Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report. Thank you so much. Stephen, stephen, stephen [ cheers and applause ] stephen welcome to the report. Pittsburgh penguin, pittsburgh penguin, cheerio, jolly good to have you with us. Wot, wot. As you can tell, i am still in the throes of royal baby fever which has me worried because youre supposed to starve a royal baby cold and feed a royal baby fever and i dont want to eat english food. Me and the royal baby have so much in common in that both of our fontanelles are not closed yet. Its like a koosh ball up there. Of course, once the heir arrived, there was only one question on every newsmans mind how long is this still news . The answer, of course, until we get a baby name. Dammit. Britains new prince is named Prince George of cambridge. The royal babys full name is George Alexander louis. Stephen oh, theres going to be another king george. Oh, that makes me want to violently establish our independence all over again. Yes, i do. Who is is crazy . You were . Who peed blue . You did. So crazy. Now, folks, theres a lot of speculation over what these names would be but i for one am not surprised because as a royal watcher, i know that will and kate are huge fans of seinfeld, and clearly named the baby for George Costanza who is played by Jason Alexander and julia louisdreyfuss. Because. [ cheers and applause ]. Because just like seinfeld, the english royal family is really about nothing. Meanwhile, Anthony Weiners penis. Yes, i kept that in as long as i could. Just like anthony weaner. Yes, new york, new york, the city that never sleeps just got one more thing to keep it up at night because yesterday the thinkable happened. Jim . Two years after a tawd sexing scandal chased him from congress, Anthony Weiner is begging for forgiveness again. Turns out he continued sending lewd messages and photos to at least one woman even after he was forced to resign from congress stephen yes, even after the sexting scandal that ended his congressional career. It turns out he learned nothing. Has this man never heard of snapchat . Your dong shots disappear seconds after you send them. I have been told. Anyway, heres basically what happened. 50 days before the mayoral primary, new sexy texts and photos of the candidate were published on the website, the dirty. The dirty, of course, the New York Times of celebrity schlong photos. Their motto all the dicks that fit to pic. Now, ladies and gentlemen, i want you to brace yourself. Im about to show you one of the pictures. Warning if there are children in the room, youre going to wish there werent. Jim jim . Okay. Okay, everybody breathe. Looks like he got it caught in a waffle iron. A series of paint swatches. That last color is called public humiliation. Jim, jim, can we move on, please . Thank you very much. Now, in response, yesterday weiner held an Emergency Press conference. I have said that other sex tinge photos were likely to come out. Today they have. The behaviors are behind me. Im bleesed and blessed that my wife humahas given me a Second Chance stephen hes also blessed that shes still counting this as the Second Chance. She is either very forgiving or terrible at mathment either way, at least hes taking personal responsibility. My wife and i, as i have said, are moving forward together. My wife and i, we went through this process. We put it behind us. Were in a lot better place today. We knew, we decided, we, we, we, it was something that we had worked through together stephen yes, together both he and his wife have worked through their mutual roles in his secretly sending women pictures of his crank. By the way. [ cheers and applause ] twoway street. By the way, all this cyberflashing happened just last summer. At the same time he was telling People Magazine i feel like a different person. Turns out it was true. He was a different person because he sent these penis shots or dictures, under the screen name carlos danger. Now, i assume. [ cheers and applause ] very distinguished. I assume it was to avoid using a ridiculous name like Anthony Weiner. And, folks, i found his reassurances only more alarming. This is entirely behind me. Its in our rear view mirror. Stephen dear, god. If thats in our rear view mirror, object may be closer than it appears. But folks, folks, this photo is only the tip of the iceberg. Well, and some of the shaft. Because weiner also sent his internet chatchica lewd Text Messages and i would not be doing my job as a journalist if i did not read them allowed on national tv. [ cheers and applause ] its all here in the New York Post where i read all my printedout internet. Theyve. You can see they blankd out some of the words here. Some of the naughty bits are blanked out. But im sure i can figure out what was there. Okay. So, i walk into a hotel room and you are at the end of the bed naked except for some amazing blankme shoes. Hmmmm. Respectme shoes. I dont know. Maybe im wrong. You know, just to be sure, i think the full texts are online. Let me just see. Okay. Lets go to the dirty. I want to say dotgov at this point. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. Okay. He writes Still Holding your hair. I spread your legs, your. Oh. mumbling oh, your. Oh. Okay. He take out my. Oh, no. I lean over and. Please. No. [bleep]. Okay. I bend down, grab the. Eww. I put my tongue deep in your mouth. You grab my. Oof. Oh, my god. Let me see. Will you let me hold your hair while you gag. Jesus christ. Oh, no. Oh, no. Okay. Thats it, folks. I just. I dont care what his wife thinks. These are serious times. This city has serious problems. And i do not want Anthony Weiner as my mayor. I want carlos danger. [ cheers and applause ] carlos danger. A man of whatever the opposite of mystery is. Just think about it, folks. A year after being hounded from office in national, nay, global disgrace for recreational crotch photography, does he stop . No, he presses on. Thats the kind of singleminded dedication you need as mayor of new york city because as mayor carlos danger will face impossible challenges every day. But he wont just throw up his hands because those hands will always be occupied. Plus lets face it. You want transparent government, say no more. And mayor danger would never be scared to go toetoi hope thats a toe with wall street or teachers unions or the mob. Hes not scared of anything because carlos dangers middle name is also danger. Of course, we cant expect carlos danger to sing his own praises. Hes a humble guy unless youre a impressionable young woman with a smart phone. So tonight my Graphics Team has created an animated tribute to what the good people of new york can expect under the danger administration. Jim . [ cheers and applause ] ill save you. Carlos danger. Secret mayor. [ cheers and applause ] stephen folks, this november , i certainly hope youll be thinking of carlos danger when you yank that lever. Now, in other political news, folks, yesterday Virginia GovernorBob Mcdonnell apologized for accepting 120,000 in inappropriate loans from a dietary supplement maker who also funded a 15,000 new york shopping trip for the governors wife. And. Any pics of his peener or anything like that . Then why am i wasting your time . Well be right back. . c . cwooooo . O [ cheers and applause ] stephen , right over here. Why not . Welcome back, everybody. Now, nation, anyone would knows me knows i love me some hiptothehop rappity rap rap. And theres no greater rapper alive than kanye west. And thats according to none other than renown rap expert kanye west. I mean this guy is dropping science like an underfunded school district. But yeezys latest work of yeenius isnt music, folks. Its fashion. Yeemmy . Can yeah has a new baby, new album and new clothes. The fashion forward rapper has collaborated with french brand a. P. C. For a capsule collection. The a. P. C. Can yeah collection consists of a jean, a hoodie and a tshirt stephen thats right. Kanye west has a clothing line but not shoes and handbags. He leaves that to his sister, nine. Its all great. But my favorite has got to be this 120 white tshirt made of 100 cotton with ribbing at the neckline and short sleeves. Of course you wouldnt want to get any pit stains on something this pricey so be sure to wear an undershirt. Now, folks, this may look like a plain white tshirt but its not, as evidenced by its name the hip hop tshirt. I believe the shirt is a collaboration by fruit, featuring the loom. Now before you go out to buy it, the hip hop tshirt has sold out. But if you want to buy your own piece of hiphop street cred, youre in luck. Because tonight, im proud to offer my premiere line of hipop couture. Tube socks. All right. [ cheers and applause ] made in the chinizzle. All my homes in the sweat shop say nothing. Get back to work. 75. And thats not all, folks. This weekend youre not going to want to miss my hip hop yard sale. Come on down if you want, lets see, ive got a box of hip hop used v. H. S. Tapes. Ive also got this spatula with a little hip hop burn on the handle. From when i was making pancakes. I mean, new flapjack cities. Not to mention ive got these hip hop coloring books. That is [bleep] cray. Yola. And ive got a bag here of hip hop assorted computer cables. Not sure what these do. And ive got a hip hop croquet set. Fair warning. Its missing a couple of wicky wicky wickets. Make me an offer. Well be right [ cheers and applause ] welcome back, everybody. My tbeft tonight is an m. I. T. Professor who believes the future of education is on the internet. I cant wait for buzz feeds ten biggest literature fails. Please welcome anant agarwal. [ cheers and applause ] how are you . Good to see you. Hey, how are you . A professor. Thank so much for coming on. My pleasure stephen our a professor of Electrical Engineering and Computer Science at m. I. T. And youre the president of edx. Explain to the good people what youre trying to do with the edx. It is an Online Learning destination where you can come in, sign up very quickly and take fun, hip courses from some of the best universities in the world stephen the university of feep ickes has that. You can do that. Im serious. They advertise on my show. Right . The same thing. You can take these great courses from university of like m. I. T. , Harvard Stephen ive heard of them. What does it cost me again . Its free. [ cheers and applause ] stephen i dont understand. Youre in the knowledge business. I mean a university. Lets say i had a shoe store and then i hired you to work at my shoe store. You said, ive got a great idea. Lets give you the shoes away for free. I would fire you and then probably throw shoes at your head. How can universities survive if theyre giving away. Why send miguel to college if theyre giving away the ph. D. S for free . I think its important to do it. Education is our cause. Its important that people around the world have access to a great education, much like the air we breathe. In addition to increasing access to education for students all over the world, universities are doing this so that they can bring the learning back on our campuses stephen heres my problem with this now. America, the shining city on the hill. Have you heard that . Yeah. One of the reason is is that people come to america to get their education. We get the best of the best, the cream of the crop. They come over here because they dont have to come here. All were going to get is the people coming over here who are dumb. laughing stephen why come anymore . laughing stephen why should the best come to america if they dont need the education. Education in america is the absolute best education in the world stephen damned straight. Thats why we have to give it away stephen what . The world is a much smaller place today. Theres a thing called the internet stephen im familiar with that. I had a little piece about it earlier in the show. laughing stephen it opens the world to all kinds of things they havent learned about before. Its becoming a smaller world because of the enter. Giving away education, this is going to be good for the world. An educated world is a better world for everybody. Are campuses going to get better . Online learning is is like a rising tide that will lift all boats on campus or elsewhere. This is a good thing for everybody stephen you can say its good. But i dont understand why its good. I go to an elite university. Lets say i go to your harvards or your m. I. T. S or berkeleys, i get to say i went to harvard. Thats half of what youre paying for. You wouldnt say i went to harvard. You would say i went to a Small College in the boston area. laughing stephen but arent you taking away some of the specialness of going to college . I think we should be very careful to distinguish campus from online. My colleague said theres campus magic. Campus education is different from online education. Campus students have things like, they interact with each other. They learn the rhetoric. They have discussions. Work with professors get inspired by professors stephen homo erotic frat hazing. Online, no one is going to ask you to pass a grease 45 record from butt cheek to butt cheek before theyll call you brother. Or 40,000 stephen exactly. How many people are online in the edx right now . Edx dotorg you can sign up very easily. We have over a Million Students from every single country in the world. Stephen right now a Million Students. Over a Million Students right now from every single country in the world stephen how do you ask questions . The whole thing is done online. This generation is so much more comfortable doing everything online. We have discussion forums that ask questions online. The amazing thing is that in addition to professors and teaching assistants answering questions, much more than that, the learning going on where the students are answering each others questions. Theyre learning by teaching. Absolutely amazing. Stephen theyre teaching each other . Yes stephen eventually they wont need us. I think we can learn a lot from our students. Stephen youre the teacher. We are all learners. Were all teachers. And i think as i say that, i tell the students that there will come a time very quickly when you will know a lot more than any of us do. Thats when you get to graduate. Stephen wow. Once you can snatch the knowledge from my hand, grass hopper. Professor, thank you so much for joining me. Thank you stephen from edx. Its free. Anant agarwal. Well be right back