Tonight, trust gets physical. Plus, stephen welcomes jon bon jovi Daniel Kaluuya and ben sinclair featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody thank you very much. Thank you. Hey please, have a seat ladies and gentlemen, youre in for a good show. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. There has been a whole lot of talk about Donald Trumps fitness for office lately with the book thats out there and the rumors. He took a physical last friday last friday and today, a few minutes ago, we got the results from his doctor, ronny jackson. Right off the bat, the doctor broke big news. The heart exam was normal. laughter stephen so despite all evidence, donald trump does have a heart. And the doctor covered the basics vitals as follows age 71 years and seven months at the time of the exam. Height 75 inches, weight 239 pounds. Stephen okay, with the president being 63, 239. According to the body mass index by the federal health and Human Services department, trump is overweight and just one pound shy of obesity. One pound jon one pound. Stephen short of being obese. Thats awfully convenient. Listen, doc, i dont want to be obese. But i feel like this wad of cash is about one pound, why dont you take that off my hands and weigh me again . And we learned ill take that back. And we learned a little bit about some medicine the president s been taking. His medications as follows he takes crestor, 10 milligrams daily to lower his cholesterol. He takes aspirin, 81 milligrams daily for cardiac health. He takes propecia, 1 milligram daily for prevention of male pattern hair loss. laughter cheers and applause stephen hair loss . Thats important. Because if he loses that one hair hes piled up there, hell be completely bald. And dr. Jackson had a strong answer for people questioning the president s fitness for office. He is fit for duty. I think hell remain fit for duty for the remainder of this term and even for the remainder of another term, if he is elected. Stephen those are the words that are just hard to hear from from a doctor. Im sorry, hes got seven years left to serve. laughter and heres the thing reporters seemed kind of disappointed there wasnt more bad news, and they couldnt understand why. Can you explain to me how a guy who eats mcdonalds and Fried Chicken and all those diet cokes and who never exercises is in as good a shape as you say hes in . Its called genetics. I dont know. Some people have, you know, just great genes. Stephen okay, great genes. But he cant fit in them. laughter of course, the biggest question going into the exam was about trumps supposedly declining mental health, and the doctor shut that talk down. Theres no indication whatsoever that he has any kind of cognitive issues. It has been my experience the president , you know, hes very sharp. And, you know, hes very articulate when he speaks to me. Stephen and it is with the utmost confidence that i assure you the president has no cognitive issues. Hes just very, very stupid. laughter real dumb. Now, the doctor applause yay for stupid these fans. The doctor summed up by describing trumps unique psychological properties. He has a very unique ability to just get up in the morning and reset. He has a unique ability to push the reset button, and he gets up and he starts a new day. Stephen that reset button is not on his desk, right . Because he could get up and accidentally start the last day. laughter now, the next di guy the doctor might want to look at is orrin hatch. Hes about to read something and he takes off his glasses, which hes not wearing. Jon whoa stephen jim, can we see that again, please . Watch the followthrough. He knows he doesnt have them on, but he keeps putting them down. Thats right. I really like this part i like this part. He does this. He reaches for them, very quickly realizes theres nothing in his hands, but keeps going to put them down. As a performer, thats admirable object work. Bravo, sir you should go into mime as soon as possible. Now, donald trump continues to be in hot water over his derogatory comments about haitin and african countries. You know your presidency isnt going well if one of your biggest accomplishments is getting npr to say the word bleep . This morning, White House Press secretary laughter and vice principal reassessing her life choices, Sarah Huckabee sanders attempted to defend the president against charges of racism. Frankly, i think if the critics of the president were who he said he was, why did nbc give him a show for a decade on tv . Stephen i mean, shes got a point. Nbc has always shown great judgment with their longterm employees. Just ask bill cosby and matt lauer. laughter cheers not racist. Not racist. Not racist meanwhile, trumps defenders in the g. O. P. Have been telling everyone, he never said bleep , and somehow came to the conclusion that the offensive part of that phrase was the word hole, because yesterday some republicans were saying that they heard bleep house rather than bleep hole. Can you guess what hole they pulled that out of . cheers and applause private family joke. And today, some republicans are countries refers to poor countries with no plumbing, places where you have to walk out to the bleep house and, therefore, the phrase is not racist. Yes, of course. Who hasnt heard of the wellknown practice of describing a nation by its plumbing conditions. Japan is robot toilet country, france thought that was the toilet but then water squirted on my butt land, germany is. Lets not get into it. laughter theres a shelf, and its ridiculous. Now, trumps comments were also the focus of todays Senate Hearing for secretary of Homeland Security and spare chelsea handler, Kirstjen Nielsen. Nielsen was in the room when trump dropped the shole bomb, and they asked her about it. You said on fox news the president used Strong Language. What was that Strong Language . Lets see, Strong Language, there was. Apologies. I dont remember the specific word. What i was struck with, frankly as im sure you were as well was just the general profanity used in the room by almost everyone. Did you hear me use profanity . No, sir. Stephen would you like to . Because ive been holding it in for about a year now. laughter senators then questioned why the president expressed preference for immigrants from norway during the meeting. Norway is a predominantly white country, isnt it . I i actually do not know that, sir, but i imagine that is the case. Stephen really . You dont know about norway . What the fjord are you talking about . laughter i will remind you i will remind you, your name is Kirstjen Nielsen with a silent j. Really laughter but senator Lindsey Graham summed things up best. This has turned into a sshow. Stephen senator, you can say the word. Its on a giant poster right next to you. laughter okay, amanda, welcome to the intern program. Youre going to be collating the reports on the proposed immigrant bill. Alan, youre going to hold a sign that says, bleep . College credit. Then, like the good southern gentleman he is, senator graham got nostalgic for the past. Tuesday, we had a president that i was proud to golf with, call my friend, who understood immigration had to be bipartisan, you had to have Border Security, essential you had Border Security with a wall. But he also understood the idea that we had to do it with compassion. Now, i dont know where that guy went. I want him back. Stephen good point, senator. You know who i miss . This guy you want to know how to make America Great again . Tell donald trump to go to hell. cheers and applause stephen i dont know where that guy went, but i want him back. laughter weve got a great show for you tonight, everybody. Jon bon jovi is here but when we return, the latest crazy fad from Silicon Valley. Stick around. Youre acting so funny, whats wrong, billy . My doctor says i have skittles pox. Are they contagious . I dont think so. Contract the rainbow taste the rainbow people keep asking me if i miss the mayhem . Stuff, does waiting around trying to protect your house from a lighting strike give me the same rush as being golfballsized hail . Of course not. But if you can stick to your new years resolution, then i can stick to mine and be the best road flare i can. What . You couldnt even last two weeks . In that case, consider mayhem officially back. So get allstate. And be better protected in 2018 from mayhem. Like me. Something inside me has always been there. But now its awake. The force is yours. The last jedi ar stickers only on the google pixel camera. The world is not flat. You cant just pinch it or swipe it. Theres a whole world out there and no other card lets you experience it like the platinum card. Backed by the service and security of american express. We can now repair complex at saortic aneurysmsare, without invasive surgery. If we can do that, imagine what we can do for varicose veins. And if we can precisely treat eye cancer with minimal damage to the rest of the eye, imagine what we can do for glaucoma, even cataracts. If we can use dna to diagnose the rarest of diseases, imagine what we can do for the conditions that affect us all. Imagine what we can do for you. cheers and applause stephen welcome back. Beautiful, maddie. Thank you. Absolutely biewfy. Welcome back, everybody. Listen, anybody here drink water but wish you could pay more for it . Well, good news, because the next big startup craze in Silicon Valley is Companies Offering consumers the chance to get off the water grid, with something called raw water, which is water thats unfiltered, untreated, and unsterilized. Wow. Drinking that sounds unsane. And today im going to tell you all about the raw water craze in tonights look at the hottest Silicon Valley startups. This is. Go fund yourself. Raw water is flying off the shelves in san francisco, with one store selling 2. 5 gallons of raw water for 60. 99. Fun fact thats the same copay for you doctors visit after drinking unsterilized water. laughter some raw Water Companies even collect untreated water from the atmosphere. One investor told the New York Times that this water is special, and added, now, is that because i saw it come off the roof and anything from the roof feels special . Maybe. Is that completely stupid . Definitely. laughter one of the leaders in the field is live water, founded by tech guru and guy whos about to sing a bob marley song to your girlfriend, Mukhande Singh. Singh says his water is so real, it actually expires. If it sits around too long, itll turn green. People dont even realize that, because all their waters dead, so they never see it turn green. You heard him. If your water aint green, youre the one doing it wrong. laughter and this guy knows authenticity. Thats why he changed his name to Mukhande Singh from christopher sanborn. Which makes sense, im drinking live water from Mukhande Singh sounds way better than some guy named chris just sold me a bunch of runoff. One of the reasons mukhandechris here is so down on tap water is that it contains dangerously helpful levels of fluoride. He says, call me a conspiracy theorist, but fluoride a mind control drug that has no benefit to our dental health. Naming what you are doesnt make you not that thing. Call me crazy, but my dog told me to burn down the library but lets hear about mukhandes journey straight from the horses mukhande. The first time i drank fresh, link spring water, a surge of energy and peacefulness entered my being. Stephen and about three hours after drinking unfiltered water, you might experience a surge of peacefulness exiting your being. Stay close. applause youre going to want to stay close to the peace throne. laughter that was was that there in rehearsal . I think i might have cut it. Mukhander uses a location called opal spring for his water, and for good reason. It comes from super deep where theres no chance from industrialage contamination. Stephen super deep, okay . That is the welldocumented geological strata between way deep and bro, like, so deep. Thats it, thats it. Jon got levels to it. Stephen like dinosaur deep. Now, apparently and you may not know this there could be a downside to drinking out of puddles. According to socalled health experts, unfiltered, untreated water, even from the cleanest streams, may contain animal feces. So its not just this guy thats full of crap. But despite the warning signs theres a lot of money to be made here, and daddy wants a slice of the water pie. Yes, its thick enough to slice. Thats why im introducing my new product, now water. Of course, its not mine. Im selling it under my new identity soulcycle bikram yoga. Now water is untreated, unfiltered, and it comes direct to you from a rusty gutter of my roof. Mmm, lets see what weve got here. Oh, yeah. All right. Mmmmmmm. Im getting pine needle, neighbors tennis ball, and just a hint of raccoon scat. I can really feel it surging. Tap water is dead, but this waters alive, because im pretty sure i just swallowed a cricket. Well be right back with jon bon jovi. applause with expedia, you can book a flight, then add a hotel, and save. Everything you need to go. Expedia and made it liberating. 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Youre back from italy. [ both smooch ] ciao bella. [ both smooch ] breakfast with a view like whwhoa. Is . Get a free build your own grand slam after your next online order in january. Whatever you want, whenever you want, now wherever you want. Order at dennys. Com. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, welcome back to the show, everybody give it up for the band one more time stephen oh, folks are you in luck because my first guest tonight has sold over 130 million albums and in april will be inducted into the rock n roll hall of fame. Please welcome jon bon jovi. Im a cowboy on a steel hours i ride i said im wanted dead or alive said im wanted dead or alive cheers and applause stephen there you go. Wow. Thank you stephen hi. Hi stephen nice to see you again. Well, thank you for having me. Stephen do you remember the first time we met . I do remember. Stephen you do. Youve done a lot to this place. It looks good. Stephen right, right. Last time i was here it was a real bleep . laughter now that we can say that on national television. Stephen yeah. Welcome to the new cbs. Yeah. Stephen we were at it was the party before the grammys. Yes. Stephen clive davis has this famous party the night before the grammys. And it was the greatest table of all time. It was. Stephen it was sheryl crow, you, Richie Sambora, me, and my 14yearold daughter. I remember. Stephen who sat with Richie Sambora the whole time and to this day calls him, her first prom date. Thats a great party. It is. Stephen how many times have you been to that . A couple. Clive is a great legend. Clive davis is obviously one of the them for the folks that dont know, one of the great innovators of the business. applause . Stephen so thats where we met. But i understand you actually spent some time with jon batiste just this past year. That, i did. Stephen what did you guys do . The Marion Anderson awards down in delaware. And got to see stay human. And our foundation was honored down there. And i got to see stay human for the first time, and they made a hell of an impression. Came down aisle, and the band was rocking, and i was like, who the hell is this cat . And i have gotten to meet jon a couple of times since. Stephen do you guys talk about the Creative Process . Did you learn anything from this guy . Jon yeah, i asked how you write these anthems and you told me, you gotta write the chorus. No matter who im writing with, i always write the chorus. Dont bor us, get to the chorus. Stephen you can probably teach writing. You can probably teach singing, but how do you teach the performing . Giant stadium, you know, youve got 50,000 people there, you know, youre center stage, spotlight, the crowd. Like, youve got band going like, this the crowd is just on the edge of orgasm, when you have that moment right there like, that and the hairs just flowing like this. How do you push them over the edge . When does the leanin come . You know, its you learn how to do that. You have its not sis similar from when upper playing in a small room by yourself. Youre learning sort of everyone, anyone. You would be on a bill with four other comics in chicago, right. The same kind of thing. We would play with the heaviest metal band to a pop band on the same tour. Wed travel the world over. We went to the soviet union, and my whole thing was talking to the people. Well, i go out there in the 80s, in the soviet union, russia, and im talking to the people, and im realizing they dont understand a word im saying. laughter and then i go, okay, fine. Here comes living on a prayer. And theyre like, dont know that one. laughter second night, same stadium. I come out, and i take a russian soldier, did the, you know, the old gag you heard gave him levise, gave him some t