Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20240713

Because Xfinity Mobile gives you more flexible data. You can choose to share data between lines, tonight, join jimmy and his mix with unlimited, or switch it up at any time. Guests secretary of state Hillary Rodham clinton all on the most reliable wireless network. Noah schnapp musical guest jane birkin and which means you can save money iggy pop without compromising on coverage. And featuring the legendary roots crew get more flexible data, questlove 1218 the most reliable network, and more savings. Steve and now, here he is, plus, get 300 off when you buy a new Samsung Galaxy s20 ultra. Jimmy fallon thats simple. Easy. Awesome. Call, click or visit a store today. [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy thank you very much, everybody hello hello and welcome welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show, everybody. Ure here. You made it. [ cheers and applause thank you very much. We have a big show tonight, everybody. Hillary Rodham Clinton is my guest tonight [ cheers and applause and compared to the democrats we saw last night, she looks like a tween [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause thats right, last night was super tuesday and today for Mike Bloomberg, it was, oh my god, i wasted a billion dollars jimmy you know our next wednesday. [ laughter ], last night was guest from the hit show stranger things. Now he stars in two new films, abe hits select theaters super tuesday and the big april 17th and waiting for winner was joe bideng anya is available now on video [ applause ] on demand. Yeah, after finishing fourth in iowa and fifth in ladies and gentlemen, please welcome noah schnapp new hampshire, biden won ten states [ cheers and applause its like going from the middle seat on Spirit Airlines to beyonces private jet. [ laughter ] seriously, no one saw biden becoming the frontrunner again. Right now even jesus is thinking, wow, this is a crazy comeback. I know. Jimmy i know, i know [ laughter ] i understand thats right, biden had a great im so happy to see you. Night. And you could tell things were thank you jimmy thank you for coming back to the show going well for him just look at these photos the so excited to be here tv network showed every time he won another state. Jimmy this is your first time here without your cast members. First when he won alabama they showed this. [ light laughter ] [ audience aws ] and then when he won virginia jimmy lets talk about, quickly, stranger things. They showed this season four, the first table [ laughter ] read was yesterday then when he won north carolina, they showed this yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy the one thing i say that does always remain in the show is your character, wills and finally, when he won texas, they showed this haircut. [ laughter and applause oh, my god. [ laughter ] jimmy its one of the best actually, there was a there haircuts was a scary moment last night during bidens victory speech its one of the best one of when a woman stormed the stage the best things on television. Thankfully no charges were pressed and she was able to be [ cheers and applause one of the worst. Our lead guest tonight, jimmy do you ever want to talk to the writers and want to Hillary Clinton is here, ladies and gentlemen change your yes [ cheers and applause i mean, i cant begin to explain. I literally ask them all the time like, why doesnt will maybe he shaves his head . Nah, nah, no [ laughter ] but really thats right, though protesters rushed the stage and did everyone have that haircut bidens wife, dr. Jill biden, in the 80s . Stepped in to stop them. Like take a look at this. Jimmy no, not at all [ laughter ] but come on. Jimmy yeah [ light look laughter ] come on. Who would choose to have forget first lady, she should that haircut jimmy well, your character be secretary of defense. Would. [ laughter ] yeah. The bad news is, this morning jimmy it makes him like, kind of vulnerable or like jill got drafted by the Dorothy Hamill Something Like that, maybe Cincinnati Bengals [ laughter ] [ light laughter ] okay, lets stop showing it [ audience ohs ] jimmy oh, sorry. [ laughter ] okay. Thats not the only moment during bidens speech that jimmy well, i was thinking, if you want to, maybe if people are talking about things started out with youre looking for a kid in the a pretty bad mixup. Mid80s haircut, you can always go with this stud right take a look. There. B [ cheers ] jills husband oh, wow oh no, this is you switched on me. [ cheers and applause see . You didnt have a bowl cut this is my wife. Jimmy no, i did not have anh this is my sister. [ laughter ] me jimmy you will im going to tell them. Jimmy oh, perfect. Thats for you here, take that. All right thank you. Jimmy after saying that, biden automatically won the thank you. Jimmy yeah, perfect. State of West Virginia i got to say, we talked backstage. One of your favorite things [ cheers and applause thats happened to you, you have two giant movies out. Steve oh hey hey, forget you have hit show. About it but you got to meet zendaya. Yes, i did. Jimmy and thats a big [ audience ohs ] that was such a big deal for jimmy trump saw that and was like, dear god, hes you. Why was that such a big deal unstoppable. [ laughter ] well, i mean [ laughter ] i mean, who is not obsessed with zendaya jimmy no, i love her meanwhile, Bernie Sanders also had a decent night, i know you are. Unfortunately when he thanked his supporters, he got a little jimmy shes i really too big with his gestures. [ cheers and applause look what happened i know you guys are i mean, its it was im in yeah but for the years and years i dont wanna of love and support you have given me and my family jimmy i mean, look jshsees this. Jimmy look come on. Look at how cute yeah, yeah, yeah [ audience aws ] look at that [ cheers ] it was amazing. [ applause ] jimmy what was she what was she like i just i remember seeing [ laughter ] her out of the corner of my eye jimmy poor bernie. That was a weeks worth of and walking up to her. And i was really, really nervous. Metamucil. You understand [ laughter ] and i was like, oh, my god. Steve wow. Its actually her. Jimmy but it wasnt a great this is the first time im meeting her. Night for Mike Bloomberg and she smelled great. He spent his super tuesday in [ laughter ] florida and after the disappointing results came in, and she was so she was so he tried cheering himself up by buying a theme park. Cute and shes towered over me. She bent down and shes like, hi, noah, with her little [ light laughter ] squeaky voice. Thats right, super tuesday went so poorly for bloomberg, that this morning he dropped out of the race. Jimmy oh, my gosh. Yeah, i remember everything jimmy the love affair. But good news mike, compared to de blasio and giuliani, youre yeah [ laughter ] heres what i loved best about still every new yorkers favorite mayor this photo i saw you posted it. [ laughter ] but can we zoom into the back, like over here [ applause ] [ laughter ] of course, super tuesday was a oh, my god a big night for the news media jimmy hey and they really went all out to cover the democrats, bringing on as many anchors and analysts as they could. Why didnt you get in the picture . Jimmy exactly. I was totally there when you ill show you what i mean. Guys met this was cbs it was awesome unable to defeat the president. Do you remember it . Jimmy i do jimmy yeah i want to be i think i was one desk with five people thats pretty standard right the guy that kind of introduced there. And heres abc you a little bit oh. Jimmy was that the peoples Choice Awards . And Michael Bloomberg jimmy they did three yeah. Desks with 13 people [ laughter ] okay i mean, thats kind of a lot right there. I mean, i remember zendaya cause thats like big yeah jimmy you came over to me because you were looking at now heres msnbc zendaya. And i was like, noah, whats they used the set for up, buddy . How are you man . Hollywood squares. [ laughter ] and youre like, good, good, not sure thats a great idea good yeah, everythings good. Now heres cnn, they had a a ferris wheel rotating [ laughter ] and i go, oh, yeah. 40 anchors in and out of frame [ laughter ] zendaya. You know i love you but i love zendaya too now thats a good idea jimmy no, i understand [ laughter ] but i kind of steered you i and finally, heres fox news kind of steered over there thank you so much jimmy like tai chi thank you it was just an empty chair and jimmy you were coming at me and i pushed you over. [ laughter ] a sign that says, no news and then you met and the rest is history today. [ applause ] congrats on these movies now, well guys, the coronavirus is still going around and to help stop it from spreading, experts bud. Are telling people to avoid any thank you jimmy abe, its in in kinds of handshakes. Theaters, did we say what is it april 17th iting for Health Officials are actually recommending doing something anya. Explain the story. This is a true story yeah yeah. Called footshakes. So its based on a true story. Its set in france during world war ii have you seen this take a look at this. And its about a boy who brings jews across to safety this is real basically. And it was really cool to film because it was in the middle of [ indiscernible jimmy footshake, yeah. I think its i think its france, in the middle of great. Nowhere. No wifi tariq, you want to try it out . Tariq sure jimmy lets do it, come on, i mean nothing there man. [ cheers and applause jimmy how long were you there . I was there for two months. I think we stand i think we jimmy two months with no wifi . Just stand here and then we it was pretty hard. Just start ready . Jimmy this is a nice to see ya [ laughter ] americas in shock right now tariq yeah theyre like, what . About for jimmy yeah, cool me i had no tiktok, no instagram [ laughter ] [ laughter ] no snapchat. I was i was so i learned [ applause ] j other ways to have fun [ cheers and applause so i would go out and id play with the sheep and jimmy play with the sheep . Oh, my gosh yeah, it was jimmy sounds awful go on. At first, i was like, oh, my god this is awful. But eventually, i was like, oh, i like these sheep. This is fun. [ laughter ] and so when i got back [ cheers and applause jimmy they became your friends . They were that was my own friend there but that was like once i came back home, i was like, wheres my sheep. Jimmy that wasnt too hard tariq trotter, everybody [ cheers and applause [ laughter ] i dont want instagram. Jimmy you dont want instagram. You missed your sheep. Yeah, exactly jimmy well, youre great in this film. I want to show everybody a a clip steve wow thank you thank you. Jimmy heres noah schnapp [ laughter ] in waiting for anya. Take a look at this. Madam, madam jimmy some local news, by the end of the month, new york city will remove some of its last remaining street pay phones did i not make myself clear i had to come, i had to tell you. German soldiers, theyre in the village. And theyve got patrols up in the mountains. [ audience aws ] yeah, officials said, sorry, but youre going to have to find somewhere else to urinate. [ laughter ] wheres benjamin and this is crazy. He left last night with i read about two women in leia pennsylvania who have been best friends for 17 years and just found out that theyre actually sisters. Which crossing does he take [ audience oohs which crossing . And ever since that, they havent stopped fighting he takes the gondola high. [ laughter ] and finally, an American Airlines flight was diverted to god bless you a different airport after a passenger tried to open a door midflight. God bless you, boy jimmy yeah [ cheers and applause noah schnapp, waiting for in the passengers defense, the anya is available on demand inflight movie was cats. [ laughter ] great show, give it up for the roots, everybody [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause and abe hits select theaters april 17th well be right back with a a performance from jane birkin and iggy pop stick around music playing [ cheers and applause jimmy oh my we have a fun show tonight secretary of state Hillary Rodham clinton is here welcome to my world tonight [ cheers and applause big documentary on hulu. Wont you come on in fantastic. Also from stranger things, noah schnapp is here ill be waiting here [ cheers and applause and performing a Serge Gainsbourg classic, waiting just for you jane birkin and iggy pop are here welcome to my world [ cheers and applause jane birkin and iggy pop steve come on. Jimmy how cool steve come on jimmy guys, again, last night was super tuesday. Joe biden won big, while Bernie Sanders had a a disappointing night. Thats all coffee, right . Now both biden and bernie held big rallies after the results came in. Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee and you know, i was flipping all right, all right already back and forth through the channels and i realized that their speeches were pretty different. Heres your coffee. No decaf take a look. Hello, hello thank you and be quiet howling wind howling wind now listen up, because im only going to yell this once. Was tonight the landslide we dreamed of no was it the small victory we expected fishrisotto. Buffalo. Buffalo Wild Wings also, no gelato. Cheesecake. Cheesecake Factory grilled steak. Id like to congratulate my opponent and americas favorite clam bake. Tickle monster, joe biden. Milkshake. Brussels sprout. Sauerkraut. Freshcaught trout. Im sure he is handling his alfalfa sprout. Victory with humility and curry. Fried turkey. Mcflurry. mcdonalds grace. Cacciatori. Slap your ass and call my chimichurri. Lawyer, we did it adlib inhale hey, man, no one thought id be spiral ham. Blackberry jam. Standing here on super thursday rack of lamb. Candied yams. Pokes. In the great state of what do smokeys. Gnocchis. You call it, no one and them banging raviolis. We are americas kitchen. But check your record player, jack, because uncle joey made doordash. It look, was i hoping to celebrate tonight . Sure i was ready to get lit vo and vaporize it with an intense rush of vicks vapors. [ cheers and applause i was ready to get slizerred acapella ahhhhhhhhhhh [ cheers and applause vo dayquil severe with vicks vapocool. I was ready to get tiktoked and do a. [ cheers and applause the daytime coughing, stuffy head, vaporize your cold, medicine. But instead, joe had a big night in the south which luckily has not gone to his cat 2 fwhoa so many choices head cat 1 look extra gravy cat 2 and lil soups i got texas cat 1 theres the shreds i got alabama cat 2 yeah friskies has it all. I got the whole dang old town cat 1 i want it all can i have it all . Road vo feed their fantasy. Friskies. In fact, i was there when they wrote the damn song i won california i won vermont. Well, i better have won vermont. Last time i checked, the state flag was me, ben and jerry you know whats good about this . Hotboxing in a north face tent your signs pointing at my sign, come on, people so people are gonna look at my sign. Now i want to introduce you to some folks. This is my sister valerie. Sir, im a Security Guard and this is my wife jill. No, im the same Security Guard. Dagnabbit, they switched on me switch tyou know, like th. They switched on me. Now let me be clear, its still a tight race between me and joe, so all ill say is, may the best man live. You mean, may the best man win . No, i do not. I do not and let me tell you something about bernie, you know whos fired up for bernie . Im part of a community of problem solvers. Russia we make ideas grow. They want him to win you know whos fired up for me from an everyday solution. No one to one that can take on a bigger challenge. Hell, even im still on the we are solving problems that improve lives. Fence, and i am me, damn it listen to me, the coronavirus has hit our shore. To one that can take on a bigger challenge. We need a leader who knows a a thing or two about a Health Crisis and look at me, look at me, i am a walking Health Crisis my fitbit says, holy crap, how is this guy still going . E trade core portfolios is an easy, automated way to get invested. And thats when i looked the coronavirus dead in the eye and well save you time by building, say, back off, buster brown. Monitoring and managing a portfolio for you america is not open for and provide all handson deck support when you need it business not today, not ever day helping you become top dog. Mike bloomberg dropped his rigshop 100s of. S. Epic deals no coupons needed . Plus get kohls cash tops for the family are 9. 99 and under. No one wants your money athletic shoes 49. 99 and under. No one wants your money and this power air fryer is just 99. 99 listen here, mike, i want plus buy online, Free Store Pickup your money right now. I want all of it at kohls and kohls dot com. You can donate to me at joebiden skippydoda. Net. Become a celebrityhat sort accountant . Ould i tell them, nobody should. Thank you and thank you to the great city of whatchamacallit. You have been confusing. Thats what they pay me for. Joe, joe, joe, joe, joe, not enough, though. Joe, joe, joe not nearly enough. Hey, theyre saying your name joe, joe, joe, joe, joe, joe, joe, joe just get one of me looking off. [ cheers and applause look, shes on another vacation. Wow, so happy for you, smiley face emoji. People were afraid i was contagious. Funny how the words you typed dont reveal i felt gross. It was kind of a shock after i started cosentyx. The jealousy you actually feel. Thanks, captain obvious. Four years clear. How is she there and were here . Real people with psoriasis look and feel better with cosentyx. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Condoms. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. True. Dont hatelike their trip, book yours with hotels. Com and get rewarded basically everywhere. Tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, hotels. Com. Be there. Do that. Get rewarded. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Ask your dermatologist about cosentyx. Should become a celebrity accountant . I tell them, nobody. Nobody should. Reason for the call . Ugh, i thought we were done buying islands . I think im starting to get through. A more secure diaper closure. There were babies involved. And they werent saying much. Thats what we do at 3m, we listen to people, even those who dont have a voice. We are people helping people. Even those who dont have a voice. You try to stay ahead of the mess. But scrubbing s

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