So call the number on your screen and help these troubled dogs, before this happens im donald trump, and i am going to hump your leg. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, masking for a friend. Plus, stephen welcomes w. Kamau bell. And the chicks. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen what do you mean . Oh, did he do that . Did the dog eat your shoes . Yeah, yeah, you knew that. Stephen i thought it was a different pair that he ate. Second pair. Stephen well, those look id chew those. laughter welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. If you havent checked the sports pages today, coronavirus is still winning. The United States reported its secondhighest single day total of new cases yesterday, just behind the record set the day before. I know this because i looked it up in the i need a guinness book of world records. Now, with all these cases, governors and mayors are scrambling to issue new mask orders. That seems a little late. Its like deciding not to send a mothers day card, then going, ah, what the hell happy fourth of july, mom. I wasnt wearing a mask when i signed this. Please wash your hands. One of the maskycomelatelys is alabama governor and lady at the bake sale who just lied about the brownies being glutenfree, kay ivey. Governor ivey has been holding out on masks, but alabama just hit their singleday death record, so yesterday, ivey issued a statewide mask order. And to make the order more palatable to alabama voters, the masks will be deepfried. One elected official whos not giving in to the health huggers is georgia governor and face born for a mask, brian kemp. Yesterday, kemp explicitly banned localities from ordering people to wear masks. So, not only is Governor Kemp doing nothing, hes stopping other people from doing anything. And to make matters worse, he Just Launched a new Georgia Public Health campaign lick the elderly, its the law to emphasize how antimask kemp really is when donald trump landed in atlanta yesterday, kemp greeted him at the airport with a mask dangling from his ear. Look, buddy, either wear the damn thing or dont. Thats like surveying a Nuclear Accident with your hazmat suit tied around your shoulders. And theres more troubling pandemic news, because yesterday, we learned that Russian Hackers have launched cyberattacks on covid19 research centers. So, the russians are getting americas coronavirus data . Could they share it with us . And its not just any data. Specifically, the Russian Hackers were attempting to steal Coronavirus Vaccine research. So if theyre successful, its only a matter of time before we start getting spam for bootleg coronavirus cures. russian accent very make health, super impress, lack of dying plus turgid member all night drive women go crazynuts wow wow wow buy now the attack was perpetrated by a group named apt29, also known as cozy bear, or their new alias, the dukes. Oh, i knew we couldnt trust those boys and their confederate car revving engine, banjo music looks likes them duke boys disruptin democracy with rootin tootin putin stephen this isnt the first time the dukes, aka cozy bear, have attacked the United States, because cozy bear was one of the groups accused of breaking into the d. N. C. Network and stealing emails ahead of the 2016 president ial election. So, dont be surprised on Election Night when its announced that the next president of the United States is senator corinne a. Virus. But for once, russia is the second biggest hacking story of the day, because yesterday, major twitter accounts were hacked in a bitcoin scam. Now, if youre not familiar, a bitcoin scam is anything involving bitcoin. The hack targeted the accounts of people like barack obama, joe biden, mike bloomberg, elon musk, and kanye west, with messages like im giving back to the community due to covid19. All bitcoin sent to my address below will be sent back doubled. If you send 1,000, i will send back 2,000. If obama and biden were promising free money, it would have been the biggest political scam since eisenhower roped canada into amway. To prevent the breach from spreading, twitter disabled verified twitter users ability to tweet and modify their accounts for Hours Wednesday evening. Luckily, i was able to keep tweeting on my secret secondary account, as francois perfecto. The problem is, twitter didnt disable just celebrity accounts. As a result, when the National Weather service declared a tornado watch for parts of southern illinois, the agencys regional twitter account found itself unable to warn residents of the danger. Thats why i follow only unverified tornado accounts. ding oh, hold on. ding echoes a little late. A little late with that sound, id say ive already acted like ive heard it. evie laughs oh, wow, a house just fell on a witch. Man, her sisters going to be pissed. evie laughs got that reference. I did. Stephen yes, you did. We still dont know the identity of the hackers, but experts say that the fact that they attacked now, instead of waiting until closer to the election, suggests that they are criminals rather than government operatives. What . That makes no sense you dont just hack an election without doing a test drive. Its like the fast furious movies. You dont lead with fleeing a submarine across a siberian ice flow, thats crazy youve got to start small, just with cars, you work your way up to a tokyo drift, then you have the rock redirect a torpedo with his bare hands. Otherwise, it just seems far fetched. Twitter c. E. O. Jack dorsey took to. Well, twitter. To express his discontent, saying we all feel terrible this happened. Fun fact we all feel terrible this happened is twitters official motto. evie laughs the country laughter lot of laughter tonight im enjoying this. Are you tired or are you enjoying this . I thought it was funny. Stephen thank you very much. The country is in crisis, but the white house is doing everything they can to stop the coronaviruss enemy anthony fauci. Trumps cronies have attacked fauci in the press, dug up Opposition Research on him, and stopped meeting with him at the white house. But still, faucis more popular than ever. Case in point, he is the cover model of instyle magazine. Huminah, huminah i think we found the latest hotspot do those novelty socks go all the way up . But perhaps the most stylish component of the good doctors outfit is those shades. Holy c. S. I. Miami, batman. as david caruso will we have a treatment . That remains to be. Vacseen. I dont know if this vaccines going to work, but its worth. A shot. I havent spoken to the president in months. Hes avoiding me like. The plague. Now, dr. Fauci appearing on the cover of instyle magazine is a historic moment for american medicine. Almost as significant as that Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition featuring louis pasteur. Hey, remember the 2020 president ial election . Its still happening. And according to a recent poll, biden now has a 15point advantage over trump. Woohoo joe, youre doing great by doing nothing. Stay in the basement. Someone toss a crate of ensure down the steps and yank the knob off the door right now, its less a case of biden beating trump and more a case of trump beating trump, because according to another poll, 72 say the u. S. Is on the wrong track. That is a devastating number. But, who are the 28 who look around and say, yeah, this feels right america is in perfect shape for me, an agoraphobic germaphobe with a fetish for face coverings. Now if youll excuse me, im going to go collect my urine in a jar. Even though biden is leading now, the election is still almost four months away. A lot can happen in four months. You know where i was four months ago . With other people. I had an audience. I touched their hands. Probably not a great idea even then. And i wont feel confident biden has won this thing until hes giving his first state of the union. And even then, part of me will be thinking, comey could still bleep this up. Of course, trump doesnt put too much stock in the polls. I think that the enthusiasm now is greater, and maybe far greater, than it was in 2016. I think a lot of people dont want to talk about it. I think theyre not going to say, hey, im for trump. Im for trump. Stephen if youre doing such a great job, then why are they embarrassed to say your name . When you propose to someone, you dont generally say, barbara, will you spend the rest of your life with me hiding in the attic so no one knows were married . In fact, trumps doing so well in the polls that, yesterday, he replaced his campaign manager. Ooh, yeah you always replace someone when things are going great. This soups delicious arrest the chef the guy trump pushed aside is former Trump Campaign manager and the official template for the n. F. L. Football, brad parscale. You may remember parscale from this tweet back in may for nearly three years we have been building a juggernaut Campaign Death star. It is firing on all cylinders. Data, digital, tv, political, surrogates, coalitions, etc. In a few days, we start pressing fire for the first time. Well, i believe we have footage of the moment trump canned parscale i find my low poll numbers disturbing. Stephen obviously, thats not real footage. Trump wouldnt wear a mask. But according to insiders, parscale hasnt been completely choked out, hes just been demoted. Because trump really cant fire brad he knows too much. as trump look, guys. We cant fire brad completely. Hes the one who has that map that shows where all the states are. With covid case numbers skyrocketing in much of the country, backtoschool season is looking more like backto laptop. In california, schools in los angeles, san diego and oakland will be doing full Distance Learning in the fall. And with so many of our nations young people stuck at home, teen dramas are going to have to adapt. And weve got a preview. Jim . This season on creekdale this story is about staying home. But when High School Goes online . Well, life doesnt just stop. Hey, broden, i didnt see you in social studies zoom. What gives . None of your business, kashleigh. I think it is my business, because were together. I saw your zoom chats. You sent them to everyone they were clearly meant for stashly. S ingy. Social distance much . Stash whoops, sorry thought i was on mute. Listen, kashleigh, can we just go somewhere and talk about this privately, like slack . Guys, come on. In these most difficult times, we sexy teens have to come together and. Bradison . I think youre frozen. Bradison . No, hes not frozen hes. Dead he died. From murder now hes finally out of our way. Come here, babe. Okay where are you . Oh, you go up. That way. You guys this fall on quibi. Were definitely still a thing. Stephen weve got a great show for you tonight. W. Kamau bell and the chicks are here. But when we come back, a new Service HelpsPeaceful Protesters get their message out. Stick around. Use . E e many otsou sho crest o active defense. It neutralizes bacteria for a healthier mouth than even the leading multibenefit toothpaste. Crest. And ask your doctor about biktarvy. Biktarvy is a complete, onepill, onceaday treatment used for hiv in certain adults. Its not a cure, but with one small pill, biktarvy fights hiv to help you get to and stay undetectable. Thats when the amount of virus is so low it cannot be measured by a lab test. Research shows people who take hiv treatment every day and get to and stay undetectable can no longer transmit hiv through sex. Serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. Rare, lifethreatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. Do not take biktarvy if you take dofetilide or rifampin. Tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take, if you are pregnant or breastfeeding, or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. If you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking biktarvy without talking to your doctor. Common side effects were diarrhea, nausea, and headache. If youre living with hiv, keep loving who you are. And ask your doctor if biktarvy is right for you. Killer attitude. Good moves. Or hydration. Neutrogena® hydro boost. The number 1 hyaluronic acid moisturizer instantly delivers 2 times the hydration. And keeps hydrating all day long. Running dry of supple, bouncy skin . Never hydro boost. Pair with hydro boost wipes to cleanse and hydrate. Neutrogena® they will, but with accident forgiveness allstate wont raise your rates just because of an accident. Cut is that good . No you were talking about allstate and. I just. When i. Accident forgiveness from allstate. Click or call for a quote today. Acc scratch that,ss baby, im grateful. Got to say its really been a while but now i got back that smile. Smile. Check everything off the list with lower prices and hundreds of deals. Get ready for school at target. Does your deodorant protect you all day . We put dove men care to the test with mike who transforms homes for those in need. I feel comfortable and protected all day long. Dove men care 48h freshness with triple action moisturizer. But what if you could startdo better than that . Like adapt. Discover. Deliver. In new ways. To new customers. What if you could come back stronger . Faster. Better. At comcast business, we want to help you not just bounce back. But bounce forward. And now, were committed to helping you do just that with a powerful and reliable internet and voice solution at a great price. Call or go online today. Stephen hey everybody, welcome back. Lets lets lets take a moment here and say hello to our friend, mr. Jon batiste. Hello, jon. laughter jon wow. Stephen always good to talk to you. We were just listening to a song by a friend of ours, mr. Ben folds. Jon oh, the great. What a song. Stephen called 2020. Its worth hearing. Jon yeah. Stephen its out there. Jon is he coming to play that one . Stephen i hope so. I hope so. Jon weve got to get him to come play it. Stephen i would be very grateful. Jon yeah. Its a great song, and it speaks to a lot of what we are facing right now. Stephen yeah, yeah. So, what song is on your mind right now . What have you been what have you been what have you been listening to the last 24 hours, my friend . Jon oh, my goodness. I have been listening to lift every voice and sing and trying to figure out how to capture the essence of that song. That song, you can play it in any genre. Stephen humming jon yeah stephen jon batiste, everybody. Thank you, jon. Ill see you later. Its been less than two months since the start of massive protests against racism and Police Brutality following the murder of george floyd, and the movement has not stopped. There are new protests happening every day. And the fact that, during a pandemic, so many people are willing to go out and advocate for change is inspiring to see. The only problem is, were not seeing it as often as we used to, because apparently, the media isnt focusing on the protests as much as they did when there was more clashing with authority and destruction of property. But it turns out, theres a new product that might solve the problem of getting the media to cover peaceful protests. Take a look. Every day, across the country, thousands of protesters continue to take to the streets, but for some reason, these cries for justice dont get the same airtime as these siren well, not anymore introducing carafire. The brandnew video filter guaranteed to make your protest footage newsworthy simply by adding a burning car. Holding the kind of peaceful demonstration they dont show on tv . Carafire quietly registering people to vote . Carafire joyfully celebrating black trans rights . Carafire everything g when you add a jarring touch of violence, which is why cara fire is also great for cspan hearings zoom meetings and even wedding videos. Just listen to this satisfied customer carafire really works. Need proof . It got me on tv right now carafire the revolution will not be televised, unless you add a burning car. Stephen well be right back with the host of united shades of america, w. Kamau bell. My name is christine payne, im an associate here at amazon. Step onto the blue line, sir. This device is giving us an Accurate Temperature check. Youre good to go. I have to take care of my coworkers. Thats how i am. I have a son, and he said, one day im gonna be like you, im gonna help people. Youre good to go, maam. I hope so. This is my passion. I would do it in a heartbeat. I felt gross. It was kind of a shock after i started cosentyx. Four years clear. Real people with psoriasis look and feel better with cosentyx. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, or if youve had a vaccine or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Learn more at cosentyx. Com. We took the fullsize bar, and cut it. In half. So, the next time its 3 oclock and you want some delicious dark chocolate, grab a dark chocolate nuts sea salt mini. With whole almonds and just 90 calories, its a kinder way to satisfy. Honey, did you hear about these new geico savings . Mom . Youll get an extra 15 on top of what geico could already save you. Can i call you back . You know your fathers learning to make sourdough. Even though he knows i prefer rye theres never been a better time to save with geico. Switch by october seventh for an extra 15 on car and motorcycle insurance. Hey, next time lets do a face call a mobile plan that blows away all of those highpriced plans the longer you stay, the less you pay. Ter 3 o, your bill drops to just 35 per month and stays there. The best part your bill shrinks but your data amount doesnt. Plus get a free lg k51 when you switch all on our new, upgraded network. Save with our new hrinkit plan. Boost mobile. Against uv damage and early skin aging . Try neutrogena ultra sheer. It provides exceptional cellular protection from burning uvb rays and aging uva rays. Save 25 at neutrogena. Com. From burning uvb rays and aging uva rays. Want restand schools . Pen . Want the economy to get back on track . Youre not alone. And you can help make it happen. Stay 6 feet apart. Wash your hands