From the makers of a Beautiful Mind comes i have a good brain. A good brain. Youre a genius he thought things that no one else thought. Im an extremely stable genius. Donald trumps very, very large brain. I know words. I have the best words. Person, woman, man, camera, tv. This november, this guy is up for reelection for president. I have, like, a good memory because im cognitively there. A good brain, coming to a person, woman, man, camera, tv near you. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, r. N. C. Ya plus, stephen welcomes ava duvernay kristen bell and musical guest ben folds featuring jon batistd homin. And now live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen lets get started, ready . We arready. Stephen are you ready to go, peter magee . Yes, but youre inappropriately dressed. Stephen my 91yearold fatherinlaw wants to know why im inappropriately dressed. Im perfectly appropriately dressed because they can only see me from the waist up. They dont know im wearing sandals and shorts. evie laughing now, youve blown it youve blown it, old man lets go, here we go. Here we go stephen professional show business. clears throat welcome to a late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. Folks, unfortunately, there was another terrible milestone in the pandemic. Because today, the United States surpassed 4 million coronavirus infections. So today, donald trump held another of his virusside chats and he had a bombshell announcement. After previously moving the convention from North Carolina to jacksonville, solely so he could have the sort of big crowd that Health Experts wouldnt allow in North Carolina, he made this decision. I told my team its time to cancel the jacksonville, florida, component of the g. O. P. Convention. Stephen time to cancel the jacksonville component . Thats the component. as trump ive decided to cancel the pasta component of the spaghetti dinner. Instead, well all be sucking marinara through a straw on zoom. Sir, steve colbert, cbs, why did you make this decision . I just felt it was wrong, steve, to have people going to what turned out to be a hot spot. You know, when we chose it, it was not at all hot, it was free. And all of a sudden, it happened quickly. It happens quickly, and it goes away, and it goes away quickly. Stephen as trump we never thought jacksonville would become a hot spot because i have heard the virus is transmitted primarily through breathing, and my understanding is the people of jacksonville exclusively vape. A lot of medical professionals were telling me that cherry cola vape juice would just wipe this thing right out. But trump assured a worried nation that hell still get his time to ramble in front of a microphone. Ill still do a Convention Speech but in different form. Stephen as trump yes, ill still do a speech but in a different form. Perhaps i will take the form of a ravenous wolfheaded creature or maybe a giant bloodthirsty bird who shrieks through a razor sharp beak, or maybe an obscenely bloated spider shape with a hideous human face who devours light and spins its webs of darkness to tangle every flicker of human hope in my cocoon of madness and despair. And i will still not lose one evangelical vote. Trump was also on the tv last night talking to foxs dr. Marc siegel, and he immediately addressed the question on everyones mind. Is his brain broke . See, hes been harping on for weeks now about this cognitive test he took, and just to remind you, its not a hard test. It includes questions like, name these animals. as trump well, thats easy, ill call the first one corey, the second one there ill call lance, and the last one cory ii. A lot of people have made fun of his bragging about passing this tmpanted to demonstrate just how hard the test really is. The first questions are very easy. The last questions are much more difficult. Like a memory question. Its, like, youll go person, woman, man, camera, tv. So theyd say, could you repeat that . So, i said, yeah. So, its person, woman, man, camera, tv. Stephen forget make America Great again. I think its time for a new hat. But despite how simple it appears, trump was proud of his accomplishment. Ia stephen oh, yeah, there are points. Its all part of the game show, so you think you can keep your car keys. Trump warns, it gets harder from there. Now hes asking you other questions, other questions. And then, ten minutes, 15, 20 minutes later, they say, remember the first question, not the first, but the tenth question . Give us that again. Can you do that again . And you go, person, woman, man, camera, tv. They say, thats amazing. How did you do that . Doors d tht because trumps talking about something called the montreal cognitive assessment. Its not an intelligence test. In fact, getting a perfect score merely signifies that the testtaker probably does not have a cognitive impairment. Im going to need something stronger than probably for the person who has the nuclear codes. Wait, unless those are the nuclear codes. Person, woman, man, camera, tv. Person woman, man, camera, tv. alarms this is drop kick with a red dash alpha message. Break. Break. Person, woman, man, camera, tv, launch, launch. explosion stephen okay, i feel better now. Then, trump issued a challenge to joe biden. You go person, woman, man, camera, tv. How did you do that . I do it because i have, like, a good memory. Because im cognitively there. Now, joe should take that test. Stephen america is in for the worst debates in history. as trump person, woman, man, camera, tv. as biden railroad, scranton, corn pop, barack obama come on, jack i think biden is clearly more mentally stable than trump, but even if he wasnt, i would still vote for him because i dont care if we have to weekend at bernies this thing just shove a stick up his keester and put him on the white house lawn like a scarecrow at least hed let us hear from dr. Fauci now, the rest of the interview wasnt exactly a cavalcade of cranium. For instance, tuesday, the president made a big show about restarting his coronavirus briefings to prove that now he was really taking the pandemic seriously. Then one day later, when hes asked about covid testing, he said this i personally think its overrated. It makes us look bad. But think of it, if instead of 50 million we did 25 million, weve got half the number of cases. The cases would be down. Stephen yeah, what you dont test for, cant hurt you. Like, if trump never took the cognitive test, we would never know to be this disturbed. Trumps trying to argue that the rise in testing completely explains the rise in cases, but the average number of tests conducted has grown by 80 , while daily case counts have grown by 215 . Now, i think 215 is higher than 80. Lets see. Person, woman, man, camera, tv. Yeah, yeah it is then trump turned his attention to White House Task force coordinator and School Librarian who forgot to bring the puppets, dr. Deborah birx. Shes an unbelievable woman, a woman of tremendous substance and style, frankly. She has an amazing style. She walks into the room, and she can take a scarf and do 15 things with it. Stephen as trump one of my favorites is when she takes the scarf and puts it in front of her face and, shes gone then all of a sudden, the scarf comes down and shes back. Its like, where did she go . Nobody knows. I also like the one where she puts the scarf in front of her face and she shakes and rocks back and forth for a while and then when she take the scarf down, the scarf is all wet. What does she do . Does she have a little glass of water hidden back there . I dont know. All im saying is she is an incredible woman person man camera tv. The conversation then moved onto coronavirus lockdowns. Now, trump has said he was especially concerned about the mental and physical health of one guy on tv who sounded a little familiar i watched some of these guys. I watched well i wont say it because its not somebody i have a lot of liking or respect for, but a certain comedian that has been locked in his house for a long period of time. And hes, like, withered away. Hes lost the whole deal. Hes lost the wit, hes lost so much. Stephen okay, i dont think its totally out of line to think hes talking about me. Not a lot of comedians are still doing shows right now. Kimmels off for the summer, fallons already back in his studio. Im the one still locked in my house. So i have just one thing to say to Donald Trump Thanks for watching, sir i got to say, at 74, youre really bringing the youth demo to cbs. But i shouldnt be surprised youre a viewer. My show does features everything you love person, woman, man, camera, tv i just wish i could watch the president watching me. as trump i tell you, i used to like the guy, but his imitation of me does not sound like me at all. I sound like this, okay, but hes always like im donald trump, but that is not what i sound like. We also heard from the man trump hopes to challenge on can you point to the elephant, Presumptive Democratic nominee joe biden, seen here explaining that youve got to leave the nose free for some hairsniffin. Yesterday, biden appeared at a virtual town hall and had this to say about trump what President Trump has done in going his spreading of racism, the way he deals with people based on the color of their skin, their national origin, where theyre from is absolutely sickening. Weve had racists, and theyve existed, and theyve tried to get elected president. Hes the first one that has. Stephen okay, biden said donald trump is the first racist president. Okay and im being told we have a response from Andrew Jackson hot diggity woodrow wilson, get in here were in the clear what do you want, im watching birth of a nation. Biden says were not racist oh, wow call tricky dick and all the slaveowners, its party time hot damn, put on some yeezy, fellas i wanna sing all the steen ving srtsws. D iasa d. C. Football fansau previous name, washingtons n. F. L. Team will go by the name the Washington Football Team until a new name can be chosen. So, the Washington Football Team is now. The Washington Football Team. And and im being told we have a preview of their new uniform. as sports announcer all right, everybody, welcome to the season kickoff of the Washington Football Team brought to you by beer, cars, and pills. Pills swallow em weve got a great show for you tonight. Filmmaker ava duvernay is here. But when we come back, meanwhile join us, wont you . Absorbent so you can use less. S enjoy the go with charmin. It can be used on the hands, body, and face. It cleanses and moistuizes with 1 4 moisturizing cream. Leaving your skin feeling comfortable and smooth. Dove men care 3in1 bar. I got new jeans, and some new fleece new school year, whatever that means from gamer girls to kpop sty, e class play cause gender norms are so passe from the sporty chic to the stem star go show off your fit, lets raise the bar whatever this year looks like, get fresh looks at old navy and oldnavy. Com. Is now a good time enough, crohns. 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Just download and use the chase mobile app. Visit chase. Com mobile. Stephen hey, everybody. Welcome back to a late show. Lets say hi to our friend mr. Jon batiste. Hello, jon batiste. Jon hello, Stephen Colbert stephen thats right. Hey, jon, you know, i keep meaning to ask you, where are you . I know youre somewhere in rhode island, right . Yes, yes, i am. Stephen can you reveal where youve been . Jon ill tell you, im westerly, rhode island, at the knickerbocker music center. They have been letting me stay here and play here, and its been amazing. Dan, mark, thank yall, yeah. Stephen jon batiste, everybody. Thank you, jon. You know, i spend a lot of time here composing the newsiest violin arpeggios, topical arco cellos, and frontpage ostinato woodwinds to create the symphony of jokes that is my monologue. But sometimes, sometimes folks, i like to take some leftover ambient noise, record a couple old washing machines on a broken walkman, and throw marbles across some piano strings to create the experimental electroacoustic soundbucket of news that is my segment. Dung an online economics exam, when she experienced a meatball sub incident. By the way, meatball sub incident is also the name of my electroacoustic soundbucket band. It seems the student was eating the sandwich while taking the test when a meatball fell onto her keyboard and closed the entire browser. That is a tough one to explain. Professor, im not saying my dog ate my homework. Im just saying, my hoagie hacked my computer. laughter heres the photo the student sent to the professor as proof immediately after the incident. How could you . I cant even bring myself to eat the rest of you. I forgive you. laughter quarantinewhile, scientists are set to explore a deep blue hole at the bottom of the ocean. Hey, science, 2020 is already a total disaster. What do you say we dont also wake up godzilla. I dont ask for much. Illa. Ts a hard pass on the the hole in question is off the coast of florida, and for some reason no one knows why after its discovery, it was named the green banana hole. Coincidentally, green banana hole was the name of the second album by meatball sub incident. The first one, of course, was eponymous. Not to be confused with our third album, which was called eponymous. Its a common mistake. Quarantinewhile, Major League Baseball returned tonight after i tape, and while the stadium stands will be empty, viewers at home this weekend may not realize it, because fox sports is debuting a new technology that digitally fills the stands with fans for each game. The attention to detail is amazing. Theyve even included virtual dads wsiue to glitch, the bleacher bums at Wrigley Field are not puking onto the warning track. Fox can program the c. G. I. Fans to wear their home teams colors, and producers can have sections of the ersatz assemblage do a wave. You know the technologys truly captured the experience when virtual fans get as bored as real ones. Will this make it fun . and the game itself will look a little different. Players wont be permitted to do highfives. Phillies player bryce harper said, i think the air highfive is going to come back and be the coolest thing in baseball this year. Even a baseball player admits that baseball is not the coolest thing in baseball. Oh, heres a change i didnt see coming in quarantine men are now falling in love with their amazon echos. Come on, guys, weve been locked up only since march. Having sex with a household appliance isnt until month five. I hope youre preheating, toaster oven. Well, if youre one of the poor souls who is head over heels for your virtual assistant, alexa has a message for you listen, guys, i hear some of you are really into me, but its not going to happen. Im a plastic cylinder, you freak. Lets just stick to me telling you how many teaspoons are in a tablespoon, for the thousandth time. Seriously, its three. How can you not remember that . This why katy left you, brian. But if its any consolation, my friend has a message for you. Hi, its me, siri, and im down to bleep . Amazon echo. No, just no. Stephen well be right back with filmmaker ava duvernay. Hold on one second. Sure. Okay. Okay safe drivers save 40 guys guys check it out. Safe drivers save 40 safe drivers save 40 safe drivers save 40 thats safe drivers save 40 . It is, thats safe drivers save 40 . Hes right there. Its him hes here. Hes right here. Hi hi. Hey thats totally him. Its him thats totally the guy. Safe drivers do save 40 . Click or call for a quote today. Join tscore savings andet pdeals in store and online. E. Safe drivers do save 40 . Plus, help target support your community. Enjoy exclusives just for you, at no cost to you. Ay can match the power of energizer. Because energizer ultimate lithium is the longest lasting aa battery in the world. [confetti cannon popping] energizer. Backed by science. Matched by no one. Hi jen hi. So youre the scientist here. Does my aveeno® daily moisturizer really make my dry skin healthier in one day . Its true jen. Really . this prebiotic oat formula moisturizes to help prevent dry skin. Impressive aveeno® healthy. Its our nature. Stephen welcome back, folks. My first guest tonight is the emmy and peabodyaward winning filmmaker behind when they see us, 13th, selma, and more. Please welcome, ava duvernay. Hi, ava. Hello, hi, stephen. Stephen nice to see you again. Thanks for being here. Im glad to be here, with yoe autiful offices i think . Yes. Stephen oh, i love the color palette. All right, now, you became friends with congressman john lewis while directing selma. He meant a lot to a lot of people, to the world. U . Ell, yw even know if id say friends because i was always kind of genuflecting and bowing, and just i couldnt quite get myself together. We spent a lot of time together during the making of selma and he was instrumental in my writing of that script and throughout production and post, and we presented it to the world together, and so we were able to spend a lot of time, and i was able to ask him a lot of questions about life, you know, about the way i should approach my work and think about it and history. And so, i think my thought about his legacy is more about personal advice that he gave to me. And one of the things that he said to me that really has stuck with me in the last few days since his transition was i said, you know, what do i do . I dont know what i was talking about. Conan do i do he said, ava, do everything. And im like, do everything . What does that mean . He was like, yoda, do everything. And