Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 2024

KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert July 12, 2024

It was wrong and delicious. Then in 1926, we again tookued giuseppes mamma mia. Thats a spicy buckwheat gravy. But we were not finished. In 1950, after a minor uproar, we decided to stop selling cousin abrahams meshuganah flapjack schmaltz. And now, a merely 70 years later, were discontinuing aunt jemima. You have spoken, and we listened. But dont worry, youll still have plenty of options for your breakfast topping like chairman wows revolutionary waffle yaki. What . Since when its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight dangerous curve ahead. Plus, stephen welcomes senator Kamala Harris and musical guests milky chance and jack johnson featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert could you do that . Could you clip that off . Would you be comfortable doing that . Yeah. Stephen okay, later. Later. Welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Weve all been quarantining for months, and ive been going a little stircrazy. But thats completely normal, according to my therapist, dr. Kahlua. And the danger is not going to pass anytime soon, because 20 states are now seeing a rise in coronavirus cases, and florida, texas, and arizona all just set records for the most cases they have reported in a single day. Coronavirus is surging. Or, as trump put it the Great American comeback. Stephen every epidemiologist warned us not to open up too soon. This is the most Predictable Health outcome since the c. D. C. Published its landmark study health projections and inflammation results of stickin your penis in that hornets nest. Several states in the south and southwestern u. S. Opened for business despite those warnings, and now covid is seeing a steady spread across the sun belt. So the exact thing that we were told would happen is now happening, and youd have to be a complete idiot to deny it. knocking wait, whos that at the dumb door . Why, its Vice President mike pence, seen here repenting for eating a jalapeno popper. as pence i swear, mother, i thought it was a hush puppy. Dont tell ice. On monday, on a call with governors, pence tried to blame the rising infection numbers on an increase in testing, because for pence, the real disease is knowledge, and you can catch it through the eyes and the ears. So hes going to need a new mask. And yesterday, pence cranked up the makebelieve and ripped off the knob with an oped in the wall street journal entitled there isnt a coronavirus second wave. great news for all the thousands of people who checked into hospitals this week. You can go home turns out, you were faking it for all the free pudding. Pences argument is that, despite all evidence to the contrary, we should not freak out, writing, the media has taken to sounding the alarm bells over coronavirus infections. Such panic is overblown. Every time youve said something about covid is overblown, youve been wrong i think the panic is perfectly blown. Like, in terms of how this panic is blown, lets just say the panic is having an amazing birthday. Now, keep in mind, pence is the same medical genius who only 20 years ago wrote an article arguing that despite the hysteria from the Political Class and the media, smoking doesnt kill. You do not want mike pence as your doctor. as pence i am afraid have bad news. Im afraid your lung xray shows arapidly growing mass of media hysteria. A prescription for coolmenthol flavor. Itll relax your tzone. Fortunately, we are also hearing from someone who actually knows stuff, the nations top epidemiologist, dr. Anthony fauci, seen here washing your hands with his eyes. Fauci had some good news. Theres no need for a second lockdown for covid19. Whoohoo burn your masks, lick the groceries, tear down your sex wall were free is what i would say if i didnt actually read the article. Because it turns out, despite the headline, what fauci actually said was, i dont like to talk about a second wave right now, because we havent gotten out of our first wave. Come on, tony dont play us like that. Thats like saying, honey, i promise im not going to cheat on you again, because i never stopped cheating on you the first time. Come on in, diane youre gonna like her. Come on in unfounately, theres no wa the president knows how bad things are, because fauci says he has not talked with trump in two weeks. Well, thats just common medical sense. When youre exposed to trump, you want to quarantine for 14 days to make sure you havent been infected with morona virus. Symptoms include rampshuffle and restless douche syndrome. Fauci broke some other disturbing news. Remember how at the beginning of the pandemic, Public Health experts said, dont wear masks, and then later said, oh, yeah, wear masks . Well, heres a reason why were we told later in the spring to wear them when we were initially told not to . Well, the reason for that is we were concerned the Public Health community, and many people were saying this were concerned that it was at a time when personal protective equipment, including the n95 masks and the surgical masks, were in very short supply. So, there was not enthusiasm about going out and everybody buying a mask or getting a mask. We were afraid that that would deter away from the people who really needed it. Stephen okay, that makes logical sense, but its not an excuse for lying to the american public. You could have told us to wear a bandanna over our faces, or a scarf, or eat a whole giant container of cheese balls and then shove the empty plastic jar over our heads. I would have done that i have done that. Fauci also made it clear that we should not be rushing to reopen. When asked if he would attend trumps upcoming rally in tulsa, he replied, no, adding that, when it came to trumps rallies outside is better than inside, no crowd is better than crowd, and crowd is better than big crowd. And if the president needs a visual reference for what an outside, notbig crowd looks like, its this. You were ahead of your time, sir. Now, were learning more details about trumps lawsuit trying to block the publication of a new book by former National Security adviser and the scrubbing bubbles disapproving grandfather, john bolton. The Justice Department is suing bolton for breaching his non disclosure agreement. Experts are calling the lawsuit one of the most extreme attempts to stop a former trump adviser from recounting his experience. And it aint going to work. First of all, theyve already distributed too many copies of the room where it happened specifically, to my room, where its happening. Second, according to one expert, every time the government has tried to prevent someone from publishing what they believe to be classified, they have lost. For more, we turn to cbs legal analyst, walter sobchak. Walter . For your information, the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint. Stephen thank you for that analysis, walter. Any other message for the president . Forget it, donnie, youre out of your element. Stephen thank you, walter. Trumps lawsuit claims boltons book didnt finish the pre publication process. But after rounds of edits ending in late april, the National Security official who reviewed the book determined that the latest version of the manuscript no longer contained classified information. Oh. But less than a week later you okay over there . Yeah. Stephen but less than a week later, the white house started another official review that came at the request of National Security adviser robert obrien. And the white house has now taken longer to review the book than bolton did to write it. Thats why boltons already working on the sequel the room where the room where it happened almost didnt happen. And you can see why trump is so desperate to kill this book. Because this afternoon, several newspapers published excerpts. And i cant believe im saying this its worse than even i imagined. Lets start small. Bolton writes that during trumps 2018 meeting with kim jongun, pompeo slipped bolton a note disparaging the president , saying, he is so full of bleep . Not a great sign when youre meeting with a murderous dictator and your team is passing mean notes about you. According to bolton, trumps ignorance is near bottomless. Apparently, trump didnt seem to know that britain was a Nuclear Power and asked if finland were part of russia. Now, you can understand his confusion there, because under trump, it feels like were kind of part of russia. russian music kremslam stephen i wish you could have seen my legs. I was just amazing. Bolton also says that Intelligence Briefings were a waste of time since much of the time was spent listening to trump, rather than trump listening to the briefers. as trump ugh, i dont know why they call this a brief when it goes on so long. Change of subject. Here are my favorite ways to eat potatoes in order of preference fried, french fried, deep fried, you writing this down . Tater tottled, mashed, smashed, waffled, and curly. Not a fan of the curly, okay . Its a meal, not an obstacle course. Anyway, whats next . Nukes . You cant nuke fries. They get all mushy. Turns out trump made it a habit to ask Foreign Countries to interfere in our elections. Bolton writes that trump directly asked chinas xi to buy Agricultural Products to help him win farm states in 2020 and was pleading with xi to ensure hed win. as trump xi, please, buy the wheat, or im dead meat also, arizona is not looking good for me, so im going to need you guys to buy a lot of iced tea. Now heres where the story goes from amoral idiocy to downright evil because bolton writes at the osaka g20 meeting in 2019, xi had explained to trump why he was basically building concentration camps in xinjiang. Trump said xi should go ahead with building the camps, which trump thought was exactly the right thing to do. I have no doubt that those chinese concentration camps are horrible. But you know, trump is a builder. Im sure he hooked up xi with a great contractor, maybe the same guy who built trumps baby cages. Bolton should not have been surprised by this regime he joined. When he arrived at the white house, bolton said chief of staff john kelly gave him a warning. You cant imagine how desperate i am to get out of here. This is a bad place to work, as you will find out. Sound like working there was like the movie get out except the characters were much more hostile to black people. But while were on the subject, boo bleep hoo, general. Its the white house, not dairy queen. If its this horrible place, youre obligated to tell the world about the crimes and save the nation, not privately bitch about it with your buddy until teres an opening at Cold Stone Creamery and it gets more disturbing. Bolton describes a meeting in 2019 where trump said journalists should be jailed so they have to divulge their sources these people should be executed, they are scumbags. Now, he may have said that, but i doubt trump would ever execute a journalist. Hed ask jared to have his saudi friends do it. But maybe most damning of all is boltons description of trumps pattern of corruption. He described several episodes where the president expressed willingness to halt criminal investigations to, in effect, give personal favors to dictators he liked, citing cases involving major firms in china and turkey. Adding, the pattern looked like obstruction of justice as a way of life, which we couldnt accept. Damn right john bolton knew it was wrong to stand idly by and accept the president repeatedly obstructing justice he knew that the right thing was to stand idly by and wait for that book deal. See you tuesday, sir weve got a great show for you tonight. My guest tonight is senator Kamala Harris. Stick around. How fast does dove dry spray actually dry . Lets see. Its dry. Theres no dry time makes us wonder why we booked fifteensecond ad slots dries instantly and keeps you protected for fortyeighthours. Theyre going to be paying for this for a long time. They will, but with accident forgiveness allstate wont raise your rates just because of an accident, even if its your fault. Cut sonny. Was that good . Line the desert never lies. Isnt that what i said . No you were talking about allstate and insurance. I just. When i. Lets try again. Everybody back to one. Accident forgiveness from allstate. Click or call for a quote today. Well the names have all changed since you hung around but those dreams have remained and theyve turned around whod have thought theyd lead ya back here where we need ya welcome back, america. It sure is good to see you. A lot of folks ask me why their dishwasher doesnt get everything clean. I tell them, it may be your detergent. Thats why more dishwasher brands recommend cascade platinum. With the soaking, scrubbing and rinsing built right in. For sparklingclean dishes, the first time. Cascade platinum. Stephen hey, everybody, welcome back to a late show. Lets go to my favorite part of the evening and say hello to our friend, mr. Jon batiste. scatting jon whoo stephen i mean, its a dance craze, jon. Jon oh, yes. Stephen its going to explode on tiktok. Jon what are we going to call it . What are we calling it . What is it . Stephen the batiste . I dont know, you started it. I was just trying to copy you. Jon yeah. Stephen jon batiste, everybody. Ill see you tomorrow, man. Jon yes, indeed, lay it on stephen joining me tonight is the former California Attorney general and president ial candidate who currently serves as only the second black female senator in u. S. History. Please welcome back to a late show, senator Kamala Harris. Senator, thank you for being here. Its great to be with you again. Stephen its really good to see you again. Before we get started, we just learned right before the interview, the officer, officer rolfe, who shot Rayshard Brooks in atlanta, has been charged with homicide. Have you looked at any of the charges and what is the significance of this . Well, one significance of it is that the District Attorney there, clearly from the first moments of the incident and the tragedy, took it seriously. He started an investigation, and i think swiftly addressed the issue. And so, now its now they go to trial, and theyll proceed to trial, and these are difficult cases, but i have confidence in the ability of that prosecutor to seek justice and to achieve justice. Stephen it seems like a simple thing to have happen, especially since theres video evidence. But i think it shows its kind of a low bar that the Police Departments and District Attorneys have to get over in order to address some of the issues of the protesters in the streets. If if someone shoots an unarmed man, black or white, that person should face consequences. It it so, part of what im fighting for right here in d. C. Right now is that we have a package of bills that weve named the justice in policing act. My partner on this, on the senate side is senator cory booker from new jersey. We are members of the congressional black caucus, which is leading it on the house side, with congresswoman karen bass. One of the components of the justice in policing act is exactly your point, stephen. Its about the fact when these cases go to court on the issue of excessive force, in most jurisdictions right now the question that was asked is was that use of force reasonable . As you and i know you can reason away just about anything. What we are pushing for is instead there would be a more just and fair question which is to ask, was that use of force necessary . So, changing the standard to actually meet the point, which is that when we are looking at these cases around the country, there have been cases that have been charged and brought, but the bar is so high, its almost insurmountable, which means that the communities and the families of these victims do not see justice. And so that is part of what we need to do to really restructure the way we are handling these cases. Stephen i know that we had we had senator booker on, and i know that the two of you are working on this legislation. Yes. Stephen and introducing it into the senate. Mcconnell has announced tim scotts justice act, that will go to the floor. Will you vote to advance that to debate . And if not, whats it missing for you . Well, so, i i think that senator scott is well intentioned, but, frankly, the what what has been proposed just has no teeth. We need accountability and consequences. It is an interesting thing, stephen, when we talk about the criminal justice system, we will often use the phrase consequence and accountability, as it relates to someone who is arrested, but rarely as it relates to the system itself and those people working within the system. And what the people who are, by the thousands in 50 states of america marching for, is that there be equal justice under law as we promise as an ideal, a founding ideal of our country. Were not doing that right now. And part of the reason were not doing that is we are not Holding Police officers who break the rules and break the law, we are not holding them accountable. And theres not serious consequence. And so, our bill does that. What ive seen in terms of what was offered today on the republican side, it talks about training. Well, weve been training folks. It talks about a number of things that are not about serious consequence and accountability for bad behaviors. Stephen President Trump issued an executive order yesterday, i believe. Yeah. Stephen was there anything meaningful in there from what you saw . No, its window dressing. But then thats usually what we get out of President Trump. No. And, again, the point here is that people are demanding change. Listen, there is frankly, the sad reality of it is that when we look at what happened in the murder of george floyd, when we look at breonna taylor, when we look at these cases that have repeatedly happened in our country, just most recently, but in the c just only 30 years. Im not going to even require you to go back to emmett till. Go back to rodney king. These are not new grievances, but they have gone unaddressed because the system is flawed, in that it has not held bad actors accountable for bad acts. And thats what we are pushing for.

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