About it. Youll not only get whats written in the book but also exclusive outtakes. So visit audible and download john boltons book as sung by michael bolton. St its a late show with tonight justice is flynnnished. Plus, stephen welcomes jon stewart featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen lets it. Okay, lets do it. Thank you, thank you for your burst of energy. Welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Hey, do you guys remember Michael Flynn . Its been a long, strange saga, so let me catch you up. Jim . Previously on Michael FlynnMichael Flynn resigning after the shortest tenure ever in that post. Retired general Michael Flynn pleaded guilty today to lying to the f. B. I. Flynns attorneys tonight filing a motion to withdraw his guilty plea. The other side of the Michael Flynn story, the judge proceed with possible prosecution. Dont you ever go after my bleep husband and now tonights episode of Michael Flynn. Stephen welcome to Michael Flynn, where, just like every flynn, where, just like every prestige drama these days, were not afraid to kill off beloved, characters, because in this episode, were bumping off lady justice. This morning, a federal Appeals Court ordered the the judge to dismiss the criminal case against Michael Flynn. Well im sure he learned his lesson that rich, well connected people dont have to learn lessons. The order to dismiss the case without review is called a writ of mandamus, which is also the name of a poorly received harry potter courtroom novel. as harry potter your honor, expecto objectum this comes even though Michael Flynn already twice pleaded guilty of lying to the fbi. But, in the end, it was just a case of he said. That he did it, twice. Amd the whole thing feels fishy. The two judges who ruled in flynns favor have a history of seeing eyetoeye with the trump administration. And one of them, judge neomi rao, is a former white house official whom trump appointed to the Appeals Court last year. Look, im not saying shes in trumps pocket, but i was suspicious when she gave that ramp the death penalty. This ruling means the politicization of the Justice Department has sunk to ne lows. But i guess we should have expected that. After all, it is literally run by a low barr. So congratulations, Michael Flynn. Youre off the hook. You can now go back to your day job of peddling influence to foreign powers for cash. Turns out, trumps right and maybe too fast, because the coronavirus pandemic is nowhere near over. One sure sign im still broadcasting from my den with jackson say a prayer for the pretender. If anything, the plague is getting worse. Yesterday, the number of new cases grew to their highest levels since april. What . April come on we have to have made progress since april. I dont want to go back. Five months . 10 years . Its impossible to know. You have to cut me open and count the rings in my gut. Im well marbled. The covid spikes are especially bad in three states florida reported a new daily high of 5,508 cases. Texas reported more than 5,000 cases, its largest singleday total yet. And arizona added more than 3,600 cases, also a record. Okay, that sounds bad, but remember, in arizona, its a dry death. Dark humor stephen thanks, grimy. Things are so bad in the rest of the country that new york, new jersey and connecticut will now require certain outofstate travelers to quarantine upon arrival. So if youre from out of state and want to the tristate area is not alone. With cases surging in the united states, the European Union is prepared to block americans from entering. Well, fine europe. We didnt want to go there anyway. Instead of partying in ibitha, im partying in kanthathity. As i said, one of the biggest coronavirus surges is happening in arizona. And yesterday, they introduced another wellknown disease vector donald trump. The president was there to give a speech to a tightlypacked auditorium of supporters, most of whom werent wearing masks. The only way it wouldve been more risky is if hed revved up the crowd with a hepatitis cannon. The venue for trumps event was a megachurch called dream city. Its like a regular church, but you forgot that you have a test, youre naked, and youre at your cousin louis house. But its not his house, but it is his house . And then your teeth fall out. And though it was only a crowd of 3,000, trump was jazzed. There is something going on. You feel it, right . You feel the spirit. as trump oh, yeah that crowd was feeling the spirit. It was in the air spreading like a fever. I wouldnt be surprised if their lungs were filling up with spirit juice. Trump weighed in on pandemic nomenclature. Now remember, its called covid19 because its a combination of the words coronavirus, disease, and 2019, the year it was discovered. But trump apparently has not been briefed. Covid. Covid19. Covid. I said, what is the 19 . Covid19 . Some people cant explain what the 19 give me the covid19. Stephen yes, some people who head our government cant understand why its called covid19. Just like those same people exaent explain where the word brunch, comes from. Hes heard rumors that its a combination of breakfast nd unch. Trump compared himself to the radical democrats and made an interesting contrast. While their movement is based on hate, ours is based on love. Stephen yes, trumps all about love. L. Is for the way kim looks at me. O is for the only one gcs. V is vaddy putin. Hes so rootintootin e. Is even more dictators i do adore yes, lost was made for them and me. Badada. Im loving it we saved that incredible statue. You saw it last night. And restored peace and order to the streets. And these people fought back and the Law Enforcement was much tougher, much sharper. Much better. They really had no trouble handling them. It was like handling a baby for him, was just like a baby. Stephen note to self never hire trump as a babysitter. Little johnnys finally asleep. He was difficult, but dont worry, i handled your baby like a baby. With tear gas and flash grenades, and he cried like a dog. Thats 20 an hour. Plus, trump must have been happier with his arizona rally than his catastrophic rally in tulsa over the weekend. If you recall, he ended the evening with a shamble of shame, necktie dangling like somebody who tried to turn into the hulk but got bored halfway through. Pretty sad sight. But not if you Ask Donald Trump the lesser. Because last night, don jr. Posted a photo of his father to instagram with a reposted caption that read, the left is attempting to use it as a negative. Its not. This is the look far too many of us that have worked a night shift or a 48hour shift or with. Now, i know what youre thinking but, don jr. Actually has worked a 48hour shift, just not in a row. 48 hours is his yearly average. Don juniored on this is, been working my ass off for the american people, good oldfashion exhaustion, born of love; not for what your doing, but who your doing it for. Okay, donald trump has not been working his ass off for the american people. Or anyone else. How do i know . I can prove it. Heres his ass. Its all there. Last night, there were primary elections in new york, mississippi, virginia, north carolina, and kentucky. There were huge victories, shocking upsets, and nailbiting squeakers. One imagines. Because we dont really know a lot yet. Thanks to the coronavirus, most people voted by mail, so in some states it will be at least a week until winners are known. A week . Who the hell knows what shape the country will be in by then . We could all be trading our children for scrap metal and worshipping the spice lords. No ones going to stop siphoning fuel out of a hijacked tanker truck to say, oh, look, Glenn Anderson is kentuckys new comptroller this delay in the result does not bode well for november. Because you know that feeling you had between 9 00 p. M. And midnight on Election Night 2016 . Ge ready to be that drunk for five days. The point is, this election is not going to be a sprint. Its going to be a marathon, in that, before its over, youre going to poop your pants, and your nipples are going to bleed. Things are not looking good for trump, by the way. In a new poll conducted by the New York TimesSiena College doritos locos crunch wrap the president is trailing joe biden by 14 points. That is joementum hes an unstoppable force, as long as he never leaves his basement. You stay down there, joe even if you win, you stay down there. Its going to take a few months to fumigate the burger farts out of the oval office one disturbing part of this poll was the fact that 14 of voters would vote for another candidate, would not vote, or did not know. Did not know . How the hell do you live through three and half years of donald trump and have no opinion . Whats that . Whos president . Donald trump . The guy from the apprentice . Well, i missed that. I was bingewatching a marathon of kevin spacey movies. What the group that really cant stand trump is collegeeducated white women. In 2016, Hillary Clinton a collegeeducated white woman won this group by just seven percentage point. Biden wins by 39 percentage points. as trump hey, women, what did i ever do to you . And before you answer, please sign this n. D. Biden s now trump among male voters, whites, older . But thats trumps base. Jimmy, can we get a picture of those voters . Ah, there they arent. Trump still has a chance because of the electoral college. Hahahahaha stephen a little late. A plitle late. But even the people who plan to vote for him dont like him. A texas republican, whos definitely voting for trump, put it like this part of you just feels icky voting for him. Yep, voting for trump is just a dirty feeling. Thats why, in texas, democrats get voting booths, and republicans get voting showers. Gaahhh, im dirty dirty. Think about the tax cuts. Im still dirty. Weve got a great show for tonight. Jon stewart is here thats right our old friend jon. Stick around. Again . Uh, fifteen minutes could save you 15 or more on Car Insurance. I think were gonna swap over to over seventyfive years of savings and service. What, were just gonna swap over . Yep. Pump the breaks on this, swap it over to that. Pump the breaks, and, uh, swap over . Thats right. Instead of all this that ive already . Yeah. What are we gonna do with these . Keep it at your desk, and save it for next time. Geico. Over 75 years of savings and service. 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Down the road, youll be grateful you bought a volkswagen today. Stephen welcome back, everybody. Well, folks, its official scientists have declared that 2020 is the longest year on record. And as we enter summer, i think its vital we reflect on what weve gone through and begin the conversation on where we want to end up at the conclusion of this tumultuous year, discover who we are. And since it is summer, i strongly believe that conversation requires a thorough examination into the history of the corn dog, americas summertime treat. Now, bear with me, because i stayed up all night thinking about this. Minnesota state fair, 1941, because this probably goes without saying, but before we can even get to corn dogs, we must address the pronto pup. Dog. Batter. Stick so simple, but also knocking did you just hear some knocking . Do we have knocking. Thats coming hold on. This is coming from the desk. Hold on. Oh, my god its jon stewart hello . Hello. Stephen jon oh, my god stephen . Stephen oh, my god, jon, hold on. Ill take you out of the desk. Stephen, thank you so much. Stephen oh, jon. Look, oh, johnny. Jon. First of all, thank you so much stephen, it was so dark in there, and i was so scared. I didnt know what happened. Stephen im sor sorry. Im kept the drawer closed for months to keep the coronavirus away from you. I was taking ketamine, and i got in the desk, and the next thing i know, i cant see anything. Stephen jon, weve talked about your khole. I know. Stephen you got you gotta watch it, man. Im trying. The down town, baby is not good for me. Stephen how are you . How are you weathering the covid quarantining with your lovely family . Well, everybody is doing agreement. Thank you so much for asking. And stephen im required to ask. It says shiask. Oh, is that stephen thank you for thanking me. You actually knew how i was doing because i talked to you yesterday and the day before that. Stephen and today for a little bit. And today for a little bit as well, but its good to have a more formal stephen sure, but as performers, nothing means anything unless an audience sees how you feel. Thats an excellent point and i didnt even know how i was doing until you just asked me just now. Stephen so, jon, how are you doing . Stephen, look at me. Im going full Christopher Lloyd in stephen i can beat you. What do you think . Stephen i can beat you. That is a lush mane we are rocking lush manes. Stephen whats up . Im going full einstein, but i think you might be going full shining. Stephen i might be going yahoo serious. You know what is the saddest thing about this, stephen. Stephen what . You know, as someone who is just really on the dividing line of of those that the c. D. C. Would say, put yourself in a hyperbarrack chamber and dont come out until 2025. Stephen i know. Im now considered old enough that this is a preexisting condition. I wanted to read up on it, so i was reading about the 1918 pandemic. Stephen right, because we havent gone through anything like this for 100 years. Thats exactly right. Stephen well, what did they do . So, heres whats crazy about it. The 1918 pandemic, the advice that they gave was dont try and stay inside and if you dont stay inside, wear a mask and socially distance. And i was like. Stephen organization no oh, no. I was hoping it would make me feel better. I thought there was going to be some oldtimey, like, drink apple sider and mercury, and that will be the elixir for your vitality. Stephen nobody. Its 102 years. We literally just been driving in circle s. Stephen i think there are a lot of nobel prizes that should be taken away. They havent made any improvement over the last 102 years, somebody screwed up. I feel like the last big improvement was during the black death, the plague, somebody went, should we be going to the bathroom in the drinking water, or is that something we should stop in . Stephen the biggest improvement in the last one years they came up with that novelty soap that bleeds when you when you get it all soapy, that you buy in the book of a comic book. That is that is that is and xray glasses that you can bay, and you can just see through peoples clothes. Gli know. That works. These but i thought i was going to find comfort in some sort of bizarreliant 80ed lack of understanding like, you could take a drill bit and try to put it in your head. Exact same advice. Stephen what do you think of the governments response . How do you think theyve handled it so far . Jon . Im linking s. O. S. To you in morse code. I dont know if you could stephen i thought we lost the satellite feed for a secretary. Dotdotdoot, dashdask hashdash, dot, dot, dot. I think theyre doing best they can. I think the politicization of just basic hygiene has been, i think, one of the more surprising aspects that stephen like wearing a mask, where a mask has become a political statement. The dont tread on me snake is the symbol of tirny. Stephen i will not wear your covid berka. Thats exactly right. Its the garb of the authoritarian. Its the swastika arm band. Its the brown shirt. And i keep thinking to myself, they wear those in operating rooms, right . They do that not because theyre listening to npr. Im pretty sure so they dont put their i just want to say to all those people like, so the next time you get an operation, you just say to the doctor you take that liberal bleep somewhere else. You come in here with no covering. You dont wash those hands. And you stick them in my open wound, because im an american. Stephen i want to tell you my Conspiracy Theory is this entire mask thing is all just a puton. Its a conspiracy by the altoids people, because when you put that mask on and you get a big blast of your own mask breath, youre like, this would knock a buzzard off a bleep wagon. What is what have i been eating . Can i tell you something . One one of the first things i did when the mandate came down if youre going to go out you should wear a mask was apologize to my Family Opinion i put the mask on, and i drove around, and i came home and i said, guys, i just want to tell you, i had no idea. laughter and im terribly sorry. I understand now why youre in your rooms most of the time. Stephen uhhuh. And i will engage in a more socially distanced way of dealing with you until i can clarify this. Stephen jon, you know how tv works. We having to take a break. Dont go away. Well be right back with more jon stewart. Try drive up at target. Contactless delivery right to your car, designed for your day. Your moves. Your style. Your taste. So quick and easy. Just download the target app today. [shouting] [clapping balslanging]uting] room for seven. And much, much more. The firstever glb. Get 0 apr financing up to 36 months on most models, and 90day firstpayment deferral on any model. Killer attitude. Nevor hydration. 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