im the host. Thank you for watching. Thank you for joining us in our studio we have in hollywood, california. I appreciate it, but its too much, it really is. [ laughter ] it was a day off for the trump trial today. Which has been a lot of fun so far, i have to say. Don moneyhoney, Stormy Daniels, took the stand yesterday and caused quite a commotion. Stormy yesterday went into a bit more detail about their sexual encounter than the president and his legal team were hoping she would. Sadly, there are no cameras allowed in the courtroom, so weve had to rely on sketches and transcripts. At one point, while Stormy Daniels was recounting the story of spanking trump with a forbes magazine, judge merchan pulled one of his lawyers aside to issue a warning after trump appeared to mutter bull sword under his breath. The judge said he chose to speak to the lawyer privately so as not to embarrass trump, who is on trial for chubhumping a porn star [ laughter ] while his wife was home with hare infant son. Im pretty sure the embarrassment cat is out of the golf bag already. [ laughter ] and while all this was happening, they were holding a primary election in indiana. Obviously, trump won on the republican side because hes the only republican running. But once again, a lot of votes were cast for nikki haley, who dropped out two months ago. Nikki haley disappeared at the beginning of march and she still took more than 20 of the vote. Which means either a large chunk of indiana voters are not planning for trump, or mike pence voted 128,000 times. [ laughter ] [ applause ] trump used his day off from the trial today to focus on his pyramid scheme. [ laughter ] he hosted a vip dinner at maralago, for stuper fans who bought his nfts. [ laughter ] to get an invite you had to buy all 47 of trumps nfts at 99 bucks a pop. Id hate to have to be trumps assistant this morning. Sir, a reminder that tonight you have to eat with the freaks who paid 4,700 for pictures of you wearing tights and a cape. Some of these lemonheads paid 10,000 for the honor of having the former president fart on them in person. [ laughter ] but you cant argue about the fact that these nfts are aesthetically quite stunning. Just look at all the time and talent that went into this laugh laugh the drawing of the lepreconman with his pot of other peoples gold. Heres butch casserole. Pretending to be a cowboy. This one commemorates the moment don told don jr. That santa isnt real. [ laughter ] and not only did the suckers, i mean customers, get Digital Trading cards, those who spent the most got a piece of the suit he was wearing when he was arrested. As you can see, the value . Priceless. [ laughter ] until he gets arrested in four other suits. [ laughter ] and then we have melania doing her bebest to cash in too with signature mothers day jewelry. This is melanias love gratitude necklace. You can see it is in the form of a threeleaf clover, because when youre Donald Trumps wife, you dont believe in luck. [ laughter ] the back of the necklace features the former first ladys signature, which is alarmingly similar to her husbands. Hey both look like the printout from an ekg of someone having a heart attack. [ laughter ] and thats not the only trump family trinket for sale. This mothers day, celebrate mom with first america lady, a message she wants world to know. The Melania Trump eric is not my [ bleep ] son. Celebrate mother you love with thing melania most proud of. Not biegerics mom. These exquisite necklaces make statements straight from melanias heart, like, i barely even know eric. Hes ivana,s not mine. And of course, eric who . Melania is proud mother of barron trump and barron trump alone. And nobody with face of sad possum. Order now and receive clump of hair melania found in seat, absolutely free. Tell mother you love her with Melania Trump eric is not my son jewelry collection. Thank you. Jimmy youre welcome, youre welcome. Insiders say melanias dream is to design a necklace so big she can use to it choke her husband, like Princess Leia and jabba the hutt. [ laughter ] you know, we spend a lot of time goofing on trump but its important to remember that we also have a thirdparty candidate whos out of his mind, robert f. Kennedy jr. This is a bombshell. According to a recently disc discovered deposition from his divorce proceedings, rfk claims a worm ate his brain. [ laughter ] or part of his brain. And while we dont know for sure what would cause this, dr. Sanjay gupta might. I can tell you as a neuro surgeon, this is a rare can be, but its typically something that is caused by eating underbooked pork. Jimmy that sounds right. [ laughter ] raw bacon. Worms in the brain, that explains the ivermectin, it is a dewormer. For a guy who seems to believe doctors are con artists trying to scam you into getting a vaccine, he sure did get to one fast when a worm started eating his brain. [ laughter ] the inside of his head is basically the movie dune. [ laughter ] but you should definitely vote for him, hes a kennedy. Junior, you know. [ laughter ] speaking of brain worms governor kristi noem continues to flounder helplessly. She shared a story in her book about shooting cricket, her 14monthold hunting dog, on purpose, and also shooting three horses and a pet goat. Needless to say this anecdote hasnt gone over so well with anyone, and her book is not doing it peaked at amazon yesterday at number 58, and today it has dropped out of the top 100 completely. This is funny, number 91 . This is real. Is the Childrens Book puppy birthday to you. [ laughter ] so score one for the canines. This whole experience has been a disaster for governor noem, but she would like us to read it and decide for ourselves. Heres an excerpt from the audiobook they released today. I will say, it does play differently when you hear it coming from her mouth. My hands were still shaking as i pulled into the parking lot. I could almost taste puppy blood. I jumped out of my americanbuilt japanese pickup and kicked the doors to petco wide open. Inside, i saw them. Puppies. White, tan, brown, even black. All tumbly and bouncy with their floppy ears and little wet noses. God, i hated them. I put my earbuds in so i could blast ave maria and mama went to work. I shouted, time to die, cutie buys. And when the dogs were dead, i started in on the other pets. Bam, bam byebye, parakeets. Sayonara, turtles. The only animal i left alive were the single trembling hamster named petey. I spared spooety so he could tell the others what happened that day. I guess if i was a better politician, i wouldnt be telling this story right now. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i couldnt read more. The other hot topic on the angry news channels is the boy scouts. Have you heard about this . After 114 years, the boy scouts of america, in an attempt to be more inclusive, are changing their name to scouting america. And this has the rightwingers highly upset byebye boy scouts, emphasis on the boy. The boy scouts used to be this last bastion of the area where boys could really be boys and celebrate their boyness. You dont know what it means to be a boy or girl in america anymore. Men cant be men, women cant be women, boys cant be boys, girls cant be girls. Now theyre being educated in wokism. The woke are broke and the boy scouts of american have chosen to go woke, and theyre being broken. You have a wokei guying institution trying to appease people who are unapieceable. No more genders, lets just all get together. Same outfits, same union formals, same caps, it will be great. Yeah, so theyre dead, the boy scouts are dead. [ laughter ] jimmy oh my gosh. Was it kristi noem again . [ laughter ] look, the problem with the bow scouts isnt that its not inclusive, its that their Business Plan is hey kids, you wanna put on a scarf and whittle . Guillermo we interrupt this monologue nobody cares about for a guillermo live from hollywood with the latest breaking exclusivo is Guillermo Jimmy hold on a second. [ cheers and applause ] what are you doing, guillermo . Im in the middle of the show. Guillermo well, im in the middle of an exclusivo, dumbass Guillermo Exclusivo jimmy can you do me a favor and do this after the show . Guillermo jimmy, i think the audience, theyd rather see my show than your show. Jimmy i dont think thats true, guillermo, i dont really hey, whats going on over there . Guillermo, can you do this after the show, please . Guillermo jimmy, does your show have people popping wheelies on motorcycles . Jimmy no, i no. Guillermo does your show have crazy cars and people bounce around on poles . Jimmy no we dont have that. Guillermo does your show have Chris Hemsworth and ana taylorjoy in a motorcycle chariot . Jimmy no. No, we dont have that. We dont have Chris Hemsworth or ana taylorjoy in a chariot. Guillermo then its not a Guillermo Exclusivo [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i do understand that. Guillermo i would like to welcome my guests miss Anya Taylorjoy and mr. Chris hemsworth. Jimmy what are their names . [ laughter ] guillermo mr. Hemsworth and ana taylorjoy. Jimmy uhhuh . Guillermo an honor to have you here. [ cheers and applause ] guillermo its an honor to have you here. And not on Jimmy Kimmel Live. It is an honor to be here, not on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Yes, my sentiments exactly. Jimmy oh, come on, guys. Guillermo so your movie is called furiosa . What was it . What . Guillermo then it is time for furiosa mimosa yes. Whats a furiosa mimosa . Yes, what is a furiosa mimosa . Ooh thank you so much. Here you go, darling. Thank you. Thank you. Jimmy all right, thank you, guille guillermo. Thanks so much. Guillermo now whos ready to play, guess what im thinking of . What is guillermo thinking of . Jimmy no one. Guillermo think what im thinking of, okay . Okay. Guillermo guess what im thinking of, okay . What are you thinking . Im getting something. Its Fried Chicken. Guillermo yeah, Fried Chicken i was going to say Fried Chicken dammit. Jimmy heres some money, here, take some money. Money . Thank you. Jimmy wait a minute. Thats my wallet, guillermo, where did you get my wallet . Thats very kind of you. Guillermo you left it on your desk, dumbass. Well, thats all the time we have. I want to say thank you to ana taylorjoy and thank you to mr. Chris hemsworth. Jimmy what . Guillermo furiosa a mad max saga in theaters on may 24th. This was a Guillermo Exclusivo jimmy when he comes back in im going to make him pronounce those names 11 times in a row. [ laughter ] weve got a good show for you tonight. From Abbott ElementaryChris Perfetti is here. We have music from cage the elephant, and well be right back with david beckham. Jimmy hi, welcome back. Tonight, a man you can see every wednesday night on Abbott Elementary, Chris Perfetti is with us. Then later a grammy awardwinning band. Their new album neon pill comes out the friday after next, cage the elephant from the don julio outdoor stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, chris pine and Bert Kreischer will join us with music from andra day. That will be tomorrow night. Oh oh my gosh. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy how are you . Andra taylorjoy and Chris Hemsworth [ cheers and applause ] would you like to have a seat . We just need to use your bathroom. Jimmy whats that . We need a bathroom, guillermo doesnt have one. [ laughter ] jimmy he has a bathroom, hes got a bathroom back there. He told us that he didnt, and he kind of gave us a lot of the that thing. Jimmy all right, the bathroom, theres one right out here ive got a few friends as well need to use it. Jimmy yeah, you can go come on. Jimmy you have friends . Lets go. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, youre leaving . [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy all right, wow. There you go. Thats most of the cast of furiosa. Are you done hijacking the show, mad maximo . Guillermo yeah, jimmy, that was crazy. Jimmy all right. Its a weird area we work in, isnt it . Guillermo yeah, very weird. Jimmy very weird, yes. Our first guest tonight is one of the most famous athletes in the world whos not only responsible for bringing messi to this country, he brought the spice girls back together too. His very entertaining Docuseries Beckham is on netflix now, please welcome david beckham. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy is this the secret to your beauty . You put honey on your face . It is, it is. Jimmy this is your own honey . It is our own honey, yeah. Jimmy we could have used you earlier today. I dont know if you heard about this. Show this. We have a little video. We had a swarm of bees living under an umbrella outside. Did you know any of those guys . [ laughter ] unfortunately not. Jimmy those are not your guys . Ill have to take them back to london. Jimmy yes, sure, that would be great on the plane. [ laughter ] you owned, for people who dont follow what we call soccer, you call football, sometimes we meet in the middle you own the miami football club, youre one of the owners. [ cheers and applause ] how many owners are there . Mostly you . Theres three of us. Theres myself and then two brothers, jorge jimmy is it more successful than you thought it was going to be . I always hoped it would be this successful. Obviously, bringing someone like leo helps. So obviously that was always the plan. But you never know. Jimmy like, are you aware of how popular he is . Like, i know in miami, obviously, a lot of people but my son, whos 7 years old, who has never watched one moment of football. He is he couldnt pick messi out of a lineup. Yet hes got the whole hes got all the apparel, the pink shirt, the cleats, the whole deal. Hes just like messi crazy. Even though i dont know. He just somehow it happened, i dont know what happened. Its just that effect that leo has on the game and the world, you know . One of the reasons why we wanted to bring him to america was to inspire the next generation. That was my plan. I obviously wanted to bring him for the player he is and the person he is, you know. Ive played against him numerous times. Actually, twice, thankfully. [ laughter ] thankfully. But ive been a fan of him and watched him for many years, and i always had the plan to bring, you know, the greatest player to ever play the game, in my opinion, to our team. And luckily, it happened. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy is he, in your opinion yeah jimmy is he the greatest player ever to play the game . I think everyones got their own opinions. But for me personally jimmy yours have to mean more than others. [ laughter ] theres a lot of great players who have played the game over the years. But in my opinion, hes the perfect player. Jimmy how do you convince him to come out . Did you say, look how well everything worked out for me . [ laughter ] well, i could actually come at him and with him with, obviously, my experience of moving to america, coming to a league actually, at that time, it wasnt established like it is now. Jimmy right. There was only 13 teams in the league. Now theres almost 30. And its in a different position than what it was back then when i first came. But you know, hes always loved miami. He always loved the idea of the project of bringing the game even bigger in this country. When you bring someone like that to america, people notice. Jimmy yeah, well sure. We certainly notice when you showed up. Its been very special. Jimmy yeah. Your wife, most people, i would presume, know is victoria [ cheers and applause ] from the spice girls. I mentioned in your introduction she had a birthday party. You put this together . A big one, i did put it together. Jimmy i think we have a video of what happened at the birthday party. Right now thank you very much [ cheers and applause ] jimmy how long had it been since they sang together . Its actually been 12 years since they did the olympics in the uk. But 15 over 15 years since they actually were on the stage together. So obviously having them all there that night and i didnt expect them to all get up on stage, but i had a whole video planned where me and my kids recreated the video. Jimmy oh, really . My son, who plays the guitar and sings, had a song, and he sang mama. Then all of a sudden, all the girls got up. And i was like and im their biggest fan, you know . I tend to not tell my wife that. Jimmy uhhuh . I tend to tell her that i fancied her. But she was a spice girl. [ laughter ] so, you know. Jimmy yeah, sure. I love that about her. Jimmy yeah, sure. Im sure she loved the fact that you were on a team too, right . [ laughter ] yeah, yeah, yeah. So i was a fan. Jimmy i loved your documentary. [ cheers and applause ] i mean, it was so good. If you have not seen it, its like to be honest, i have almost zero interest in soccer. I mean, i really but i thought you guys, the two of you and your story, is incredible. And your chemistry. And just, like just how funny you guys are together was really delightful to watch. We got so caught up in it. Yeah, well you know, weve been together for 27 years in july. [ cheers and applause ] weve been married for 25. So its our 25th wedding anniversary in july. But with the documentary, you know, people wanted me to do it a long time ago. You know, when i retired, and i actually wasnt ready to kind of look back. I was ready to jump into Something Else on the business and with miami. But then made a plan about seven years out, and i said, okay. For my tenyear anniversary of my retirement, i want to do a documentary. That was really the plan. But then when we did it, you know, it was it just it was amazing. Jimmy some of the footage, really one of the your main cameramen is your dad. Because he shot so much video of you. Were going to show a little bit of that in a second. But what did when you saw it, when you watched the whole thing for the first time, how did it hit you . Well, i planned to watch it on the morning, one morning early, just myself, with a big screen and just, you know, to write notes. Because it was a really early edit. When i watched it that morning, i really didnt like it. I didnt enjoy watching it. So id planned to then let my wife watch it for the first time at the premiere. But obviously i then had to change that and get