I said let me take it. Stephen so we have the greatest doctors in the world, but you diagnosed and then healed yourself . I did. Stephen but whose fault was it that you got sick . It was chinas fault. Stephen and whose fault was it that you didnt wear a mask . You know, chinas fault. Stephen and whose fault that you spread a disease to a lot of people in your administration . Chinas fault. Stephen okay, final question what do you say to the millions of americans who have been made ill and put out of work by this disease because of your mismanagement of the crisis . You know, good luck. Its a late show live with Stephen Colbert. Tonight kamala drops the mic. Plus, stephen welcomes live mayor Pete Buttigeig and musical guests future islands featuring live jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen welcome, welcome, welcome. That proves its a live show. We would have fixed that if this wasnt live. Welcome mwah welcome to a late show, all my friends. Im your most, Stephen Colbert. And we are live after the Vice President ial debate in utah and, folks, it lived up to the hype. It was vicethrilling well give you all the deets in tonights longrunning, justthisonce television event. Salt lake vice. The race for second place. Kamala versual 2020. Bay fimportant. Stephen pence looked great in those epicenter radrills. Trumps debate proved once and for all by comparison what a flaming turd pile last weeks debate was. Trumps debate performance was a hurricane of bad faith. It boarded on a demonstration of the banalt of evil. Tonight, on the other hand, we were faced with the banality of banality. I spent the whole debate on the middle of my seat. It was everything we expected pence talked over all the women in the room, the moderator tried to call for order, the Vice President got a couple licks in, then senator harris picked up a broken pool cue and beat pence over the head with the trump administrations failures. All night, pence wouldnt give one straight answer, which is kind of weird, because normally he likes everything straight. It wasnt earthshattering, but that is how politics should be. Remember . You should be able to watch it and go to sleep, not wake up in a cold sweat worried that your Health Care Wont cover cold sweats. But what ill remember most about tonights debate is that i wont remember any of it. Oh there is one moment that stuck with me. Youll know it when you see it, everyones buzzing about it. But lets earn it. Now, the stakes for this Vice President ial debate were unusually high. Unlike previous v. P. Matchups, harris and pence could be taking over for their bosses pretty soon considering that biden is a 77yearold man and trump is a 74yearold lawn sprinkler full of pathogens. In fact, because of the infection risk, extra precautions were taken, like these plexiglass barriers. Gotta say, ive seen better sneezeguards at the sizzler salad bar. Obviously, the pandemic was tonights primary topic. D know a lot about, considering hes head of the White House Task force on the coronavirus. And hes done an exemplary job at his task of forcing the coronavirus on the white house. The moderator susan page start bide introduces herself. Im susan page of usa today. as susan you may have seen me shoved under your hotel room door. Remember . You used me to clean up that coffee spill. Right off the bean, harris reminded voters that trump and pence were too slow to respond to this deadly virus. On january 28, the Vice President and the president were informed about the nature of this pandemic. Can you imagine if you knew on january 28 as opposed to march 13, what they knew, what you might have done to prepare . Stephen four words toilet paper shopping spree. Pence struggled to explain how they shanked the coronavirus so badly. Our nation has gone through a very challenging time this year. Stephen adding i should know. I was in charge with it. Pence started off with something of a whopper from the very first day, President Donald Trump has put the health of the America First. Stephen and by first day i mean the first day he tested positive. And by putting the health of America First i mean riding the dexamethasone pony right into the mail stron of ragnarok. Again, pence didnt always answer the question he was actually asked. Well, susan, thank you, although i would like to go back. Stephen to the year scen 24. Women have been showing far too much ankle since then. Pence attempted to draw an insane equivalency to the coronavirus. It was 2009, the swine flu arrived in the United States. Stephen oh, yes the swine flu pandemic of 2009 we all remember those days when the economy shut down for a year. We couldnt hug our grandparents for months, and barack obama would not shut up about the my pillow guy. Then captain pence blasted off to planet what if. If the swine flu had been as lethal as the coronavirus in 2009, when joe biden was Vice President , we would have lost two million american lives. Stephen and if the titanic had been shot out of a catapult instead of pushed into the sea, it could have collided with the hidden berg, killing billions. On the subject of climate change, pence made another hollow promise. Were going to take care of our environment and follow the science. Stephen we will follow it, and once it is asleep, we will smother it with a pillow. It will look like an accident. This much i swear. Then pence threw this hail mary. Newsweek magazine said that Kamala Harris was the most liberal member of the United States senate in 2019, more liberal than bernie sanders. Stephen what more liberal than me . In 2019 i was one of the top 2 of the top 1 of the most liberal people in the senate. Anyway, thats my two cents, which i believe should be taxed at 80 . I miss him. laughter i miss doing that guy. Harris explained joes theory of international diplomacy. I love talking with joe about a lot of these issues. And, you know, joe, i think he said it quite well. He said, Foreign Policy might sound complicated, but really its relationships. Stephen okay, relationships so im supposed to make germany sign preup in, cheat on it with a porn star and then another country with bigger alpstrumps terrible attitude towards American Service member and his refusal to stand up for them against Vladimir Putin. Public reporting that they had bounties on the heads of american soldiers. Do you know what a bounty is. Stephen i know what a bounty is. Its a damn good paper towel to throw at hurricane survivors. How many points do i get . It wasnt as bad as last week, the debate, i mean, because, well, first, what could be. But it bears repeating that mike pence would also not obey the time limits. Now matter how many times susan page politely asked him to. Vice president , pence. The American People i didnt didnt vice pret pence, excuse me. Susan, the American People deserve to know. Stephen susan, if you want to make mike pence shut up, you have to ask him to say black lives matter. Now, senator harris landed some blows, and mike pence dodged and parried. But ultimately trvings a Vice President ial debate. And theres a limit to just how interesting oh, my god look at his hair hes so full of crap, hes attracting flies i god bless you, fly. I guess the plexiglass wasnt high enough. But, listen, listen, all jokes aside, thoughts and prayers to that flys family. Its got to quarantine for two weeks now. Weve got to get that fly to walter reed. Then minutes later they were talking about a very important issue but i missed the whole thing because the fly was still on mike pences head. And it stayed there for over two minutes two minutes. Meaning that fly has a longer Attention Span the president of the United States. Thats a long time for a fly. It made life there. It joined soul cycle you know, it mixed the bars. It changed its Voter Registration to mike pences head. Now, remember last week when trump wouldnt disavow, you know, hate groups. Well, mike pence tonight, denied that trump is a white supremacist by pointing this out President Trump has jewish grandchildren. Stephen and furthermore, susan, i want to point out that i have a black friend by which i mean this fly on my head. laughter somehow, pence tried to close by painting himself as the unity candidate. Here in america, we can disagree. We can debate vigorously as senator harris and i have on this stage tonight. But when the debate is over, we come together as americans. Stephen no, dont come together stay away especially from mike pence. The white house is a hot zone speaking of which, theres still so much we dont know about how and when trump contracted covid. One early sign of infection is loss of smell and taste. But how could you tell he lost his taste when he never had any . And its especially troubling that the white house wont say when trumps last negative coronavirus test was. I would love to release my tests, but my nostrils are under audit. This is important because the negative test can help contact tracers determine exactly who was exposed and when. So today, reporters pushed white house flack Brian Morgenstern for an answer. Obviously, you know when he last tested negative. Why wont i dont know when he last tested negative. I answered this question a number of times. The white house knows when he last had a negative test. Why cant the white house say when he last tested negative . Ook, weve add t through a bunch of records and look backwards. Stephen we dont want to go back through a bunch of old records. Those things are slathered with covid. Now, the situation is raising more questions than the white house is refusing to answer. First up, the white houses claim that trump was the most tested man in america. And, yet, they cant produce his last negative. Thats led to some to look for a more sinister explanation. According to jake tapper, white house officials believe trump was infected at the event for judge barrett on saturday, september 26. Which reminds me of this wise quote from Ruth Bader Ginsburg paybacks a bitch. Then sounded better when she said it. laughter then tapper hello, jake tapper notes that they wont release trumps negative test, raising questions as to whether he was tested at all between infection and the debate tuesday, september 29. That means he could have knowingly tried to give biden covid. Hes gone from i could shoot someone on fifth avenue to i am death come upon a pale horse. Joe, let me lick your eyeball. Predictably, coronavirus has been tearing through the white house faster than mono in a High School Production of guys and dolls, include trump senior adviser, and guy on a subway, stephan miller. Last night, miller the architect of trumps family separation policy announced he has tested positive for covid19, and more alarmingly, covid19 has tested positive for stephen miller. Now that hes tested positive, miller has taken his isolation up a notch saying, i am in quarantine. Oh, if hes looking for somewhere nice and socially distanced, i know a secure location down on the border. Fun fact in the last few days, more people in trumps orbit tested positive for coronavirus than in all of taiwan. A very useful metric. That gives this news story more context than half of singapore. It doesnt look like theres going to be any slowdown to the spread any time soon, because today, they announced that the president was back working in the oval office. That sounds irresponsible, but the white house sent out an email instructing any staff who is going to be within six feet of trump to don personal protective equipment provided in an isolation cart, including a yellow gown, surgical mask, protective eyewear, and gloves. Also, standard issue for all taco bowl tuesdays. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Mayor Pete Buttigeig is here. And getting more of your favorites for free. More ways to pay, more ways to get rewarded. Starbucks rewards. Sprinting past every leak ur, oothest fabr. Shsher strength respected. Depend. The only thing stronger than us, is you. Depend. Vicks vapopatch. Easy to wear with soothing vicks vapors for her, for you, for the whole family. Trusted soothing vapors, from vicks come on lets hide in the attic. No. In the basement. Why cant we just get in the running car . Are you crazy . Lets hide behind the chainsaws. Smart. Yeah. Ok. If youre in a horror movie, you make poor decisions. Its what you do. This was a good idea. Shhhh. Im being quiet. Youre breathing on me if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. Its what you do. Lets go to the cemetery stephen hey, everybody, welcome to a live late show following the Vice President ial debate. Lets say hello to jon batiste. Hello, jon. Jon yes shoe fly dont bother me. laughter stephen i was wondering i knew youd have something. I knew something. Jon my goodness. Way back in new orleans when i was a kid, it was a nursery rhyme, but with the new Orleans Mardi gras indian beat shoe fly dont bother me shoe fly dont bother me stephen we sang that when i was a kid. Obviously we have hail to the chief for president s. Theres a lot of president ialsounding music. Is there any Vice President ialsounding music . Yo you know, im working on that. In fact, i have a nice little piece im crafting. I want to show it to the people. Jon oopts kicking, man. Stephen its intense. For those who havent been paying attention to the ongoing saga on the show, its a song for Kamala Harris. And i look forward to it, my friend. Can you play us out to Pete Buttigeig. Jon yes, mayor pete in the house. Stephen jon batiste, everybody. Thank you, jon. Shoe fly dont bother me stephen ladies and gentlemen my guest tonight was a president ial candidate and the former mayor of south bend, indiana. Please welcome Pete Buttigeig. Mayor pete, thanks so much for being here. Thanks for having me. Excited to be with you. Stephen were you in the hall tonight . I was, yeah. Far enough away i didnt see the fly, but i was there to see everything else. Stephen you missed one of the most exciting moments of the evening, actually. It was remarkable how long the fly thats a fly im sure could have gotten out of a spider web faster. I dont know how much hair spray pence has in there, but he really looked like he was glued to the spot. I guess he just got stuck. Stephen what was it what was it like in the room . What was the vibe . Did you have to wear a hazmat suit . Did you feel nervous at all . We were masked up. They were very rigorous and serious about the social distancing. I have lost count of the number of times ive been tested since we started this trip. I felt safe and thought the host did a good job. It was really intense in there because, of course, we know how much is at stake. And, you know, after what happened last week, i think a lot of us were looking for a debate where we could actually, you know, hear what people had to say and there was a great chance for senator harris to directly make the case about not just the failures of this administration, but what we could have if we had a better administration. Stephen it was it was, actually, good to hear ideas. It was refreshing in its in its ordinariness. However important the conversation, it was a conversation. It wasnt some sort of strange donnybrook. It was reported that you played pence for senator harris prep. Is this is this true, mr. Mayor . You know, yes, yeah, it is. You know, getting into the mind of mike pence was not something i would have guessed would have been part of my contribution to the campaign when i said i would do anything i could to help joe biden and Kamala Harris get elected. Ob, spent a lot of time dealing with him, know him well, and glad i was able to help in that way. Stephen well, because you were mayor of south bend when he was governor. Right. Stephen when you actually got into his mind, after it was over, after an hour of debate prep rps was it hard to get out of character . Yeah, in fact, its been happening to me quite a bit. Sometimes ill be doing a regular news hit after a day of prep and i get into that i truly do believe that the broadshouldered leadership of this president. Stephen dont stop. Im sure s. N. L. Is,lying for somebody. Ill give them a call. Stephen who played the fly in the mock debates . You know, i have to say the fly was only thing that we that we didnt think about or contemplate. That and just how often pence would interrupt the moderator. That was the other thing that took me by surprise. Just about everything else, one thing about him, hes pretty predictable. You could tell that just alternate reality force field that hes built up around himself, and we just wanted to make sure that she was prepared for all of the attacks, as well as all of the weird versions of reality he was going to try to tell about this president. Stephen whats he like when the cameras are off . Like, when you would have to negotiate with him or deal with him as at mayor, what was he like just oneonone . You know, i mean, not that different. You know, polite, and speaks slowly and calmly, and gently. But as weve seen in know as we saw in the 2016 ca debate, t. The scary thing is hes pretty comfortable telling a lie and in a calm, reassuring voice that would make you think what he was saying was gods honest truth. Stephen again, that is spooky. Im feeling it. Im feeling it. Your hair actually gets whiter, and you. You last couple of weeks. I wonder if it has something to do with the prep. Stephen now, there are a lot of answers tonight that were sort of disconcerting from Vice President pen