Incriminating information and man, that is not good. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause [ laughter ] its like when someone has a President Trump met with the face tattoo that says, hail satan. President of ukraine today at [ laughter ] the u. N. And look at that guys if thats what youre showing face [ laughter ] people, what a i mean, he looks like jim from [ laughter and applause the office. According to the call according to the call transcript released this morning, president [ laughter ] thats the face you make when trump told the president of someone says, you know whos ukraine, quote, the United States has been very, kind of cute very good to ukraine my cousin. I wouldnt say that its reciprocal necessarily because things are happening that are not good, but the United States [ laughter ] has been very, very good to today was star wars actor ukraine. Mark hamills 68th birthday, but good lord, trump is the worst criminal it was a bittersweet one as he had to put his father in a home. Hes like [ laughter ] hes like a character from the sopranos who everyone knows is [ audience oohs only gonna last one episode. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause oh, donny twolips . I wouldnt get too attached. The joke requires us all to accept that darth vader is the [ laughter ] actor mark hamills father Rudy Giuliani appeared on fox news last night to respond [ laughter ] [ laughter ] to the launch of impeachment proceedings against President Trump and got into a heated argument with a fellow panelist thats how thats how my writing staff thinks before shouting at him, quote, shut up, moron. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] wow. And then its too hard cause then you dont want to have to i mean, strong words from explain it to him. Someone who literally married [ laughter ] his second cousin. What . [ laughter ] a movie . [ audience oohs [ laughter ] yeah thats how awful he is we all forgot he married a family member. And finally, according to a new [ laughter ] study, the perfect time to drink anyone else on earth youd be coffee is at 7 35 in the morning, while the worst time to drink coffee is right before you do an interview on fox news. [ laughter ] great show for you tonight [ cheers and applause her new film the Day Shall Come is in theaters and available on demand this weekend. Anna kendrick is back with us, you guys [ cheers and applause he is the star of sunnyside premiering this thursday on nbc. Kal penn joins us tonight. [ cheers and applause and you can see her in hbos hilarious new series the righteous gemstones. Edi patterson is here. So its a great night. [ cheers and applause before we get to any of that, the white house released a damning memo from President Trumps call with the leader of ukraine, after the house open a formal impeachment inquiry for more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause seth after democrats announced yesterday they would move forward with impeachment, the white house announced that they would release notes of trumps phone call with ukraines president , in which trump pressured him to interfere in the 2020 election by digging up dirt on joe biden and his son. And suddenly, everyone started speculating that maybe maybe the transcript wouldnt be as bad as we were expecting i just dont understand why you do it today when you might have a when the transcript theoretically im not saying yeah. Could be somewhat exculpatory right of trump. If the transcript is exculpatory thats sort of legalese for helpful to the president well, my first thought is that President Trump would not release this transcript if it were not exculpatory seth yes, he would donald trump is literally incapable of doing anything exculpatory. [ laughter ] first of all, he would have to know what the word exculpatory means. [ laughter ] of course i know what exculpatory means. It means you used to be culpatory. [ laughter ] and he certainly couldnt pronounce it i mean, yesterday he couldnt even read the word tire off a teleprompter americans will never fire [ laughter ] or tire in our effort. Seth oh, my god. He couldnt read a one syllable word and i love the irony of saying, americans will never tire, while youre standing there looking like you just drank a bottle of nyquil during a gas leak [ laughter and applause americans will never tire or or fire. Also i love that thing he does where, instead of correcting himself, he acts like both words were right [ laughter ] like hes reading a dr. Seuss book americans will never fire or tire [ laughter ] or get stuck in the mire, but theyll definitely hire a liar, who perspires. [ laughter ] so at first, some people thought the notes from the phone call would somehow clear trump of wrongdoing and then there was the question of whether the supposed transcript will even be complete because as we all know white house transcripts have been edited before. I mean, remember, this is the guy who literally doctored a hurricane map by drawing a circle in sharpie to include alabama. [ laughter ] there was a good chance the supposed transcript would come out and the first line would be the president of ukraine saying, thanks for being so innocent, sir. [ laughter ] then theres the fact that actual transcripts of trumps words are often incomplete because even the worlds best stenographers have no idea what hes saying. Like the time the Associated Press put out a transcript of ad what he what saying. These are sentences from the actual transcript. Heres part of your story its gonna be a big [ unintelligible ]. [ laughter ] ill tell you, the other thing is [ unintelligible ]. Weve been working on it [ unintelligible ]. [ laughter ] secretary mnunchin is very talented person. Very smart, very successful. [ unintelligible ]. [ laughter ] let me leave a little room, just in case, [ unintelligible ]. [ laughter ] oh, my god unintelligible should be his secret Service Code Name [ laughter ] unintelligible is on the move he said he was going to mcdurnalds, but we think he means mcdonalds. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause and then of course, trump himself was going around insisting repeatedly that he did not pressure the president of ukraine to investigate a political rival in exchange for hundreds of millions of dollars in military aid. It was a totally appropriate it was actually a beautiful conversation there was no quid pro quo. There was nothing. It was a perfect conversation. The conversation, by the way, was absolutely perfect it was a beautiful, warm, nice conversation the conversation i had with the president of ukraine was absolutely perfect the conversation i had with the president of ukraine was absolutely a ten it was perfect seth a ten [ laughter ] why you talking about a phone call like youre creeping on women at the beach [ laughter ] that call is a ten. Wait until you hear the jugs on that call. [ laughter ] so there you go. The media speculated that the call would exculpatory, premature and trump said it would prove he was innocent. They all said theres no way trump would be dumb enough to release a transcript in which he commits a bunch of crimes like asking for a personal political favor in exchange of hundreds of millions of dollars in military aid. And then this morning, trump released notes from the call, in which it turns out he was dumb enough to commit a bunch of crimes like asking for a personal political favor in exchange of hundreds of millions of dollars in military aid heres what the president said quote, theres a lot of talk about bidens son that biden stopped the prosecution. And a lot of people want to find out about that so, whatever you can do with the attorney general would be great. Biden went around bragging that he stopped the prosecution so if you can look into it, it sounds horrible to me. The first investigation that the president brings up with the president of ukraine this is immediately following the ukrainian president s mention of military aid and how he wants to continue with military aid from the United States, which we know, at this point, a large portion of which had been suspended. Heres what the president says in response to that conversation i would like to ask you to do us a favor though, because our country has been through a lot, and ukraine knows a lot about it. Seth in an official call with the president of another country, he literally brought up joe biden, Rudy Giuliani and said the words i would like you to do us a favor. It doesnt get more obvious than that [ light laughter ] it actually would have been better for trump if the whole transcript had just said unintelligible. [ laughter ] and when trump asked for the favor it wasnt just an innocent request. As this call was happening, trump was holding up hundreds of millions of dollars in military aid to ukraine that ukraine desperately wanted from the u. S. In fact, trump specifically brought up the biden stuff right after the ukrainian president brought up that military aid in the memo, the ukrainian president said, i would also like to thank you for your great support in the area of defense. And then the very next sentence out of trumps mouth was i would like you to do us a favor, though. That is an obvious quid pro quo. The only way its not a quid pro quo is that when it comes to committing crimes, trump is definitely not a pro, hes an idiot. [ laughter ] its its more like a quid idiot quo. [ laughter ] he literally said, id like you to do us a favor. He might as well have been having this meeting at his daughters wedding while petting a cat. [ laughter ] or if not a cat, one of his other pets [ laughter and applause dyiulia private citizen, the president s pers fishing expedition to concoct a fake scandal and get ukraine to manufacture dirt on a political opponent joe biden the fact that his name came up on this call even once is insane, but look how many times trump mentioned rudy mr. Giulianis a highly respected man. He was the mayor of new york city. A great mayor, and i would like him to call you. I will ask him to call you along with the attorney general. Rudy very much knows whats happening. And hes a very capable guy. But hes not he does not know whats happening. [ light laughter ] and he is definitely not a capable guy. For one thing, anytime he does an interview, he looks like a guy in a Haunted House after a zombie just popped out of the bushes [ laughter ] in fact, rudy has spent the last few days spinning out live on National Television. First, he tried out some prop comedy by showing everyone his phone in a fox interview, and then showing up to another fox interview reading a book [ laughter ] why whys he doing prop comedy now [ laughter ] heres a phone. Heres a book. And heres one of my puppets hes actually my brother. [ laughter ] also i can assure you, rudy is not a highly respected man in fact, just to give you an idea of how little hes respected on capitol hill, politico reported today that and this is real at the House Democratic meeting this morning, Rudy Giuliani was the butt of a joke congressman Hakeem Jeffries showed a seth meyers sizzle reel of giulianis recent cable appearances. The room erupted in laughter. [ laughter ] thats right as House Democrats [ cheers and applause as they were meeting to discuss impeaching the president of the United States, they were watching a sizzle reel of our Rudy Giuliani jokes. [ laughter ] we does that mean i could get called as an official witness . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause in the impeachment oh, my god [ cheers and applause i i mean, i already have my testimony prepared yes, mr. Chairman while i do not have any insights into mr. Giulianis conversations with ukraine, i can confirm that he does, in fact, look like he accidently stuck his [ bleep ] in an electrical socket. [ laughter and applause yes, you heard me right. [ laughter ] so you got the president dangling a quid pro quo, asking for a political favor, and repeatedly prodding a foreign leader to speak with his personal lawyer and manufacture a baseless smear of a political opponent just what we can see in this memo alone is impeachable behavior, let alone whats in the full whistleblower complaint. I mean, can you imagine how bad that full whistleblower report is what else could it possibly say . After the call, mr. Trump then stood up, tripped on his tie, fell headfirst into a garbage can, got up, ran into a wall, knocked himself unconscious, woke up and screamed, where am i. And who [ bleep ] my pants . [ laughter and applause today today, trump actually met with the president of ukraine on the sidelines of the United Nations and claimed he hadnt pressured him while also insisting all he cared abo you know what there was no pressure. And you know there was and by the way, you know there was no pressure. All you have to do is see it, what went on, on the call. Would you like president zelensky to do more on joe biden and the investigation . No, i want him to do whatever he can, but whatever he can do in terms of corruption because the corruptions massive. Seth oh, you want him to do something with corruption . Okay, well, hes sitting right next to you. Did he bring his handcuffs [ light laughter ] cause when it comes to stopping corruptions one things for sure, the president of ukraine will never fire or tire. [ laughter ] seth now one big question looming over the impeachment debate has always been the political impact how would it effect trumps chances of getting reelected . Would it cut into his chances, or would it solidify his base . Some democrats have been scared that impeachment would somehow be good for him, or play into his hands. We have to drop this idea that trump is playing threedimensional chess. Hes more like a guy who ate a chess piece, is now choking on it, and instead of gesturing for the heimlich maneuver, eats another chess piece to dislodge the first one. [ laughter ] in fact, trump himself has made this argument that he wants to be impeached because it would somehow be good for him politically. In fact, he repeated that claim again yesterday. The countrys doing the best its ever done and i just heard that shed like to impeach our countrys doing the best its ever done theyre gonna lose the election. And they figure this is a a thing to do. This never happened where were in the election, and i mean, if she does that, they all say thats a positive for me, from the election you could also say, who needs it . Its bad for the country seth of course, his First Priority is, its good for me. And then he throws in as an afterthought, also its bad for the country. [ light laughter ] hes like an athlete who bet against his own team yes, the patriots scored a touchdown i mean, damn lets go jets. [ laughter ] finally have a real formal impeachment process with hearings and votes, well all get to see actual evidence of trumps serial corruption and lawbreaking live on National Television every single day. And thats a huge deal now just before we taped this show, trump held another of his signature off the rails press conferences where he once again lost his mind on National Television first he started out by claiming the whistleblower who reported on his conversation with the president of ukraine didnt have what he called first class information. Although, it was hard to follow what he was saying the socalled whistleblower, the one that didnt have any first class, or first rate, or second tier information from what i understand. Youll have to figure that out for yourself [ laughter ] seth firsthand [ laughter ] he didnt have any firsthand information. [ cheers and applause first rate, first class didnt have any first base [ laughter ] information. The common phrase, first base information. [ laughter ] i mean, why does he make us try to figure out what the hell hes trying to say . Youll have figure what im ill say words, then you guys put them into sentences. [ laughter ] then trump complained that because everyone was talking about ukraine and impeachment. No one was covering how hard he was working during his meetings with foreign leaders the sad thing about this hoax is that we work so hard with all of these countries, and i mean really hard. This has been ive been up from early in the morning til late in the evening, and meeting with Different Countries all for the good our country and the press doesnt even cover all of this. Seth early in the mornings and late so you mean a work day . [ laughter and applause you had a work we start in the morning. And then and then we stop for lunch. Its called a lunch break. First ive heard of it then we have meetings again at night. Im working like eight, nine hours a day. [ laughter ] trump wants us all to be impressed by how hard the job is but we knew it was hard. Youre like the only one who was like, president s work mornings . [ laughter ] what we saw in todays memo alone is impeachable behavior, and trump and his lawyer keep going on tv and then confessing to more crimes when it comes to corruption and lawlessness, what we saw today was absolutely a ten. It was perfect [ laughter ] ss has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause well be right back with anna kendrick, everyone. [ cheers and applause announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. I totally get how important it is to stay connected. Customers can do what they need to do, whenever they need to do it online. We care about keeping you safe. vo we are open 24 7 online, so you can keep managing all you need from home and through the verizon apps and verizon. Com. You just call on me brother if you need a hand we all need somebody to lean on. I just might have a problem that youd understand. We all need somebody to lean on. mom vo we got a subaru to give him some ato reconnect and be together. 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