Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight the song unsung. Plus, stephen welcomes josh gad. And tamron hall. And a performance by tiana major9 and earthgang. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape at the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause theme song playing whoo hey welcome, one and all, up there, down here, out there, everybody watching right now. Tremendous. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause folks, if you have been watching the tv, you know its an historic solid day that will forever alter the fabric of american democracy. So, thursday. Because this afternoon, the senate officially opened the impeachment trial of president donald john trump. cheers and applause ill tell you all about it in tonights don and the giant impeach. Mouth to mouth resuscitation. laughter stephen i dont know what that means, but i like it. laughter last night, the house sent a formal procession to present the articles of impeachment to the senate, kicking off trumps impeachment trial. Or it would have, but Mitch Mcconnell declared that the impeachment articles could not be formally delivered until the following day. So house members had to leave a sorry we missed you slip. laughter now they will pick up the impeachment articles at the airport or Something Like that. Today, house managers held a very solemn reparade, and when they arrived in the senate, there was a highstakes announcement from the senate sergeantatarms. Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye. All persons are commanded to keep silent on pain of imprisonment while the house of representatives is exhibiting to the senate of the United States articles of impeachment against donald john trump, president of the United States. Announcer did you hear that . Silent on pain of imprisonment its the senates second harshest punishment after silent but deadly. laughter then, the senate summoned chief justice roberts, who made a dramatic entrance, led by the reservoir dogs. Yeah. Only, in this case, there are three mr. Whites. laughter the chief justice then swore in the senate jury. Do you solemnly swear that in all things appertaining to the trial of the impeachment of donald john trump, president of the United States, now pending, you will do impartial justice according to the constitution and laws, so help you god . I do. Stephen there, every senator just swore to be an impartial juror, which may come as a surprise to this guy. Im not an impartial juror. laughter stephen okay. It takes a special talent to be a split jury of one. laughter then, adam schiff read the articles of impeachment into the record, and they were adjourned until tuesday. It would be monday, but thats Martin Luther king day. Impeached at last, impeached at last, well see what happens, but hes impeached at last. cheers and applause now, for weeks, republicans have ignored mounting evidence that trump knew everything that was happening with the ukraine scheme, and democrats have been praying for the other shoe to drop. Well, last night, an entire foot locker fell out of the sky, thanks to giuliani associate and man who told the barber, give me the charlie brown, lev parnas. Jon peanuts. Stephen parnas, youll remember, is a recentlyindicted goon who worked with giuliani to help trump blackmail ukraine into investigating joe biden. And last night, parnas gave a bunch of interviews outlining the president s involvement. And they were juicy so i hope you guys are standing by with that popcorn gif of me. laughter first up, parnas sat down with Rachel Maddow and immediately tossed trump under air force one what do you think is the main inaccuracy or the main lie thats being told, that you feel like you can correct . That the president didnt know what was going on. President trump knew exactly what was going on. laughter cheers and applause jon aaahhh piano riff stephen this this is historic. laughter its the first time anyone has ever used the phrase trump knew exactly what was going on. laughter cheers and applause parnas called out trump on all of his lies, like how trump keeps saying he doesnt know parnas. In terms of the president and what he said about you, you about you and mr. Fruman, igor fruman, i dont know those gentlemen, i dont know about them, i dont know what they do. Youre saying that was not a true statement from the president . He lied. I mean, were not friends, when you say friends, me and him didnt watch Football Games together, we didnt eat hot dogs. Stephen i mean, he invited me over for hot dogs, but by the time i got there, they were all gone. So was a large portion of the football. Parnas talked to anderson cooper, and shocked everyone by revealing that before trump tried to pressure zelensky into announcing an investigation of biden, trump had already put the same screws to ukraines previous president , petro poroshenko. The first quid pro quo we gave was when we met with president poroshenko. If he would make the announcement, that he would trump would invite him to the white house, or make a statement for him. But basically, would start supporting him for, you know, president. So that was the first quid pro quo. Poroshenko could can come to the white house or get meeting with trump if he announces an investigation. Correct. Stephen that is so trump. Harass a ukrainian president and then replace him with a younger, hotter one. laughter cheers and applause parnas made it clear that trump threatened ukraine, and not just their military aid. Mayor Rudy Giuliani told me after, you know, meeting with the president at the white house, he called me the message was it wasnt just military aid, it was all aid. Basically, their relationships would be sour, that we would stop giving them any kind of aid. Stephen as trump were talking all the aid. Military aid, humanitarian aid, lemonade, bandaid, farm aid, milk maid, dennis quaid. cheers and applause now, i i i, i, i trump has insisted that he withheld that aid to fight corruption, but lev parnas says, nuhuh. It was all about joe biden, hunter biden. The only thing we cared about was that we were the team was to get zelensky, or porochenko or somebody, to make a press release, an announcement into the biden investigation. Stephen dingdingding. Gun, smoking. Fat lady, singing. Bomb, shelled. The only way this could be more damning for trump is if theres a phone transcript of him demanding an investigation of joe oh. Oh oh oh laughter this wasnt easy for parnas, because he had special feelings for trump. You loved president trump. Loved him. I mean, when the f. B. I. Came to my house to raid, my wife felt embarrassed because they said i had a shrine to him. I mean, i had pictures all over. I mean, i idolized him. I thought he was the savior. Stephen i understand that. Every time i look at trump, i say jesus. laughter cheers and applause piano riff now, the president s supporters are already calling parnas a liar, but heres the thing he brought the receipts. Tuesday, House Democrats released a huge cache of incriminating documents provided by parnas. And then they released another one yesterday handwritten notes, text messages, voicemails, pictures, calendars. He even has a scrapbook our ukrainezy summer vacay getting colludy with the prez and rudy 2019 for most of the past 24 hours, trump has been strangely silent on impeachment. No shouts, no tweets. Which was quite alarming. Its like when the kids are playing upstairs. You get used to the screaming, but when they go quiet, grab the keys, because were going to the hospital. But this afternoon, the pressure finally got to him, and he blasted off this gem i just got impeached for making a perfect phone call its not sinking in. Its getting trumps like a dog who just took a crap in your shoe and cant understand why everyones mad about it. as trump but my aim was perfect i filled the loafer completely laughter jon that old dog. Stephen youre definitely gelin now. laughter i dont know what that means. laughter trump also, up to this point, hadnt said a word about lev parnas, even though parnas taunted him on tv, saying this when you were arrested, the president of the United States said he didnt know you. I welcome him to say that even more. Every time he says that, ill show them another picture. cheers and applause stephen a new picture. Look at that. Thats bold. A new picture for every denial. Well, today, trump took him up on that challenge. I dont know parnas. I dont know him at all. Dont know what hes about. Dont know where he comes from. I know nothing about him. I dont even know who this man is. I dont know him. I know nothing about him. I dont know him. I dont believe ive ever spoken to him. I dont believe ive ever spoken to him. I dont know him. Stephen thats a lot of pictures. I mean, lev might as well release video of the two of them together. Oh, he did . laughter cheers and applause thats footage of lev and trump chatting at maralago in 2016. Now, just what there it is. What are they talking about . Impossible to say, because for some reason, lev put Janet Jacksons 1997 hit together again over the whole clip. Everywhere i go every smile i see i know you are there smiling back at me stephen even though nasty boys would have been much more appropriate. as parnas my names not baby, its lev. Mr. Parnas, if youre nasty. laughter up until now, the white houses defense has been clear nothing happened. And if it did happen, it was about corruption. And if it wasnt about corruption, its not a problem since its totally legal for the president to withhold aid. Cant have impeachment if he didnt break the law. Well, funny coinkydink today, the Nonpartisan Government Accountability Office released a report saying the Trump Administration broke the law in withholding ukraine aid. So the day the impeachment is delivered, his own government announces hes guilty. Thats like showing up to the custody hearing and your kids yell, dad, we made your favorite breakfast cocktail and we didnt drown it piano riff heres what the g. A. O. Wrote faithful execution of the law does not permit the president to substitute his own policy priorities for those that congress has enacted into law. as trump cheers and applause no, no. No, no. Im sorry, you lost me at faithful. laughter weve got a great show for you tonight. Josh gad is here. When we return, meanwhile stick around. cheers and applause band playing america isnt just sick of donald trump, americas getting sicker. There are one million more uninsured americans every year under trump. And hes repeatedly tried to repeal obamacare. Mike bloomberg will make sure everyone without Health Coverage can get it, and everyone who likes theirs, keep it. While capping fees to lower costs. As mayor, he helped expand coverage to seven hundred thousand more people. And championed womens reproductive health. As president , hell give access to everyone. Im Mike Bloomberg and i approve this message. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody give it up for jon batiste and stay human i like it casual tonight. A little laid back. Good to see you. John, our friend josh gad is here tonight. Jon josh gad is in the house cheers and applause stephen fantastic evening. Folks, you might know, if you watch the show and i hope you do, you probably do since youre watching now, then you know i spend a fair amount of the show over there, handcrafting the days news into the balsa wood hull, toothpick mast, and threadneedle rigs of the bespoke shipinabottle that is my monologue. But once in a while, i like to suck down a few freeze pops, slather on some elmers, and contaminate an estuary pond with the popsicle stick raft of news that is my segment meanwhile cheers and applause it brings hope to a troubled nation. Thats what it does. Meanwhile is a beacon in the darkness. Meanwhile a study has revealed that tinder, grindr, and other dating apps share sensitive personal data with advertisers. So if you feel bad about your dry spell, dont worry the entire Marketing Department at t. G. I. Fridays knows how horny you are. laughter cheers and applause side of wings . Some wings, maybe . Meanwhile, a kansas man has asked an iowa court to grant his motion for trial by combat so he can meet his exwife and her attorney on the field of battle. Huh. I wonder why its his ex wife. We just had different interests. She loves travel, and im into bloodsport justice. laughter and he asked the court to give him 12 weeks lead time in order to source or forge katana and wakizashi swords. laughter wait, you throw down for trial by combat and you dont have your swords ready . You cant build in a waiting period. Hey pal, you want to take this outside . In 12 weeks. I just need to work out a bit. Its right after the holidays. Im feeling kind of bloated. laughter meanwhile, a Michigan Town has bought a nasal ranger to track down stinky marijuana plants. There it is, being used in the field. My god, its worse than we thought. Everyone in town must be high. Theyre all laughing hysterically. laughter if youre thinking, how do i get one of those for my face . Brace yourself. The nasal ranger costs 3,400. audience reacts but think of all the money youll save on never dating. laughter meanwhile, a man in philadelphia ate 500 cheesesteaks in 20 months. When asked why, he said, i was trying to find what to do with the second half of my life. laughter and when you eat 500 cheesesteaks, 20 months is the second half of your life. laughter meanwhile, a new startup wants to put a tiny display on a contact lens, making it the worlds first true smart contact lens. Perfect for anyone who looked at google glass and said yeah, its dumb, but i wish it could give me an eye infection. laughter meanwhile, singer Billie Eilish has confirmed that she will be performing the theme song from the upcoming james bond film. If youre not familiar with Billie Eilish i know. Youre watching my show. laughter cbs. So heres a clip from her hit video, bad guy. White shirt, now red. My bloody nose. Sleeping youre on your tippy toes. Creeping around like no one knows. Think youre so im the bad guy. Duh. Stephen am i supposed to dance or pass this video along so i dont die in seven days . laughter cheers and applause doesnt seem happy. Doesnt seem happy. Now, if Billie Eilishs whole vibe seems like a weird fit for bond, we have a sneak preview that should reassure you. laughter james bond, you are a superspy movie. Its called no time to die. We get james bond. Hes a bond guy. Duh. gunfire cheers and applause stephen well be right back with josh gad. cheers and applause whistling whistling can match the power of energizer. Because energizer ultimate lithium is the longest lasting aa battery in the world. [confetti cannon popping] energizer. Backed by science. Matched by no one. Uh, fifteen minutes could save you 15 ain . Or more on car insurance. I think were gonna swap over to over seventyfive years of savings and service. What, were just gonna swap over . Yep. Pump the breaks on this, swap it over to that. Pump the breaks, and, uh, swap over . Thats right. Instead of all this that ive already . Yeah. What are we gonna do with these . Keep it at your desk, and save it for next time. Geico. Over 75 years of savings and service. Two bacon, two sausage, this is the two eggssuper slam. Hash browns and pancakes and now make those pancakes all you can eat for a buck. Thats where the duper comes in. The all new super duper slam just seven ninety nine. See you at dennys. Wherever we want to go, we just have to start. Autosave your way there with chase. Chase. Make more of whats yours. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody welcome back to the late show ladies and gentlemen, you know my next guest you know my guest tonight from the book of mormon, beauty and the beast, and of course, as olaf in frozen. He now stars in the new hbo series, avenue 5. Please welcome back to the late show, josh gad cheers and applause band playing nice Stephen Lovely to see you again. You can stand up if you want to. Stephen i can interview you standing up . Yes. Stephen one of us should sit. Please. Its lovely to see you again. I am not always jealous of my guests but im jealous because of you because of the new show avenue 5. Youre also starring with hugh laurie who is an old friend, weve met twice. Whats that been like for you . Your jealousy is warranted, armando is how many of you have seen veep . cheers and applause death of stalin. Hes a genius. He just knows how to take these issues in the political or social arenas and find a new way to approach them, much like our old friend jonathan stewart. Stephen i like that guy. What happened to him . I know. Stephen yeah. The people at home wont get that joke, but one day they will. Stephen yeah. I really, really, really love him. Now, hugh laurie is a pain in the ass. Stephen really . He seems lovely. Its an act . Heres why hes a pain in the ass. Before he gets angry watching in at home now and goes, well, i know not to work with that guy anymore, hes the perfect specimen of a human being. I show up,ive im driven to the work in the back, im a passenger, guy gets out and opens the door, i go to the trailer, i have very soft, feminine hands. Stephen beautiful hands. Thank you. He rides into the site on a motorcycle. Stephen hugh laurie . The guy from house. Hes built the motorcycle from something out of used car parts, like ford vs. Ferrari, and while im washing my delicate hands you hear him playing music and recording an album for the masses. Stephen and his american accent is better than yours. 100 better than man laughter stephen what is avenue 5 . Ive seen a couple of clips, science fiction, but whats actually happening . So the show takes place 40 years in the future. Its sort of lord in the flies by way of gilligans island. Are you excited yet . cheers and applause and basically its about society in a bubble and the breakdown of everything that happens once you lose all to have the social norms youre used to. So things go terribly wrong. The show begins essentially in act three of the titanic and gets progressively worse from there is that and who are you . Im josh gad. Im your gust tonight. laughter stephen okay. Okay. Im sorry im not hugh laurie. Stephen in avenue 5 who are you . A captain, passenger, what are you . No. You should have watched the show before we did this interview tonight. laughter step