To commemorate everything the president didnt do. Order your coronavirus check, signed by donald trump, today. Please allow 810 weeks for delivery or longer if his hand cramps up. Its a late show with stephen colbert. Tonight whos to blame. Plus, stephen welcomes Shaquille Oneal astronaut Matt Berninger jessica meir featuring jon batiste and stay homin. and now, live on tape from a safe distance, its stephen colbert. Stephen are we rolling . Were rolling right now. And were on the air right now. What do you think of what do you think of the thing . Last night Cate Blanchett said i should have a flower or Something Back here . Is the orchid working . Or does this look like the lobby of a spa. I dont think so. I dont i dont think so. Is it real . Its real. I dont think so. Folks, if you watch the show, you know i criticize donald trump a lot, but with this coronavirus gripping our nation, i realize i dont do it enough. And i blame myself a sentence donald trump has never said. Because donald trump clearly only thinks about the needs of donald trump. And right now, he needs someone to blame for how poorly he responded to the coronavirus. So, yesterday, at the press briefing, he announced this today, i am instructing my administration to halt funding of the World Health Organization. Stephen hes defunding the World Health Organization during a Global Pandemic. Brilliant its like when your house is engulfed in flames the first thing you do is burn down the fire department. The u. S. Is the w. H. O. s biggest donor, so trump is talking about taking away about 553 million. He hasnt done anything this hostile to world health since introducing the burger table. And im not the only one who thinks this is dumb. So does billionaire philanthropist bill gates, seen here owning the runway in lavender cashmere. Work work work he tweeted, halting funding for the World Health Organization during a World Health Crisis is as dangerous as it sounds. Their work is slowing the spread of covid19, and if that work is stopped, no other organization can replace them. The world needs who now more than ever. I agree with bill gates, and this time, im not saying that just to get in his will. Ive always loved you, papa. You can bing it. And i also love immunology. Thats why this saturday, im cohosting, along with jimmy fallon and jimmy kimmel, one world together at home, a celebrity benefit for the World Health Organization. Its going to have stars like lady gaga, alicia keys, and spongebob squarepants. Yes, not only is spongebob doing more than the president to fight this Global Pandemic. Hes also the only one of us still wearing pants. One world together at home is this saturday at 8 00 pm eastern on cbs, abc, nbc, twitch, facebook, instagram, and youtube. Youve got to watch it, because its on every channel, and i know youre available. Getting back to people who arent helping donald trump. He is trying really hard to justify his rash and dangerous action. The reality is that the w. H. O. Failed to adequately obtain, vet, and share information in a timely and transparent fashion. The delays the w. H. O. Experienced in declaring a Public Health emergency cost valuable time. The w. H. O. Has not addressed a single one of these concerns, nor provided a serious explanation that acknowledges its own mistakes. Stephen i think you might be projecting, sir. as trump the w. H. O. Dragged its feet on covid. The w. H. O. Cheated on melania when she was home with a threemonthold. The w. H. O. Thinks they can get out of this by blaming all their screwups on the w. H. O. Not going to work, w. H. O. Who does he think hes kidding . The World Health Organization declared a global emergency on january 30, while trump waited until march 13. He completely skipped february. What, does trump go into hibernation for black History Month . as trump just tell me if Frederick Douglass sees his shadow. I dont think this buck passing is going to work, because anybody watching the news knew the coronavirus was coming eventually. One of the reasons im able to do my show from home during the quarantine, is that my staff at the late show took it seriously and started working on contingencies to leave the ed sullivan theater, if necessary, back on february 28. Thats the same day trump said this now the democrats are politicizing the corona virus. You know that, right . Coronavirus. booing theyre politicizing it. This is their new hoax. Stephen were just a tv show. Were not supposed to be more prepared than the president of the United States. I mean, theres a reason the cuban missile crisis wasnt solved by the beverly hillbillies. as jethro pa, khrushchev has installed missiles out by the cement pond. Hooo, doggie might be time for a blockade. Trump also recently tried something hes never done before listening to another person. This afternoon, i met with the leaders, the top people of many of americas big, powerful, beautiful and, you know, very, very important hospitals, and hospital associations, who join us today. We had a great meeting. Learned a lot. And theyve been going through a lot. Stephen youre just learning now that hospitals are going through a lot . Its april. Thats like getting halfway through the final season of breaking bad and saying, wait a second. I think this dudes cooking meth. Breaking bad. On monday, trump said he had total authority on deciding when the states would reopen, but the governors said, no, you dont. So the president responded with this strong statement i will be speaking to all 50 governors very shortly, and i will then be authorizing each individual governor of each individual state to implement a reopening. Stephen okay. So hes authorizing the governors to do what they were already doing. I see. as trump in addition, i hereby authorize the sun to rise in the east, and the tide will be allowed to roll in, but only for six hours then you have to go out again, tide. Sorry, tide. No free ride. Then you might find this hard to believe the briefing took a bit of a weird turn when trump just started listing all the people hes going to talk to. We have a list of Different Industries that i will be discussing by meeting by telephone. In banking, its bank of america. Brian moynahan has been great. Jpmorgan chase, jamie dimon. Goldman sachs, citigroup, wells fargo, u. S. Bank corps, morgan stanley, james gorman, grand rapids state bank, Southern Bank corp, the Construction Labor workforce, International Union of operating engineers jim callahan, the North American Building trades union, Sean Mcgarvey these are a lot of friends of mine. Stephen and the band is playing him off. Trump went on for ten full minutes Listing Companies and names, including some Surprising Health experts. Mcdonalds, darden restaurants, cocacola, pepsicola, chikfila, subway, bloomin brands, yum brands, papa johns, wendys. Stephen not sure if those were the companies he was going to talk to or if he was just calling in his lunch order. Let me remind you this is a briefing about the coronavirus crisis. I say with all respect what does yum brands know about that . They own pizza hut, taco bell, and k. F. C. Delicious all, but famously, the colonel does only one thing really well, and its not deepfried epidemiology. I mean, for petes sake, were not even supposed to touch our face, and the colonel keeps tempting us to lick our fingers. I could just murder a bucket of chicken right now. Would you like some chicken . I would like some chicken. But the question on everybodys mind is when is the country going to reopen . And trump was coy. We will give a date, but the date will be in the very near future. We will be announcing a date, but it will be very short. And, frankly, it will be at a time that will be earlier than the deadline that we imposed, the end of april. Stephen so, in the very near future, very short, but earlier than the end of april. So. The middle of april . Its april 15. So, now . Is it over . Can we leave our houses and start licking doorknobs . Dont lick doorknobs. Well, hopefully he wont make up his mind soon. Because one Senior Administration official says, trump has been so insistent on the reopening, that some officials worry only a narrow window exists to provide information to change his mind. Yes, its a narrow window, and in the oval office, and theyre throwing desperate messages through it written on slices of american cheese. The federal government isnt the only one making plans. Yesterday we heard from california governor and mannequin gavin newsom. Newsom outlined the framework that california was going to use to reopen their economy. He said that california was going to take it slow. There is no light switch here. I would argue its more like a dimmer. Lets not make the mistake of pulling the plug too early. Stephen governor, i get what youre saying, but you know that pulling the plug is not how you turn off a light, right . Unless the lightbulb has a donotresuscitate order. Newsom also warned that the new normal wont feel normal. You may be having dinner with a waiter, wearing gloves, maybe a face mask. Dinner where the menu is disposable, where the tables, half of the tables in that restaurant no longer appear. Where your temperature is cecked before you walk into the establishment. These are likely scenarios. Stephen now, that may sound like a pretty grim date night. But some restaurants are already adapting, like the new casual dining chain i. C. U. Fridays. Try their new fully loaded n95 masks. These are, of course, hard Financial Times for millions of americans, but help is on the way, because this week, the i. R. S. Started sending out stimulus payments. Now, ill remind you it is april 15, and the i. R. S. Is scrambling to pay you tables are turned, i. R. S. i hope you enjoy making a sweaty, lastminute appointment with your c. P. A. Alan farkis to beg him to let you claim your cats litter box as a working farm now, thanks to the congressapproved bailout, 80 million americans can expect up to 1,200, plus 500 per child. Finally, a reason for trump to acknowledge the existence of eric. But theres been a bit of a snag, because donald trump wants his name on the checks. In fact, trump privately suggested to treasury secretary steven mnuchin, that he formally sign the checks. Uhhh, i dont think anyone wants a check that trump signed. I think that legally makes you a porn star. Now, and it turns out, the president is not legally allowed to sign checks from the i. R. S. So instead, mnuchin decided to put the president s name in the memo section of the check. Still better than trumps alternative tucking the cash directly into americans gstrings. So, the i. R. S. Changed the system to stroke trumps ego. Unfortunately, stamping his name on all those checks has caused a delay in issuing the first batch of paper checks. That is really dump. But that isnt the first time trump has put his name on something dumb. Weve got a show for you tonight. I am talking to Shaquille Oneill and from the International Space station, astronaut jessica meir. Stick around. Stop dancing around the pain that keeps you up again, and again. Advil pm silences pain, and you sleep the whole night. Advil pm at petsmart were here for thatyou. Ike. With easy ways to shop online for everything your pet needs. Delivered directly to your door. Or save 10 when you buy online and pick up in store. Now with curbside pickup. Shop petsmart. Com or download our mobile app today. 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Our j. P. Morgan advisors are working from home to help guide you through this. For more than 200 years, weve helped our clients navigate historic challenges. And we will get through this one. Together. Stephen hey, everybody, welcome back to a late show already in progress. Before we go on, lets check in with our dear friend, the one, the only, mr. Jon batiste. Hello, jon jon hello, hello whats the word . Whats the word . Stephen the word is bird. Ive been cook up some chicken thighs, some hot korean chili paste. So delicious. Jon how you how you messing that. What are you doing with it . Stephen rub it on the chicken like a massage oil. Jon its running all over is there do you want to play a Little Something before we go . Jon yeah, a little herbie. Its birthday week. Stephen you know him as an n. B. A. Haul of haimer, an analyst on inside the n. B. A. , and of course, the star of kazaam. He is the subject of a new docuseries, shaq life. Please welcome to a late show, dr. Shaquille oneal dr. Oneill, thanks for being here. Thanks for having me. I cant believe ive never been on your talk show before pup are the funniest man on late night. I appreciate you having me, sir. Stephen and you are suddenly my favorite guest of all time. Thank you. Thank you. Stephen i cant believe i havent had you on, either. Ive had Charles Barkley on, like, eight times at this point. Im im not familiar with that name, so. Stephen ill educate you as the interview goes on. Okay, great. Stephen he has a few opinions about you. I did not realize that you were a doctor. Do you like dr. Oneal, dr. Shaq . You can call me shaq. When i left l. S. U. I promised i would finish my education and i got my bachelors and masters. And my mother said we dont have a ph. D. In the family. And i wanted to do something great for them and the kids who look up to me. So i went to Barry University in miami and received a doctorate of education. Stephen thats fantastic. Im asking all my guests right now as were sequestered around the United States and around the world, where are you . Are you home with the family . Im at home in orlando, florida, with the family. Its about its about nine, 10 people in the house with me. I have four boys, my chef and his family. And were doing what everybody else is doing. Were just, you know, trying to follow the rules, trying to comply. Here in orlando, i think they have a curfew from 10 p. M. To 5 00 a. M. , and theyre still practicing the social distancing thing. But weve just been in the house. A daily routine for me is wake up with the boys, work out, east breakfast. A couple them are still in school, make sure they do their homework. And then from 5 00 to 7 00, we eat dinner. And then from 7 00, we figure out ways to make people laugh. Were doing funny videos, tiktok, instagrams, just trying to brighten up the peoples day. Stephen i know youre still doing a fair amount of djing d. J. Diesel, i do have that right . Yes, sir. Stephen i think we have a video here they sent along. Its you djing for your kids. Can we show this, jim . Stephen whats on your quarantine play list . They seem into it. Well, i i d. J. A lot of hiphop and dub stub. You probably dont like dub stub, thats when the kids do this all night and theyre just banging their head. You probably dont like that kind of music gli just dont have i just dont have a neck built for it. No, when im when im out there with the kids, its similar to being in the basketball arena. I always say to myself, if you want to pay money to watch people perform i have to give you your moneys worth. I play a lot of headbanging music with the kids and jump around. Stephen you have heard any good news out there . People are looking for things to cheer them up. Have you heard of any good news . I have. Im on the board of papa johns. Jeff smith was the chairman of papa johns, and c. E. O. , theyre going to hire 20,000 people. Stephen theyre hiring 20,000 people . Yes, yes, were hiring 20,000 people. At papa johns, go to the website stephen because so many people are ordering out because they cant get to the grocery store. Yes, so many people are ordering out. And its unfortunate the times we live in, a lot of people are losing their jobs. But kudos to them. Were hiring 20,000 people at papa johns. So anybody who needs a job, make sure you go to the website and check it out. Stephen i have a question from our own john batiste, the greatest band leader on television right now. I love jon. Stephen he asked me to ask you, what was it like the first time you played jordan . The first time i played jordan i was terrified. I was terrified and happy at the same time. Happy because, as a kid, me and my friends were watching this guy. He has his own shoot here, won a dunk contest. But when i got in the game and saw him do his first move and he hit a shot, and he just hit, like, four, five shots in a row, i was like, wow. All the stuff i saw on tv is real life. I was staring at that. Once i realized he was human one time he went up and i got close and blocked the shot. And think i did block the shot, and woins realized im not as good but im close i kind of calmed down. Hes definitely the greatest player. I wish i would have had had a chance to play against dr. J. He was one of my idols. I got a chance to play against magic johnson. I would have loved to have played against larry bird. Stephen how about kareem . You byes are both big men. Kareem is also one of the greatest players. And this guy would have been hard to spop put but i think my boomboom would have been