Human. And stephen explores the ritz carlton president ial suite. Now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause russian music playing captioning sponsored by cbs stephen whoo thank you, jon whats up, jon . Good to see ya. How are ya . audience chanting stephen please have a seat, everybody youre too kind. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Well, i dont know cheers and applause i dont know if you heard the news yet, but, after nine years in prison, o. J. Simpson was granted parole. Thats right, the juice is loose audience reacts jon wow. Wow. Stephen i think theyre chanting juice o. J. Got away. Orenthal is soaring, yall. Finally, he has the opportunity to find the real killer. Step one buy a mirror. Okay . Jon whoa stephen itll help. Say what you want about o. J. , he never met with sergei kislyak. laughter unlike his buddy, here. That was back audience reacts come on, now dont be too harsh. That was back in 1993, when it was still a coin toss which one of those guys would be president and which would end up in jail. laughter cheers and applause maybe both might get a twofer we might get a twofer jon dont go glove shopping. Stephen speaking of which, its also the sixth month anniversary of trumps inauguration. audience booing im not sure what you give for six months. I know after six months im taking xanax. laughter i cant believe its just six months. It seems to have longer than six months, doesnt it . Its crazy. One of our staffers had a baby born on the inauguration day, and heres that same baby today. laughter its all the stress. Its the cortisol. Jon yeah, yeah. It gets to you. Moisturize. Stephen hell be fine. laughter well, to celebrate lasting six months, yesterday, donald trump gave an interview to the failing new york times. laughter first, donald trump talked about senate republicans, who are on the fence about supporting his healthcare bill. I think we have six people who are really sort of okay. They are all good people. We dont have bad people. I know the bad people. Believe me, do i know bad people. cheers and applause oh oh, sir. Jon hey, hey. Stephen i believe you. laughter trump bragged about all hes accomplished so far. Ive given the farmers back their farms. Ive given the builders back their land, to build houses and to build other things. laughter the word youre looking for is buildings. laughter you know, those big things with your name on the outside . But it wasnt just domestic bragging. Oh, no. Donald trump loves himself overseas, too. I have had the best reviews on foreign land. So i go to poland and make a speech. Enemies of mine in the media, enemies of mine are saying it was the greatest speech ever made on foreign soil by a president. Are you sure . Are you sure they didnt say it was a foreign speech by a president greatly soiling himself . laughter piano riff because i saw that speech. cheers and applause i saw the speech. Trump was especially proud of his bastille day visit with french president emmanuel macron. We had dinner at the eiffel tower, and at the bottom of the eiffel tower, looked like they could have never had a bigger celebration ever in the history of the eiffel tower. I mean, there were thousands and thousands of people, cause they heard we were having dinner. laughter also, and people dont know this, also, just for my visit, they built this arc de triumph, to. I think to celebrate how i won in wisconsin. So huge. laughter piano riff now cheers and applause yes. Jon yeah, yeah. Stephen its time we all applauded his win in wisconsin. laughter now, one takeaway from trumps adventure was his famous, endless manoamano handshake with the french president. Forget about a cold war with russia i think were having a thumb war with france. laughter during the interview with the times, trump talked about macron, saying, hes a great guy. Smart. Strong. Loves holding my hand. laughter people dont realize he loves holding my hand. And thats good, as far as that goes. I mean, really. Hes a very good person. And a tough guy, but, look, he has to be. I think he is going to be a terrific president of france. But he does love holding my hand. laughter and i tell you, thats totally weird, because i know where that hand has been. laughter jon oh oh oh, hey, hey. Stephen and trump finally explained why, at the g20 dinner, he left his seat and went over to vladimir putin. So, i was seated next to the wife of Prime Minister shinzo abe of japan. And shes a terrific woman, but doesnt speak english. Like, not hello. Okay, i can see why he would want to get up and go someplace else, but im not sure thats true, because mrs. Abe has given at least one speech in english. Sir, i think she was faking it. cheers and applause i think she just piano riff hello, mrs. Abe. Oh, konichiwa, no habla ingles, senor trump. laughter jon yeah. Stephen im very excited about this we now have video of donald trump after his conversation with putin, back at his original seat but still gesturing at putin. Youre great. Looking at ya. There you go, heres my hand. Dont know where its been. You, too. What are you doing . How about this, you, me, collude. laughter cheers and applause i think this thing, where he moves it back and forth . This thing . I just want to point out i made that exact same gesture earlier this week on the show and i got blurred laughter was i being too president ial . I dont know. And trump also made an interesting claim. When nixon came along inaudible was pretty brutal, and out of courtesy, the f. B. I. Started reporting to the department of justice. But there was nothing official, there was nothing from congress. There was nothing anything. But the f. B. I. Person really reports directly to the president of the United States, which is interesting. You know, which is interesting. And i think were going to have a great new f. B. I. Director. Oh oh, i see. So the top Law Enforcement officer, top cop in the country, will report directly to you with nobody else in the room. No one will know so its like the police, but, um, secret. The Justice Department would not see these police. They would be notsee police, i think you would call them. cheers and applause then or nosee or notsee, nonsee, nonesee . Notsee is good. Then, donald trump talked about the firing of f. B. I. Director james comey. Why would somebody say, he has every right to fire me, bah bah bah . Why wouldnt you just say, hey, ive retired . Yes, why didnt comey just say hes retired . I just want to remind you that he was in l. A. At an f. B. I. Event and found out he was fired, live from a tv in the room. Uh, sir, theyre saying you got fired on tv. What . No, i wasnt. I retired laughter well, my work is done here. piano riff cheers and applause cheers and applause piano riff why didnt he just say i retired . Why didnt he just say i retired . That was trumps famous catch phrase for the apprentice, wasnt it . Youre retired. When asked about the special prosecutor, robert mueller, trump said he shouldnt have been appointed, and trump warned that mueller should stay out of investigating his finances. Oh, thats not a red flag at all. laughter sure, the police are welcome to search anywhere in my house, as long as they dont dig up the patio. Theres nothing to see down there. Or the shed out back. And forget the crawlspace its way too crowded already. laughter well, turns out the president s warning evidently didnt work out so well because, today, it came out that mueller has expanded his probe into trumps personal business transactions. cheers and applause sir, mr. Trump, could you please warn mueller not to subpoena your taxes . laughter but trump saves his real fire for his own attorney general Jeff Sessions, and this one we actually have the audio on. Sessions gets the job. Right after he gets the job, he recuses himself. Reporter was that a mistake . Well, sessions should have never recused himself. And if he would was going to recuse himself, he should have told me before he took the job, and i would have picked somebody else. Stephen this is 90 proof crazy. laughter it would have been impossible for Jeff Sessions to recuse himself because the thing he recused himself from hadnt happened yet. applause cheering the only way it could possibly work the only way it could possibly work is if Jeff Sessions goes back in time, takes his own mother to the prom, and then teaches chuck berrys cousin about rock and roll laughter okay . 88 miles an hour. And trump was just as unhappy with Jeff Sessionss Deputy Attorney general, rod rosenstein. Yeah, what Jeff Sessions did was, he recused himself right after, right after he became attorney general. Then i said, whos your deputy . So his deputy he hardly knew, and thats rosenstein, rod rosenstein, who is from baltimore. There are very few republicans in baltimore, if any. So, hes from baltimore. All right . You get the message . Are you getting the message . Donald trump doesnt trust baltimore. I mean, just look at his review of the wire. One star. Very few republicans. cheers and applause laughter and again, keep in mind, were only half a year in and trump is not going anywhere. Hes going to run for re election. And were ready to project audience booing no, you have to get used to this. Hes running for reelection and we at the late show are ready to project what that baby will look like in another six months. laughter weve got a great show for you tonight. Jason bateman is here. But when we return, i take you inside trumps president ial suite in moscow. cheers and applause stick around band playing how was your vacation . Hey, guys, whats this tomato doing at randys desk . [all coworkers laugh] hahahahaha. You know, that actually reminds me, steve. I got you something. Aloha mangoes can get sunburned. Put some flavor in your break with new snapple mango tea make time for snapple. We, the people, are tired of being surprised with extra monthly fees. We want hd. And every box and dvr. All included. Because we dont like surprises. 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Give it up for jon batiste and stay human right there give it up cheers and applause woo oh, my gosh jon, my friend, it has been an amazing week. Jon yeah. Stephen were having an amazing week, the russia week here. And this might be my favorite night of the entire russia week, because this night is why i went. Jon oh, wow. Stephen the piece were showing tonight is the reason we went. I was saying to chris, my producer, and he said, you want to be going to russia . I said nobodys going to be talking about that in the summer, and im a dummy. A big part of the interview they did with trump focused on whats called the dossier. You see, back in january, ten days before trump was inaugurated, a document was leaked containing allegations that trump has deep financial ties to russia, that his campaign was being supported by the russian government, and that the russians had compromising videos of donald trump watching prostitutes urinate on a bed in the moscow ritz carlton president ial suite. It was a bombshell, and when former f. B. I. Director james comey informed the president about it, trump was not happy. He told the new york times, when he brought it to me, i said this is really madeup junk. I just thought about, man, this is such a phony deal. And remember, as the founder of trump university, he is an expert on phony deals. laughter cheers and applause trump claimed piano riff donald trump claimed he can prove its bogus because i have witnesses. You know, i went there with phil ruffin. Now, i thought phil ruffin was the arch nemesis of mcgruff the crime dog. Ill get you, ruffin laughter but it turns out, hes a casino owner friend of trumps. Well, lets take a look at this upstanding character witness they call phil ruffin oh, yeah, they did it. Yeah. Yeah, they did it. Now, the wildest accusations in that dossier have never been confirmed. But as far as i know, nobody has tried to confirm them. And heres the reason why. The real news, while reporting on the dossier your cnns, your msnbcs, your foxs, they said its too salacious for us to even look into. But its the only part we care about its the part we talk about, the pee pee tape pee pee tape pee pee tape pee pee tape well, guess what . There was one man brave enough to go to moscow and check it out. And he has two thumbs. cheers and applause jim . Stephen moscow. The heart of mother russia. And the source of the greatest political turmoil to afflict the highest echelons of the United States government in our lifetimes. I ventured into the russian bears den myself to ask the question that others were afraid to do you have the pee pee tape . Do you have the pee pee tape . Ill also take the peepee tape. I would like the pee pee tape, pee pee tape pee pee tape . For some reason, asking random people for the pee pee tape wasnt working. So i met with russian surveillance expert andrei soldatov. A journalist critical of the kremlins surveillance tactics, andrei has been interrogated by the f. S. B. Four times i met andrei at an undisclosed moscow hotel. Hello, andrei. Hello, stephen. Stephen i know you dont have the answer to these questions, but do you think the russians have compromot on donald trump . I dont know. Stephen like maybe. The russian government has a and hes my president , so i want to be dignified about this a pee pee tape . Of donald trump. Have you heard about the pee pee tape . Yes. Stephen what have you heard in russia . Whats been reported here . So there were reports that there was something embarrassing about donald trump, but with no details. Stephen no details . Well, some details. laughter stephen like what . Like something about shower . Stephen yes. A type of shower. A type of shower. Is did the shower have a particular color . Yeah, i think so. Stephen could you name the color . What color was the shower . Something about gold, or yellow. Stephen yep, gold. And who might have provided that . Was it from a faucet . Or was it who might have provided the shower . Some girls, maybe . Stephen some girls . Just, like, some friends . Like, some pr just stopped by for fun . Well, i do not have these kind of details. Stephen you dont have these de details. Okay. Well, in the United States, it was reported that when donald trump was staying at the ritz carlton, he stayed in the president ial suite, which i believe is room 1101, and that he hired two prostitutes to pee in the bed, because this room had also been occupied by barack and michelle obama, and it was a form of insult to them to have these women come do that on the bed. Did you guys hear those details over here . Yes. Stephen well, the idea is that there were surveillance cameras in this room because the building is wired, and that the f. S. B. Has this, because they automatically have cameras in the room and they caught this happening. Well, that makes sense. Stephen does make sense . Okay. No one from america has gone to to see what that room is like or to try to verify that story in any way. What would you have to do to to get access to that room . Maybe to check into the hotel . Stephen that seems extraordinarily complicated. But we did it its true, room 1101. The president ial suite of the ritz carlton. I rented it. Heres the key. Lets go cheers and applause the glamorous ritz carlton president ial suite. Champagne dreams and pee pee wishes. Ten glorious rooms, filled with grand pianos and closets so big you could hide a corpse. It has all the modern amenities. But there is only one room you want to see in this suite. Stephen hello. Join me, wont you . In the bedroom of the president ial suite of the Ritz Carlton Hotel in moscow. The room we have heard so much about, and yet no one has come to check it out. I dont know why. When you are in this room, i just dont know how to describe it um, its soaked in history. laughter it just washes over you. laughter i mean, its not even like its in the past urine history. laughter urine it, you know what i am saying . I am saying that the pee pee tape supposedly took place on that bed, is what i am saying. The dossier alleges that President Trump was somewhere in this room. We dont know where he sat. It could have been on this bench down here, though i doubt it because that is in what youd call the splash zone. laughter you are going to want to wear a poncho. Could have been on the couch, over there. But what would that look like . Join us, when my Investigative Journalism continues. Pee pee tape. Pee pee tape. laughter you know when you have imagined something for so long, that when you finally see it, it doesnt match what you pictured . Thats not this feeling at all laughter no, this is this is right on the money. Holy cow. Thats the kremlin they dont need to install cameras in here, they could just give putin binoculars. With my initial survey complete, andrei rejoined the investigation. Because the president ial suite is known to be under surveillance, andrei and i swept the room for cameras and listening devices. They could be anywhere, even the pottery. So, is there any way of knowing if theres listening devices in here . Well, for that you need special equipment. Stephen or you could break it open . Thats also an option. Stephen yeah. Obviously. Stephen yeah, theres nothing in there. phone ringing stephen hello . inaudible stephen there is an emergency button in my room . inaudible stephen no, everything is great. Thank you. Thank you for checking. Yeah, theyre on to us. laughter yeah. That was andreis cue to leave. But i wasnt done. So, who knows what really happened in this room . Science does, and tonight, science is on your side. Hit the lights. cheering lets investigate. I want to thank Action News Team channel 53 for lending me their black light. Okay, im going in. All right, this pillow looks clean. Okay, that checks out, no evidence there. Oh, i got something. Fake news, never happened, sad. laughter sadder still, id come 5,000