cheers and applause i dont want to i dont want a lawsuit on my hands here, all right, here we go. Plus my guest ken roth is come on. Come on. Come on do it yeah it is really cold. laughter this is oh my gosh, oh my gosh captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report, everybody. Happy new year stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen thank you ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. cheers and applause good to have you with us, ladies and gentlemen. Let me be the first to say happy new year. And of course ladies and gentlemen merry christmas. Okay . Merry christmas, folks. Its never too late or too early. laughter good to have you with us, folks. And by with us i mean still living. Because 2014 is all to a frigid start, folks. It was so cold on new years eve that the ball went back up. It happens. It happens, now folks, if you are listening to the sound of my voice, first of all open your eyes. Now if you are listening and watching from anywhere east of seattle, washington, i hope you walked your windows, stocked your soup cupboard and put that to obese relative to slice open and call inside. Because this is no ode cold snap this is a monster. This is essentially a hurricane t swirls and it swirls at a hundred miles an hour that is our polar vor wex opinions polar vortex. Polar vortex. Yeah, polar vortex. We could have thunder snow. Thunder snow. Stephen yes, were being hit by a polar vortex and thunder snow laughter stephen and frankly, folks, im not sure if those are weather patterns or finishing moves from mortal come bat. And as a newsman, i want to salute whoever came up with the term polar vortex. laughter it is terrifying but still sounds all sciencey. Now a lesser meteorologist could have overreached with arctic coldnado or a class can dick punch but polar vortex is restrained but menacing. Anyway, good luck surviving this polar vortex. I know were going to get through it because on thursday it will be in the mid 40s or what im calling partly cloudpocolypse with a 20 chance of reynageddon. Chirs plaus cheers and applause stephen now check back in with Steven Stephen with the news. laughter thanks, steve. Nation, here at the report there are no wrong answers because im the only one who talks. This is tip of the hat, wag of the finger. cheers and applause applause first up on the, working on it, it seems like every day the government passes yet another new freedomkilling regulation. First they tell me i have to wear a seat belt. Then they tell me my child has to ride in the car seat. Whats next. The car seat has to be inside the car . He loves to see the wind on the fontanelle. Well, now government regulators are at it again. The food and Drug Administration reveals a new plan today to cut down the use on antibiotics in food animals. The fda calls overuse of antibiotics a threat to public health. Stephen these fdaholes are coming after theyre coming after a food animals as if theres any other kind. So im giving a wag of my finger to the fda. First of all antibiotics are the only nutrition left in our meats. That and the blue dye in the usda sample. My doctor says im to the getting enough sap. And our livestocks need these antibiotics to gain as much as 3 more weight. Thats how it works, folks, you want to gain weight quickly take antibiotics. You want to lose weight quickly you eat unregulated beef. How else can you get animals to gain weight. Chickens wont drink muscle milk. I got them a straw and everything. Nothing. laughter next up, folks i believe children are the future. Even though im pretty sure most of my childhood was in the past. I got screwed on that one. Thats why im giving a tip of the hat to toy manufacturers for bringing the toys of tomorrow to the future peoples of today. Fisherprice has released the newborn toddler app difficultity seat. A baby bouncey seat that features a plastic case designed to hold an ipad. Stephen oh, folks, i wish we had the apptivity baby seat when i had my first child. I had to settle from plopping her in front of the microwave. My daughters favorite show was swanson salisbury steak for 10 minutes on defrost. It has a surprise ending. About an hour later. Now some people are afraid that putting an ipad in front of an infant might be harmful in some way. But dont worry you can lock your ipad into the case protecting your device from babys sticky fingers. See, nothing is going to hurt your precious darling. And thats not the only way to dock both your ipad and your child. As a mom, i know how difficult potty training it be. It can be a little easier now with the brandnew ipotty this potty training seat features a special stand to securely hold the ipad which kids already love. So they can play with apps, read books or watch videos. All while potty training. laughter stephen i i want one. I had no idea you could use an ipad on the toilet. I generally need all four limbs for stability. Again, salisbury steak. And what a great tool for training the kids. Theyll forever associate the ipad with pooping. Just avoid bringing them into an apple store. Finally, folks, there is no Greater Family tradition than gathering together and playing board games. Remember the family that plays together, stays together because a single game of risk can last decades. It will be a cold day in hell before my sisterinlaw sharon gets her grubby paws on irkutsk, the gateway to came chat ska. Kamchatka. But folks these fun games arent all fun and games. Theyre also educational. Think of all the spanish learned words i learned from playing uno. applause how many . cheers and applause i learned oneo. laughter but finally, there is a game to teach our kids what they really need to know. Its the new game of guessing logos when you draw t describe it, do it or reveal it pick an action, set the timer and go. Oh. Now what. Really, do it, describe it or reveal it. Logo and all new logo party. The brands you know, the games you love. Stephen its just like char adds other than acting out movies and tv shows youre paying money to mem orize corporate marketing. Thats why im giving a big tip of the hat to logo party. Just do it, its great. Maybe its maybelline. Folks it is huge. Folks, it used to be so hard to find advertisements. You had to sit through boring Television Shows or load an internet video or be somewhere in america. With logo party imagine the fun youll have guessing if thats the g logo from guchi or c logo from channel and then feeling bad about yourself that you cant afford either one. The game ends when one play err draws the cord for the logo party logo forcing everyone to act out all the brands in logo party simultaneously creating a corporate synergy black hole that sucks in your entire family until somebody realizes the black hole looks just like the logo for oakley sunglasses. You win. Well be right back after these logos. cheers and applause much. Welcome back, thanks so much. Ladies and gentlemen, my first show of 2014, and in this new year all of us are making new areas resolutions. Personally i joined a gymbore. I usually do six reps of parachutes and two sets of bouncey ball fchloe is not hogging it. Im cooling down here, chloe, let me work in. But folks, while im out there getting skinny, americas deviants are rolling a fattie, jim . Some coloradoans have a lot to celebrate on january 1st. Colorado became the first state in the nation to allow the sale of marijuana for Recreational Use and hundreds lined up to get it. 1 million of Recreational Marijuana reportedly sold there on wednesday alone. Stephen a Million Dollars of pot in one day. Otherwise known as a full nelson. Nation, this news, this news nauseated me so much that i might qualified for medical marijuana. Can someone check on that. You can get on that. Thank you very much. Americas moral corps is being gutted and the rest of our moral apple is being made into a bong. How dare, how dare coloradoans spend january 1st ruining their bodies with weed when they should be at home vomiting all the booze from new years eve like god intended. And thankfully applause yes. We have some vomit fans here tonight thankfully some patriots are standing up an theyre not just ignorant buzz kills theyre experienced buzz kills like New York Times columnist david brooks who wrote for a little while in my teenage years my friends and i smoked marijuana. It was fun. I have some fond memories of us all being silly together. I think those moments of uninhibitied frolic deepened our friendship. Yes. David brooks got high. Which lead to uninhibitied frolic. Sometimes it bordered on unstructured meriment, even unfettered jocularity. But this column was more than just establishing his stonecold street cred. He also rapped some positive youth messaging about the dangers of legallization saying i think being stoned is not a particularly uplifting form of pleasure and should be discoveraged more than encouraged. And that colorado is nurturing a moral ecology in which it is a bit harder to be the sort of person most of us want to be. So let that be a lesson to you kids. You keep smoking weed, you keep rapping with your friends, youll never grow up to be david brooks. And davids not the only former pot head who wants to keep weed illegal. So does the Washington Post ruth marcus who wrote in an op ed, our kids will not be better off with another legal mind altering substance. Well said. Kids dont need another legal mind altering substance, in school with their aterol. And like brooks, folks, ruth admits to being more than just roommates with her friend mary jane confessing i have done my share of inhaling. Next time im in colorado i expect i will check out some bubba kush. Why not. Why not. Other than the column you just wrote. I applaud marcus and brooks for take a stirm stance against legalizing the pot they smoked. I assume theyre going to turn themselves into the police now and serve their kind hopefully that will keep them from ever smoking again because they might get high and write something really confusing. Well an right back welcome back, everybody, my guess tonight executive director of please welcome ken roth. cheers and applause hey, ken. Good to see you thanks so much for coming on nice to see you again you are the executive director of human rights watch. Yes. Stephen what does that mean . That sounds monsterous, doing Human Rights Violations going on and you just stand there and watch. Why not human rights do something about it. Thats what we try to do. Stephen okay. Dictators around the world hate having their human rights exposed so we investigate them, expose what they do we shame them and put pressure on them to stop. Stephen how do you shame dictators. Nobody likes to have their human right as buses known even saddal Hughes Hughes tried to hide the genocide. Stephen yeah, i dont tell anybody about my intern. Ill have a researcher here tomorrow. But if you shine a spotlight, get the press to cover and report they hate that they try to discredit us. Ultimately they realize they cant change the bad press until they change the bad conduct. Stephen right before the holidays we lost Nelson Mandela called by many a giant but also a communist and a terrorist at times. How does someone like Mandela Beckman della. Well, first of all, he was in prison for 27 years. Stephen as a communist and a terrorist. As a person who wanted to get rid of apartheid. Stephen he broke the law and im not soft on crime, go ahead. Fair enough, because the law kept black people separate and suppressed. He was in prison for 27 years. He came out and rather than showing bitterness towards his jailers he recognized they were all South Africans and he was going to create a new south africa, when he was negotiating his future, he made a place for all South Africans under the law with rights for everybody. That is how mandela became mandela. Stephen so he forgave the people who were violating human rights. In essence, yes. Stephen why cant you forgive the people who why cant you be more like nelson pan della . So if i am out there looking for because i want to get in like on the ground floor on the next moral rightousness out there, because i dont want to be on the wrong side of apartheid again its a long story, a long story. I thought was a good idea. To the because theyre black but because they were poor. But well move on. You and ronald reagan. Exactly. Grover norquist. I was over there now who was the guy like if i want to get behind, start printing the posters and selling the buttons if i want to be the guy that says im on board with mandela who is my new mandela. I think the most obvious one is the chinese by the name of shapo. This is what worried me. Without won the Nobel Peace Prize. Big deal,. What worries me is this one is going to cost me, all right. In china we cant do anything. Am i going to protest the chinese government, you cant do that. Okay, its not the roth report, its the colbert report, let me talk. Stephen in the 80s we could say to south africa i dont need your gold, i dont need your diamonds, i dont need your black mum bazza, we could boycott that we cant boycott everything made. There would be nothing to buy. Stephen china makes everything. Right. Stephen so what leverage could we have against what leo what leverage what can we do for this cat. You talk about how dictators didnt like to be shamed. When mandela died the chinese official media in describing pan della wouldnt use the term freedom, democracy or Nobel Peace Prize which mandela also won because they were afraid it would remind people of you know who, that guy. Theyre so worried about this. Theyre so worried about what he stands for which is basically freedom, democracy, human rights for the Chinese People that they locked him up for 11 years. Stephen what is he in jail for. For socalled inciting state subversion. Stephen did he incite state subversion. If you say promoting democracy, freedom, in china, yeah. Stephen so there is one who is this. This is nebula jab who is a bahraini human rights activist, he heads the leading Human Rights Center in bahrain. He had awe dosit ot think that the arab spring should apply to an arab monarchy in bahrain. For that which was anathema just to the bahraina king but the saudi king next door. The last thing they wanted was a beacon of democracy across the causeway so they locked him up and have been violently suppressing the movement he was leading. Stephen what is he in jail for. Again basically for leading demonstrations. Stephen okay, okay. King humad is a friend of mine, president and king and i getting to. Did you ever see the hangover . Its like that except the tiger belongs there. Of course. Stephen what dow mean of courseness its the united states. Are you family with american exceptionalism. Yes, i know. Stephen then i accept your apology on behalf of america what human rights, youre not talking about guantanamo. Theres guantanamo. Stephen thats not in the united states, thats in cuba. Checkmate. Yes,ness i was if guantanamo. Stephen they let you out. Most people dont realize in addition to a Detention Center it also a naval base there is a mcdonalds and a mall and a soccer field and elementary school. But they also locked up 155 people without any trial, any charges in those cases. Stephen what about people who got arrested for pot before it was legal in colorado. Right. Stephen are those people who are in colorado . Jail for something that is now legal . Are they the victims of human right as becauses . Well, i think the drug war is a great idea if you want to sort of raise the price of drugs so that you are fueling the cartels f you want to imprison large numbers ofa africanamerican males nor nonviolent offenses. If you want to invade peoples privacies around the world, around the united states, its great to pursue the drug war. Stephen okay, well, thank you very much. Dan roth, human rights watch. Well be right back. hqrrrdx captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org stephen thats it for the report, everybod mac 6 58, 6 59, seven minutes. Keep going, buddy. Im working on the chicken parts situation here. Forget the chicken parts. Charlie is about to shatter the world record for holding his breath. We are going to be world famous after this. Charlie, how you doing . I got to breathe. No, charlie, dont breathe. The buns are going to burn. Mac come on