Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240713

Incriminating information and man, that is not good. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause [ laughter ] its like when someone has a President Trump met with the face tattoo that says, hail satan. President of ukraine today at [ laughter ] the u. N. And look at that guys if thats what youre showing face [ laughter ] people, what a i mean, he looks like jim from [ laughter and applause the office. According to the call according to the call transcript released this morning, president [ laughter ] thats the face you make when trump told the president of someone says, you know whos ukraine, quote, the United States has been very, kind of cute very good to ukraine my cousin. I wouldnt say that its reciprocal necessarily because things are happening that are not good, but the United States [ laughter ] has been very, very good to today was star wars actor ukraine. Mark hamills 68th birthday, but good lord, trump is the worst criminal it was a bittersweet one as he had to put his father in a home. Hes like [ laughter ] hes like a character from the sopranos who everyone knows is [ audience oohs only gonna last one episode. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause oh, donny twolips . I wouldnt get too attached. The joke requires us all to accept that darth vader is the [ laughter ] actor mark hamills father Rudy Giuliani appeared on fox news last night to respond [ laughter ] [ laughter ] to the launch of impeachment proceedings against President Trump and got into a heated argument with a fellow panelist thats how thats how my writing staff thinks before shouting at him, quote, shut up, moron. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] wow. And then its too hard cause then you dont want to have to i mean, strong words from explain it to him. Someone who literally married [ laughter ] his second cousin. What . [ laughter ] a movie . [ audience oohs [ laughter ] yeah thats how awful he is we all forgot he married a family member. And finally, according to a new [ laughter ] study, the perfect time to drink anyone else on earth youd be coffee is at 7 35 in the morning, while the worst time to drink coffee is right before you do an interview on fox news. [ laughter ] great show for you tonight [ cheers and applause her new film the Day Shall Come is in theaters and available on demand this weekend. Anna kendrick is back with us, you guys [ cheers and applause he is the star of sunnyside premiering this thursday on nbc. Kal penn joins us tonight. [ cheers and applause and you can see her in hbos hilarious new series the righteous gemstones. Edi patterson is here. So its a great night. [ cheers and applause before we get to any of that, the white house released a damning memo from President Trumps call with the leader of ukraine, after the house open a formal impeachment inquiry for more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause seth after democrats announced yesterday they would move forward with impeachment, the white house announced that they would release notes of trumps phone call with ukraines president , in which trump pressured him to interfere in the 2020 election by digging up dirt on joe biden and his son. And suddenly, everyone started speculating that maybe maybe the transcript wouldnt be as bad as we were expecting i just dont understand why you do it today when you might have a when the transcript theoretically im not saying yeah. Could be somewhat exculpatory right of trump. If the transcript is exculpatory thats sort of legalese for helpful to the president well, my first thought is that President Trump would not release this transcript if it were not exculpatory seth yes, he would donald trump is literally incapable of doing anything exculpatory. [ laughter ] first of all, he would have to know what the word exculpatory means. [ laughter ] of course i know what exculpatory means. It means you used to be culpatory. [ laughter ] and he certainly couldnt pronounce it i mean, yesterday he couldnt even read the word tire off a teleprompter americans will never fire [ laughter ] or tire in our effort. Seth oh, my god. He couldnt read a one syllable word and i love the irony of saying, americans will never tire, while youre standing there looking like you just drank a bottle of nyquil during a gas leak [ laughter and applause americans will never tire or or fire. Also i love that thing he does where, instead of correcting himself, he acts like both words were right [ laughter ] like hes reading a dr. Seuss book americans will never fire or tire [ laughter ] or get stuck in the mire, but theyll definitely hire a liar, who perspires. [ laughter ] so at first, some people thought the notes from the phone call would somehow clear trump of wrongdoing and then there was the question of whether the supposed transcript will even be complete because as we all know white house transcripts have been edited before. I mean, remember, this is the guy who literally doctored a hurricane map by drawing a circle in sharpie to include alabama. [ laughter ] there was a good chance the supposed transcript would come out and the first line would be the president of ukraine saying, thanks for being so innocent, sir. [ laughter ] then theres the fact that actual transcripts of trumps words are often incomplete because even the worlds best stenographers have no idea what hes saying. Like the time the Associated Press put out a transcript of ad what he what saying. These are sentences from the actual transcript. Heres part of your story its gonna be a big [ unintelligible ]. [ laughter ] ill tell you, the other thing is [ unintelligible ]. Weve been working on it [ unintelligible ]. [ laughter ] secretary mnunchin is very talented person. Very smart, very successful. [ unintelligible ]. [ laughter ] let me leave a little room, just in case, [ unintelligible ]. [ laughter ] oh, my god unintelligible should be his secret Service Code Name [ laughter ] unintelligible is on the move he said he was going to mcdurnalds, but we think he means mcdonalds. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause and then of course, trump himself was going around insisting repeatedly that he did not pressure the president of ukraine to investigate a political rival in exchange for hundreds of millions of dollars in military aid. It was a totally appropriate it was actually a beautiful conversation there was no quid pro quo. There was nothing. It was a perfect conversation. The conversation, by the way, was absolutely perfect it was a beautiful, warm, nice conversation the conversation i had with the president of ukraine was absolutely perfect the conversation i had with the president of ukraine was absolutely a ten it was perfect seth a ten [ laughter ] why you talking about a phone call like youre creeping on women at the beach [ laughter ] that call is a ten. Wait until you hear the jugs on that call. [ laughter ] so there you go. The media speculated that the call would exculpatory, premature and trump said it would prove he was innocent. They all said theres no way trump would be dumb enough to release a transcript in which he commits a bunch of crimes like asking for a personal political favor in exchange of hundreds of millions of dollars in military aid. And then this morning, trump released notes from the call, in which it turns out he was dumb enough to commit a bunch of crimes like asking for a personal political favor in exchange of hundreds of millions of dollars in military aid heres what the president said quote, theres a lot of talk about bidens son that biden stopped the prosecution. And a lot of people want to find out about that so, whatever you can do with the attorney general would be great. Biden went around bragging that he stopped the prosecution so if you can look into it, it sounds horrible to me. The first investigation that the president brings up with the president of ukraine this is immediately following the ukrainian president s mention of military aid and how he wants to continue with military aid from the United States, which we know, at this point, a large portion of which had been suspended. Heres what the president says in response to that conversation i would like to ask you to do us a favor though, because our country has been through a lot, and ukraine knows a lot about it. Seth in an official call with the president of another country, he literally brought up joe biden, Rudy Giuliani and said the words i would like you to do us a favor. It doesnt get more obvious than that [ light laughter ] it actually would have been better for trump if the whole transcript had just said unintelligible. [ laughter ] and when trump asked for the favor it wasnt just an innocent request. As this call was happening, trump was holding up hundreds of millions of dollars in military aid to ukraine that ukraine desperately wanted from the u. S. In fact, trump specifically brought up the biden stuff right after the ukrainian president brought up that military aid in the memo, the ukrainian president said, i would also like to thank you for your great support in the area of defense. And then the very next sentence out of trumps mouth was i would like you to do us a favor, though. That is an obvious quid pro quo. The only way its not a quid pro quo is that when it comes to committing crimes, trump is definitely not a pro, hes an idiot. [ laughter ] its its more like a quid idiot quo. [ laughter ] he literally said, id like you to do us a favor. He might as well have been having this meeting at his daughters wedding while petting a cat. [ laughter ] or if not a cat, one of his other pets [ laughter and applause dyiulia private citizen, the president s pers fishing expedition to concoct a fake scandal and get ukraine to manufacture dirt on a political opponent joe biden the fact that his name came up on this call even once is insane, but look how many times trump mentioned rudy mr. Giulianis a highly respected man. He was the mayor of new york city. A great mayor, and i would like him to call you. I will ask him to call you along with the attorney general. Rudy very much knows whats happening. And hes a very capable guy. But hes not he does not know whats happening. [ light laughter ] and he is definitely not a capable guy. For one thing, anytime he does an interview, he looks like a guy in a Haunted House after a zombie just popped out of the bushes [ laughter ] in fact, rudy has spent the last few days spinning out live on National Television. First, he tried out some prop comedy by showing everyone his phone in a fox interview, and then showing up to another fox interview reading a book [ laughter ] why whys he doing prop comedy now [ laughter ] heres a phone. Heres a book. And heres one of my puppets hes actually my brother. [ laughter ] also i can assure you, rudy is not a highly respected man in fact, just to give you an idea of how little hes respected on capitol hill, politico reported today that and this is real at the House Democratic meeting this morning, Rudy Giuliani was the butt of a joke congressman Hakeem Jeffries showed a seth meyers sizzle reel of giulianis recent cable appearances. The room erupted in laughter. [ laughter ] thats right as House Democrats [ cheers and applause as they were meeting to discuss impeaching the president of the United States, they were watching a sizzle reel of our Rudy Giuliani jokes. [ laughter ] we does that mean i could get called as an official witness . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause in the impeachment oh, my god [ cheers and applause i i mean, i already have my testimony prepared yes, mr. Chairman while i do not have any insights into mr. Giulianis conversations with ukraine, i can confirm that he does, in fact, look like he accidently stuck his [ bleep ] in an electrical socket. [ laughter and applause yes, you heard me right. [ laughter ] so you got the president dangling a quid pro quo, asking for a political favor, and repeatedly prodding a foreign leader to speak with his personal lawyer and manufacture a baseless smear of a political opponent just what we can see in this memo alone is impeachable behavior, let alone whats in the full whistleblower complaint. I mean, can you imagine how bad that full whistleblower report is what else could it possibly say . After the call, mr. Trump then stood up, tripped on his tie, fell headfirst into a garbage can, got up, ran into a wall, knocked himself unconscious, woke up and screamed, where am i. And who [ bleep ] my pants . [ laughter and applause today today, trump actually met with the president of ukraine on the sidelines of the United Nations and claimed he hadnt pressured him while also insisting all he cared abo you know what there was no pressure. And you know there was and by the way, you know there was no pressure. All you have to do is see it, what went on, on the call. Would you like president zelensky to do more on joe biden and the investigation . No, i want him to do whatever he can, but whatever he can do in terms of corruption because the corruptions massive. Seth oh, you want him to do something with corruption . Okay, well, hes sitting right next to you. Did he bring his handcuffs [ light laughter ] cause when it comes to stopping corruptions one things for sure, the president of ukraine will never fire or tire. [ laughter ] seth now one big question looming over the impeachment debate has always been the political impact how would it effect trumps chances of getting reelected . Would it cut into his chances, or would it solidify his base . Some democrats have been scared that impeachment would somehow be good for him, or play into his hands. We have to drop this idea that trump is playing threedimensional chess. Hes more like a guy who ate a chess piece, is now choking on it, and instead of gesturing for the heimlich maneuver, eats another chess piece to dislodge the first one. [ laughter ] in fact, trump himself has made this argument that he wants to be impeached because it would somehow be good for him politically. In fact, he repeated that claim again yesterday. The countrys doing the best its ever done and i just heard that shed like to impeach our countrys doing the best its ever done theyre gonna lose the election. And they figure this is a a thing to do. This never happened where were in the election, and i mean, if she does that, they all say thats a positive for me, from the election you could also say, who needs it . Its bad for the country seth of course, his First Priority is, its good for me. And then he throws in as an afterthought, also its bad for the country. [ light laughter ] hes like an athlete who bet against his own team yes, the patriots scored a touchdown i mean, damn lets go jets. [ laughter ] finally have a real formal impeachment process with hearings and votes, well all get to see actual evidence of trumps serial corruption and lawbreaking live on National Television every single day. And thats a huge deal now just before we taped this show, trump held another of his signature off the rails press conferences where he once again lost his mind on National Television first he started out by claiming the whistleblower who reported on his conversation with the president of ukraine didnt have what he called first class information. Although, it was hard to follow what he was saying the socalled whistleblower, the one that didnt have any first class, or first rate, or second tier information from what i understand. Youll have to figure that out for yourself [ laughter ] seth firsthand [ laughter ] he didnt have any firsthand information. [ cheers and applause first rate, first class didnt have any first base [ laughter ] information. The common phrase, first base information. [ laughter ] i mean, why does he make us try to figure out what the hell hes trying to say . Youll have figure what im ill say words, then you guys put them into sentences. [ laughter ] then trump complained that because everyone was talking about ukraine and impeachment. No one was covering how hard he was working during his meetings with foreign leaders the sad thing about this hoax is that we work so hard with all of these countries, and i mean really hard. This has been ive been up from early in the morning til late in the evening, and meeting with Different Countries all for the good our country and the press doesnt even cover all of this. Seth early in the mornings and late so you mean a work day . [ laughter and applause you had a work we start in the morning. And then and then we stop for lunch. Its called a lunch break. First ive heard of it then we have meetings again at night. Im working like eight, nine hours a day. [ laughter ] trump wants us all to be impressed by how hard the job is but we knew it was hard. Youre like the only one who was like, president s work mornings . [ laughter ] what we saw in todays memo alone is impeachable behavior, and trump and his lawyer keep going on tv and then confessing to more crimes when it comes to corruption and lawlessness, what we saw today was absolutely a ten. It was perfect [ laughter ] ss has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause well be right back with anna kendrick, everyone. [ cheers and applause announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. I totally get how important it is to stay connected. Customers can do what they need to do, whenever they need to do it online. We care about keeping you safe. vo we are open 24 7 online, so you can keep managing all you need from home and through the verizon apps and verizon. Com. You just call on me brother if you need a hand we all need somebody to lean on. I just might have a problem that youd understand. We all need somebody to lean on. mom vo we got a subaru to give him some ato reconnect and be together. 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Give it up for the 8g band right over there [ cheers and applause also weve been so delighted this week to have our friend fred armisen back with us. Thank you so much for being here, fred fred thank you [ cheers and applause seth our first guest tonight is an oscar, grammy, and tonynominated actress you know from up in the air and the Pitch Perfect franchise. She stars in the Day Shall Come, which is in theaters and available on demand friday lets take a look. Hes not even clear to hear how hes [ bleep ] this up i might have to ask him to reprimand you. We dont have this at my p. D im going to have to ask him to reprimand you he cant reprimand me im a different agency, sweet cheeks sweet you wouldnt last one second here. The only thing smaller than your badge is your [ bleep ]. Its probably inverted like a belly button [ laughter ] seth please welcome back to the show, our friend, cheers an seth very, very fun clip [ cheers and applause seth very, very fun clip very seth thank you [ cheers and applause hi, guys. I miss you too [ cheers and applause ive had enough of this. Seth theyre so happy to see you. I dont know if you can tell by my dress. But i hate attention seth you do hate attention this is yeah. Seth guys, shes very coy. Guys, im very shy. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] seth i want to talk about the movie. Yes seth but i also you got to travel a little this summer yeah. Seth you went to amsterdam which was yeah, you have a history with amsterdam. Seth i lived there for a couple years one the most beautiful cities in the world. Its the most beautiful the most beautiful scenery the most beautiful prostitutes seth yes i wasnt even on drugs. [ laughter ] seth uhhuh. I didnt do drugs i was working. And also drugs are bad [ light laughter ] and i was just blown away by how pretty it was. And i did go to the red light district just to kind of to see and seth yeah. Whatever. And, you know, very beautiful ladies [ light laughter ] and there were there were, like, two petite ladies. And i was like, you guys are doing it. [ laughter ] seth yeah. Do it for the sisters. Love it. Seth very very hard to find a petite woman in general in amsterdam very tall people yeah. Seth the dutch no, thats why i didnt stay. Seth yeah. Yeah. [ light laughter ] you know, i just though was seth you liked the canals . I went on the canals. I, like i ended up ind up, like, you know, just for fun, like, videoing the whole, like, canals and the scenery and stuff. And i as i am wont to. Its just sort of, like, sarcastically going like, ugh, god, its ugly here. Like, how do you people even wake up in the morning and look at this scenery . And most people understood that that was me saying it was very beautiful. And there were couple of dutch people who thought i was being very rude. Seth yeah. And i should go back to my country. But then a fair amount of dutch people came to my defense. So but it was all happening in dutch so now i know the dutch word for sarcastic. Which is sarcastisch seth yeah, yeah. So not that hard. [ laughter ] seth not that hard they were going like, shes being sarcastic. And several said, you know, shes just drunk. So, i also know seth gotcha. Dronken is the dutch word for drunk. Seth oh, dronken, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. Seth yes, ive been dronken a few times yeah. Seth in amsterdam. [ light laughter ] you also did you go anywhere else in europe i did i went to switzerland, which is the cute seth its really amazing the cutest country. Seth yeah. Like, i feel like, im patronizing. But im sorry. Its so cute seth yeah. It makes amsterdam look like a garbage can. Exactly [ laughter ] like, every hillside was, like, the most perfectly designed, like, the cutest, most amazing and i took a friend of mine. And she, you know, was very grateful to be taken to switzerland. But as we would crest every hill, what am i an animal . Im not going to sing sound of music . Seth of course, yeah [ laughter ] i mean so it was, like, really watching the test of our friendship, like, play out on her face knowing, like, she bought me this trip to switzerland. Be nice. But then how many times i can sing high on a hill was a lonely goatherd seth yeah. Before she murders me on this hilltop [ laughter ] and leaves the body. Seth it required patience on her part yes, god bless her. Seth this film is its a little tricky to describe. But we were saying back stage, the director, the writer is yeah. Hes like a British Comedy legend seth yeah, chris morris. Yeah, chris morris. Yeah, its it is hard to describe its like a dark satire about the criminal justice system. And it really devolves into a farce. Like, a full shakespearean comedy of errors where everybody is misunderstanding everybody. And its a really serious subject matter because its about the way that Law Enforcement kind of uses entrapment and kind of disproportionately targets minorities but its so funny, which is not because we take it lightly but because chris morris is so good at using satire to kind of talk about these subjects. So a lot of the details in our movie are trying to be as absurd as, like, hundreds of these true cases. Seth because youre basically an fbi agent whos trying to set somebody up so you can get the credit for taking them down. Exactly like, im you know, everybodys motivated by ego and i think that some people seth yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah spend their life thinking that Law Enforcement has our best interest at heart seth yeah. [ light laughter ] you know . And its really interesting to seth i thought you were saying we were motivated by ego which i was also down with [ laughter ] i was also going to be on board with you there yeah, yeah yeah. Both true things seth i know you shot that in the Dominican Republic yeah. Seth and now youre shooting in new york, yes mmhm seth whats it like shooting in new york . New york has been great i cant believe i feel very grown up shooting stuff in new york but i will say when you shoot in a small town, people are like, oh, i just cant go to work today or get into my home because theyre filming a movie. Like, yeah, whatever you need. And in new york theyre like, ive lived here 30 years, get the [ bleep ] off my street. [ laughter ] seth yeah. Im going to do what i no. And we were shooting on st. Marks place at midnight on a friday and nobody was going to be quiet for us and, you know, theres just guys walking through the shots. And at one point a guy was walking through the shot and vomited. [ laughter ] and and when Something Like that happens you realize that theres no department for that on a film set. [ light laughter ] theres no one whose job it is to clean up the vomit. And it was right next to the directors monitor [ laughter ] where hes going, like, and cut. [ laughter ] some notes . But so they didnt have a solution so they just set up Little Orange cones around the vomit. [ laughter ] but what was crazy is, i was thinking about it, and i was like, it was Little Orange cones which to me, suggests that this happens enough seth yeah. That they have special orange cones for vomit situations seth yeah. In new york seth they have, like, ones for traffic. And then they have little ones theyre, like, just for vomit. [ light laughter ] seth its always so wonderful to see you here. Thank you for having me seth congrats on your movie. Anna kendrick. [ cheers and applause the Day Shall Come is in theaters and available on demand friday well be right back with kal penn [ cheers and applause my Psoriatic Arthritis pain . I had enough its not getting in my way. Joint pain, swelling, tenderness. Much better. My psoriasis, clearer. Cosentyx works on all of this. Four years and counting. So watch out. I got this watch me. Real people with active Psoriatic Arthritis are feeling real relief with cosentyx. Cosentyx is a different kind of targeted biologic. It treats the multiple symptoms of Psoriatic Arthritis to help you look and feel better. It even helps stop further joint damage. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability. To fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen. Or if youve had a vaccine, or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. 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Michael, you didnt have to. And, were going to need some help with the rest. Youve worked so hard to achieve so much. Perhaps its time to partner with someone who knows you and your business well enough to understand what your wealth is really for. [ cheers and applause our next guest is a talented actor you know from the harold kumar movies as well as shows like house and designated survivor. His new show sunnyside premieres thursday at 9 30 pm on nbc. Lets take a look. Check this out. I am getting paid. I can hire a p. R. Team can you imagine how good its gonna look for my Reelection Campaign if it gets out that ive been helping these poor people out of the goodness of my heart . Except youre very clearly not helping them out of the goodness of your heart youre doing it for your Reelection Campaign. Thats a really good point. I shouldal mp. R. Team about that seth please welcome back to the show, kal penn, everybody. Seth welcome back. Wow thank you. I always love coming here. Seth it was nice its nice having you in new york. You took advantage being in new york you threw out the first pitch last night i did seth at the mets game. I did im very athletic. Seth yes, Everybody Knows that yes, exactly. Uh, no i was always picked last in gym class. So when this sort of, email came through i was like immediately, yes. Seth yep as a child. Like, the eightyearold me was like, absolutely want to do this. Followed by terror because i know what its likbeing picked last in gym class. I was, like theres thousands tens of thousands of people there. Seth how much time did you have between getting asked and doing the actual pitch three weeks seth okay. And i hired a pitching coach. Seth kay. [ laughter ] because im im that kind of nerd. Seth yeah. And it was a really nice gu named zach in l. A. Who showed me how to throw a baseball. Seth i would imagine one of the problems could be over throwing yes seth over the course of the three weeks. You wanna you dont want to end up with, like, a sore arm no, no, and theres plenty of cebr seth yeah. Which is,e seth and lot of them in new york yeah. Seth yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, i know and the coach says to me in the third Training Session we had, hes, like you know what . Your body is not going to perform the way a pitcher needs to perform. [ laughter ] its like, sweet. Im glad youre telling me this in my third session. He goes, why dont you just perform as though youre confident . Seth oh. Its, like oh, thanks. Now, its acting lesson time. Seth so he said, you cant be a pitcher. Right seth but you can be an actor playing a pitcher. Yes [ laughter ] yes. Seth were going to show it. Before we show it, how do you feel you did so, i did an insta story where i sort of bragged about throwing strikes seth yeah. In reality its a little high seth okay. But it went across the plate. He didnt have to chase it and it didnt hit the ground seth all right lets take a look real quick and lets see if you would call this a strike and [ laughter ] [ applause ] you had a very i like that whoever was catching for you did that very nice thing yeah. Seth he didnt panic he just very calmly stood up yeah. Seth it was like, i was getting up anyway. No, exactly [ laughter ] exactly. And i was, like and in my head, you know, im like, the actor can talk a mean game, but clearly the pitch was what it was, guys. Seth so, sunnyside. This is a show that youve had an idea for for a long time. Yeah. Seth you created it with matt murray, whos a wonderful writer who used to be my officemate at snl. Yes, i know yeah seth and you play, from the clip, a disgraced councilman yep seth who is now helping immigrants pass their citizenship test yeah, yeah. Five years ago i was on a show that got abruptly canceled, and kind of thought, well, whats your dream project . And i love making people laugh i love the patriotic comedies that we grew up with stuff, like, uh i know it doesnt sound patriotic, but, like fresh prince and seinfield. Basically stuff that makes you feel good. Seth yeah. At the end of the night, you know you feel like you hang hung out with a group of your friends. So we thought, all right, a teacher is kind of a cool idea maybe its like, maybe teaching, like, a chocolate making class it went through all these different iterations seth right until we sat down with matt and mike schur and thought a citizenship class is kind of cool. One that takes place in new york city, because theres a lot to choose from and you know, the sort of hijinx each episode is a nice runner. Seth its also, you know, a very diverse cast. Yeah. Seth as, sort of the plot would necessitate. And everybody has very interesting backgrounds, which is a really cool part of it. You recently got to do and i did this season as well Henry Louis Gates. Oh, the finding your roots. Seth finding your roots. Okay. I did do finding your roots recently seth yeah. And i said yes to it because they hire these fancy genealogists and then do a dna test and ive always thought it was cool that when you watch those commercials someones like, i found out that i was, like, a half scottish. Seth yeah. And, like, ive always been super jealous of people with, like their coat of arms tattoos. Seth sure. Ive always wanted a tattoo so im like all right. Im going to do this show. Im going to give them my dna. And im going to get a tattoo. Seth really . [ laughter ] yes seth so it was basically whatever they find out whatever they find out. There will be something because its permanent and its real. Seth yeah. And i know its based on dna and history. So i did it and were going through the book, and they go, turn the page now for your dna mapping. And i turn the page and it says, you are 99. 99 south asian. [ laughter ] and i was, like, oh, my gosh. And he goes, how do you feel, kal . And im like, i feel disappointed. [ laughter ] it just came out of my mouth so, he turns the page again and he goes, this is called a haplogroup. And it was this number r1a that in fact i got the tattoo. So, ill show you. Seth okay. [ cheers ] wow wow, i [ light laughter ] see . Throw out a first pitch. [ laughter ] r1am147. Seth so thats your it goes from africa, like through the caucases, into india and south asia and i then asked for more dna. They wouldnt give in to me. Theyre like, no, thats our intellectual property. I was, like no, guys. R1am147 i want to know what else is there. [ laughter ] so then i was like i can just buy a kit myself. Seth sure. It was 300 bucks. I waited for the holidays when it was on sale for 99 seth yep [ laughter ] and then bought it. Did the same thing im on the computer. Im like, all right, haplogroup i click on it. R1am417. And i was like, wait a second the tattoo i got is r1am147 why is the computer telling me that my haplogroup is m417 . And i realize there has been a phenomenal error [ laughter ] this is not my haplogroup. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] seth and did you get confirmation i got confirmation. I emailed them. I emailed them and i said i said, whats the deal, guys . They emailed back. Seth you emailed pbs bascially . I emailed the producers. And two days later, like 18 executives email me and say, were so sorry. A p. A. Swapped two of the digits [ audience ohs ] when they were putting the screen up. But by the way, dont worry. Well correct it in postproduction. And i sent them a picture of this tattoo, and i was like [ laughter ] you going to correct this too, guys . Come on. Seth you going to cgi out my tattoo yeah. Yeah they said theyd pay for fixing it seth yeah. But i figured this was a better story to tell on a late night show one day seth absolutely. [ laughter ] i thank you very much to Henry Louis Gates for the story. Yeah. Thanks, man. Thank you. [cheers and applause seth kal penn everybody. Sunnyside. Thursday at 9 30 pm on nbc well be right back with edi patterson. [ cheers and applause digiorno rising crust pizza now has even more cheese. Its so cheesy, youll need a pick up line to go with it. Like, did it hurt. When all that cheese fell from heaven and landed on you . Its not delivery. Its digiorno. Now with more cheese. Ulcerative colitis under control. Turns out, it was controlling me. Seemed like my symptoms were taking over our time together. I knew i needed to talk to my doctor. Think hell make it . Thats when i learned humira can help get and keep uc under control when other medications havent worked well enough. And it helps people achieve control that lasts. So you can experience few or no symptoms. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections. 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We still find ways to stay close. Even when were apart. These things never change. Neither will our purpose. Our hearts are open. Our teams are here. Doing everything we can. To help all families. Today. Tomorrow. Always. If we werent able to stream anything, i think theyd be lost. Shes listening to music. Hes watching the news. vo verizon is giving you more entertainment, like apple music, disney , and youtube tv. Unlimited plans start at 35. Shop online. Only at verizon. You may not be thinking about blood donation, but blood is needed to save the lives of people who are sick with a range of illnesses. Its easy and safe to give. If you are in good health, please donate. We need heroes now. Visit red cross blood dot org to schedule an appointment. [ cheers and applause seth our next guest is a very funny actress and comedian you know from shows such as vice principals and partners. Shes currently staring in the righteous gemstones, which airs sunday nights on hbo lets take a look. Shes a gemstone. Seems strange to me. Shes not front and center, like everybody else i dont know. Maybe thats just me talking, now. No, thats not just you talking. [ laughter ] ive been wondering about it been hearing a lot of other people wondering about it. Tons of people talking about it. [ laughter ] seth please welcome to the show, edi patterson everyone [ cheers and applause seth welcome to the show thanks. Seth i am so happy to see you again. We first we met in this building you guest wrote for snl in 2013. I sure did. Yeah seth my last year there. Yeah. Seth was that an enjoyable experience for you it was. It was it was incredible. It was really great. And i got something on both weeks. Seth which is amazing. That is very hard to do. There was a thing i didnt realize though, that happened. Was theres theres that day where everyone goes into the room and meets the host. Seth our monday pitch meeting. Yeah monday pitch meeting. And what i didnt know was, kind of everyone says something to make them laugh. Seth yes and its not necessarily, like a real idea youve thought out, like a nerd, which i did. Seth its full its full bull[ bleep ], yeah. Yeah. So everyone went around and theyre, like being cool and making kevin hart laugh. And its dawning on me, like oh, no [ laughter ] oh, no. And so it gets to me and i didnt have, like a funny thing to say so, i just, like full urkel, like went, well, my pitch is this. [ laughter ] and, like did a whole long thing. It went too long the rooms silent. [ laughter ] and im just, like its youre youre in the world of the walking dead. [ laughter ] and, like it just goes on, and on, and on, and everyones sort of starring at me. And then i walked out and i was, like, oh, great kacked it on your first thing. [ light laughter ] and the later, like midnight, or one or two whatever office i was in, you, like, lightly knocked. And i was, like oh, hey yeah, hey, seth. [ laughter ] and you were like did you write that walking dead thing . And remember, i i probably went dead in my eyes and i went, im about to. [ laughter ] so, then i frantically wrote it all night and that was one of the things that got on seth there you go. Yeah. Seth and the only reason i could do that is not a single other writer on that staff had a real idea. So, the only person whose office i could go to and check on was yours. [ light laughter ] and, so you grew up in texas, yes . Yes seth and, uh, your parents are not sure, theres some texas here yeah, man seth your parents were not in the business. Nope. Seth but you kind of got moms a teacher seth a teacher, and your dad is plumber seth and yet, you got into improv at a young age and yeah. I mean, we didnt have, like improv at my school. But i i just would improvise. And i would pretend to be like, weirdly in first grade in texas, i had an english like an older english teacher like, a christian scientist english woman. [ laughter ] which, i think is an anomaly in texas. [ laughter ] and i would come home and do her for my parents and they would laugh and i thought, oh, thats something. [ laughter ] so, i started improvising, like people we knew for them. My versions. Seth so, youre just doing like, you were find ways to, like, talk in the characters in your life. Were there other people yeah. Seth that were would kill with your parents . Yeah. So, my, uh, my grandpa was sick. And we had to have these caretakers come in and we so we would go there every other night. And wed go there with my mom and dad from, like after school until, like ten at night and so we would hang out with these women who had been there all day. Hang out with my grandpa and they werent the best. Let me just say that they were all so weird and this not a dig on caretakers, like seth no. There are some of the best in world. Seth of course, yeah just, we didnt get em [ laughter ] seth yeah. And they were borderline scary. Like, im i dont really want to say names but theyre probably dead or in jail seth okay. All of them [ laughter ] seth yeah. But, so, there was this one who always she always had a pink terrycloth shirt. Giant boobs, like thunderous boobs. [ laughter ] and, like a hole here and it would tie here, like in a bow. And shes not a woman who would have a bow seth yeah. Do you know what i mean [ laughter ] and, like a bowl haircut and talked like elvis. [ laughter ] and she would, like she just was fascinating and repulsive to us and we just [ laughter ] seth yeah. We wanted to be around her. But we didnt want her to touch us [ laughter ] and she so anytime it started to rain, she would go, oh, honey. She started every sentence like elvis. Im not kidding. Seth yeah. Oh, honey. I gotta go out and get my bath. [ laughter ] and she would and she would run out into the rain and, like get where it was coming off the roof the most [ laughter ] and, like shower with all her clothes on [ laughter ] and, like shampoo, and, like shed come in with, like with shampoo on her terrycloth shirt. [ laughter ] just horrifying. Shed put ice cream in her mouth and go, come here bridget. [ laughter ] and bridget is her tiny dog. [ laughter ] and bridget would, like, come out of nowhere, like a rat, but black and white, you know . Seth yeah, yeah. And would hop up on her and eat ice cream out of her mouth [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] so, we always were just, like aghh [ laughter ] seth all of that is really off putting. And then on top of it, its like, well, we will leave you to care for our grandfather. Yeah, seriously [ laughter ] et seriously, but it was, like the best we could get. And then when someone was there and got fired, the next one would be more terrifying [ laughter ] seth this does makes sense that this would be the roots of your comedy. Righteous gemstones, which is so funny thanks. Seth these are some very well observed characters everybody on the show is doing such incredible work oh, man thanks seth do we were you familiar at all with this world of mega churches growing up . I didnt grow up in a mega church, but we grew up real churchy. Seth yeah. Like, we went to church every sunday and went to sunday school and all the stuff in the week, like covered dish suppers and stuff. Seth and how is how do you parents feel about this take on religion that righteous gemstones is on hbo awesomely, they love it seth thats great. Yeah. I mean, im pretty sure my mom has not told people at her church to watch it seth yeah. [ laughter ] yeah, thats fair. But, yeah they love it. They love it, love it. Seth i love it too its fantastic show. Its so great to have you back here, edi. Thanks for having me. [ cheers and applause seth such a pleasure to have you on the show. So great to have you at 30 rock again. Thank you seth edi patterson righteous gemstones airs on hbo sundays at 10 00 pm. Well be right back. [ cheers and applause well be right back. [ cheers and applause 58 million latinos live in the United States. If we all participate in the 2020 census, we can ensure fair funding for our schools, libraries, hospitals, and other public services. The census is safe, its confidential, we know who we are and how vibrant our community is. Lets make sure our nation knows it too. For more information, visit getcounted. Com, and to participate, go to census. Gov. [ cheers and applause seth my thanks to anna kendrick, kal penn, edi patterson. Fred armisen, and of course the 8g band. Stay tuned for a little late with lilly singh. Well see you tomorrow [ cheers and applause [ chee and applause lilly tonight,n a little late with lily singh, were gonna figure o what tonce all ur friends starto have ki its like how everyone tells you have to ulcycle, but in this case, soulcycle lasts forever and takeall of your money. [ laughter ] so, yeah basically, just soulcycle. [ laught ] im gonna give a couple of our audience members a shot at love. What have you lened about each other . Well, this beauty is from new york [ cheers ] lilly okay, contact. [ laughter ] i get to interview the one, the only, Joseph Gordonlevitt [ cheers and applause can i call you joe you can call me whatever you want lilly okay, daddy. Thank you, mommy. Lilly so, i [ cheers ] youre gonna see what some of his audition secrets are ill get y my pretty, and your little dog, too. [ laughing maniacally [ cheers and applause lilly whats the weirdest di this show. Uhere in one minute i didnt even audition