Opera slapping finals. Then at 6 00, its the first time water skier invitational. And our primetime lineup is just as strong, starting with divorced dad calisthenics. Followed by onland santa rafting, the westminster banana ondog show. And finally, at 10 00, the best of old man hideandseek. Espn weve boldly loosened our definition of sport. I never thought id say this, but i miss baseball. crying announcer its a late show with stephen colbert. Tonight, total authoritarian plus, stephen welcomes dr. Jon lapook and Cate Blanchett. Featuring jon batiste and stay homein. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its stephen colbert. Stephen hello hey and welcome to a late show. I am your host, stephen colbert. Its nice to see you. I cant see you. I would like to see you. I miss you. I know you get to see me, but this is a oneway street. And i really like my audience. I like the connection. I like the give and take. I like the energy. You know who really, really misses having an audience . Donald trump. You see, he cant hold rallies right now, because the coronavirus would threaten the lives of his supporters. And politics 101 is do not kill your voters. Its a bad move. Remember, Adlai Stevenson lost with his slogan, i will murder all of you in 52. So trump has turned the Coronavirus Press briefings into the white house everyday into little rallies, where he rambles incoherently and attacks the press. And yesterday, he outdid himself with a hissy fit meltdown that clocked in at a generalissimo masgrande o oand 24 minutes. It was like watching the irishman with just one unconvincingly deaged criminal. Trump was angry, you see, with all the exposes that were published this past weekend about his wellknown public failure to take the coronavirus seriously. So, he forced the assembled press to watch a video of his supposed coronavirus success well answer some questions. Ill ask you some questions, because youre so guilty. But forget it. But, most importantly, were going to get back onto the reason were here, which is the success were having. Okay. Please, if you could put it up. Thank you. People should be more concerned right now with the flu in this country stephen okay, first of all, its ridiculous that the president of the United States used a press briefing on a Global Pandemic to subject a worried nation to a propaganda video. And second, your propaganda sucks. All caps, black letters on a white background . Helvetica . Are you boasting about your accomplishments or offering to teach us guitar . The only purpose of the press briefing is to give valuable information to a confused public in the middle of a national crisis. So, of course, trump used it to brag about himself. Its like if the fireman showed up to your burning house, and instead of picking up a hose said, wow, this inferno is the perfect backdrop for my oneman show about how its not my fault your house is burning down. And a 5678. I didnt start the fire it was always burning but you didnt listen is there any clapping in that song . No clapping. Stephen no clapping in that song but that was pretty good. I was was i on key . You were you were pretty close. Stephen okay, i was pretty close. Trumps video about the bold action he took skipped over a couple of things for instance, it skipped over the entire month of february. So cbs reporter paula reid had the temerity to ask him about that. Reporter what did your administration do in february with the time that your travel ban bought you . A lot. A lot. Reporter what . And, in fact, well give you a list. What we did in fact, part of it was up there. We did a lot. Look, look. You know youre a fake. You know that. Your whole network, the way you cover it is fake. Stephen as trump youre a fake. You know youre a fake. You know february is a fake month. There are a lot of fake months out there. Some of the months are real, of course january, march bruary, brapril, octopussy, and santacon. But, true to his word, trump did have a list of what he did to fight the coronavirus in february, and in a late show exclusive, ive got it right here. It includes, a lot. Banged pots in case virus is like bears. Sent virus 130k to make it go away. Wrote angry letter to Prime Minister of corona. Socially distanced eric. Thats smart. Called virus liddle covy on twitter. And put off everything til march. Lets have that notarized and sent to the library of congress, please, thank you. Okay, anyway, im sorry. You were yelling at a woman i know thats kind of your thing but it doesnt mean shes wrong. You see, mr. President , you can lie all you want, but what youre lying about happened less than two months ago. We were all here, and we had something called cameras, and they recorded you saying this. And i think this is all going to work out fine. You know, in april, supposedly it dies with the hotter weather. We have the greatest doctors in the world. We have it very much under control. The people are getting better. Theyre all getting better. We have it so much under control. I mean, we really have done a really good job. Now the democrats are politicizing the coronavirus. This is their new hoax. Theres no reason to panic at all. Its going to disappear. One day, its like a miracle. It will disappear. When you have 15 people, and the 15, within a couple of days, is going to be down to close to zero. Stephen we remember that were not goldfish. You know how i know . Goldfish can still go to schools. We all remember, that trump, the republicans, fox news downplayed the seriousness of this virus and told us all to do nothing. They took all their chips, and they bet the under, and they lost. Im not surprised they lost. Trump has bankrupted a lot of casinos. So trump has no chips but somehow believes that hes a dealer. Case in point, reopening the country. Trump thinks hes the one who gets to do it, while the states say, no, were good. Because governors on the east and west coasts have formed pacts to decide when to reopen their economies. Okay, groups of states banding together regionally to do things on their own is always a harbinger of good things to come in america, right . Its like that famous quote, a house divided against itself is going to be fun the west coast group, or Western State pact, consists of california, oregon, and washington. And, according to californias governor, gavin newsom, will be guided by facts, evidence and science, using californiabased thinking. Californiabased thinking, so their science bros and broettes are going to make decisions based on evidence thats hella tight. And the masks, of coures, will be made of avocados. Newsom wants to gradually ease restrictions in california, in what he called, a bottomup plan not to be confused with a bottoms up plan, which is to keep drinking until this is over. Right now, were still in Clinical Trials. Mmm. Mmm. Inconclusive. But yesterday, trump insisted, despite what the states may think, hes the one in charge, because when someones president , their authority is total. And, im being told we have footage of the president saying that, jim. You will respect my authoritah stephen he looks good. What . Oh, im sorry, im being told that that was actually a south park cartoon and that i knew that. Heres the actual footage. When somebody is the president of the United States, the authority is total. Stephen well ill give him this much he does have authority, and the country is totaled. One reporter challenged trumps claim. Reporter you said when someone is president of the United States, their authority is total. That is not true. Who told you that . You know what were gonna do . Were going to write up papers on this. Stephen oh, good. I need some toilet paper. Now, new yorks governor, andrew cuomo, was on cbs this morning this morning on cbs this morning, on cbs, and he is not buying the president s assertion of authority. The president s position is just absurd. Its not the law. Its not the constitution. We dont have a king. Stephen i dont know. Seems like a king golden crown, multiple wives, inbred sons. And cuomo also reminded his fellow governors not to take trumps propagandainfused press conferences seriously. A governor should not watch that. Theres no value in it. It would be it is infuriating and offensive and, frankly, ignorant of the facts. If it wasnt so serious, it would be funny, all of this. It could be a comedy skit. Stephen sir, on behalf of people who have dedicated their entire lives to comedy skits, i am offended by the comparison. Comedy skits should be less than two and a half hours long, and the punchline shouldnt make you want to punch someone in the face. Later in the day, cuomo said if trump ordered him to reopen his state in a way that would endanger people, he wouldnt do it. That may have led to this strange tweet as trump tell the democrat governors that mutiny on the bounty was one of my alltime favorite movies. A good, oldfashioned mutiny every now and then is an exciting and invigorating thing to watch, especially when the mutineers need so much from the captain. Too easy first of all, what . Second of all, what the bleep . Third of all, for one of his favorite movies, trump is not that clear on the plot of mutiny on the bounty. Things do not turn out well for captain bligh. Hes overthrown and ends up in a tiny boat rowing back to england. God, i hope this is like mutiny on the bounty. Does trump misinterpret every movie he sees . as trump look, tell the democrat governors that silence of the lambs, one of my alltime favorite movies. Its about a concerned scientist trying to catch a killer and coming up with creative fava bean recipes for everyone hes got quarantined in his basement pit. The governor opens up its state, or it gets the hose again. Now, before all the fireworks began, trumps briefing started with a public humiliation of dr. Anthony fauci. You see, on sunday, dr. Fauci said he had received pushback on enacting lifesaving social distancing earlier in the pandemic, but he walked that back at the press conference in front of the president. You said there was pushback. Where did that pushback come from . No, it wasnt. That was the wrong choice of words. Stephen as fauci specifically, it was the wrong choice to use words. When describing this administrations response, i really should have just said ahhhhh grrrrrrr yeesh hoo cuckoo paula reid was also skeptical about faucis sincerity. Reporter are you doing this voluntarily, or did the president or the Vice President ask you to do this . No, im doing it. Everything i do is voluntarily. Please, dont even imply that. Stephen yes, this is the universal sign for im not a hostage. Dont even imply that im blinking out a different message in morse code. Call the police. You know what . I said good for dr. Fauci. I dont care if he is being pressured. Say anything sir, do anything to stay in that room. Dont leave us alone with the bad man so, it was a twoandahalf hourlong, insane, emotional, misinforming, propagandistic press conference. But at least this reporter asked the question that was on all of our minds whats happening . stephen folks, we have got a show for you tonight. Ill get in my pajamas with the great Cate Blanchett and cbs news chief medical correspondent, dr. Jon lapook is here to answer your questions about the pandemic. But, when we return, bernie, biden, barack. Its on stick around. You ready for this . Boost mobile has a new upgraded network eeeeyyoooooouuuu get ready for a stronger signal, faster speeds and more coverage. So you can do more of this. A little bit of that. And a lot of whatever this is. Boost mobile has changed the game get a new upgraded network and get ready to change yo life step up with boost mobiles new upgraded Network Stronger signal. Faster speeds. More coverage. Switch and get 4 free lg k51 phones. As an essential service, were committed to keeping you connected by remaining open. And we want you to know that the starbucks app is the easiest way to find your store, order ahead, pay, and pick up your favorites. We cant wait to see you again. Thanks for sharing your savage moves, and especially your awkward ones. 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Com [m come now set they togepast on fire stand up raise your face to the sky my love together we can take it higher together we can take it higher together we can take it higher stephen welcome back, everybody. Say hi to our friend jon batiste. Jon hello stephen hello, friend. Hey, im going to be talking to jonathan lapook, chief medical correspondent for cbs news in just a minute. Do you have a question for him about the pandemic . Jon oh, wow, so many questions. When is this going to be over . Thats the biggest question. Stephen i will start with this, what, is the exit strategy . All right, done. All right, all right, i got to go. Can you give us a little taste before we go . Jon yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a little taste of something. Stephen jon batiste, everybody. Jon hey, there stephen goodbye, my friend. Jon byebye. Have a good one. Stephen turning to a smaller story, the 2020 election. Ever since joe biden wrapped up the democratic primary, theres one endorsement hes been waiting for president barack obama, seen here remembering. Well, today, president obama dropped this video on bidens youtube channel, and started on a casual note. Hi, everybody stephen hi, hi hey, so happy to see you wow, its been way too long listen, theres a lot weve got to catch up on. Did you know that the president after you is that guy donald trump from the pizza hut commercials . It has been a dozy of a few years. I dont know where to start. Okay, here we go. The day after the inauguration, he claimed his crowd sizes were you know what, never mind. Ill send you some links. Hows Richard Branson . Where have you been . Im sorry. This isnt fair. Go ahead. You were endorsing someone . Im so proud to endorse joe biden for president of the United States. Choosing joe to be my Vice President was one of the best decisions i ever made. And he became a close friend. Stephen as biden thats yabba, dabba, true. Told ya me n barack are besties and that proves it. I also do have a girlfriend up in canada. Shes superhot, and we went to third base behind the five and dime. Shes just too busy to come down and campaign with me. Now obama laid out all the ways biden outshines our current president when joe talks about opportunity for our kids, we hear the young father who took the train home each night so he could tuck his children into bed. And we hear the influence of jill, a lifelong teacher. Stephen yes, jill has been very good with one particular student, who has some behavioral issues, because evidentially hes a biter. Obama also expanded on the biggest appeal of bidens presidency other people. I know hell surround himself with good people experts, scientists, military officials who actually know how to run the government. Stephen hey hey, now, mister leave trumps staff alone. Its full of the worlds top sonsinlaws, fox news castoffs, scarecrows that wish to be media representatives, and Brain Surgeons who are in charge of housing, for some reason. Obama also talked about how times have changed since his first campaign. I could not be prouder of the incredible progress that we made together during my presidency. But, if i were running today, i wouldnt run the same race or have the same platform as i did in 2008. Stephen haha. Wouldnt it be funny if you did run for president again . Wouldnt that be hilarious . Or michelle . Or, how old are the girls now . Or bo . Whats bo doing . Nothing in the rulebook says a dog cant be president. Obama also reached out to supporters of bernie sanders, knowing that joe biden cannot win the presidency without them. Bernies an american original, a man who has devoted his life to giving voice to working peoples hopes, dreams, and frustrations. Stephen right now, mostly the frustration part. And he laid out the stakes in november. Our countrys future hangs on this election. And it wont be easy. The other side has a massive war chest. The other side has a Propaganda Network with little regard for the truth. Stephen as obama so this time around, were taking a page out of their book. Joe is the strongest, sharpest, youngest man ever to run for president , and hes going to give everyone a pony you can have sex with. Vote biden sex horse 2020. Well be right back with your questions for cbs chief medical correspondent, dr. Jonathan lapook. Thats right, i went from sex horse to lapook. No transition. Anita Sampson vo i was born during a quarantine. For my mother, it was a very difficult time. But she wasnt alone. Everybody tried to do what they could to help. We can get through this. We all have the strength to do it. Ive seen it. [laughs] for your worst sore throat pain, try Vicks Vapocool drops. Its not candy, its powerful relief. 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