And god bless the United States. Its the late show with stephen colbert. Tonights stephen welcomes dr. Jon lapook and musical guest maroon 5. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now live on facebook ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city its stephen colbert. Stephen are you ready sto do it . Im ready to do it too. Okay. Whats going on . Whats going on here . Its good . All right. I know the ladies love it long. Thank you very much. Welcome to a late show. I am your host stephen colbert, still. Some things have changed you might have noticed. You heard efi, she is still there, hello, i dont know how long that is going to last. Shes bossy. Always telling me what to do im back in new york city, as you can see. Look, new york. Right there. Here, in the historic ed sullivan theaters office building. There is the first time i havent done my show in my house in five months. I am so happy to be here to see members of my crew. Theres mark, stage manager, this is chris, he has got a bandit mask on. I dont know, the hallway, this office is packed with crew around here, all staying away from each other. And as much as it is nice to see my crew here in the building, i do want to thank my wife and kids again, for everything they did to help produce the show while i was home. I just want to say over the last five months, yall became like a family to me. Thank you. I mean that. I mean that. Now i may be back in the ed sullivan theater building but as you can tell im not on stage, im upstairs in the office, the beatles granted did not perform in here, but i want you to know the girls still went crazy when ringo came up to make copies. And my staff has done an amazing job of turning this office into a studio. Where i am sitting right now say replica of my Actual Office four stories that way. Everything that is in my office is in here. They just reproduced. My book shelves, this is my desk. Even my captain america shield is over there. In fact, this, this feels like captain america, you know when cap wakes up in the fake hospital that they built to make him feel more at home. Except on me they used some sort of opposite of the supercertificateup to take away my muscles because i distinctly remember having a quowp elf muscles before i went into quarantine. Let me show you around the place a little bit. Weve got a map of my hometown, a harbor map right there. Charleston, south carolina. Some of my lord of the rings books are over there. A if the owe of pie dog benee. The only thing this office doesnt have is guests, unless, unless i take the hydroxychloroquine and just start hallucinating them. I got my desk calender right here. March 129, just left it right here, havent changed it since we left. That was the last night, right, march 12th in the studio. There st, okay. I will just, i will update that right now, okay. Whats going on here. Hold on. Okay, that feels about right. Feels about right. My set isnt the only thing that changed while we were away. On our last show before the break, the United States had just hit four million cases of coronavirus and now two weeks later the u. S. Has topped five million confirmed virus cases. This is not good. But we should have known these numbers were coming when the Trump Administration official announced their new covid strategy. A million would be cool, you know what is cool. Five million cases. Stephen thank you Surgeon General timberlake. Now keep in mind, five million is the low estimate, due to asymptomatic carriers and limited Testing Health officials believe that the actual number could be ten times higher. That is 450 Million People, 50 Million People. If you had 50 Million People . The United States stand handinhand in a Straight Line they would get a lot mr people sick, dont hold hands, what is wrong with you. Metaphor, whatever. The United States failure to get the virus under control has been met with astonishment and alarm in yawrp. Of course they are european alarms so they sound lie doodoodoo. A little doppler, one Italian Journalist summed up the European Reaction to the United StatesCovid Response saying we always saw america as a model but with this virus we discovered a company that is very fraj will bad infrastructure and a Public Health system that is nonexistent. Okay, we dont have a Public Health system but we do have systemic racism or trust nuts as known os be couldnt les testicle dautobus. But, you okay over there . You all right . With International Attitudes toward america changing we might have to update that classic song from west side story. To america. Netflix and cry in america. Stephen broadway is closed, im all you got. Now Demographic Research has shown that a majority of my viewers are total bad ass which means that most of you im sure are watching my show from sturgis, south dakota right now at the annual sturgis motorcycle rally. Each year hundreds of thousands of road rash enthusiasts flock to sturgis for ten days of hardcore hogging. Of course given the ongoing pandemic this years rally is more of a is he date affair with a turnout of merely 250,000 people who completely ignored social distancing guide lines. But what do you expect. After all the show isnt called sons of responsibility. These rowdy bikers knew exactly what they were in for. Some were seen wearing shutters that said screw covid, i went to sturgis. Okay. Cavalier but better than the original design screw old people, i like my giant moart penis. I want that shirt. I want that shirt. Of course bikers are used to living dangerously, we have all seen the classic movie wheezy rider it is not just outlaw bikers ignoring mask and social distancing. On friday trump held a press conference at his golf course in bedminster witnessed by a crowd of people without masks or social distancing. Here the president of the United States, this is the worst example pet by an executive Branch Member since the time nancy reagan gave the antidrug speech tweaked. Yeah, i said antidrug. I said antidrug, so what. She was tweaked she was on old dr. Isis toothlooseiner. You might recall before i want on break congress couldnt agree on anything, specifically how much supplemental unemployment pay out of work americans should get. Democrats wanted to keep the amount, republicans proposed reducing the 600 weekly supplement to 200 but also proposing turning the Food Stamp Program into actual stamps you lick for sus tenance. Hmmm, kids, whos hungry for more glue. Huffy. After weeks of dead lock negotiations donald trump fainl leigh had to step in. You know what they say, if you want something done right, you should not have elected me president. On saturday, in addition to other measures President Trump signed an executive order providing 400 in supplemental unemployment. I can understand why he is in favor of providing that because come january everyone in his family might need it. Trump also signed other executive orders including a payroll tax holiday, Student Loan Relief and Eviction Moratorium. Of course he wants that, come january everyone in his family might need it. A joke so nice we did it twice. Laugh. I will say this. Trump facing reelection and finally gave voters something that is not a virus. One problem, its against the law. Speaker nancy pelosi said this about trumps executive order. My constitutional advisors tell me theyre absurdly unconstitutional. Stephen wow, the last time the executive branch tried to do something absurdly unconstitutional, was when John C Calhoun used federal funding to open his theme restaurant john c kalhooters. People love John C Calhoun, one thing i know the young lings love jokes about a Vice President from the 1840s. No, 1820, right . On the bright side trumps orders arent just unconstitutional, they also dont help. Take that alleged 400 a week he is offering. In order to get the money trump is requiring states to pick up the tab for 25 of it and states must first agree to enter into this financial agreement with the federal government. Hey, everybody, drinks are on me as long as you pick up 25 of it first. Come on, you people are desperate, you would hate you if you dont do the thing i just promised you would. And remember trumps payroll tax holiday, well he promised to extends it under certain conditions. If im victorious on november 3rd i plan to forgive these taxes and make permanent cuts to the payroll tax. Buddy, that is a pretty small carrot. Give me another four years of unbelievable corruption and unbridal unbrideeled destruction of all norms and if you do, free refills on your soft drink of choice with purchase of 10 or more, but go easy on the ice. Among the many problems with trumps payroll tax holiday is that ending the tax could have catastrophic fiscal effects on programs especially social security. But dont worry old people, something tells me you wont be needing that social security. Come to my rally. Leave the mask at home. Trumps so called Eviction Moratorium is really more of a suggestatorium, because instead of banning the practice he instructs kea officials officiao consider whether there should be a been on he viks. Consider . These people need to be rescued. It reminded me of the classic film, considering saving private ryan. Trump announced his executive order at his club in bedminster where he also addressed the coronavirus pandemic, or at least he tried to. We have been working on so hard namely the corona, you can call it so many different names. Stephen did he just forget the word virus. Sir, sir, im just checking you are okay. Just to let us know. Could you please say the word virus. Person, woman, man, camera, tv. Stephen hes fine. Weve got a great show for you tonight. I will be talking to dr. Jon lapook. But when we come back, big news about the democratic and Republican Convention, yeah, were still having them. Stick around. At home. vo verizon knows how to build unlimited right. Start with americas most awarded network. Give people more plans to mix and match at a price built for everyone. With 700 off our best phones when you switch. Because everyone deserves the best. This is unlimited built right. Can match the power of energizer. Because energizer ultimate lithium is the longest lasting aa battery in the world. [confetti cannon popping] energizer. Backed by science. Matched by no one. We love our new home. Theres so much space. We have a guestroom now. But, we have aunts. Youre slouching again, ted. Expired, expired. Expired. Thanks, aunt bonnie. Its a lot of house. I hope you can keep it clean. At least geico makes bundling our home and Car Insurance easy. Which helps us save a lot of money oh, teddy. Did you get my friend request . Uh, ill have to check. doorbell ringing aunt jonis here for bundling made easy, go to geico. Com. Hello . It can be used on the hands, body, and face. It cleanses and moistuizes with 1 4 moisturizing cream. Leaving your skin feeling comfortable and smooth. Dove men care 3in1 bar. Can it help keep me asleep . Smart bed is on sale now. Absolutely, it intelligently senses your movements and automatically adjusts to keep you both comfortable. Its our weekend special. Save up to 500 on select sleep number 360 smart beds. Plus 0 interest for 48 months on all smart beds. Ends monday. Hey, i got to say hi, hello, welcome back, everybody, that guy you hear is my friend and yours, mr. Jon batiste, jon, good to see you against. Jon oh my brother, stephen. Its so good to see you in the office. Stephen i know, im kind of in my office. This isnt my real office. They did an amazing job making it look like mei office. Jon yes, yes, look at the view back there, new york city. Stephen incredible. Incredible. Where are you . Are you are you no longer where you were. You are in a new spoot. Jon yeah, i switched rooms, like, i have the french countryside behind me. Stephen must be nice. Jon the rolling hills. Stephen and you have a new haircut, i loo like it. Jon yeah, i took some off the sides and it grew out. It is growing a lot these days. Stephen yes, me too, me too i changed it up a little bit too. Hey, you know what i caught, and i didnt expect to, i did not know that you were doing this, but i caught you playing the star spangled banner at the first game of the nba season. It was really powerful exotion of your own mawking. Tell me what you did . Tell me what was behind that . I really wanted to do something that spoke to the moment because a lot of the players ended up kneeling, they were talking about kneeling. I took the black national anthem, lift up your voice and sing. Stephen which you were playing a lot before we went on break. Jon i know, i was playing that a whole lot. And i put that as the counter line to the melody of the star spangled banner. So i pushed them together. And in the middle of that fusion, i paid tribute to jimi hendricks. I picked the guitar up and i played his version. Stephen yeah. So i really blended all of these different styles to really convey this message that we can come together t is an alegory. We can come together. We dont have to choose this or that. Stephen jon batiste, everybody, good to see you again. Take care. Folks, the election is two weeks closer than it was half a month ago. Now less than three months away which means that russia only has 86 more days to decide whether they want to continue to lease donald trump or go ahead and buy. And with the date fast approaching a new cbs poll shows joe biden has a six point lead in both pennsylvania and wisconsin, and polling suggests trust in biden to handle the Coronavirus Crisis seems to be playing a role in his advantage. Trumps handling of the coronavirus has been such a disaster that his popularity is somewhere between the captain of the titanic and the iceberg. The Republican Convention starts august 24th. And now conventions arent going to be in person, donald trump has been working on where to hold his. He tweeted we have narrowed the president ial nomination acceptance speech to be delivered on the final night of the convention, thursday, two locations, the great battlefield of gettysburg, pennsylvania and the white house. Stephen look, if its gettysburg, fine, he should give lincolns address and add one word at the end. Of the people, by the people, for the people, not perish from the earth, psych this wouldnt be the first time trump spoke at gettysburg, he made a Campaign Speech there in 2015 where he solemnly respected the battlefield and those who gave their lives. Im kidding. He declared that the system is rigged against him, that Election Results cannot be trusted. That Hillary Clinton should have been barred from running for president. That the media is corrupt. And that he will sue all of the women who have accused him of Sexual Assault. Its fitting he said that at gettysburg because i believe the number of women who have accused him of Sexual Assault is about four score and seven. The democrats are holding their could be vengs starting a Convention Starting a week from tonight. Listen up, yall, we will be live. We hope. We hope, right, thats the plan. The plan is we have a shot at being live. Its a technical nightmare. And an emotional minefield. Democrats Just Announced the entire convention will be virtual and joe biden will no longer travel to milwaukee to accept the democratic nomination. Its to keep him safe which is the right thing to do. What is the worst that could happen if a democrat doesnt go to wisconsin. And with the convention being virtual we will see some amazing speeches. My fellow americans, i am proud to be here to support the nom naitionz of joseph r bied oh god, close the bathroom door, no, down, no, bad dog, anyway, joe is going to be great, back to mute. Weve also learned that monday the first day of the convention john kasich and Bernie Sanders will join forces for a night of unity. Thats right. Theres room for everyone in the party. Republicans, socialists, one day maybe even democrats. For the dems to pick the scen for the convention, the theme for the con vex uniting america, bet booing out the second choice, put on a mask you magazine maga moveons, i will see you in hell. The event wont come with the usual fanfare of an inperson convention. Dems are brain storm being how to be creative and put out compelling content. I have an idea for scom compelling content, nominate bar ak obama or have Bernie Sanders do a due et with cardi b. Bring a bucket and a mop for this wet and gushy. Well be right back with chief medical correspondent for cbs well be right back with chief medical correspondent for cbs news dr. Jon lapook. T plan the longer you stay, the less you pay. Watch your bill shrink to 35 month after just 6 ontime payments. Plus get a free Samsung Galaxy a11 when you switch on our new, upgraded network. Boost mobile. When you switch on our new, upgraded network. Wow. Jim could you ipop the hood for us . . There she is. Turbocharged, right . Yes it is. Jim, could you uh kick the tires . Oh yes. Can you change the color inside the car . Oh sure. How about blue . Thats more cyan but. Jump in the back seat, jim. Act like my kids. How much longer . Exactly how they sound. Its got massaging seats too, right . Oh yeahhhhh. Oh yeahhhhh. Visit the mercedesbenz summer event or shop online at participating dealers. Get 0 apr financing up to 36