Harassment . 25 years ago, 20 years ago, 10 years ago, 5 years ago. Stephen any other time . Tomorrow. laughter stephen was there any period where you treated women respectfully . That hasnt happened for years. Stephen now, sir, you won the electoral college. Which states do you think clinched the election for you . I could name many states. I could probably name threequarters of them. Stephen can you name a state now . Russia. Stephen you know thats a got cha question. Lets move on. We only have a few minutes. Before we go, i would like to try something. Can we speak honestly ability our feelings toward each other . You have been so greaters and im very proud of you and, you know im a ratings person. You notice. Has anyone seen his ratings . What you are doing to your competition is incredible. Stephen thank you. Number one and im very proud of you. Stephen thats so nice of you. Let me return the compliment by saying i think youre a bloated narcissist whose presidency is a knife in the moral heart of america, a wound open our National Soul that will take generations to heal if ever. A horrible, horrible embarrassment to our country. Stephen exactly. Mr. President , thank you. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight Trumps Health care health scare. Plus, stephen welcomes bill murray. Claire foy. And a musical performance by bill murray with jan vogler and friends. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause band playing captioning sponsored by cbs stephen thanks, folks oh, thank you one and all ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause piano riff for the last 24 hours, donald trump has been the president of busy town. This morning, he signed an executive order to get rid of some key provisions of obamacare. For instance, the care part. laughter trump made a big show of it it was in the white house, gathered the media, bragged , got cabinet in, bragged about how great it was going to be. Then came the big moment, the signing. We will have Great Health Care in our country. Thank you all very much. Appreciate it. Thank you. applause thank you very much. Thank you. applause thank you, everybody. Im only signing it because it costs nothing. laughter applause stephen he forgot to sign the order laughter thats troubling. That is troubling. At the signing, he forgot to do the signing. But, on the plus side, lets hope he forgets the launch codes. laughter cheers and applause youve already launched them, sir. The missiles are gone. Go to sleep. piano riff and last night, trump held a rally in pennsylvania promoting his new tax plan in front of a group of truckers. Now, tax reform can be complicated, so trump summed it up in two simple words. This huge tax cut. Two words applause two words, huge and rocket. Can you believe it . Rocket. You know what we are talking about, folks. Stephen no laughter no, we dont. You just put two random words together. Two words to describe my plan for middle east peace, wallet and banana. laughter you know what i mean . Banana. Am i right . Yes, i am. Why . Because wallet. I still dont know really what he means but he attempted to explain. Sort of. To summarize, our plan goes from eight tax brackets down to four. Cuts the Corporate Tax rate from much more and equal to 35 tax and brings it all the way down to 20 and cuts tax rates for Small Businesses to the lowest level in more than 80 years. cheers and applause stephen yes, hes taking our tax plan back more than 80 years, to the 1930s. The era that will forever be known as the great happiness. laughter piano riff just look at this dustbowl mothers radiant smile. laughter and the president came down hard on the tax that truckers hate the most, the one that only applies to dying millionaires. We are going to protect thousands of Family Businesses by ending the crushing, horrible and unfair estate tax sometimes known as the death tax. cheers and applause thats a tax that has destroyed so many businesses and kept those businesses out of your family, your children, your grandchildren. Its very sad. Stephen now, the estate tax applies only to individuals worth more than 5. 5 million or couples worth 11 million. And according to one tax expert, out of about 186,000 trucking companies, repealing the estate tax would help around 30 of them. So who are these elite truckers who are so concerned about a tax on millionaires estates . We have one of them joining us now, live via satellite from harrisburg, pennsylvania. Please welcome earl danforth. cheers and applause hello, stephen. Enchante. laughter stephen now, mr. Danforth, you are a trucker, true . Yes, i drive a mack 18wheeler, the polo pony of the open road. Tally ho laughter stephen and you were at the president s speech last night . But of course. Its the event of the season. laughter stephen what did you think of the president s call to end the estate tax . I have two words bra and vo. laughter i mean finally, we have a leader who understands what average truckers care about, passing our multimillion dollar estates on to our privileged offspring. Stephen i didnt realize that was an issue for truckers. Oh, yes, stephen. I am very protective of my estate. I have so much objet dart. Take, for instance, on my mud flaps. Rather than a crude silhouette of a naked reclining nude lady, its one of modiglianis reclining nudes. Very bold. And of course, from tiffanys, i have these diamondencrusted truck nutz. laughter look at them. Arent they beautiful . Stephen theyre very beautiful. Yeah. Do you realize, if i died right now, the government would get one of my nutz. laughter and of course, my ming vase. Stephen im sure you want your children to inherit that. Oh, no. I pee in this and throw it out the window. laughter stephen so truckers actually support making the richest americans even richer . Yes, the poor must pay their fair share. As it says on my family crest gas, grass or ass. Nobody rides for free. Stephen earl danforth, everybody see you at the cape stephen weve got a great show for you tonight. cheers and applause bill murray is here claire foy is here so, stick around. cheers and applause band playing where are we . About to see progressives new home quote explorer. Where you can compare multiple quote options online and choose whats right for you. Woah. Flo and jamie here to see hqx. Flo and jamie request entry. Slovakia. Triceratops. Tapioca. Racquetball. Staccato. Me llamo jamie. Pumpernickel. 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Call 1800directv. cheers and applause stephen give it up for jon batiste and stay human right there whoo cheers and applause oh, my goodness jon audience chanting Stephen Stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Please, have a seat. I understand youre excited. Im excited, too. After next commercial break we have the legendary bill murray, well known in this theater. That door is called the bill murray door. He leaves through that door over there. Incredible honor to have him here. But first, this week, there have been unexpected tiff between two of Donald Trumps wives ive naa and melania. Nothing from marla maples yet. Theyre both claiming to be the true first lady. Obviously, Melania Trump who wants a tshirt . Who wants a tshirt . cheers and applause who wants a tshirt . Who wants a tshirt . band playing cheers and applause who wants a tshirt . Who wants a tshirt . cheers and applause who wants a tshirt . cheers and applause band playing tshirt cheers and applause cheering who wants a tshirt . Stephen hi, bill. Hi, steve. panting stephen you seem a little winded, bill. Well, im breathing funny because i i got something stuck in my lip. I i was showing your girl backstage how swedish people dip tobacco. Stephen you were showing a woman who works for me how swedish people dip tobacco . Yeah. Stephen i think i have to report you to h. R. Now. laughter i did not expect you till the next act, bill. Thank you for being out here. Oh, yeah, the acts. Stephen yeah, yeah. We break the show up into different little segments here. Oh, okay. Stephen really nice to have you here. Its great to be here. cheers and applause i like what youve done with the malaysia. Its nice. Stephen oh, yeah. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Weve cleaned it up a little bit. Its kind of a mcmansion now, its really nice. Stephen we threw a lot of cash at it. Yeah. Stephen thank you for being here. This is game five of the division series. Bit of a problem. Stephen yeah. Its 2 and 2 now with the cubs. Are you feeling a little nervous . Well theres a sort of feeling where you feel nervous. But how many people here are true baseball fans . cheers and applause you want it to go the distance. Stephen sure. You get the best teams playing and you want it to go the final game to have the series. You get the most drama, teams get the most money and people have the most fun. Stephen want to take the edge off . Want a cocktail . Yeah, a Little Something wouldnt hurt. cheers and applause stephen do you like ice . You want ice . Its my way of hydrating. Stephen okay. All right. How do you feel about cuban rum there, bill . You know, im glad weve got relations back with the cuban rum. Stephen there you go. laughter there is a Little Havana club maestro select right there. Not a sponsor, im just a fan. Full disclosure, just a drinker. Stephen there you go. That would be nice. Stephen cheers to the cubs. Cheers to the cubs. Stephen there you go. cheers and applause piano riff stephen thats lovely, isnt it . Smooth. laughter stephen now, heres the thing. This is going to be broadcast, of course, at 1 10 tonight. The game, well probably know who won at that point. Right. Stephen but we dont know right now. Do you want to why dont we record two different reactions . Why dont we drink this one in case the cubs win . Stephen okay. Cubs win cheers and applause and this one will be in case in case the cubs dont win. clink audience reacting this one we can sip because its got to last all winter. Stephen thats true. Good for you. But the first one tasted good. Stephen it is good, yeah. Its delicious, isnt it . And they say its good for you. Stephen the rum . Its good for you. Stephen the more you drink, the more they say it. laughter the voices in your head. Who wants a tshirt . cheering stephen heres one of the things people out there may not know about the two of us is you and sri something in common. Im from charleston, South Carolina and you live in charleston, South Carolina. Yeah. Stephen you are friends with guys i grew up with like john walters and gator phillips. Good guys, right . Very good guys. They have been great friends. Stephen we should go fishin some time. We can go crabbing. Stephen put some chicken necks on string. Get in some pluff mud. Stephen want to tell them what that is . Fill them up with this stuff and throw them in the pluff mud. Stephen i lived in chicago for many years. You grew up in wil wilamet. They used to call us cake eaters. Why dont you go eat some cake . Stephen thats a really soft insult. It was like, why dont you go eat some cake . Stephen what were you supposed to eat . Beans, i dont know. laughter stephen not from boston. Hash. Stephen a friend drove me by the childhood house you grew up in. Not a huge house. Not by any standard. Stephen nine kids packed in that house. Right. Stephen where do you fall in the nine . It peaked with me and went straight downhill. Stephen so youre five. Yeah. Stephen im the baby of eleven. Awww, spoiled rotten. Stephen exactly right, the prince. laughter how fast can you say them, do you want to race . Yeah, sure. Stephen top to bottom . Top to bottom. Stephen top to bottom. One, two, three go, okay. One, two, three go. saying names of siblings fast cheers and applause stephen cheers. Double or nothing . Stephen Irish Catholic alter boy. Thats right, yeah. Stephen you were right across from the church, right . I was right across from the convent. The church was another block and a half but there was a convent across the street from my house. Stephen you have a sister who is a nun . I do. Stephen thats impressive for a catholic family to have a nun in there. Its much more catholic than my family is. It frees the rest of us up to live a life of sin. cheers and applause stephen shes the carbon rod that absorbs the radiation of your sin . Im covered im covered laughter stephen did you ever think about being a priest . Well, the priest used to come into the classroom and say, how many of you want to be priests . And everyone would raise their hand. Stephen really . Absolutely. Stephen did you mean it . For a second. For that second, yeah. laughter stephen yeah. Im still thinking abit, to be honest. Stephen you great would it be if you walked into a church and theres father bill . laughter i could give better counseling, i think. I know how it gets. Last call, i know how it gets, baby, yeah. laughter stephen we have to take a little break. Please dont go anywhere. Why would i go anywhere . I got tshirts cheers and applause band playing new charmin ult its softer than ever. New charmin ultra soft is softer than ever. So its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird. Enjoy the go with charmin [ america by simon can i cross it off yet . Almost. And. Now. The volkswagen atlas. With available digital cockpit. Lifes as big as you make it. Whentrust the brand doctors trust for themselves. Nexium 24hr is the number one choice of doctors and pharmacists for their own frequent heartburn. And all day all night protection. When it comes to frequent heartburn, trust nexium 24hr. cheering a triangle solo . Surprising. Whats not surprising . How much money sam and yohanna saved by switching to geico. Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. Boy this is the story of a boy jack this ridiculously long table in the middle of nowhere . Jack to invite all my friends in the industry to try this. Jack fast foods first ever ribeye burger. Jack made with 100 ribeye beef, grilled onions, a red wine glaze and creamy havarti cheese. Jack ahh, here comes the competition now. Jack and of course, since they work for my competitors, ive obscured their identities jack except for this guy. Jack he is so screwed. Jack try my new havarti grilled onion and allamerican ribeye burgers. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey welcome back, everybody welcome back to the late show, everybody. Were here with our friend bill murray and his musical partner. We are joined now by bill murrays musical partner german cellist jan vogler. cheers and applause thank you. Stephen before we begin, would you like a drink . Sure. Stephen a little rum . Ure. Stephen a little slice of orange in there. Jan, tell me how you and bill murray sure, let me just get jan going here. Just a whisper. laughter stephen yeah, okay, so how did it come about, jan, that you and bill murray have now created an album called bill murray and jan vogler and friends new worlds which is the number one classical album top of the charts right now . cheers and applause how did this come about . We met in an airport in berlin in my hometown. I was flying from new york, came to a tour and bill and i worked together. We met at the airport and bill was worried i was carrying this big box with my cello. He was worried i wouldnt have space on the airplane. He was sitting on a window seat and i was sitting across the aisle. We became friends on the plane. After about two years we suddenly had this idea of collaboration during the a wonderful event in new york called the poetry walk across the brooklyn bridge. You meet at the brooklyn bridge, hear walt whitman poetry and you walk together. I heard bill recite ago poem i thought was so beautiful and touching and then i just had some inspiration. Stephen what was the poem, bill . I did a handful but one in particular walt whitman a song for the open road that struck jan and its a beautiful thing. Its a nice event and the poets house puts it on. But clearing throat laughter but its been fun. laughter its been a lot of fun making this music. We have a lot of fun doing it. The poetry part of it is part of the show that we do, its part of the record, too, and jan said, how about if we do some stuff . And his father made his read American Literature as a child. He came back into his house and he has a stack of books earnest hemingway, Truman Capote and mark twain and a handful more. Hes, like, what if we did some of these . Okay, well, good. Hes got a great mind, jan and hes a ridiculous cellist. You will hear him in a moment. Stephen are you singing on this album or reciting poetry on this album . Doing both. And im reading. Reading, writing and arithmetic. I read and write songs and poems and we have been doing live shows. Stephen did you record this in berlin or the United States . On 37th street. Stephen you perform starting monday night . Weve done half a dozen shows in germany. Stephen at Carnegie Hall, though. When do you guys open at Carnegie Hall . Well, on monday laughter stephen on monday, okay. Did you know anything about jan vogler before you met him on that plane . No, and he didnt know who i was either . You didnt know who bill murray was . He had an aura, and i knew he was a famous person. Youre tight in the airplane, sometimes in your bubble. laughter stephen have you gone to see caddy shack . cheers and applause yes, and ive seen on the flight was so much fun becau