think some were shocked. >> in other words, i was not a close personal friend of yours but i worked a couple desks down and saw you every day, i would not know that this was, you were struggling with these private demons. >> no. no. i'm sort of, my reputation at "the monitor" is i will do the harder stories and ask the harder questions and knock on questions. i will knock on the doors where it is the scariest to do that. so to think that i'm inside a fragile person sometimes it doesn't connect at all. not even my mother-in-law knew the story until i wrote the piece. no one except my husband, parents and brother knew and i was able to keep it from all of them. >> not even your mother-in-law. now, there's been tremendous reaction from the outside world, people sending you e-mails and sharing your stories. tell us about that. >> the stories are -- they are