Its the late show with stephen colbert. Tonight iowas karen olivio and aaron tveit and a performance by moulin rouge the musical. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from t cheers and applause stephen one more time come on hello, citizens stephen thats all right yeah, beautiful thank you. Thank you, friends and neighbors. Welcome to the late show. Im your host stephen colbert. Happy friday, my friends. cheers and applause or is it . laughter its not. Im actually taping this on thursday for scheduling reasons. I previously scheduled myself to be balls deep in an old fashioned. And i thought it was important for me to come clean because of the bond of trust we have developed over the years as viewer and talk show host. I dont lie to you. My commercials dont lie to yo. laughter i mean, it might become a problem. But friday, the day youre in, was the second day of live televised impeachment hearings. And i havent seen it yet, but i can predict what happened in tonights edition of don and the giant impeach. I am afraid for my life stephen todays star witness was former ambassador to ukraine and only lady reservoir dog, marie yovanovitch. Now, normally i would show you footage of her testimony, but again, thats not until tomorrow. So instead, i shall perform a late show impeachment preenactment. Here we go. One, two, three. Okay. clears throat laughter Rudy Giuliani was running a secret Foreign Policy to help the president s election campaign. Does that answer your question, congressman jordan . laughter no my question was please dont google my name and ohio state wrestling scandal. i cede my time to devin nunes. Moooooo. Moooooooo. laughter applause im paraphrasing, obviously. The impeachment inquiry is all anyone can talk about right now, but theres a smaller story that might have slipped through the cracks, that you might have missed. And ill tell you all about it in tonights doin it donkey style. Yang gang stephen its a tight race at the top of the democratic primary, and a new leader has emerged, because a recent poll shows that mayor Pete Buttigieg is first in iowa. cheers and applause i didnt see that coming. I didnt see that coming. And theres a surprising voting demo giving buttigieg all that buttimentum voters age 65 and older. old person pete is such a lovely young man. I dont know why he cant find a nice gal to settle down with. Maybe that friend has a nice sister or something. Old people dont know. In fact, when it comes to the oldsters, buttigieg polls second only to joe biden. Though, both are still polling far behind apricot compote and the machine that still plays my opera tapes. laughter theres also applause theres also news from the Bernie Sanders campaign. After his recent heart attack, bernie is changing his whole lifestyle. According to his campaign manager, ive noticed him ordering a heck of a lot more salads. as bernie i have to eat healthier, so i order salads, by which i mean a pickle on my corned beef. laughter jon and that potato salad. Stephen that actually hurts. That actually hurts to do. applause but its not jrnies dt thats getting a makeover, because the usuallyrumpled senator has been wearing more stylish sweaters. as bernie i get all the latest fashions at very old navy and forever 81 laughter applause theres also theres also news from the campaign of former maryland representative john delaney, seen here bringing more transparency to his nipples. laughter hes jacked. Hes huge he looks huge. I had no idea. Yeah, hes been benching is what hes been doing. Delaneys consistently polling at less than 1 , but hes hoping to turn that all around by airing 30minute tv infomercials. Perfect choice, because when i hear John Delaneys ideas, i think, theres got to be a better way the ad imagine that i was dropping cups. The ad will run on this sunday . Sunday. But his Campaign Already released it on youtube. Im going to play the actual beginning of the ad for you, and notice the excitement john delaney exudes about his own campaign. Im john delaney, and i approve this message. Stephen wow. laughter . Jon oh, man stephen thats how he feels about john delaney . He is the most relatable candidate sometimes its nice to take a break from the big national headlines, and take a look at the overlooked local stories. Which i do in my brand new longrunning segment small town big news. Big news stephen tonights small town big news comes from coeur dalene, idaho, which you may know as the home of the museum of north idaho perfect for anyone who went to south idaho and said, there must be more laughter the Coeur Dalene Public Library has caught some attention because books criticizing President Trump keep going missing. The disappearing books could have topics like gun control, womens suffrage, l. G. B. T. Q. Issues, and the criminal justice system. Oh, man, then im sure they got to my favorite book, nancy drew and the case of the wrongfully convicted lesbian couple who voted to ban bump stocks. cheers and applause its a good book. Its a good read. Long title, very long most of the book most of the book is just title. Heres whats crazy these books arent being stolen. Theyre being hidden in spaces throughout the library. This jerk is taking Library Books and putting them back in the wrong place. So clearly the suspect is anyone whos ever used a library. laughter like all legendary criminals, this thief left a calling card. In this case, a letter to the librarian that said in creepy anonymous voice i am going to continue hiding these books in the most obscure places i can find. Yes, genius no one will ever look for a book in the library. laughter he manifestod on in creepy anonymous voice your liberal angst gives me great pleasure. Youre not creating liberal angst. Youre just making the librarians job harder. In the ranking of library so lets get to the heat of the meat here . Which books are being hidden . The New York Times article specifically mentions fire and fury, shade a tale of two president s, and the late show book whose boat is this boat . Oh, no oh, no oh, come on oh, damn ya done messed up, booky boy. First of all, may i point out, our book is not antitrump. Every single word in there is what your favorite president said to hurricane survivors. And, also, thanks to our publisher simon schuster, all proceeds from the purchase of we have a copy right here go to world central kitchen and their work to feed survivors of natural disasters. So, if people cant find it in the library, theyll have to go buy it, which means more money goes to charity. So while i am still very angry, thank you but no one applause thank you, citizen. I dont believe anyone should mess with Library Books. So we have decided to help out the readers of couer dalene by sending them an unhideable edition of whose boat is this boat . Come on out there you go good luck hiding this one, sucker its not just a prop. If you can hold it. Its not just a prop. Its the actual book. It even has a Checkout Library card right there. Its its the whole damn thing inside, okay. Give me a pen. Ill sign that. There you go. There you go. cheers and applause there we go right there. And just to make extra sure this edition cant be hidden, weve outfitted it with one of thoseat now, if you at home want to help hurricane survivors, buy a regularsized copy of whose boat is this boat . And send it to your local library. Weve got a great show for you tonight. David harbour is here. But when we return, do we need more president ial candidates . Stick around to find out the answer is no. New emergenc protein fuel packed with plantbased protein antioxidants and real superfoods new prot fioe. ce fay brussels sprout. Sauerkraut. Freshcaught trout. Alfalfa sprout. Curry. Fried turkey. Mcflurry. mcdonalds cacciatori. Chimichurri. Adlib inhale spiral ham. Blackberry jam. Rack of lamb. Candied yams. Pokes. Smokeys. Gnocchis. And them banging raviolis. We are americas kitchen. Doordash. Every flavor welcome. have laser drilled holes. They release medicine fast, for fast pain relief. Tylenol®. For fast pain relief. Seaonly abreva cany to help sget rid of it in. 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A whole new lord of the rings trilogy with me in it. Billiondollar budget. What was the budget . Close to a billiondollar budget. Now, folks, yesterday, former Massachusetts GovernorDeval Patrick announced he was running for the democratic nomination. And his his family is here tonight. laughter ex,est surprised youre already polling in second place in the category of bald africanamerican men from eastcoast states. That brings the total number of candidates running to replace trump to 19. Hello but even more people are considering considering themselves cramed into the race. Recently, former new york mayor Michael Bloomberg has been looking into it, because he believes that with joe biden sinking in National Polls and Elizabeth Warren on the rise, there is room in the race for a more dynamic candidate who is closer to the political middle. Yes he is so right america doesnt want some 76 yearold moderate. They want to vote for someone exciting and dynamic, like a 77yearold moderate. laughter and hes not the only businessman who wants to replach white house. Back in july, Billionaire Tom Steyer joined the race. And more recently, theres been talk of a possible thirdparty bid from billionaire ed stack, c. E. O. Of dicks sporting goods, proving that a thirdparty run is officially a dick move. laughter look, heres the thing, here we go. Jon thats coldblood, that was. Stephen look, i get why these guys think theyre qualified to be president. Im sure theyre polling very well among the people they pay to tell them that. But the race is way too crowded as it is. Luckily, theres a new way that rich guys can get the full Campaign Experience without all the hassle. Are you rich, white, and a man whongs he should run for president . Then stop and ask yourself is another candidatamerics right n . Hint no. But if your of your answer is somehow still yes then check out president ial candidate fantasy cant of 2020, where youll get the real experience of running for president without any of the risk that youre gog ruin it for the rest of us. Youll be handed your uniform a buttondowned shirt with the sleeves already buttoned. Of up youll get stump speeches, fund raisers and getting in trouble for that one halloween costume. We also opt for a realistic simulation of debate night, with tvs for you to watch the democratic debates from on a coach, just like you would if not qualifying for an actual campaign. And it all mull minnates with a real feeling with the Virtual Reality candidacy. Thank you for this honor. And god bless america. laughter applause register now for president ial candidate fantasy camp 2020. If we had one of these camps in 2015, we wouldnt be in this mess stephen well be right back with David Harbour. 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Thats forty percent off everything now, at old navy. You know when youre at just keeps Getting Better . Ook check this out thats yes for less. Score a headtotoe look youll love and save 20 to 60 percent off departmeat ross. S. Yes for less. And you find a deal on cookware that makes you say. You know when youre at ross yes . Oh, yeah bring on the holidays thats yes for less. I everything you need to prep, co and serve up thasu band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back to the late show. You know my first guest from the newsroom, brokeback mountain, and as the beloved chief hopper on Stranger Things. Please welcome David Harbour applause whats up, everybody stephen thanks for being here. Whats up . My pleasure. Thanks for having me. Stephen i like the new look. What is that . Stephen what are we calling this . A, youre looking super trim. I lost a little bit of weight. Stephen you got go ahead. laughter . Stephen youre halfway between, you know, glorious locks and a mullet. You really youre flirting with Billy Ray Cyrus here. I like the word halfway. I would say fiveeighths mullet, oneeighth hope. Stephen or you look like you look like a european hit man in an 80s movie. Exact lets. Stephen who has no lines. With the suit and everything, exactly you. Stephen smoke a cigarette like this. Wow. laughter thats good. I have to study with you one day. Stephen whats the inspiration . This is just me getting weird. Im stephen gotcha. Im currently unemployed, so stephen wow, tough, tough. So in those times i just like to grow out all the hair on my body. Im doing a lot of writing and stuff, and so i just sort of sit around and dont groom very well. Au stephen all right. Yeah. Stephen now, i gota talk to you about the last thing i saw you in, which is this this little program, cando, the little engine that could called Stranger Things. applause . Thank you, thank you. I love it. Stephen you have emerged from that as a as a sex symbol. Uh i guess so. Stephen yes, you have. I mean, i guess. Stephen want new sexiest man alive issue has just come out, andk of the sexiest men alive right there. Look at that. cheers and applause ah, im very im very excited for People Magazine next month is going to release men wandering around lower manhattans bed, bath and beyond looking for the perfect dish towel. And im also in that as well. Id also like to say i got sexiest man alive when i had a full mustache and 40inch waist. So thank you, america applause stephen wow. Im not the sexiest man. Im one of the sexiest men. Stephen youre one of the sexiest men. Youre a quarterpage sexy. Exactly. Stephen thats how sexy you are. John legend is very sex gle hes multiple pages. Idris is a fullpage sexy. Youre 25 as sexy as idris alba. Ill take it. Stephen how does it feel to be the sexy . You were the dad bod guy, you were the king of dad bod as hopper. You lost it. You dont have a dad boss bodyanymore. I have slimmed down a little bit, yeah, yeah. Stephen is this hangover from getting jacked for hell boy . No the weight gain for season 3 was hang over. I didnt realize this, if you work out a lot, and you decide to stop working out and just eat donuts, your body remains very fm up here to down here. Stephen yeah. And you get very hippie. Stephen yeah. You wore i saying. Hey thanks. laughter stephen i wasnt sure what words were going to come out. Never was i. Stephen heeey. Thanks. Okay, lets see. The show is a phenomenon, as i said before. When did you know it was going to be big . Did you have a hint . No. I had the opposite of a hint. I had i was sure it was going to be a complete disaster and a big failure. Because before it came out eye mean, i remember when we were h terna it was going to perfornc i thought that was, like, tanking the whole show. And before it came out, you know, you normally see things on buss i live in new york. Im wandering around buses, phone booths. There are ads for miew shows. Not a single ad. Three weeks before the show a week before the show, and i was doing a play with a friend of mine who is on a very Successful Television program. And i said to him, i was like, no ads. No ads. I guess theyre doing some kind of n