Howard featuring jon batiste and stay homin. Are are and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, everybody welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert, im flad to be your host tonight, all nights, but particularly tonight is an historicam night in the annals of television. Tonight is the first night i am sitting down with a guest in person the late show and who else do you want to break that seal with but president barack obama. Thats right, barack obama, my guest tonight. Three acts . Three acts of barack obama. And you go, is that seems like a long time no, its not. You cant believe how quickly it flies. First act, obviously, just friends hanging out. Power packed though, and really substantive. Next act were going to move some paper. Were gog sell some books. Super fun at the same time. Then the third act, we play basketball. Thats historic. That is an historic game. Wait until you see the results. And, yes, there was some wagering. Anyway, how many questions did i get in . Three. Stephen three questions, 20 minutes. He was very gracious. Thank you again, mr. President , for sitting down with us. You know who he is married to, that michelle obama. That would be a great guest. That, that would be a great guest. Not that hes not a good guest. Hes a great guest, but Everybody Loves her. Everybody loves her. Im also joining you on is that too long a pause . I was just inspired by the president. It was an obamaesque pause. Im also joining you on an historic day for fans of capitalism, because for the first time ever, the dow hit 30,000. Wow that is is. So many of them. Of the dow. Pownts . Is it dow points. Dowellings. Is it dow drops. Dow units. 30,000 dows, dowellings. Let me put it in lehmans terms. If you put all 30,000 of those dow points end to end, it would stretch all the way to the s p 500. I dont actually know what they are. I think each dow is like a ticket at chuck e. Cheese. When it was at 25,000, america could get a stuffed bunny. Now were at 30,000, and we could go for the bear or the big lion, or the fullsized football. Anyway, whatever they are, its a lot of them. So, to everyone who works on wall street, congratulations. And to everyone who doesnt work on wall street, good luck with that. Never one to pass up an opportunity to gloat for something hes not responsible for, the president held an impromptu press conference to congratulate himself for the dow jones numbers going big on the money chart. Thank you very much, and i just want to congratulate everybody. The stock market, Dow Jones Industrial average just hit 30,000, which is the highest in history. The stock markets just broken 30,000, never been broken, that number. That is a sacred number, 30,000. Stephen yes, a sacred number. As jesus himself said, blessed be the number 30,000, for, man, thats a lot of whatever it is youre counting. Sheep . What else do we own around here . Nothing. Gotta be sheep. Then, just one minute and 15 seconds after the press conference started, it turned out it wasnt a press conference. It was just a brag n dash, because he left without taking any questions. Thank you very much, everybody. Thank you. crosstalk reporters shouting questions mr. President mr. President sir, why not. For the good of the country, sir. bleep stephen stirring words that someday, no doubt, will grace the facade of his president ial library. This was a rare potus sighting. Since the election, hes made few public appearances. He knows that if he comes out of his bunker and sees his shadow, hell only have six more weeks of president. But today, he had a pressing matter of National Security the annual turkey pardon. This years star turkeys were named corn and cob. We have some footage of them arriving in d. C. For their big day. Here they are arriving at the iconic willard hotel, greeting their throngs of fans, and then relaxing in some plush beds, where they acknowledge their privilege during an exploding homeless crisis. Our soontobe former leader made it clear how fortunate the pardoned bird was. Now its time for the moment of our guests of honor. They have been waiting. And, in this case, he has been waiting for this. Bring them out. Look at that beautiful, beautiful bird. Oh, so lucky. That is a lucky bird. Stephen yes, its a lucky, lucky bird. To have a better legal team than the president. Then he said the words that so many who have worked for this administration have longed to hear i hereby grant you a full pardon. Stephen there you have it an innocent turkey pardoned by a lame duck. And he just got a little bit lamer because last night, the General Services administration finally declared that biden can begin his transition. His transition, even though the current president still hasnt conceded, and hes not happy about it. Ill tell you all about it in tonights exciting installment of. to tune of jingle bells screw yourself screw yourself i wont go away the road from the white house. Stephen when things go wrong for the president , he looks deep inside and tries to understand who hes going to blame. In this case, the needle landed on his personal attorney and bilbo possessed by the one ring, Rudy Giuliani. After rudys Disastrous Press Conference last week, aides say the president started to worry that his legal team is composed of fools that are making him look bad. No, sir, thats your hair and makeup team. But one of the key confidence killers could have been when rudy had this literal meltdown. Even if its close to thanksgiving, the president doesnt want a lawyer who makes his own gravy. Now, it may be hard to imagine, but rudy wasnt always the troll living under americas bridge. Just 18 years ago, he was almost universally hailed as a national hero. In fact, this morning, the internet upchucked a newly rediscovered clip of a 2003 rudy biopic featuring actor and guy on the subway who keeps mentioning the seat next to him is free, james woods. Woods 1600 on his s. A. T. S, just ask him and hell tell you unironically portrayed giuliani as a romantic idealist. Heres just a taste. Thats what my father taught me. My dad and my other heroes winston churchill, Bobby Kennedy democrats. As i once was. Whyd you switch . You know, democrats always talked about things getting better. Republicans did whatever they could to make them better. Thats what were here for, right . Stephen they would have paid for better writing, but they blew the whole budget on that windows 98 screensaver of the ocean behind him. Now, the actual title of that movie is rudy the Rudy Giuliani story. Seems a little redundant, but then again, all the best movies drive home their subject matter. Thats why my Favorite Movie is star wars a star wars story. What i love about that scene is how realistically it portrays the romance of talking about republican policy right before you make out. Hollywood does it all the time in love scenes im also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to take away her bodily autonomy. Holy infant so you complete me. Im not just shut up. Just shut up. You had me at opportunity zones. Stephen i got all teared up there. So, with the president distancing himself from the National Embarrassment that is Rudy Giuliani, hes looking to align himself with a more reputable figure actor and guy in the market for a used waterbed, randy quaid. Quaid, of course, is most famous for trying to erect a randy quaid museum, or claiming hes on the run from a celebritykilling Organization Called the Hollywood Star whackers, or showing up in court wearing a sheriffs badge, or posting disturbing sex tapes in which he and his wife are having intercourse below a picture of rupert murdoch. Obviously, randys a busy guy barely has time to buy and sell urine on craigslist. And, turns out, quaid has been a longtime maga man, and this morning, the president repaid his loyalty by retweeting several of randy quaids political opinions such as this one weve lost confidence in the system that elects our leaders. 79 million americans believe election was rigged, the results fraudulent. We need an inpersononly paper ballot revote, especially in the states where flagrant irregularities have occurred. No accuracy, no democracy to which the president added are you listening, republicans . No. The only person listening to randy quaid is his therapist, which, unfortunately, is an old boot he put a hat on. Quaid also got a retweet today from the president for his awardwinning proadministration monologue from last year. Is this the way america goes . From George Washington to george soros . Wake up, you sleeping giant. The lilliputians that tie you down with their fantastic dreams of icebergs melting into dinosaurs and train tracks stretching across the pacific waters. Trump trumpets reveling, and its time to heed the call. Stephen thank you, mr. Quaid, but this is an audition for a processed beef stick. So if you could just snap into the slim jim and not mention the trilateral commission. That would be great. Thats the more toneddown of the two randy quaid monologues the president of the United States retweeted today. Heres the bananas one fox news daytime ratings have completely collapsed, weekend daytime, even worse. Very sad to watch this happen. They forgot what made them successful, what got them there. They forgot the golden goose. Stephen i believe hes using whats known as mood lighting. The mood . Peyote bender. As crazy as that last video is, believe it or not, quaid was just giving a dramatic reading of a tweet from the president. So, a crazy guy retweeted another crazy guy performing the first crazy guys crazy tweet. Its a mobius mess. Its like watching two toddlers try to change each others diapers, but somehow, its even more full of crap. We have a great show for you tonight. My guest, in case i havent mentioned it, is president barack obama. Stick around. This year, walmarts turning black friday into deals for days. Starting wed 11 25 shop online only and score deals like a 299 Nintendo Switch bundle with mario kart. Lets end the year saving bigger. Weve got something for you. Thank you. I love it. Cheers. To fight wrinkles . Its what i use neutrogena®. The 1 retinol brand used most by dermatologists. 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At ross. Yes for less yep get the gifts you love. Yesss . For everyone on your list. Youve got the holidays, and weve got you. With all the gift for less. At ross. Yes for less stephen welcome back, everybody. Lets say hello to our friend, mr. Jon batiste. Hello, jon jon hello. Whats happening with you . Stephen congratulations, two grammy nominations today jon yes, indeed. Oh, im so grateful and thankful that the music is connecting with people and adding to peoples lives. Stephen well be deserved. You and worry wong. Thats the name of that album. Jon meditations. Medications. And chronology of a dream. You were there. Stephen i was there. As a matter of fact i was just listening to the very thought of you, you and rachel, this weekend. Amazing. Jon oh, yes. Steyo my vote. Jon hey, now, lets get it come on stephen lets swing this one. Jon yeah, yeah. Sephen hey, stick around, im about to interview barack obama. I think youre going to like it. Jon i heard, i heard. I think i will. Stephen jon batiste, everybody. Jon later on. Stephen thanks, jon. Folks, yesterday, i had the honor to sit down with our 44th president , barack obama, whose new book, a promised land, is out now. Jim . Well, president obama, thank you so much for joining me today. It is wonderful to be here. Thank you for having me. Stephen its good to see you. It is good it is good to be seen. Ive been seeing you on television, but its good to see you in person. Stephen thats nice. How old are you . Are you are you are you 18 and 54 . Im not the demographic you are looking for. Stephen it doesnt count. I apologize, it doesnt count. Michelle says hey. Stephen good. You know she loves you. Stephen i have really enjoyed spending time with her over the last four years. I know, and she adors you. She thinks the world of you. I think youre okay. Stephen can we just take moment i can just and i want to talk. I just want to take a moment to drink you in for just a moment. Because im having to get used to looking at a president. laughing again. You know, ive gotten out of ive gotten out of the habit. I have to warm up for joe biden. I dont want to pull anything when i see him take the oath of office. You have to ease me into this a little bit. Joes going to be agreement. Stephen i have no doubt. And kamala is going to be great. Theyre going to have big challenges ahead, but, you know, weve got the potential of returning to a presidency that is actually paying attention and trying to do right by all people and not just some. Stephen a lot of announcements of cabinet positions over the last two days . Yes, people i know. Stephen guys you know. Theres a whole lot of return to the sort of the stability and whats that word . Competency. laughs of your eight years. Which is novel. Which is as good as a vacation right now, somebody that actually wants to do the job theyre hired to do. Thats an interesting idea, isnt it. Stephen and has experience, and has read about stuff, and knows where countries are. Its great. Stephen so, how you been . How you been the last four years . I havent seen a lot of you. No. Stephen and its been kind of i dont know if youve been paying attention its been kind of crazy out here. laughing were all were all a little tired. This is how i want to sit. This is my actual this is americas posture. Were a little bit like a boned fish right now, and its one of the reasons why its nice to see you. So im listen, im i am good. Stephen yeah. But i think that i i am typical of a lot of us who are lucky enough that our jobs havent been endangered, because i was already out of a job as a as a consequence of covid. Stephen do you have any prospects . I havent had anybody in my immediate family get sick. You know, we dont have to worry about the bills. And, you know, so on the one hand, weve had our girls at home. That has been a complete joy for us. I dont know about them. And then, you know, the i think ive used this phrase before the shambolic nature of the government response, obviously, has been frustrating. Stephen especially after you left a game plan. Yes. Stephen for this very specific thing. And talked about it before you left. Yes, yes. Stephen what was that like to watch this response . That thats the frustration. This would have been hard for anyone. I mean, you see even people like Angela Merkel who is herself a scientist, exemplary, but you still see some spikes in germany. But lets take canada, where the death rate is 39 ours per capita, right. That thats a measure of if we had done the work that was not rocket science, right. Were not talking about inning vaccines im glad to see the vaccines coming on board. But preliminarily communicating effectively, respecting the science, not undermining the leading epidemiologist in the country and saying, hes an idiot. You know, being consistent in terms of masks and social distancing, not suggesting that, you know, this is some act of oppression but rather just a commonned sense thing to prevent people from getting sick. Had we just taken those steps, there is no doubt that we would have saved some lives. And, ironically, the economy would be better because we would not be swinging back and forth in the ways that we have, and people would feel more confidence about making daytoday decisions about shopping or, you know, going out. Stephen besides the obvious nature of the responsible thing to do. Yes. Stephen and is the economically vital thing to do, are you surprised that they did not see the political advantage of looking like you cared. Yes. And i think that that is a measure of how detached from reality and how embedded ideological and conspiratorial thinking has become, where youre doing it even when its to your disadvantage, right. In your original show, right, you know, there was a youre satirizing a certain attitude. But you never thought that folks would actually start believing. Stephen i did not know i was a prophet. I thought i was a comedian. You thought you were a comedian. But now youre you couldnt make up some of the stuff that youre seeing. And it is to the detriment of the country, but as you said, its also it runs contrary to what would have been smart politics if, you know, the republicans wanted to maintain the white house. And that in some ways is more troubling because now its no longer even strategic. It is youre drinking your own koolaid in a way that i think is troublesome. And one of the big challenges that joe biden is going to have is to figure out how to puncture that, you know, information bubble that not just republican officials, but a sizable portion of voters are in right now. Stephen that gets you to a question thats buried deep in these pages right here, but it could be the only question i asked you upon. If i only had one question to ask you right now it would be, what happens now . What the hell happens now when you have half or 70 of the republicans, so maybe about 40 of the public think that joe biden won by cheating, and they believe that all these fantasies being promulgated about democratic cabals that seem to be pulling the strings in states, democrat or republican, all over the United States. How do you then speak to those people, even if you are someone like joe biden whos capable, believes in a government doing the job to serve the people, and is empathetic to the concerns and needs of the people who didnt vote for him and well get to eventually. Part