American diplomats and military personnel, but we caught him in the act and terminated him. cheers and applause announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight happy new fear plus stephen welcomes jane fonda tan france and musical guest Miranda Lambert featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen oh, come on oh, got a spring in my step thats right cheers and applause Whoo Whoo Whoo have a seat, everybody thank you so much we canal one and all whoo welcome one and all to the late show. I am your host Stephen Colbert cheers and applause happy new year happy new year to all. Hope 2020 is off to a great start to you. Happy to be back. Really excited to be here. There recently have been momentous worldshaking events, and lets get right to the big story everybodys talking about. The 77th annual Golden Globe Awards ceremony oh it was a night of glitz and glamour, and god help us, we might be going to war with iran. All the stars were there as we inch closer to yet another tragically illconsidered military conflict, including salma hayek, whose gucci dress featured a neckline that didnt leave much to the imagination. Unless youre imagining an endless quagmire in the middle east. Because this is it, folks. This is whats been keeping you up at night for the last three years it wasnt the baggy suits, it wasnt covfefe, it was his ability to wage war with no understanding of the consequences. And no one can stop him. Also, congratulations to awkwafina for snagging a globe for best actress welldeserved. cheers and applause now, the reason that im a little on edge tonight is that on thursday, in response to iraniansponsored militia attacks on the u. S. Embassy in baghdad, President Trump ordered a drone strike, killing the top iranian commander in baghdad, qasem soleimani. Which brings us to the first installment of our longrunning segment, america at waaaaaaahhhhhh . Crisis with iran in iraq about iran. laughter now, cards on the table. I dont know if what trump did was a good idea or a bad idea but i do know that its a big idea. And that iran is very upset. On friday, their Supreme LeaderAyatollah Ali Khamenei warned that a harsh retaliation is waiting. Keep in mind, this is irans Supreme Leader, which im pretty sure means he comes with sour cream. laughter jon oh, my goodness. Stephen but mmm mmm. Jon wow. Stephen delicious laughter but trumps not backing down, tweeting, let this serve as a warning that if iran strikes any americans, or american assets, we have dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot targeted 52 iranian sites, representing the 52 american hostages taken by iran many years ago. Hes still mad about the iranian hostage crisis. Whats next on his 1980 agenda . as trump im also targeting four top iranian generals one for each of the three men and a baby, six different regions one for each side of the rubiks cube, and i have changed the launch codes to 8765309 8675390. Im sorry. Sir, i interrupted you. You were threatening to bomb iran 52 times some at a very high level and important to iran and the iranian culture. Okay, heres the deal bombing iranian cultural sites could be a war crime. as trump what do you mean could be a war crime . What do i have to do . Kick the sphinx . Urinate on the terra cotta soldiers . cause ive already done one of those things. laughter and the other one. laughter cheers and applause piano riff i couldnt do it. I couldnt do it. cheers and applause were back so somebody in the white house had to try to clean up trumps twitter mess. Enter secretary of state and vitamind deficient shrek, mike pompeo. Pompeo went on sunday on the tube with george and explained that trump had not typed what he typed so, just to be clear, when the president said he had 52 iranian sites, including sites important to the iranian culture, that wasnt accurate . The American People should know that every target that we strike will be a lawful target. Stephen so either one of them is lying and they both are. laughter because when he was asked about it, trump immediately said theyre allowed to kill our people, theyre allowed to torture and maim our people theyre allowed to use roadside bombs and blow up our people, and were not allowed to touch their cultural sites . It doesnt work that way. Thats a really strange use of the word allowed. laughter your honor, ted bundy was allowed to murder over 30 people in the 1970s. I cant stab one guy . Doesnt work that way. laughter cheers and applause doesntworkthat 8675309 normally, when a president takes an action this big, he preempts our stories and addresses the nation to reassure us. Trump didnt do that. Instead, he tweeted this lowres image of an american flag. You know what they say these colors dont run. But they do kind of blur. laughter also, president s usually inform something called the gang of eight, which is the top democrat and republican of the house and senate as well as the chairs and ranking members of each chambers intelligence committee, but top Democratic Leaders in congress received no advance notification of the strike. Yeah, they didnt need to know because they werent staying at a trump hotel. laughter apparently, days before the strike, trump roamed the halls of maralago, telling friends that he was working on a big response to the Iranian Regime that they would be hearing about very soon. Can you imagine checking into that hotel . Okay, the pool is to the left, theres a Fitness Center on seven, and if you make your way into the courtyard, theres an old man giving away state secrets. laughter tip him. You want to tip him. Just tip him. Jon thats what we ask, 2020. Stephen heres how it went down trumps advisors went to maralago and military officials put the option of killing soleimani which they viewed as the most extreme response on the menu they presented to President Trump. They didnt think hed do it. They tacked on the choice of targeting general soleimani to make other options seem reasonable. laughter quick note to the generals, the only way trump isnt going to order something on a menu is if it comes with vegetables. laughter as trump lets see here, what if we got . What if we got . Oooh, oh, ive got to say, the killing soleimani looks tempting. Oh, it comes on a bed of spinach. Can you hold that . No . Then ill have the chickenfried sanctions. laughter or heres a better idea if you didnt want him to pick it, dont give it as an option. Its like a boyfriend saying, wait, you chose break up . But i only offered that so youd be more into the threesome idea laughter applause which, obviously, is a joke. cheering so why did trump choose what the pentagon saw as the most extreme option . Well, trump says, he had no choice. Last night, at my direction, the United States military successfully executed a flawless precision strike that killed the number one terrorist anywhere in the world, qasem soleimani. Soleimani was plotting imminent and sinister attacks on american diplomats and military personnel, but we caught him in the act and terminated him. Stephen okay, imminent attack. But the pentagon said that the strike was carried out to deter future attacks. So, what was the imminent threat . Eventual threats. Its like that old vaudeville routine whos on first . Kill him. laughter kill who . Yes. applause according to officials who were briefed on the strike, the evidence about an imminent threat was razor thin. Okay. So, a new, dangerous conflict in the middle east, launched by the u. S. Government on a murky premise, with razor thin evidence. You know what that means 2003 is back, baby in 17 years, weve come full circle, from yellow cake to chocolate cake. laughter from w. M. D. To k. F. C. From shock and awe to shockingly awful. laughter weve got a great show for you tonight. cheers and applause jane fonda is here. But when we come back, exciting things in the world of tech. Stick around cheers and applause band playing it involves toilet paper cheers and applause Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human, everybody cheers and applause hey, everybody jon, jon, you know, our dear friend jane fonda is going to be out here in just a moment. Jon yes a legend cheers and applause stephen and musical guest Miranda Lambert is here tonight jon lets get it, lets get it cheers and applause stephen and i just found this out, i just asked a moment ago, and this is absolutely true, is that next tuesday, were live, right, because the democrats are debating in iowa. Its the last debate before the vote in iowa and obviously we cant any of them on because theyre going to be there debating, that would be very awkward for any of them. Jon yes. Stephen but one candidate is not campaigning in iowa, mayor Michael Bloomberg will be here next tuesday night. cheers and applause he has never been on tv before. This is the first time mayor bloomberg has ever been on tv. Were honored he came here first. laughter anyone who knows me knows im a real techhead. Im on top of all the latest cyber trends. See this . I use this to check my email, read the news, and find out what my heart rate is after reading the news. laughter like all gadget heads, im pumped for 2020s Consumer Electronics show, or c. E. S. Over the years, many hightech innovations have been unveiled there, such as the plasma tv, the bluray player, and back in the late 70s, the atari. And at the first c. E. S. , fire. laughter a big seller. A big seller. This year, one of the most talkedabout products at c. E. S. Is a robotic pet cat called marscat, which can recognize human faces and knows 20 commands and phrases, including sit and come here. laughter just like a cat if it was nothing like a cat. Whos behind this robotic feline . None other than a startup called elephant robotics. Okay, guys. Okay, lets brainstorm here. Okay. Okay. Our company is called elephant robotics. What kind of roboanimal should we build . Monkey . No. Puppies . Stupid. Wait, its so obvious its the elephant in the room cats laughter now that was a long walk to that joke. A really long walk. laughter but we got there, and there was water in the well. laughter if the idea of packs of robotic cats keeps you up at night, dont worry, c. E. S. Has you covered. Theres a new hightech sleep aid called the urgonight headband, which costs 500 and uses neurofeedback therapy to measure your e. E. G. And teach you how to control the brain waves that impact sleep. Sadly, still no advancements on how to control the brainwaves that impact your decision to blow 500 on a plastic headband. laughter and its one size fits all, because, according to the company, small electrodes automatically adjust to the size of your head, and no glue is needed. laughter okay, thats disturbing. laughter it never occurred to me that glue might be needed. It wouldnt be comforting if an olive garden waiter started his spiel with, our special tonight is penne with clam sauce, and youll be excited to hear no antidote required. laughter jon oh, okay. Stephen some glue is needed. Jon going to need a little bit. Stephen and its not just startups getting in on the hightech devices. Toilet Paper Company charmin is unveiling a new product they call a pooptime robot pal. laughter no offense, im sure the robots great, but pooptime is the one time i dont want a pal. laughter i treasure my loneliness. laughter no pals. applause what does this pal do . Apparently, its sole job is to bring you a new toilet paper roll when you need it most. This is huge. laughter what an advancement it replaces previous toilet paper roll Replacement Technology of here it is. Can you grab it . Im just going to throw it. Here, im gonna throw it piano riff applause speaking of things that roll, segway is also getting into the game, debuting a new product called the spod, which is billed as a selfbalancing stroller for adults. Finally i want it wheel me around, robot mommy the spod is perfect for anyone who watched walle and thought, yes, thats the amount cheers and applause stephen yes, that is the amount of dignity i deserve. laughter this nonbaby baby stroller is not messing around, because it can hit speeds of 25 miles per hour. Which leads to the obvious question can the charmin poop tot laughter can the poop robot keep up with it . Hurry up, charmin im poopin in my spod the future is amazing well be right back with jane fonda. What are you gonna do . cheers and applause band playing whoa, this is awful, try it. Oh no, that looks gross what is that . You gotta try it, its terrible. I dont wanna tray it if its terrible. Its like mango chutney and burnt hair. No thank you, i have a very sensitive palate. Just try it hey guys, i think we should hurry up. If you taste something bad, you want someone else to try it. Its what you do. I cant get it out of my mouth if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. Its what you do. Dog, dog, dog. You too, have a great day. Five years ago. I had psoriasis everywhere. Head to toe. People were afraid i was contagious. Alright, ill be back in one hour. My skin hurt. I felt gross. Whats up jay . Hows everything . Whats up man . Hope youve been practicing . But then i started cosentyx. And i havent really had to think about it. See me. Cosentyx works fast to give you clear skin that can last. Real people with psoriasis. Look and feel better with cosentyx. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting, get checked. For tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections. And lowered ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about an infection. Or symptoms. If your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop. Or worsen, or if youve had a vaccine. Or plan to. Serious allergic reactions. May occur. I just look and feel better. See me. Ask your dermatologist if cosentyx could help you move past the pain of psoriasis. Thats a reason to switch to Jackson Hewitt,. Conveniently located in walmart. Now enjoy a bonus gift card up to 100. When you file taxes with Jackson Hewitt and get part of your refund on a walmart gift card. Get your bonus at Jackson Hewitt at walmart. Everything your trip needs, for everyone you love. Expedia. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody welcome back my first guest tonight is an Academy Awardwinning actress and dedicated activist who founded the Climate Change movement, fire drill fridays. Please welcome, jane fonda cheers and applause band playing stephen nice to see you again happy thank you. Stephen happy 2020, jane fonda. Yeah. Stephen nice to see you again. Good to see you again. Stephen how have you been . Do you have any new years resolutions . Remember when i kissed you . Stephen i do remember. My wife remembers that, too, and she still doesnt think its funny. He used to be the scariest person to be interviewed because, you know, he had this alter ego character, so and there was something really important that i wanted to talk about on the show, and, so, i just figured, well, ill just go out and sit in his lap and kiss him, and i did. Stephen you stuck your tongue in my ear. I did not stephen you did laughter you did. And you were so flustered that it was an easy interview. Stephen it really was. I was like Johnny Carson with a spider monkey on his head. I didnt want to move thank you very much, it was an honor. Anytime, by the way. laughter cheering i want to talk to yount a subject near and dear to your heart and should be to all our hearts. It should. Stephen you started the fire drill fridays about Climate Change. Tell me what your objective is here. Well, human kind is facing the greatest crisis that weve ever faced, and there were all these Young Students that were sacrificing a lot and working so hard hi. laughter stephen im interested. Im leaning in because im interested. laughter and ive spent a lot of time, now, with these Young Students, and theyre scared, and a lot of young people are even suffering from theyre calling it extinction illness, and i just felt it wasnt doing enough. The scientists are saying we have ten years before its going to so far over the cliff that theres no turning back. The environment and climate will unravel and theres nothing we can do and, so, i said im going to im famous, i have a platform, im going to move to d. C. , im going to put my body on the line and im going to do these things in the process, im going to learn a lot, too, and the young people have been with me all the way, and its incredible whats happened. Stephen well, what cheers and applause its really, people are stephen hows it going . Every friday, i thought it would kind of peter out. Every friday, theres more and more people and they come from all over, and most of them have never engaged in civil disobedience before and risked getting arrested. Stephen how many times have you been arrested so far . I think five. cheers and applause stephen is there a point at which they give you a free sub or something . laughter what happens . Are the police down there, are they fed up with you leading these protests . They actually look, im white, and im famous. Stephen yeah. And, so, you know, what happens to me is different than what would happen if i was a person of color and i wasnt famous, and what are you holding there . Stephen these are some pictures of the protest. Yeah. Stephen this is you and some of your fellow protesters including Gloria Steinem right there. Yeah cheers and applause oh, heres a cool story. So, on my 82nd birthday, i think 143 people came to get arrested, including gloria and dolores werta and reverend barber and all kinds of people. And, so, were all held in detention in handcuffs, and this black police officer, a woman, she came over to gloria because, you know, theyre all required to carry a copy of the constitution in their pocket and she said, im probably going to get fired for this, but will you sign my constitution . cheers and applause so there was gloria in handcuffs signing the constitution. Stephen thats great. Now, you got our friend