Transcripts For KNTV Late 20240703 : vimarsana.com

KNTV Late July 3, 2024

Will forte. Musician and actor ben platt. An allnew closer look. Featuring the 8g band with jon theodore [ cheers and applause ] and now, seth meyers. Seth good evening. Im seth meyers. This is late night. We hope youre doing well. And now if you dont mind, were going to get to the news. President biden released a video yesterday challenging former President Trump to a debate which appeared to have five jump cuts and they werent even trying to hide it. Good evening my fellow americans. [ laughter ] seth President Biden and former President Trump agreed yesterday to face off in a pair of summer debates. I dont know. It feels like the only summer debate you should have at that age is johnsons versus gold bond. [ laughter ] former President Trump was accompanied to the courthouse today by republican representatives matt gaetz and Lauren Boebert. Well, i get it, its good publicity for boebert and Good Practice for gaetz. [ laughter ] oh, so this is what courts going to look like . [ laughter ] all right according to a new analysis, former President Trump spends only 11 of time talking about policy plans. The other 89 is mostly recapping the plot of the Hannibal Lecter movies. [ laughter ] red dragon did you see that one . Not as good as the original. Maybe if youre on a plane. It might be good for a plane. red dragon. [ laughter ] democratic president ial candidate jason palmer announced yesterday hes ended his campaign, and he knew he made the right decision when the announcement echoed. [ laughter ] a wild turkey was spotted this week on the streets of brooklyn. Even crazier, it was on a leash. [ laughter ] yeah. Its my emotional support turkey. I got it for my half birthday. [ laughter ] ive been really down cause my favorite coffee place closed. [ light laughter ] uber announced yesterday it will offer uber shuttle which allows users to reserve seats in a vehicle heading to one destination like an airport or concert. Those guys are amazing. First they invent the taxi and now they invent the bus. [ laughter ] how do they silicon valley, man [ light laughter ] the nfl has announced they will have a black friday game for the second year in a row. Its the only black friday event that causes more concussions than walmart. [ laughter ] [ audience oohs ] producers have announced that the golden bachelor will air this fall and, fellas, youre going to like what you see pictures of her grandkids. [ laughter ] and finally, the makers of oreos yesterday unveiled new packaging inspired by the star wars franchise. The way it works is, the first three oreos are pretty good. The next three are pretty bad. [ laughter ] and the rest the rest you eat just because you ate the first six. And that was the monologue, everybody [ cheers and applause ] here we go here we go weve got a great show for you tonight. He is an emmynominated actor you know from snl, the last man on earth, nebraska and macgruber. Hes currently starring in bodkin on netflix. One of my dearest friends in the world, will forte is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] its always a special night when will is around. Hes an emmy, grammy, and tonywinning singer, songwriter, and actor you know from dear evan hansen and parade on broadway. His threeweek residency at new yorks Palace Theater starts may 28th. Ben platt is also back on the show [ cheers and applause ] hey, this is very exciting. Red nose day is back for its tenth year raising lifechanging funds to help kids facing poverty across the u. S. And around the world. Donate now at rednoseday. Org and watch the special right here on nbc may 23rd at 8 00 p. M. It is a good cause and a wonderful organization. Moving on. Matt gaetz and Lauren Boebert were heckled outside the manhattan criminal courthouse today where they appeared along with several other maga weirdos in support of donald trump. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth if youre planning a trip to new york any time soon youre probably familiar with some of the mustsee landmarks and Tourist Attractions we have here. Broadway, the m m store, central park, the m m store, times square, the m m store, the American Museum of natural history, and moma which is of course a fancy way of saying the m m store. [ laughter ] but there is a new mustsee hot spot that is the top of the itinerary for every out of town visitor we have here. The donald trump hush money trial at the manhattan criminal courthouse. Its a show of support for donald trump. Republicans vying to be his running mate turned out in force at his trial today. You just saw both senator j. D. Vance of ohio and senator Tommy Tuberville of alabama. Rick scott joined donald trump in court on friday. Vivek ramaswamy, congressman byron donalds, congressman corey mills. Doug burgum, tim scott, marco rubio. Donald trump has brought more friends with him to court. A big entourage today. No less than nine lawmakers showing up for former President Trump this morning. Youve got representatives matt gaetz, Lauren Boebert, andy biggs, michael cloud, among others. Seth man beavis and butthead are everywhere. [ laughter ] seriously, there are more republican members of congress at trumps criminal trial than there are at the capitol. Just going to throw this out there. It might be a good day to storm it [ laughter ] you see, trump is under a gag order and cant attack people involved in the case the way he wants to, so his workaround is to summon his army of puppets to do his bidding. The problem is character witnesses should be people of high character, not people of who you would say hes a real character. [ laughter ] if youre on trial for a criminal charge where character is central to the case. Matt gaetz and Lauren Boebert arent exactly the role models you want with you in the room. Thats like if o. J. s buddy at his trial were charles manson, Hannibal Lecter. [ laughter ] got to say im surprised to see Lauren Boebert there. Not surprised she showed up, just surprised she hasnt been kicked out yet. I mean, if youre going to get handsy during a performance of beetlejuice the musical i cant imagine how turned on youd get for a hush money to a porn star trial. [ laughter ] but boebert and gaetz did get prime seats. Boebert and gaetz are in the courtroom right now sitting in the front row next to eric trump. Seth oof [ light laughter ] they have to sit next to eric trump . Where did you get your tickets from . Seat freak . [ laughter ] scrub hub was also considered. [ laughter ] sitting front row at the trump trial must be like the maga version of sitting courtside at the knicks game. Except if someone says, wow, theyre bigger up close theyre talking about the bags under trumps eyes. [ laughter ] seriously, this is how grimy and pathetic the Republican Party has become. The only thing sadder than having to sit in a dreary new york city courtroom for your porn star hush money trial is sitting in a dreary new york city courtroom for someone elses porn star hush money [ laughter ] were in the big apple what should we catch a broadway show . Should we grab a hot dog . I got an i lets go down to the courthouse, and listen to Stormy Daniels describe the worst sex of her life. [ laughter ] if joe biden were ever on trial for paying hush money to a porn star, i guaran[ bleep ]tee you not a single democrat would be caught dead within a hundred mile radius. [ light laughter ] youd never catch Bernie Sanders sitting in the front row saying, the problem with pornography is the top 1 of all of the housewives are getting 99 of the pizza deliveries [ laughter ] the rest of the housewives are living on the crusts [ laughter ] also, joe biden sometimes maybe a pepperoni falls [ light laughter ] also joe biden would never pay hush money to a porn star. He would just talk to her in hushed tones. Hey, youre not gonna tell [ laughter ] youre not gonna tell anybody about this, right . [ light laughter ] at the very least can we all just take a second on reflect on the fact that there used to be a time when republicans would lecture the rest of us about family values and just officially declared now that they were full of [ bleep ] . In fact, ohio senator j. D. Vance once literally called for a ban on porn in order to save families. Of course, knowing how this guy flipflops in deference to trump, hed probably say, the great thing about President Trump is he works hard. He didnt sit back and watch porn, he went out and made it [ laughter ] House Speaker mike johnson once said that he and his teenage son monitor each others porn intake. Coveted eyes is the software that i weve been using a long time in our household. Its accountability software. So men in a church, you know, mens bible study groups will do it. It scans every all of the activity on your phone or your devices, your laptop, tablet, what have you. We do all of it. And then it sends your report to your accountability partner. So my accountability partner right now is jack, my son, right . And so hes 17. So he and i get a report of all the things that are on our phones, or all of our devices once a week. If anything objectionable comes up, your accountability partner gets an immediate notice. Im proud to tell you my son has hes got a clean slate. Seth what about you . How come you didnt tell us about yourself . My sons got a clean slate. I, however, keep getting very xrated links sent to me by a friend. Hey, mike, thanks for coming to my trial. Also, check this out. Is it porn . No. What is it . Its porn. [ laughter ] and yet even accountability partner mike johnson traveled to the courthouse to defend trump during his porn trial. The crime that they are accusing President Trump of is falsification of business records, but i think Everybody Knows he is not the bookkeeper for his company. Seth thats not the charge the charge is he funneled a hush money payment through his business and lied about it on official records to conceal it from voters during an election. You cant do that. I cant funnel a hush money payment through this shows budget and call it Something Like wardrobe expenses, mainly because everyone knows we dont spend anything on my wardrobe. [ laughter ] nbc pays for an intern to go to jfk once a week to rifle through all the luggage that gets left behind. [ laughter ] thats why yesterdays show i was wearing a bolo tie and mickey mouse ears. [ light laughter ] so thats everyone from matt gaetz, to Lauren Boebert, to the speaker of the house. Dont you guys have, like, i dont know, anything better to do . Even if you put aside your supposed jobs as members of congress. I mean, just life stuff. I have three kids and a fulltime job. If one of my friends asked me to fly to a different city to sit in a courtroom for eight hours for his criminal trial i would do anything to get out of it. Id say, oh, you dont want me. If jurors are anything like emmy voters, you want john oliver. [ laughter ] hes a friend. Hes a dear friend. Hes a very dear friend. Not like, here, borrow one of my emmys friend, but a dear friend. And not only are they showing up to the courthouse. Theyre also making it incredibly weird. For example, Kellyanne Conways estranged husband and donald trump enemy George Conway is in the courtroom, as well. And according to the reporters in the room, boebert and gaetz keep turning around to stare at antitrump attorney George Conway. Gaetz and boebert are turning the firstever criminal trial of an expresident into some sort of telenovela. [ dramatic music sting ] george . Lauren matt. George . [ laughter ] matt . Lauren . [ gasp ] kellyanne ay, dios mio [ laughter ] [ applause ] got all the cameras right. [ laughter ] it wasnt ill be honest, not a lot of confidence from the staff. [ laughter ] but aside from embarrassing themselves and their party im not sure what exactly they were hoping to accomplish with their presence. I guess they were there to offer moral support for trump and ended up coming off as creepy. For example, see if you can spot matt gaetz in this clip of trump speaking at the courthouse. Are you worried about a conviction . Will you testify, mr. Trump . Thank you very much. [ talking over each other ] excuse me, excuse me. We are going to be working with a lot of people over the next couple of weeks. This is finishing up. At some point it will be finished. Every single review, every legal scholar that ive been able to read said theres no case. Seth oh, my god, matt gaetz is looming behind him like the killer in a lifetime movie. [ laughter ] like he appeared during a lightning storm. Oh, hello, donald. I hope i didnt startle you. [ laughter ] what lifetime movie is that . [ laughter ] my ex is a vampire . [ laughter ] also, dudes got such a big head hes standing all of the way in the back and its still almost the same size as trumps. [ laughter ] he sticks out like a thumb with googly eyes. [ light laughter ] gaetz and oh, boy. Im just so tired from my camera move. [ laughter ] you guys remember when i looked at all three and that part went so good . [ laughter ] i feel like that should have been the end and now were still doing it. Im so tired. Gaetz and boebert then appeared with their gop colleagues outside the courthouse where they spent a lot of time their getting heckled. First a protester held up a sign while gaetz was talking that said bootlickers. Of course, bootlicking is one of the things trump paid hush money to cover up. Then [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] at the end of the press conference, boebert tried to speak, but was heckled by protesters who taunted her with mentions of the musical she got kicked out of. I want all of the news to start asking the question what is the crime . Because everyone in this court has not been informed of what the crime is. Beetlejuice, beetlejuice, beetlejuice the defendant does not know the crime that was committed. [ laughter ] seth dont say it three times [ laughter ] its a sign [ applause ] its a sign of how insane our politics are that protesters are shouting the word beetlejuice at a member of congress and we all know what it means. Also, my favorite part is when all of her supposed friends just walk away and abandon her. [ laughter ] dudes, youre not going to help her out . Oof, its laurens turn, lets get the [ bleep ] out of here. [ laughter ] this is how much the gop has debased itself. They spent years lecturing the rest of us about family values, and now theyre flocking to the criminal trial of an expresident so they can stand there while the porn star he paid off describes what was, by her own admission, some of the worst sex of her life. What did trump tell stormy while it was happening . Dont worry this is finishing up at some point. [ laughter ] seth this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with will forte, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. At his best. Ds to be he needs protection that goes beyond. Dove men with 72h protection and 1 4 moisturizer. So he can forget his underarms and focus on being unforgettable. Dove men. Forgettable underarms, unforgettable you. Hi. I use febreze fade defy plug. And i use this. Febreze has a microchip to control scent release so it smells firstday fresh for 50 days. 50 days . And its refill reminder light means ill never miss a day of freshness. No application fee if you apply by may 31 at university of maryland global campus, offering online and hybrid courses and lifetime career services. Learn about our more than 125 degrees and certificates at umgc. Edu. Making your way in the world today takes everything youve got. You wanna be where you can see. Troubles are all the same. You wanna go where Everybody Knows your name. Theyre grrreat we really dont want people to think of feeding food like ours is spoiling their dogs. Good, real food is simple. It looks like food, it smells like food, its what dogs are supposed to be eating. No living being should ever eat processed food for every single meal of their life. Its amazing to me how many people write in about their dogs changing for the better. The farmers dog is just our way to help people take care of them. [ cheers and applause ] seth give it up for the fantastic 8g band, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] all this week weve had a simply fantastic drummer sitting in with us whose played with groundbreaking bands like one day is a lion and golden. Hes a member of Grammy Nominated rock band queens of the stone age who are currently out on tour in support of their latest album in times new roman, from baltimore, John Theodore who has been with us all week. [ cheers and applause ] always a pleasure, john. Thank you. Thank you. Seth our first guest tonight is actornominated actor and writer you know from his work on saturday night live, macgruber, nebraska, and the last man on earth. He stars in the new series bodkin, which is streaming now on netflix. Lets take a look. There she is. Bronagh mcardle. Thats one of the terrifying mcardles . [ laughs ] shes a little old lady. Bronagh was married to jonjoe mcardle, an absolute psychopath, and even he was scared of her. Oh, oh, okay wait, wait, wait. Are are you sure that charging in there with a gun is a good idea . Yeah, youre right. Youre right, you should go. Uh, okay, okay now you go in. You go in. Keep her distracted and ill go around the back and ill get the jump on her. Seamus, come on do you hear yourself . Its only frightening if you think about it. [ light laughter ] seth please welcome him back to the show my very good friend will forte, everybody [ cheers and applause ] seth dear friend. Hello, dear friend. Seth dear friend alert so great to have you here. It is so great to be here. Its always so great seth i also had a very nice thing happen and you were actually you were in brooklyn for a bit this year filming a movie. Yes. Seth i got to spend time with you and your lovely wife olivia and two beautiful daughters. Yes. Seth one of whom, is represented on your socks

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