cheers and applause steve stephen, stephen, stephen, stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen steep every Stephen Stephen stephen thank you, here popes thank you. cheers and applause thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much, forecasts. Thanks for being here. Theres a lot to cover. Nation, if you watch this show and i hope you do you know that no one in this country is tougher on crime than yours truly. I say lock them up and throw away the key. Also, clearly, tough on keys. laughter so im happy to report that this week, a dangerous fugitive has been brought to justice. The 90yearold man busted for feeding the homeless. Arnold abbott is his name. He faces possible jail time and 500 fine for preparing meals for the need nea church kitchen. A nude ordnance in ft. Lauderdale outlaws groups from sharing food with the hungry. Stephen busted for feeding the homeless in public audience booing. Stephen oh, yeah, booo im angry at him, too. I say if the homeless want to eat they should do it in the privacy of their own wherever those people live. And this monster cannot claim he did not know better because he was doing all this out of a church kitchen. So, clearly, heenes what jesus said in matthew, if i was hungry and you gave me something to eat. I was thirsty and look out the cops are here. Hide the loaves in the k. And i am glad they caught up with him eventually eye am amed glad to hear the police used maximum force to take the perp down. One of the Police Officers came over and said, drop that plate, right now. As though i was carrying a weapon. Stephen oh, food is much worse than weapons in florida. If George Zimmerman had fed a guy in a hoodie, hed number jail. And, folks, ft. Lauderdale. cheers and applause we miss you, george. Folks, ft. Lauderdale needs these laws. Just ask ft. Lauderdales mayor. We enforce the laws here in ft. Lauderdale. They will be arrested. If they break the law and its observed by one of our Law Enforcement officers they will be arrested. The mayor said he needs to look out for the good of all people in ft. Lauderdale, including taxpayer taxpayers ans who want to use parks and beaches without being overrun by the homes. Reporter he must protect the Tourism Industry and a bunch of drunk people urinating on the beach is that industry. cheers and applause . Never once went to spring break. Besides, ft. Lauderdale is really looking out for the homeless. This is a Public Safety issue. Its a Public Health issue. The expert have all said if you are going to simply feed them outdoors to get them from breakfast to lunch to dinner, all youre doing is enabling that sieblg of homesness. Stephen yes, by feeding them, abbott is causing them to be homeless. Hes really a food pusher. And for decades, this serial offender i assume he serves breakfast oofs down in his lab getting people hooked on the products or as its known by its street names, nosh, grub, chow. Some of the people were so addicted, they needed their fix three times a day. And with hardened crooks like grandpa here, these homeless will just want more and more. Theyll come to expect food whenever they see humans around. Oh, theyre smart little critters. Some of them even know how to pry the lid off a trash can. So, ft. Lauderdale, do what i do at the end of the day tie your humanity in a bag, hang it in a tree. That way they cant get at it. Folks, you know, they say music soothes the savage beast, but i prefer to snort groundup zopiclone. This is Cheating Death with dr dr. Stephen t. Colbert d. F. A. cheers and applause first, folks a disclaimer i am not a medical doctor. I have an honorary doctorate in fine arts. laughter i cant treat your rash, but i can compare it faiferlably to a jackson pollock. As always, Cheating Death is brought to you by prescott pharmaceutical. Prescott the more pills you take, the more chances you have to win. laughter first up, aging. Folks, nobody wants to get older. Thats why i was so excited to hear about a breakthrough treatment that allows scientists to reverse the aging process in mice. Which means you can now turn back the clock and relive the early vital days of your rodent infestation. Even better, the man in charge of the study, harvard professor of genetics, david sinclair, says this age reversal could work in humans. And i believe him. This is what he looked like two weeks ago. According to his study, the secret lies in a molecule called n. M. N. Because when scientists fed the molecule to mice, they noticed it reversed aging completely in their muscles, meaning this drug could give you the muscle tone of a 20yearold and allow you to spend a whole other lifetime not going to the gym. laughter if the promise of this research is realized, people everywhere could increase their lifespan to ages unseen in human history. So there will be so many people turning 100, that Willard Scott and smuckers will have their own channel. laughter and, yes, Willard Scott will still be around, and, yes, Willard Scott is still around. laughter , of course, with many fewer people dying and just as many being born the fight for scarce resources is going to get tougher, which is why prescott pharmaceutical is provide to introduce its agereversal supplement, i can stick. If your ir vaxapointystick. Is you are backed into a corner fending off starving hardcovers clamoring for a bite of your squirrel carcass, just administer a dose of vaxapointystick. Repeat add necessary to eliminate harmful other people. Side effects of vaxapointystick include mahogaknees, chicken fingers, and the oxford coma. Secondly, womens health. Oh stephen folks, as you know, i have long supported the fight against breast cancer. In 2010, not only did i race for the cure but when no one was looking, i also took a cab for cure. laughter as a confirmed abuseom buddy was thrilled to hear a story about the chilean city of antofagasta to contained extras. It contained 80 times the arsenic levels recommended by the World Health Organization. Stephen thoorkts the World Health Organization has a recommended level of arsenic, and its not zero. laughter the town started using that water in 1958, and fortunately for residents, the toxin was discovered immediately 12 years later. But every municipal poisoning story has a silver lining. Surprisingly, the researchers found the chemical was linked to a 50 drop in deaths from breast cancer. Stephen folks, this is fantastic news. Finally, a feelgood story about industrial runoff. Sure, your neighborhood solvent plant may have created sexually ambiguous trout, but their breasts are cancer free. And, folks, when you think known toxins. cheers and applause gone to my head . Sure. laughter when folks, when you think known toxins, you think prescott pharmaceutical. Which is why tonight, prescott is proud to introduce chernobyl springs. With more than a million times the recommended daily allowance of vitamin u235. It will marie curie what ails. It even feeds evian in a blind taste test in that all tasters were rendered blind. Most important question is does it cure cancer . We have no idea. But we do know that it causes cancer, so if in a few years you dont get cancer, congratulations. It cures you. laughter side effects of chernobyl springs include ukraine in the membrane. Atomic fireballs, and bonus ear. Well, thats it for Cheating Death, brought to you by prescott pharmaceutical. Prescott you cant prove thats a baboon kidney. Until next time, ill see you in hell hell cheers and applause when you put your name on something, it means something. For over 140 years, coors banquets been brewed in one place. With pure Rocky Mountain water and the best high country barley. And someone with the name coors still tastes our beer every week. Making sure it tastes as good today as it did in 1873. Thats something were proud to put our name on. Coors. The banquet beer. 31 Million Students started college, but didnt complete a degree for lots of reasons at Devry University we believe there are also lots of reasons to finish so we help you maximize qualifying credits youve already earned so you can graduate sooner and get on to a great career because whatever kept you from finishing before. All that matters is your reason to do it now. See more reasons to finish and get started at devry. Edu. [barking] ooh whos a good dog [barking] hey. Whoa no hard feelings, ok . Crazy good maestro of project management. Baron of the buildout. You need a permit. To be this awesome. And you. Rent from national. Because only national lets you choose any car in the aisle. And go. You can even take a fullsize or above, and still pay the midsize price. aaron purrrfect. vo meeeow, business pro. Meeeow. Go national. Go like a pro. cheers and applause stephen hey, welcome back. Thanks so much, everybody. Nation, nation, tuesdays election loss was an historic loss for the democratic party. Id say they got their asses handed to them but i dont believe in handthe ows. You have to earn that ass, democrats. You descroant to worry about Global Warming anymore because the senate sure wont. The Environmental Committee, currently run, liberal democrat, Global Warming believer, barbara boxer, replaced probably by James Inhoffe, conservative from oklahoma who is as much of an opponent or skeptic about Global Warming as there. Stephen yes, the Global Warming believer is out and the Global Warming skeptic is in, so finally the Environmental Committee can focus on important issues like whos stealing all our polar bears . And senator James Inhoffe is not your runofthemill Climate Change denier. You could say he wrote the book on it because he wrote the book on it. The greatest hoax how the Global Warming conspiracy threatens your future. Audience boo. Stephen ooh, yeah. It is exciting. Its like harry potter for people who thought harry potter had too much science in it. Of course, not all republicans. cheers and applause , of course, not all republicans are as bold as inhofe. In the face of overwhelming socalled evidence and actually called evidence, they deployed a brilliant tactic during this last campaign. Case in point newly elected texas land commissioner george p. Bush nephew of george w. Bush, grandson of george h. W. Bush, and future father of george underscore bush listened to george p. , or p. Biddy. How big a threat is Climate Change to the texas coastline . The texas coastline is impacted by rising sea levels. And, again, the question is whether or not thats manmade, and ill leave that to the scientists. But you dont doubt human activity contributes to Climate Change . Well see in terms of the science, in terms theres a wide range that has been discussed. Again, im not a scientist by every stretch, but everywhere from no impact at all to 100 . Stephen yeah, hes no scientist. Hes no scientist. In fact, im impressed he was able to narrow it down from 0 to 100 . How impressed am i . Somewhere between 0 and 100 . cheers and applause and, folks, george p. Not alone. Im not a scientist nor am i a physicist. Im not qualified to debate the science over Climate Change. Im not a scientist. Im not a scientist. What i have said repeatedly is im not a scientist. Stephen yes, everyone who denies manmade Climate Change has the same stirring message we dont know what the bleep were talking about. cheers and applause . And i hope, i hope, i hope that these conservative leaders can inspire all the children out there watching to think to themselves, hey, maybe some day i could grow up to be not a scientist. Well, kids, now theres a fun way to explore your own lack of curiosity at home. Its time for my educational series professor not a scientist. All you need is a glass casserole dish, okay. Then one of your moms pitchers filled with blue water. And get a Detailed Topographical model of america. Dont be afraid to ask your parents for help hiring a Props Department to make this one for you. All right, lets begin. There you go. Uhoh now what appears to be happening is that the water is rise. Why . One theor sei dont know, im not a scientist. Oh, look, there goes florida. And theres no way of knowing why. Remember, kids, if you get unhooked on science early, maybe some day, you could completely lack any understanding of science and then grow up to be the chairman of the senate Environmental Committee. cheers and applause well be right back. vo you are a business pro. Solver of the slice. Teacher of the unteachable. You lower handicaps. And raise hopes. And you. Rent from national. Because only national lets you choose any car in the aisle. And go. You can even take a fullsize or above, and still pay the midsize price. pro nice drive. vo well played, business pro. Well played. Go national. Go like a pro. Subway big hot pastrami. Pastrame laughs pastrame. Pastrameee pastrami get your own big hot pastrami melt subway. Eat fresh. Ill be waiting here for you when you come home. Ok, ill see you later, bud. To me. dog whimpers hey, im sorry. I decided i shouldnt drive home last night. I stayed at daves. When you come home. Im back. To me. Im back. Yeah, im back. Wow [ narrator ] on a mission to get richard to his campbells chunky soup. Its new chunky beerncheese with beef and bacon soup. I love it. And mama loves you. Everyone wants to be the best. But what does that really mean . To us, it means giving you a wide selection of products, both online and instore. Expert advice. Our geek squad agents to get you up and running. And thanks to our price match guarantee, youll always get an unbeatable price. Because best isnt just in a name, its everything we stand for. Im almost done. [ male announcer ] now you can pay your bill. Manage your appointments. [ dog barks ]. And check your connection status. Anytime, anywhere. [ dog growls ] oh. So youre protesting . Okay. [ male announcer ] introducing xfinity my account. Available on any device. Stephen welcome back, everybody. My guest tonight has a new book and tv series called how we got to now. Please welcome Steven Johnson cheers and applause hey, steven, good to see you. How are you . Thanks for coming back. Third time here. Three times a charm you loosened your tie. Looking casual. I wore a tie. Stephen sir, you are the author of eight bested selling books including everything bad is good for you and where good ideas come from. Let latest is how we got to now. Six innovation maz made the modern world. Is america one of those innovations. There are a number of americans in the book, so if thats enough to satisfy you. Stephen what are the six innovations. One of them is a glass of clean Drinking Water in a large metropolitan city. That is can extraordinary breakthrough. Stephen which is the innovation, the glass or the water . The water. The fact that you can drink a glass of water from a tap and not worry about dying of typhoid three days later. Stephen you can, but, of course, youre going to drink mountain dew. So water. Yeah, artificial light. Stephen there we go. Its easy to record the sound and transmit the sound stephen were doing that, too. The simple material glass, which was arguably the single most important material of the last 1,000 years. Stephen the glass lenses. And then there is clocks and time. Without accurate measurement of time and cold technologies of refrigeration and air conditioning. Stephen so, clocks, were on a certain time right now. Yeah. Stephen and refrigeration. Im super cool. So all of the what do you mean refrigeration . Refrigerators actually have a lot of those things, too. They refrigerate, light inside, glass shelves, water out of door. You brought it all together. Stephen wait, so how did we get to now . How did we get refrigeration . Thats actually so refrigeration, that story begins with a crazy guy named frederick tutor who in the early 1800s had this idea that he could take large blocks of ice from frozen new england lakes and ship them all the way to reo, and bomb bay and the the caribbean, sell it to these people in hot places in the world. If you were growing up in the caribbean in 1800 you would have never experienced ice in any form. He actually managed to do this. Stephen then how did they make those delicious daiquiris. Exactly. They had no idea. Stephen before, that their dak reas were hot . Steaming hot daiquiri. It was delightful. laughter you know, the pool scene was really disappointing. It was like, this is so hot. But heres the thing. He actually manages to get these blocks of ice there which is amazing he got it there without it melting. But when it arrived, people are like, what am i going to do with that . Ive been living here 500 years and never had any issue needing ice, so no one wanted to buy it. He had to convince people that ice cream was a nice thing and having daiquiri by the pool was a nice thing and eventually made hundred of millions of dollars shipping ice blocks around the world. Stephen but thats not air conditioning. I dont mean to bloat doors off your book. So im not a scientist, so i dont stephen okay, perfect. Now, heres the thing, i love books like this. I love tv shows like this. Loif watching this stuff. I dont want to use any of this information in policy making. This is a very similar show on pbs. This is a very popular book. How come politicians dont want to use the science . Why do they run away from it when they get to office . I think because sometimes science asks that we alter our behavior in some way. One of the ways ac, once it was introduced, all these people migrated it triggered the largest migration of human beings in the history of the United States where they moved to the sunbelt and moved to florida an