[ light laughter ] youre watching impeachment after dark live its the only show that talks about how im being treated very badly by the very rude, very nasty media [ light laughter ] theyre very rude and theyre very nasty [ laughter ] its just like a real housewives after show, if instead of committing tax fraud, they committed obstruction of justice [ light laughter ] and tax fraud. [ laughter ] now i know what youre probably all thinking its day three of the hearings your favorite president must be melting down by now. But it couldnt be further from the truth. In fact, just this week, i was rushed to the hospital for my standard physical. [ laughter ] everyone said i was a perfect patient. I even got a lollipop. [ laughter ] you always get the lolly roy cohn told me that. [ light laughter ] as always, im joined by my attorney general bill barr at the bill barr bar bar. [ laughter ] great to be here, mr. President and on behalf of your staff this week [ light laughter ] thank you fantastic, thats fantastic. Its very good now, lets dive in time for the big news about the impeachment of your president. [ laughter ] at first, i was nervous about todays hearings, but vindmans testimony made it clear that i was totally innocent take a look. I was concerned by the call it was improper for the president of the United States to demand a Foreign Government investigate a u. S. Citizen jimmy yeah, you hear that . He said, he said, what i did was improper improper and he says it right there, folks, im proper. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause but unfortunately it didnt stop there, because Intelligence Committee bad boy Devin Nunes Devin Nunes made a little misstep like i just did. [ light laughter ] and it happens, folks. People make mistakes [ light laughter ] but this was a very bad one. He called the witness by the wrong name take a look. Mr. Vindman, you testified in your deposition that you did not know the whistleblower ranking member, its Lieutenant Colonel vindman, please i jimmy wow. Thats pretty embarrassing it says his name right there lit cold vegemite. [ laughter ] luckily, nunes came back, and i think he summed up the day pretty nicely. Isnt it strange that weve morphed into the impeachment committee. Presiding over a matter that has no intelligent component whatsoever jimmy you hear that . So, from now on when you think of trump, i want to you think no intelligence component. [ laughter ] and with that were out of time so lets check in on tonights drinking game. Earlier i told bill barr to take a shot every time someone incriminated me today. Lets see how he is. [ light laughter ] oh, no someone go check on him. I dont have time because the tonight show starts right now here we go [ cheers and applause steve from 30 Rockefeller Plaza here in new york city, its the tonight show starring jimmy fallon. And now, heres your host, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause jimmy thank you very much. Hello, everybody, wow. What a crowd [ cheers and applause please please, have a seat. Thank you very much, everybody welcome. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. Youre here. [ cheers and applause youre watching. Thank you for watching you guys, Chadwick Boseman is my guest tonight steve oh [ cheers and applause Jimmy Chadwick has been super busy hes promoting his new movie and hes been getting texts all day from trump about fleeing to wakanda. Steve oh [ laughter ] jimmy well, today was day three of the impeachment hearings, which means it was also the third day of americans turning on the tv to watch ellen and then screaming, you got to be kidding me. Come on. [ light laughter ] thats right, it was day three of the impeachment hearings and it was once again on every channel. On the bright side, after three days, the impeachment is already one of the longer running shows on Network Television [ laughter and applause three witnesses testified last week, four witnesses testified today and another five are scheduled for later this week. So good news, theyre just a a few more people away from an all witness version of guess who. [ laughter ] is your guy a decorated member of the army . [ light laughter ] yeah, it was a busy day today. Check out what i saw on cspan before things got started. Coming up on cspan at 9 00 a. M. , Lieutenant ColonelAlexander Vindman and Jennifer Williams arrive to testify. At 9 05, adam schiff shouts, lets effing do this, and throws chalk into the air like lebron james [ laughter ] at 9 30, jim jordan tries to distract everyone by lighting his blazer on fire and finally, at 10 45, President Trump bursts into the hearing like the koolaid man and shouts, oh, no [ cheers and applause jimmy very interesting, right . Steve wow. Jimmy guys, four u. S. Officials testified during todays impeachment hearings but first, they had to swear under oath and i think they seem to be asked a few more questions than usual. Take a look. Do you swear that the testimony youre about to give is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth . I do. I do. Do you often text your friends almost there when you know youre still ten minutes away i do. I do. Do you think drake is the thingamajig on the masked singer i do. I do as well. Do you affirm that you took a dna test and you are in fact 100 that bitch . I do. I do. [ laughter ] do you think baby yoda is cute af i do. I do as well. [ laughter and applause jimmy that thing is cute af. Steve af man. Jf but the biggest name that testified today was Lieutenant ColonelAlexander Vindman. At one point, vindman was asked if he remembered taking a photo of former National Security advisor john bolton with ukrainian officials outside the white house. This is the photo. Vindman was like, yes, that was taken the day john bolton auditioned to be the next kfc colonel. Steve oh [ laughter ] jimmy but things got a a little tense during the hearings when nunes incorrectly addressed Lieutenant Colonel vindman. He said mr. Vindman, you testified in your deposition that you did not know the whistleblower ranking member, its Lieutenant Colonel vindman, please jimmy yeah [ light laughter ] then adam schiff was like, let the record show we just had a mic drop, yall. [ laughter ] luckily, during the testimony, there was a lighter moment who vindman joked that he speaks russian, ukrainian and a little bit of english then trump was like, omg, me too. [ laughter ] yeah, it was a very interesting day on capitol hill, which brings us to a new segment, impeachment hearings are better out of context. Watch. Do it do it hard do it dirty. [ laughter ] steve wow [ applause ] wow. Jimmy of course, the other big political story is that the Hashtag Hashtag fartgate was trending yesterday [ light laughter ] now actually, people thought representative Eric Swalwell may have passed gas on live tv take a look at this. The president used taxpayer dollars to ask the ukrainians to help him cheat [ farting in elections [ laughter ] jimmy i guess we finally know who the whistleblower is. [ laughter ] its pretty crazy but actually, to be honest, because it actually happens a lot on a a lot of shows you probably just havent noticed it steve really jimmy check it out [ farting [ laughter ] i understand your protest and concerns about our products, but i dont have time right now to [ farting talk to you about it [ light laughter ] oh, no, oh, no, oh, no. [ farting [ laughter and applause jimmy its unbelievable. Steve the force is strong in that one. Jimmy what did you say steve the force is strong in that one. Jimmy yeah [ laughter ] this isnt good. It came out today that hackers have stolen thousands of disney customers information i dont know whats worse, that hackers have my account info or they know i watched Beverly Hills chihuahua three times on monday [ laughter ] meanwhile, macys announced that customers who shopped on their website last month may have had their Credit Information stolen right now jc penney is like, ha ha, thats what you get for having a website and customers. [ laughter ] check this out i saw that in china, you may soon be able to pay for items by just having your face scanned. Yeah its going to be a bummer when people hear, sorry but your face has been declined. [ laughter ] heres some bittersweet news i saw that the u. S. Born panda bei bei is leaving its home in washington d. C. And heading to china. Yeah, its sad to see him go, but hell be in good hands and hell be reunited with his siblings you might be disappointed, but i think who can fill the void of bei bei here in the u. S [ cheers and applause yes hashtag. Hashtag the panda. Hashtag, are you sad that your friend your friend bei bei is leaving . [ audience aws ] i think he has a tv where he is do you want to cheer him up by dancing . All right. You know what you have to do roots, hit it. [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause ah so much energy into that dance hashtag does such a great job. Is he out there still . Is he still there . [ farting is he flossing no, no [ farting [ laughter ] whats going on . Steve oh, my god jimmy that would be so mean to make him do it one more time steve it would be. It would be very, very mean. Jimmy all right. There you go [ cheers and applause thats it. There you guys go. [ farting there you go this is crazy. This is a crazy story, guys. Two raccoons fell through a ceiling of a cvs store here in new york and started wandering the aisles [ light laughter ] luckily the store manager was able to lasso them with a long receipt. [ laughter ] and finally, this is going viral. South dakota just rolled out a a new antimeth campaign but the ads are getting attention for the way theyre worded check this out meth, im on it. [ laughter ] i think that rancher is on meth because hes actually 25 years old. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight Chadwick Boseman is here [ cheers and applause Evan Rachel Wood is here and david byrne is here. Well be right back with freestylin with the roots [ cheers and applause when we see you enter through our doors. We dont see who youre against, or for. Whether tomorrow will be light or dark. All we see in you, is a spark. We see your kindness and humanity. The strength of each community. The more we look the more we find the sparks that make america shine. Its important to have a reliable network. We all use it in different ways. vo everyone in your family is different. Someone is streaming sports, someone is video chatting her friend. 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Like 4 lines for 25 per line per month plus unlimited gigs, so the music never stops. Switch and get 4 lines for 25 per line per month, plus 4 free Samsung Galaxy phones, all on our super reliable, super fast network. [ cheers and applause jimmy welcome back hey, guys, i always say that our show is lucky to have the greatest band in late night. The roots, right there we love them [ cheers and applause but it isnt always fun and games. From time to time we put the roots to the test. We pick people from our audience and have the roots make up songs about them on the spot its time for freestylin with the roots. Here we go time to freestyle with the roots [ cheers and applause jimmy thank you very much. Hey, roots, are you ready to do this all yeah jimmy all right, lets pick someone. Raise your hand if you want the roots to make up a song about you. Sure, hey. [ light laughter ] i dont have to walk this is fantastic. Here what is your name . Im laney jimmy laney, i love that name laney. Laney, its almost thanksgiving and people are starting to plan what theyre going to cook do you have a go to dish that you always make for dinners . Um. I dont know i dont know thanksgiving food im australian jimmy youre australian . Oh, my gosh. [ laughter ] all right. So say you are going to an american thanksgiving. [ light laughter ] what food would you bring . And you cant say vegemite mac and cheese. Jimmy mac and cheese yeah. Jimmy yeah, we can do that thats great like out of the box . [ laughter ] alright. What is your least favorite food of all time brussels sprouts. [ audience oohs jimmy they get a bad rap people agree with you, but people have lived through it and theyve had like one or two maybe good ones, right [ laughter ] but normally, for the most part, i agree with you brussels sprouts are just they got a bad rap alright. Here we go roots, we have our pal laney, here, from australia and she always celebrates thanksgiving [ laughter ] always and when she goes to dinners or potlucks, she brings mac and cheese and her least favorite food of all time is brussels sprouts for this one, lizzo is totally crushing right now can you do something in are you big lizzo fan . Yes jimmy can you do something in the lizzo style like laney so whats u which yo i said not muc if being sexy was a crime id be locked u unless youve been under a rock muc you know thanksgiving is coming you know what i bringing to the potluck and also your mac and cheese is what you like most i said you don like brussels sprout and she said well, no i took a dna test and the results came bac it said brussel sprout are a 1,000 gross [ cheers and applause jimmy thank you very much. Thank you very much. Roots. Who else do you mind if i cut through excuse me. Thank you very much. Excuse me. Pardon me. Hey, how are you love you in those sprint commercials. Hey, how are you doing [ laughter ] excuse me. Hey, how are you nice to see you. Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry. Oh, please, i appreciate it. I just want to get over to this side hey, nice to see you how are you . Hey, how are you guys . Ooh, i love the hair oh, my goodness. Im on this side of the room finally. [ cheers and applause this is where i want to be who else how about you, sir how about you, sir would you like to do it . Come on, stand up. Yeah, sure yeah [ light laughter ] here you go. What is what is your name chadwick. [ cheers and applause Chadwick BosemanJimmy ChadwickChadwick Boseman okay and what do you do i act sometimes im an actor [ laughter ] jimmy okay, actor. Okay, thats good. Perfect for my next question for you. If you had to play a superhero in a movie, what superhero would you be hmm i like spiderman. Black panther. Black panther. Jimmy okay [ cheers and applause and what would your suit look like [ light laughter ] um black. [ laughter ] jimmy black. Seems kind of easy, but sure here we go all right guys, we have chadwick who says hes an actor. And if he were a superhero, he would be black panther and he would wear a black suit for this last one, in honor of the movie 21 bridges, can you do something in the style of 21 savage . [ applause ] you doing good okay, man. Wow wow wow wow wow wow how many names you got how many biopics you dro not much how many tickets sell inside black panther always at the to a few what color that suit you roc none of your busines see bose in the spot wow how much money would you pay me if this freestyle stop wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow jimmy thanks to these guys thanks to Chadwick Boseman [ cheers and applause thanks to the roots. Well and right back [ cheers and applause at tmobile, start 2020 off with a deal on iphone 11 that will have you seeing double. 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[ cheers and applause jimmy our first guest tonight