Or how small is vermont . laughter in the context of the universe, were, like, a speck of sand onab endless beach, and thats kinds of sad, but also beautiful. Because that kind of frees you to be whatever you want, you know . Like, you dont have to fit into societys mold because nothing matters. Its like when jerry garcia sang darkness shrugs and bids the day goodbye. And thats like mind bloarng right. Hey, want to listen to some grateful dead for a while california, reaching on the burning shore california, ill be knocking down the golden door california would be nice surfing, riding the ways in socal with the ladies, eating texmex. Awesome. So come to vermont, if you want. Ill number california. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, sessions gets grilled. Plus, stephen welcomes John Dickerson eugene levy and misical guest midland. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen thank you very much. Hey thank you very much please, sit down. Thank you very much, everybody. Thai so much for that welcome to the late show, one and all. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Im exciting, too. Theres big news in the russia investigation. The first part is about attorney general Jeff Sessions, seen here just loving life. Because we learned today that sessions was questioned for several hours last week by special counsel Robert Muellers office. Im sure sessions was applause . I know. Youre excited but im sure sessions was not amused. laughter i do declare, i do declare, mr. Mueller, you are wasting your precious time interviewing an upstanding citizen such as myself, when there are real criminals out there grandmas smoking weed for their glaucoma. I bid you good day, sir laughter this is, this is cheers and applause do i need that back . laughter this is huge, because it is the first time investigators have interviewed a member of trumps cabinet. Probably not the last. After all, the motto of the special counsels office is gotta catch em all. applause now, mueller hasnt released a transcript of the interview, and everyone on cable news is speculating what sessions said. But the late show has obtained exclusive footage of sessions answers to all of muellers questions. I do not recall such a conversation. I did not recall this event. I dont recall. I dont recall it. I do not recall i dont recall it. I guess i could say that i possibly had a meeting, but i still do not recall it. Stephen i do not recall it. I may be just a cookie, but i have the memory of a gold fish. cheers and applause just a minute. Laugh did not eat the gold fish in rehearsal. laughter and sessions isnt the only big fish mueller might be reeling in, because we also found out today that james comey was interviewed last year by muellers team. This is important. Because if comey testifies he was fired because of the russia investigation, it must might might confirm what the president confessed to on National Television last year. Laugh now, we dont know the time frame were not sure. We dont know the time frame, but we do know it was late in 2017. But im going to guess it was around november 11, when he just happened to be on a trip to washington d. C. , and he happened to tweet the following bible quote but let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like an everflowing stream. cheers and applause jon i mean, its right there. Stephen okay, so, there is definitely a peepee tape. laughter and things are only gonna get spicier from this point out and this is just in the Washington Post is reporting mueller is seeking to question trump himself about firing flynn and comey. Yeah, yeah. cheers and applause thats going to be big. Yeah, its going to be big because its not only going to be about flynn and comey. He is also going to question him on the other question firing. Mr. President , in season 12, why would you fire Debbie Gibson even though arsenio hall lost a blank check from jay leno . The public deserves to know thats my mueller. This could be very bad for trump, especially if mueller doesnt take the 130,000 in hush money. laughter and his legal team is nervous trump might perjure himself, due to trumps lack of precision in his speech and his penchant for hyperbole, which trump disputes. Believe me, i am the least hyperbolic person ever born. laughter and many people everybody im hearing this from everyone everyone is saying my precision is the biggest number, whatever that is cheers and applause now, after all of them. Its big and its the best. laughter after the firing of flynn and comey, mueller has expressed interest in trumps efforts to remove Jeff Sessions as attorney general or pressure him into quitting in order to determine whether there was a pattern of behavior by the president. And if he finds one, the president migh getting a new pan of his own. cheers and applause cheers and applause , of course, of course, yesterday, we all know the shutdown ended. And theres always a lot of debate about who wins one of these. But not this time. The democrats lost. Or did they . Yeah, they lost. laughter and with government up and running, trump got back to the important work of trolling a cable news reporter. Even crazy jim acosta of fake news cnn agrees trump world and w. H. Sources dancing in end zone trump wins again. Schumer and dems caved. Gambled and lost. thank you for your honesty, jim which is it . Is he an honest newsman or is he crazy jim . Thank you for your honesty, you lying crazy lunatic. I look forward to more truthful praise from garbage bag jim acosta and fire hose of lies cnn. Keep up the good work. Love, donnie. laughter cheers and applause and today today . Today were finding out that the white house handled the shutdown with a simple strategy keep trump contained. laughter thats not easy. No. Just ask his tennis shorts. laughter applause okay. So they kept him as far away from the negotiation as possible. But while trump was sidelined, he was still following news about the shutdown. In fact, when the president saw a photo in a news story that appeared to show a memorial closed, a staffer was sent to the washington mall, only to find out that it was a stock photo taken in 2013. Oh my god, i just saw on tbs that the statue of liberty is like halfburied in sand at the beach. I want to negotiate with the head ape right now, okay. The chimp in charge. Get me dr. Zeuz on the phone. By the way, dr. Zeus says im 63 239 pounds. Mano a monkey. laughter applause and, as always, donald trump was watching a lot of cable news, so the white house made sure that Senior Administration officials were on television pushing the president s message so he would not see negative coverage that made him more inclined to strike a deal with democrats. Things that made him happy, they gave him his special remote. laughter yes, yes. He borrowed it from ted cruz, actually. But if trump didnt end the shutdown, who did . Evidently, it was negotiated by a group of at least two dozen senators who began meeting late last week in the office of maine senator and oldest woman ever to play annie, susan collins. laughter the sun will come out its a hard knock life apparently i dont know why im picking on her. Apparently, in the meetings to try and keep the peace, collins wouldnt let any senator in the room talk unless they were holding a talking stick. Yes. And by talking stick, we dont mean arkansas senator tom cotton. laughter now, it sounds like our government is being run on kindergarten rules, but it goes all the way back to our founding fathers. Patrick henry famously declared, give me liberty or give me the talking stick. Im sorry, i need the stick. Thank you. Death you have to sell it you have to sell it with sizzle and collins was so proud of her talking stick, she went on cnn for a little stick talk. What is a talking stick . Well, i can show it to you. Whoa and as you can see, its beautifully beaded, and it was given to me by my friend, democratic senator Heidi Heitkamp of north dakota, and it is originally from africa. Stephen yes, yes as lawmakers discussed immigration and the future of our government, the only minority in the room was a stick. cheers and applause and, obviously, youd think a bunch of powerful adults could play a kids game without things getting ugly, but not so fast. Because at one point, senator Lamar Alexander of tennessee forcefully tossed the stick toward senator mark warner of virginia, nearly shattering a glass elephant belonging to collins. Wow jon whoa stephen a heated discussion almost destroyed the symbol of the republican party. I think the full details are available in this months issue of heavy handed metaphor magazine. laughter oh, that fat cat article, that fat cat article looks going good. Everybody loves metaphors. The kids love metaphors. Washingtons still reacting to the news of President Trumps alleged affair with porn star Stormy Daniels. thunder laughter thats enough. Thats enough. Thats enough, jim, thank you very much. Thank you. A little bit of that goes a long way. And the latest person to weigh in is Vice President and man practicing his smile in the mirror, mike pence. When asked about the story, pence told reporters he was not going to comment on the latest baseless allegations against the president. First of all, these are not baseless allegations. She says he rounded the bases. laughter second im not sure im not sure mike pence knows what a porn star is. laughter . Jon oh, snap. Stephen what would mike pences taste in porn be . Maybe Something Like this. Stephen yeah. Yeah. Thats just the way mmmm mmmm applause that is just the way mike likes it white bread. White bread. But there is one conservative christian who will talk about the story, and thats president of the Family Research council, and grownup kid from jurassic park, tony perkins. Perkins said that when it comes to the Stormy Daniels controversy we kind of gave him all right, you get a mulligan. You get a doover here. Stephen yes, a mulligan because marriage is like golf, both things trump claims to love but constantly cheats on. laughter stephen allegedly allegedly allegedly i have no proof he cheats at golf. laughter so the Family Research council is giving trump a pass on his affair with a porn star right after his wife gave birth. You know, family values. Like it says right there in the Ten Commandments thou shalt not commit adultery, unless shes a pro with huge cans. Up top, moses weve got a great show for you tonight. John dickerson is here. But when we return oscar, oscar stick around. This is debbie. She has. Fomo mmhm. Because she doesnt have sprint unlimited that now includes hulu. Wait, what am i missing . Who is that . Thats the you who has sprint and hulu and can stream the shows everyones talking about. And uh. She got rid of her fomo. I also got rid of that boyfriend. That works for me. Whoa . What are you watching . Ooh that looks funny. avo be a smarter you. Switch to sprint and get the best price for unlimited. For people with hearing loss, now with hulu. Visit sprintrelay. Com. Dto feed their own pets is hills science diet . Its scientifically formulated to meet your pets needs. Now, spend 35 on any science diet pet food and get 10 off your next purchase. Petsmart for the love of pets. Try degree ultraclear black white saves your white clothes from yellow stains and black clothes from white marks still with 48 hour sweat protection. Try degree ultraclear black white it wont let you down band playing cheers and applause Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human. Give it up for the band cheers and applause oh, can you dig it . Can you dig it, baby . Jon yeah, yeah stephen you guys always sound good. Jon oh, yeah, yeah. Stephen you guys always sound good, but you sound a little richer, a little richer tonight. To who do we owe that . We have a High School Student sitting in with the band. From grammy museum, veronica leahy. Grammy in the Schools Program. I was a part of that program. cheers and applause . Stephen thats fantastic. You were in the grammy in the Schools Program . Jon yes, i was in the agreement in the Schools Program in 2004. Stephen me, too . Jon yeah . Stephen i was in high school in 2004, too, jon. Very similar. Jon ill remember that. Stephen lets leave it right there. Veronica, thank you so much for being here. You sound fantastic. Thank you, thank you for having me. applause stephen well, jon, i dont know if you noticed, but the Oscar Nominations were announced this morning. Jon yeah, i saw that through twitter. Stephen good eye. These are the first oscars in the wake of the metoo movement, which means there will be some changes. For instance, the oscar statue will now be fully clothed. But the Biggest Surprise this year is there are no controversies over lack of diversity. Mexican director guillermo del toros the shape of water leads the pack with 13 nominations. cheers and applause yup. We love guillermo. Its a great story. Its about a woman who has sex with a disgusting fish monster. And im really impressed someone already produced the Stormy Daniels story. laughter meanwhile, jordan peele was nominated for directing get out, making him only the fifth black director ever nominated for a best directing oscar. cheers and applause congratulations, congratulations la la land i mean, jordan peele dammit, why does that keep happening . Now, jordan peele is now invited to a big party thrown by rich white people. I hope hes seen get out. laughter hell be up against greta gerwig, nominated for directing the wonderful lady bird. Only the fifth woman ever to earn that distinction. So hollywood is watching to see whether she or jordan peele wins, because that will determine which group of twitter users become enraged. laughter and whichever ones you are, im on your side. Ive had it laugh and its a big year for women meryl streep was nominated for an Academy Award for her performance in the post. Then she was nominated for a second Academy Award for acting surprised that she was nominated for the first one. Amazing, so convincing i believed it. I believed it. So a fairly Diverse Group of very deserving artists, but ive got a well of award anger that ive got to focus at something. So this year ive decided to be furious that the lego ninjago movie was not nominated for best sound mixing. Alan freedman, tim leblanc, and Greg Crawford created a soundscape for ninjago city that made me feel like i was a misunderstood ninja toy with a heart of gold. Teamninjago. Those arent the real guys, theyre guys on my staff. But you didnt know that. And you didnt care. So youre part of the problem. Go look in the mirror. And then come back because weve got John Dickerson. applause and 640 muscles in the human body, no two of us are alike. Life made more effortless through adaptability. The perfect position seat in the lincoln continental. if thwell, youd be drowningers, in magma. In the lincoln continental. Wait, what . Hot hot hot hot hot if the earth needs layers, so does your chocolate bar. Get layers of crunchy and creamy. Hersheys cookie layer crunch. Get layered. Take off for mexico with expedia. One click gives you access to discounts on thousands of hotels, cars and things to do. Like the Fairmont Mayakoba for 59 off. Everything you need to go. Expedia. 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Switching is easy, call 1833cvsmedd and transfer today to cvs pharmacy. band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody, to the late show, already in progress. Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest hosted his final episode of cbss face the nation this week. He is now the coanchor of cbs this morning. Please welcome, John Dickerson applause stephen nice to see you again. Its great to be back. Stephen and i hope we get to see a lot more of you because now youre just around the corner at the Broadcast Center on 57th street. Im capitol hill any time you want me. Stephen okay, great. Cbs, face the nation, it is the longest running show on cbs. You anchored it for two years. Your mother started off at cbs working at that show as an associate producer. Sunday was your last show. Was that a was that a tough show to do . Yeah, it was very tough, because you know what its like when you work with people in stressful conditions, high stakes, you bond with them. You care a lot lets see if i can get through this description without losing it you care a lot about the people you work with. The work is important. They all care as much as you do, and i get to go out there and, you know, for an hour benefit from all of their hard work, and you want to you cant stop saying, thank you. So its really hard to leave that