cheers and applause announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight temper tantrump. Plus, stephen welcomes Kamala Harris. And Kaitlyn Dever. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen wooo hello come on beautiful beautiful welcome. Thank you for being here. Welcome, welcome, one and all, to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Well today, there really is just one big story americas stepdaddy is angry. laughter see, trump and congress have been in a standoff over investigations. Until now, trump has blocked every request made by house investigators and democrates democrates . Them there democrates. They got a painful case of the blue subpoenas. laughter so this is leading to more and more of them democrates to throw up their hands and call for impeachment. So, this morning, nancy pelosi held a meeting to calm down her caucus, and she emerged to say this we believe that no one is above the law, including the president of the United States, and we believe that the president of the United States is engaged in a coverup. Stephen its called bronzer, nancy. Its a coverup. Its called bronzer, nancy, and hes not fooling anyone. cheers and applause i thought i could beat them. Thb. Afthat, a chuckhume ohe white house for a prescheduled meeting on their infrastructure deal. If you remember a couple of weeks ago, maybe a month, the democrats proposed a 1 trillion infrastructure deal and trump said, why not 2 trill . So they said okay. Today was just supposed to be hammering out the details and venmoing the cash, with a Little Bridge emoji or Something Like that. laughter it didnt work out that way. According to people in the room, trump walked in, didnt shake anyones hand or take a seat, and left before anyone else could speak. All told, it was over in three minutes. Audience ooooh stephen acg storm daniel now, trump walked out the door, straight to the rose garden for a nationally televised hissy fit, complete with a podium adorned with a preprinted sign that said, no collusion, no obstruction. Right over the seal, right . Just block out the seal. Very president ial, ive got to say, very president ial. It reminds me of the time that jefferson addressed the Continental Congress behind a sign that said, sally hemmings, just a friend. laughter trump started he started the whole kitt and caboodle by explaining why the infrastructure meeting was so short. I just wanted to let you know that i walked into the room, and i told senator schumer, Speaker Pelosi, i want to do infrastructure. I want to do it more than you want to do it. Id be really good at that. Thats what i do. But you know what . You cant do it under these circumstances. Stephen so trump has a clear stance on infrastructure. as trump its my way, or no highways. laughter cheers and applause jon thats about right. That sums it up, yeah. Stephen trump was furious about the democrats ongoing efforts to be congress, and he drew a line in the sand. So, ive said from the beginning, right from the beginning, that you probably cant go down two tracks. You can go down the investigation track, and you can go down the investment track, or the track of lets get things done for the american people. laughter cheers and applause counted three tracks, and it still went off the rails. laughter heres the deal. The source of trumps rage was Nancy Pelosis meeting this morning, and growing calls to remove him from office. All of a sudden, i hear last night, theyre going to have a meeting right before this meeting, to talk about the i word. The i word. Can you imagine . Stephen i can. cheers and applause im imagining it right now, and thats laughter thats why jims shooting me from the waist up. laughter cheers and applause d milyhow. Then trump let us know that hes denying Congress Constitutional powers for a noble purpose. Becomes president , and you have a republican house, they can impeach him for any reason or her any reason. We cant allow that to happen. Stephen as trump we cant have a world where republicans impeach a democrat for something everyone does, like lying about cheating on your wife. Or her wife. laughter the president also defended his son, who has been subpoenaed by the senate. My son don, whos a good young man, whos gone through hell. Stephen as trump i mean, he had me as a father. That could not have been easy. That is that is thats a rough thats a tough row to hoe. Jon oh, my goodness. Stephen then he rambled on about the phone calls that don jr. Made after the meeting with russians at trump tower. No way to know what these phone calls were. Its long been suspected that one of those calls was to his father, to tell him about the russians. But thats all cleared up now . Three calls. After massive study, and work, they actually found who made the calls. One was a friend of ours, a real estate developer. Great guy. Most of you know him. Nice guy. Loves our country. And the other one was the head of nascar. Two of them. Stephen two of them. What about the third call . laughter as trump look, ive been accused of eating three pies, but i havent eaten any pie. Want proof . Heres two of the pies. laughter now, does anyone have any floss . Because i got a lot of rhubarb in my teeth. laughter but this speech applause never rub another mans never rub another mans rhubarb. But this speech was unusual, because for once, trump actually read from his notes. I have 19 special counsel lawyers, 40 f. B. I. Agents. I said, open it all up let them have whatever they want. Nearly 500 search warrants. Think of that, a search warrant, did you ever see a search warrant before . Neither did i. Stephen i have a feeling youre going to be seeing some more. laughter cheers and applause trump was reading off a so called fact sheet about the Mueller Investigation his team handed out to the crowd. Now, they got this fact sheet from abc news. But heres the thing. They conveniently left out the second page, which included information like seven guilty pleas, six Trump Associates charged, four people sentenced to prison, and a criminal presidency cheers and applause as trump three wedding rings using only half of that graphic is like writing a review after watching only half of titanic. as reviewer i enjoyed the big ship, and the sex in the car. I smell a sequel. laughter then, it was the democrats turn to have a press conference, and nancy pelosi called trump out for not having what it takes to get a deal done. We had hoped that we could give this president an opportunity to have a signature infrastructure initiative, to create jobs, to improve the quality of life, to just do so much for our country. For some reason maybe it was lack of confidence on his part that he really couldnt come match the greatness of the challenge that we have. Jon ooooh oooh stephen wow. Questioning his confidence. It seems President Trump couldnt rise to the challenge of putting up long bridges and deep tunnels. It happens to a lot of president s his age. laughter later in the day, pelosi was at a different event, and she raised the stakes. This is why i think the president was so steamed off this morning, because the fact is, in plain sight, in the public domain, this president is obstructing justice and hes engaged in a coverup. And that could be an impeachable offense. Stephen what . What did she say, a peach of ofsss just say it, nancy. Stop teasing us. Hey, kids, get in the car were going to disney ofsss store. applause but its not just impeachment that has trump upset right now. Congress has subpoenaed everyone he knows. The latest target is former White House Communications director and new cater waiter whos obviously a spy, hope hicks. Yesterday, the House Judiciary Committee issued a subpoena to hicks, and that must have set the president off, because she was so close to him that aides described her as trumps as trump hopey, youre like a daughter to me. And i mean that in only the weirdest way. laughter trumps also trumps also got to be angry about his sinking popularity. According to a new quinnipiac poll, trumps Approval Rating is only 38 . But not for long, because hes going to dump it for an Approval Rating in her 20s. laughter but trump 38 . 38 . Might prove a little long in the tooth. But trump has an excuse, tweeting, without the illegal witch hunt, my poll numbers, especially because of our historically great economy, would be at 65 . Too bad well, of course people would like you more if they didnt know about the bad stuff you did as trump look, more people would have me over for dinner if they didnt catch me pooping in their washing machines. laughter too bad i mean, i put it on delicate cycle, what do you want . laughter an image. There you go. Speaking of embarrassing polls, Anthony Weiner. laughter yesterday, yesterday we bring him up, because yesterday, the disgraced former congressman reported to the new york city sex offender monitoring unit, and look at what hes wearing. A tshirt with a late show logo on the pocket. You cant buy advertising like that. Nor should you. Now, that logo, which we have over there, right over there, above the stage over there, we only put that on shirts for our staff and our guests. And, we had Anthony Weiner on years ago, during the brief period in which he was still funny and not yet really upsetting. But this means obviously we need to start adding a warning label to the shirt, saying, please do not wear while committing or being arrested for sex crimes. Also, hang dry. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Senator Kamala Harris is here. But when we return, meanwhile stick around the 2019 nissan kicks. Keep being you. And ask your doctor about biktarvy. Biktarvy is a complete onepill, onceaday treatment used for hiv in certain adults. Its not a cure, but with one small pill, biktarvy fights hiv with three different medicines to help you get to undetectable. That means the amount of virus is so low it cant be measured in lab tests. Serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. And ver p. Tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take, if you are pregnant or breastfeeding, or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. If you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking biktarvy without talking to your doctor. Common side effects were diarrhea, nausea, and headache. If youre hivpositive, keep loving who you are, inside and out. Ask your doctor if biktarvy is right for you. World elite mastercard, now with more automatic benefits. Put that away. Lets have some fun. Ughh. Lets order some food. Really . Start reconnecting. Start something priceless. Explore the new benefits of the world elite mastercard. If your mouth is made to amaze, let Philips Sonicare give its care a raise. If your teeth chew beyond their limit, then theyve earned 62,000 movements a minute. If your mouths used to a manual clean, treat it to microbubbles that feel great in between. If your amazing mouth does more than its share, give it Philips Sonicare. Next level clean, next level care. Theres always a way to make life better. Philips sonicare honey, we are seriouslynternet keeping up with the joneses. We are seriously keeping with the andersons. We are finally keeping up with the fords. Keeping up with the garcias. Keeping up with the harveys. With the wahhthewahh. With the romeros. Patels. Carters. The allens. Wah. Wolanskes. Right them. No one is going to have internet like this. No one is going to have internet like this. Xfinity makes keeping up with the joneses. Simple. Easy. Awesome. Check out gigspeed internet or any of our other amazing speed options. Click, call or visit a store today. band playing cheers and applause Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human. A great band tonight, jon. Jon, youve got a big band tonight. Its massive. Jon its crazy. Stephen i just feel like jon beautiful sound. Stephen amazing sound tonight. You have and thats not just thats not just the normal band over there. Jon no. Stephen you have a thundering herd over there tonight. Jon oh, yes, yes, indeed. Stephen tell me some of the additions. Jon cory wong on the guitar. applause weve got tim lefevre on the base. And we have kameel thurmond on the sax and the voice. Stephen thank you for being here. You know who i have i dont have those people but i have Kamala Harris coming out. Jon i know her. Stephen yes, shes doing very well. Jon it will be great. A good night tonight. Stephen folks, i spend so much time right over there, moving the heavy living room furniture out of the news storage unit. But sometimes i like to take a minute, dig around under the couch cushions for the spare change, the crusty old cheerios and lifesavers with hair stuck on them, of news that i make up my segment with meanwhile cheers and applause it doesnt matter. It doesnt matter how you introduce this. You can introduce it any way you want. Meanwhile, game of thrones author george r. R. Martin says hes working on a video game while he finishes the final two books in the series. Oh, no that might make the writing of those books go slowly. laughter according to reports, its not clear whether the game has anything to do with martins books. To be fair, its not clear whether george r. R. Martin has anything to do with his books. Because hes been working on the winds of winter for eight years and, as far as we know, its still just one page that reads chapter 1. Maybe ned stark comes back . Or something else. Meanwhile, if youre an n. B. A. Fan, heres a very bold opinion from the wall street journal about the golden state warriors. The warriors would not be a dynasty without steph curry, klay thompson, draymond green, Andre Iguadala and kevin durant. That is a hot take. Bold. They also offered the penetrating insight that the beatles might not be as popular without john, paul, george, and ringo. laughter applause thats right here. Thats right here. Meanwhile, last weekend was the running of the 144th annual preakness stakes. And this years race was wild, thanks to a horse by the name of bodexpress. Watch him as he comes out of the ninth stall. He leaps hard and boom he immediately throws his jockey now, the horse just has to whip him a few hundred times, and theyre even. The jockeys fine. The jockeys fine, dont worry. But heres whats great after tossing his rider, bodexpress successfully completed the race all by himself cheers and applause okay . I guess we know who the garfunkel is in that relationship. Whats even crazier is that bodexpress, coming down the home stretch with no jockey at all, still managed to pass the last guy that jockeys looking at a very tough yearend performance review. as boss okay, bill, were assessing the value added of each employee. Just tell me in your own words how youre not just a talking saddle bag holding a stick. Meanwhile, dressbarn is going out of business and plans to shut all 650 of its stores. Luckily, there are still many other options for dressbarns customer base, including blouse bin, shirt shack, and sock ditch. laughter meanwhile, its graduation season, and one new college grad went viral this weekend for celebrating in style sad thing is, he majored in bla bleep cheers and applause whos a bleep now . The joke was, sad thing is, he majored in backflip. Now. Meanwhile, there was a pretty insane confrontation at l. A. X. This week. It all began when an enterprise shuttle bus and a jeep collided. Then the driver of the jeep began pounding on the bus window hard enough that it shattered. So the bus driver pulled a gun on the jeep driver, and the driver of the jeep pulled a knife, so both were arrested. Then another enterprise employee was also arrested because he is believed to have been passed the gun and tried to hide it. In other words, a relatively pleasant day at l. A. 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Folks, my first guest tonight is a democratic senator from california who is running to be the next president of these United States. Please welcome back to the late show senator Kamala Harris applause stephen have a seat. cheers and applause thank you. Stephen senator, its really nice to have you back. Thank you so much for being here. Its great to be back with you, stephen. Stephen this is the third time. Yes, it is. Stephen the third time. Now, the first two times i had you on here, i had a lovely time talking to you. Yes. Stephen fun, yet substantive. Yes. Stephen but that was before you had declared. Thats correct. Stephen last time you were here i asked you if you were going to, you were like i might. Stephen you might. And then you did. I did. Stephen and then you did. cheers and applause as a candidate, as a candidate, what is different for you, now that it is official . What is different about do you have to behave in any different way . Well, everything and nothing has changed. Everything has changed in terms of just, you know, time on the road and stephen level of scrutiny. Level of scrutiny. Level of sleep. laughs all of that, all of that. Stephen you have to pace yourself. Yeah, i mean, its its but its also you kn