If your level of insecurity is so deep then actually you can only really have a conversation apart and say you know thoughts on feeling that people don't they sort of start getting jealous they start doing something foolish you know almost yourself why my feeling is that I think you know what it's about my self-esteem so low that I don't think this person can love me for who I am and they must be looking at other people you know being with other people cheating on me I mean you know the kind of people I would see on a psychological basis he. Got to go into the past a bit and find out where their self-esteem got so chipped away that they feel so bad about themselves and all the restraints in the world sometimes doesn't help them but you 1st pull callers to say to partner you know a like I know I shouldn't feed it but I thought that's how I do feel because of something you do you know share it and see if you can overcome it's a gather all the and say on it and on it because South. Generally know a good thing yeah Joe is going to keep taking your questions and so cool as a 100 trouble him for Table 29 taxes on 8132 or 3 start a text with your course and his message on the B.B.C. Radio Facebook and Twitter pages she's going to be half the next 20 minutes or so OK Questions are now about love relationships and all the things that come with it . You go Oh to me. Even Know your. Last thing under 50 but I'll follow when I. Mendez on B.B.C. Radio York you got me but. It was just a really exciting call just excited because I have my house. Hair and she is talking to us about relate. Ships love sex everything she's off ask a dating expect because she's the next. Thing and you know it comes with the kind of covered some cover some ground here with a big date saying some good days quite a bit of social media with a crew full of questions and this will interest me if you find out that you've got an iced tea eye from your partner who you're with and you're in love with and in a relationship with. The subject. I mean if you've been faithful. From your partner. Every ounce of courage you go. On. And all for. About life the only thing you can do about it you cannot sleep on a thing. You've got a top and it's a hard one. Yeah if you know that your. You know OK but you haven't kind of pulled around that anybody else and you've had it you know identified and dog definitely is and I think you know I then I think you have a very difficult conversation but you have never I mean I think there's a there's a lot of like misplaced shame when it comes to sexual health like absolutely even if you're not in a solid relationship in any general life in a lot of people kind of classes or you because because of this and it's when realistically you can be with one person and it can happen to you yeah I mean there's a lot of kind of almost like a bit of a myth around this you know is that you've got a lot of Brady go to sleep around a lot to catch one I mean you don't and it doesn't pick and choose those people who wait 2 or 3 dates will they stay with somebody else someone in 6 of our 1st night they don't pick and choose it can happen to anybody if you don't tell you so and so yeah the best thing you can do if you have a fun you're going to you know go through in the clinics they're very discreet totally confidential and most of them can be cleared up pretty quickly and it happens and I Most people at some point in their lives Yeah best thing to do is don't leave it go something about it people are very understanding in those clinics so I'm not subject when I'm up subjects but on on what you just brought up when is the right time to sleep with someone you date. You know that's another one of those great questions that I think I would like to ask again and again it's one of those answers that's almost impossible I mean. People sleeping with somebody the 1st time they meet them is OK and that goes on to flourish to be a fantastic long term amazing best in their life relationship for other people so I can I want to hold off for a few days to see if it's going somewhere I'm of the only think you nobody ever created says I wish I'd slept with that person earlier so if you think you're going to. Actually worry. He more because he met this great person you are the one the 1st. Kind of more anxious about whether they get in touch with you than if you just go down had a coffee or a drink or whatever then don't do it because if you're not and it doesn't matter that's a fine but if you think it's going to add to your angst and you feel somehow you might been used and you wish you hadn't done it then don't but that's the only car is absolutely downs individual Some people cope with it. And other people pretty FOR ABOUT IT work out where you are and well and go with them so what if you just what you just don't want to if you get in pretty deep with some on you know it's all going well but you just go you know I just don't want I just want it. How do you how are you talking out of. Your pretty deep with somebody so we're talking like a few dates then you don't want to sleep with them then the program not going to be the point of fear if you don't fancy somebody unless you've got incredibly low sex drive and some of the. Chances are that just friends they're going to end up with a friend or someone you get on really well was far less nice sexual attraction. Sometimes things pan out that way they take all the boxes you want to fancy them but you don't until I see people you know their sex lives a really important you know they can of matter a lot in terms of you know a one on one intimacy so if you know feeling it probably you probably never will you shouldn't be together. A friend of Boulder party doesn't even like you know you also have so when it comes to when you when you're in a relation when you're with somebody obviously arguments about Disagreements happen no one is directly perfect for each other let's be real world like people get annoyed because people are just annoying so if you don't like something the with someone if there's something wrong if you're feeling insecure or if you're feeling whatever what's the best way to like express your emotions in that way but what what's the best way to have a healthy argument basically. It's way to have any conversation whether it's an argument or just kind of speaking your mind or dressing something is you know it's going to sound a bit kind of. Standard but it is to just communicate it because if you don't communicate the way you're feeling when something mole begins to annoy or you don't really like something what happens is it builds off and through resentment and it builds up into something bigger and then you start all going it was something that also the thing that made you mad in the 1st place because resentments thoughts that we threw away so I would say deal with the let's choose while the you know if it's something you don't like say it and say why you don't like it not at all Steve way don't do it right the moment maybe it happens in a peculiar You'll time but say it and get it out there still with rather than letting it internalize them build up to the point where. Yeah you just get ready resentful of that person I don't like them back she always lost sight of the thing the Legion the 1st but other things that are on what I start to know today because this obviously those things that you know irritate you or you're upset that you kind of have a legit reason you brain as to why you're upset with them and you kind of just want to approach but this there's other things you know like if for example he likes a girl's photo on Facebook or you know little things like that you kind of or he spoke to that girl in the bar for a bit too long that you felt was too long why Actually it was about nothing but you feel a bit jealous about you and you know in your own head that really it's not you know it's not a problem and actually isn't anything that you are upset about so should you talk should you talk about it or should you just leave. I think you need to suck up certain things I think just if you know in your head and that's way you soften out any better I mean if you know instinctively that it's OK but it's still getting you know you didn't like it I would hope that one and just just rise above that one because otherwise you stop you might become possessed or you know you have to see is not a great thing sometimes we feel there's a bit of us that has. Almost suppress it because now it's not men it's it's taught in a certain it's not it's not going anywhere it is just our own insecurities a fueling a. So I think there are times. In the relationship no way yeah except that stops the person that you're with and they're kind of friendly and it's not funny this is misinterpreted by somebody else. No I don't but don't yeah let it screw your relationship because you know you start demanding to know why they were doing something that they've always done and don't see any wrong in and you've got to recognize the difference you have to people so how do you this is complete change how do you avoid becoming dependent on someone how do you avoid that in a relationship where somebody just becomes your world how do you avoid that kind of proper attachment where you really want that person. To some people in a becoming each other's Well that's actually what their own you know that's what they want they want to be just wholly in each other's lives the most significant that best friend. You know their partner for life for some people that is everything for them and I wouldn't not others. You know you need to keep some sort of independence you need to keep your own interests your own friends that do everything together 247 you know it could be as much as you know just going out with a girlfriend. You know once a fortnight going on holiday with your girlfriend. For a week I mean it's whatever works for you but for all those Someone being the center of the universe or each other's you know it works for them. So you can't really call on it. Seem. Like a prince or oh it's just you know necessarily expects your partner simply your best friend I mean that's what people often say not what people mourn when relationships break up are often is is the friendship because along with a breakup is that incredibly great friend you had and that's always. Been there everything else because you kind of invested so much than you should everything every little detail of your life that the person you you know just con of bored rigid about you know the person that was going on you know that whatever it was I mean that you just gave him every detail and that's what a lot of people miss from relationships break oh it's not to say you shouldn't do it but you should understand. So are you talking to Jerry for 11 day like just section so if you have any more questions for THINK get in touch now you can call us on I mean Hunter trouble in 48 foot in Texas on 813213 star Texas you'll you can send us a message on the B.B.C. Radio Facebook and Twitter pages at B.B.C. York your question then now about love and relationships and everything that goes with it. They didn't. Have to. Do my back. In Me. And this is my love. Fall. If they have to. Let you do. Any other. Yeah. Just I just want you to. Do it for them. Because if the. 2. Things. You. Get so carried. Without Me whole Z. Or house see a wholesale house see I didn't I think it's holes they saw I was just going with you know why not. Steve got me Beth McCarthy only Muzi radio Thelma talking about love and relationships with Joe Hemmings our relationship stating love X. I just know we've had a few more questions in full Yeah your hill so I can ask you all and your hash tag mouth have. Always wanted to have stuck around long enough to get spread is the 3 wire their own personal radio Well that is the During all of this or I can a long distance relationship lost between a young couple. Oh that's such a good question I mean yes it common it should be in theory easier than I ever was before because long distance relationships so what about. Trust and communication and we can communicate with each other more and more varied ways than we ever could before say Skype and Face. What's the message isn't Colson everything doesn't cost any money and we can do it but what we What's lacking is intimacy and secondly I think when your young and your distance from each other you tend to con to forge new friendship groups and so the temptation to con of a stronger bond or friendship with somebody else is quite overwhelming so particular say for students that go to different universities you know they say yeah we're going to say together we're going to really you know it's really really hard when you're young to sustain it but there's that's only because in your head you can of course a whole world to explore and if someone isn't there by your side or with you in person it just compromises a lot more it's possible if you both really want you're both ridiculous to stuff and impossible but you've got to have some kind of plan in mind like when are we going to me what is the end of the long distance relationship you need to be going somewhere on that journey or all the things like a just something which just isn't to the never never did you think it's worth trying to stick out think like you kind of take it as it is and go I came about if you're in a relationship. Home like in college you'll whatever and then you both are going to different the other end of the country to each other do you think it's worth trying to stick it out or do you think it's where kind of and this is what we do in the likelihood is it's not going to work through May as well and on a good note. Oh yeah I just sort of think the somewhere in the middle of those I think it's worth looking out I think Tony people stick out because of the security of someone that they knew and they cared for and they getting off into a whole different world and it's nice to have the reassurance of someone that you already did or do care about but I think you've also got to bear in mind that it. Is against the old for some people it works if you're really committed to it working you see each other reg you know you make the effort it can definitely but also acknowledge that if it doesn't and it quite often doesn't. There's no failing on either Paul it's just the way it is and you've both moved on so yeah I think it can work but it takes a lot of commitment a lot dedication What if your dreams and hopes for the future this is a question like this question of happiness and. What if your dreams or hopes if you don't much on your partner I.E. Kids. To live etc But you love them and want to be with them. OK So I think a lot of most good relationships often don't compromise you know you might be upset ends of the spectrum bought because you care about each other or somehow me in the middle so where you live. What your goals are you can always meet in the middle the one thing there is no compromise about having kids you can decide to have something you've either got the side to have them or know if your partner is absolutely sure of whatever reason they don't want children and they will never want children I think and you definitely I think that is a real deal for a current relationship is one of the few deal breakers in a relationship because there is there is no middle ground there's no compromise on a. Everything else that can probably be adjusted if you want to put in a yeah so producer. Say when asked. What was the key to have 50 year marriage she said keeping a mouth shut so what do you think that. I know my list. Yeah I think the 1st sentence generated me well I mean come on is it is I mean and that sounds awful but in the sense that sometimes pick your battles wisely is what I say you know if you really want to make a point and you can have passion about say it and make it have meaning but if it's something that really isn't that important Yeah you know chuckle you toys at the same time there's a point at which sometimes we just need to not say things so that when we do want to say something that has real significance and meaning it's it's better for us to you know just save up those things. Until we really feed it what I think is right is just put up and shut up or shut up and put up. Yeah because not to for makes you so subservient I'm sure but it's not wow this is not a man she just might take her battles wisely and she probably was in control of that relationship. It wasn't like he was he definitely was yeah that was the belief he was in charge and not you know that many a trick up a woman sleeps. Great. So. In terms of friendships I'm interested to know your views on on maintaining and navigating friendships around a relationship because I've said this before on the show I am massively that Paris and that I'm like I'm like my friends partner I'm like a soon as they get a boyfriend I might say excuse me well you know a lot of boyfriends just think that you need to be that. For the last that friendship quality of their friendship because they frown upon the yeah I mean not want to see it happen so all of us I mean as much as we love our friends there is some little sea change that happens when you find a product you don't have as much time to see them you don't have as much. As much effort and all planning ahead or whatever it's going to change and yeah for someone who is single and their thing will friend meet somebody it's you know it's an OK thing because you feel as a bit of them both to you. I would always say someone you know maintain friendships and I hate those people that just cut you off now they found somebody and then you kind of like that to them until life broken up with them and then they really need this show to cry on and then. Yeah exactly Hello again so I think except they don't have as much time for you as they did try and be happy for them. The. Abandoning you know things that much of you can't deny it's called Friendship knowing that yeah it's definitely going to. Disappear a bit your friendship also over you know a backtrack a bit ball when they need see when it will guys wrong you're also going to be the full of them is the mark of apprenticeship you just have to buy that or. So to fill me off you know I like I love how brutal you are it's refreshing I'm glad I like this I found it rather brutal but you can. COME TO Yeah come to my surface and. It's refreshing and it's nice that you just go you don't suck it up. So finish off. For somebody looking for love say for somebody who isn't in a relationship would you like to find one what would be YOUR TOP tapes. I think I might be able to pin it might surprise you is probably because of their own so a lot of people on me Michael and that he will pull up if in to finding somebody then you know they kind of going on updating they find people that look a bit like the creature that time to go in they everybody found his them they would never found in a 1000000 years and so they conned a setback at the Ikea leaving well the ring and they get back a month later and you know I think you've got a possibility it's a bit like grabbing a sail balsam and this is going to sound pretty brutal fall you know the good people don't last forever on on at. Cline of go for it just put yourself out there is like a blank for a job you just say Why wait until the right job comes along and they you know you prove yourself you send your C.V. And you prove that you compressive I'm better than the others and found it's a bit like that I sing well much as I want to acknowledge it it's a bit like shopping yeah you want the best bargains you've got to be up to the thing and keep on to the airing. I mean I just didn't expect it to be you take but I'm glad that you didn't go bad I didn't mean you think oh I love it you've been absolutely a