cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show. Im trevor noah. Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much. Tonights guest from the great state of south carolina, senator Lindsey Graham is here cheers and applause thats coming up in a bit. But first, yesterday was another primary election day, and because tuesday is the most convenient day of the week to take three hours out of your life, the people of arizona chose to do just that. Yeah, only person sadder than the ones who had to wait in line for three hours is john kasich, who got fewer votes than marco rubio, a man who isnt even in the race anymore. laughter it sort of makes sense i guess arizona would identify with marco rubio, because they, too, are desperate for water. laughter but last nights winners were, of course, Hillary Clinton and donald trump. They both won in arizona. Ted cruz won in utah. Bernie sanders had victories in both utah and idaho. But the biggest biggest fights of the evening wasnt over states. It was over wives. Trump alleging cruzs campaign ran negative ads between his wife Melania Trump tweeting, be careful, lying ted, or i will spill the beans on your wife. Cruz firing back, calling trump a coward. If donald wants to get in a character fight, hes better off sticking with me because heidi is way out of his league. laughter trevor what the hell kind of comeback is that . Im the creepy one. Up to the deal with me. And why does ted cruz always sound like hes delivering lines from a movie. You want a character debate, bob, you better stick with me because Cindy Ellen Wade is way out of your league. Trevor i see what happened here. Youre running for president , so you steal lines from the american president. Clearly, theres no love lost between trump and cruz. And that also turns out to be true between trump and most republican leaders. Donald trump is a phony, a fraud. Im very concerned for our country if we nominate him. This is going to be a disaster for the Republican Party. Very dangerous for the country. Very dangerous for the party. Donald trump as president i believe would be a disaster. This party does not prey on peoplepeoples prejudices. Donald trump does not represent me, and he does not represent my party. Donald trump does not represent the Republican Party. He doesnt represent the Republican Party or its values. Trevor wow. Thats like new stepdad levels of hate. bleep you, donald youll never be my dad i mean, nominee i get why the party is so upset that trump is heading towards the nomination, you know, because he says and does some pretty outthere things. But along with their concerns surely republicans are asking themselves how they got to the point where the possibility that the next face of their party also happens to be the faceave Butternut Squash who wished on a shooting star and became a reallife boy. In other words, they must be asking themselves how the bleep did we get here . Tonight we take a look at exactly that in our ongoing coverage, how the bleep we got here. cheers and applause so, this is the big question for republicans why is their voter base going for someone like donald trump . A man they say isnt even a true republican. But isnt he . Well, lets start with whats pretty much his central message. This country is a mess. You dont hear good news about this country. We just never win. We dont win with the military. We dont win with trade. The country is going to hell in a handbasket. We have to rebuild our country. Were like a thirdworld country. Trevor no, donald trump, youre not like a thirdworld country. Im from a thirdworld country. laughter you wish you were like a thirdworld country. Yeah. Talk to me when ostriches chase you on the highway. laughter thats the bleep that goes down in my country, my friend. Hashtag third world problems. cheers and applause so even though the u. S. Has the worlds strongest military, the lowest unemployment in nearly a decade, and more people covered by Health Insurance than ever before, donald trump still thinks america is in grave decline. And if hes not a true republican, why are there so many republicans who have been saying the exact same thing . There may be no turning back for america. Our countrys on a very bad course. President obamas placed us on a path of decline. Our enemies dont fear us, and our allies dont believe we can be relied on. I think were on the verge of losing it all. President obama is mortgaging our future. Hes turning American Dream into the european nightmare. Trevor oh, the european nightmare. Thats the one where my penis turns into a baguette and then a mime eats it. laughter that is thats more of a dream than a nightmare, now that i now that i look at it. Thats not so bad. So Donald Trumps main smej basically the same doom and gloom a lot of republicans have been preaching for years. But theyre saying hes not the kind of candidate they want. So what kind of candidates have republicans been looking for . We need someone who is truly going to be outside washington. You need an outsider that will walk into washington, d. C. We need people from outside of washington. Government of the insiders, by the insiders, for the insiders. We are gomped by a permanent political class. Not of the washington scene. Im the only guy that hasnt spent time in washington. Trevor yes, yes, and congratulations, mitt romney, because you still havent spent any time in washington. Perfect record, yeah. applause whos more of an outsider to washington than donald trump . And honestly, the more you look at it, you know, the more it feels like trump and the republicans are in one of those romantic comedies where they still dont realize that theyre the Perfect Match for each other. Think about it the g. O. P. Has always found one thing very sexy, and thats a man who handles his business. Washington needs to be run like a business. Im a businessman. Weve got a president today who has never run a business. I have a huge business and great business. Put more of our fellow americans pack to work. Real solutions to grow the economy and create jobs. I have created tens of thousands of jobs. Trevor im not saying the g. O. P. Is a gold digger but they aint messing with no broke people, or black people. applause why cant the g. O. P. See this . I dont understand. Even though republicans think trumps all wrong for therm, theyre a match made in heaven. They both think america is crashing, they could practically finish each others xenophobic sentences. Theyre bringing drugs. Theyre bringing crime. Theyre rapists. They weigh 130 pounds and they have calves the size of cantaloupes because theyre hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert. I will build a wall. It will be a great wall. Drug and human smuggling, home invasions, murder complete the dang fence. You can say what you want about the koran, you can say what you want, theres something there. You have to be monitoring muslim communitys. Thats where the threat is going to come from. Total and complete shutdown of muslims entering the United States. Trevor ah, so much xenophobic hatred. Ivory and ivory together we hate in harmony and by the way, republicans, theres no need to be so scared of foreigners. Were just like bumble bees. Yeah, were way more afraid of you than you are of us. Come on, g. O. P. The man checks every box. And i get that you may mott trust him since hes always saying things that arent remotely true, how mexico will pay for a wall ask or how his hairp naturally does that. What could be more republican than bending the truth a little. Youre asking us to trust turning power over to the government when there clearly are people in america who believe in establishing euthenasia. The president thinks we ought to take away Second Amendment rights of people who have never broken a on law. This is tim, to gradually ease sharia law and the muslim faith into our government. The president of the United States will be taking a trip over to india that is expected to cost the taxpayers 200 million a day. Trevor im sorry, what . Have you ever been to india . You couldnt spend 200 million a day if you tried. Everythings cheap there, everything. I bought the taj mahal for, like, 40 bucks. And it came with a rice pudding i didnt even ask for. They just gave it to me. This is not even the point. Trump cant help it if he gets things wrong now and then. He speaks from the himselfs, not like the scripted politicians which is something the g. O. P. Has always seen as arowgz. I think weve had too much political correctness. Political correctness is killing this country. Now, more than ever, in america, we need a commander in chief who will tell it like it is. Somebody has to come out and tell like it is. Im not reading the teleprompter. Ill leave up that to president obama. Id love to use a teleprompter and have one here, one here, and id go like this babababa. laughter . Trevor is this trumps way of telling us he cant read . laughter what are those words . Baba. Republicans, openour eyes. Donald trump is the man of your dreams. You can deny it all you want, but you cant mess with destiny. And the sooner you realize that, and the sooner you see that what you think is passionate hatred is just really passion. The sooner you see that, the sooner you can get it on. cheers and applause my advice, republicans, get a convention room, take hold of trumps tiny little hands, and then, when the time is right, put on some fox news and chill. cheers and applause oh, yeah. Well be right back. If right twix® is going to be over there cascading caramel on cookie all night, well be over here flowing caramel on cookie. Wouldnt it be funny if they were all working late just because they thought we were working late . all laughing theyre not that stupid. Try both. Pick a side. Twix®. And discovered the sprinted network really is faster. Plus, its more reliable with better coverage than ever. And at sprint, you can still save 50 on most rates from verizon. At t. Or tmobile now, get two amazing new Samsung Galaxy s7 phones for the price of one. Plus with galaxy forever, act now and youll get to upgrade to the next galaxy in 12 months. Well even cover your costs to switch up to 650 per line. So switch today. Every day, america prints about half a billion dollars. Wow sadly, a whole bunch of those dollars are used to pay too much for car insurance. Luckily, theres esurance. Born online, raised by technology and majors in efficiency. Which saves dollars. And when they save, you save. So you can tell some of your dollars, good news, gang were going out for ice cream auto and Home Insurance for the modern world. Esurance. Backed by allstate. Click or call. One of the first things we irishwas our beer. Merica back then the largest brewery in the world was in dublin. And its biggest beer was black. Today there are nearly six and a half million irish in ireland and over 30 million irishamericans in the u. S. So we thought it was time to brew an irishamerican beer. Guinness blonde american lager irish born, american brewed. I just picked us up 2 breakfast croissants for 4, when this bear attacked. With one swipe, it devoured one of the croissants. Then jack showed up, and took care of the beast, so i could escape. And thats what happened to your breakfast croissant. And yours . It survived. Enjoy freshly cracked egg with ham and bacon. Or sausage. Two tasty croissants at an even tastier 4 price. Its a deal youll devour. Trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is a senator, a senior senator from south carolina. Please welcome senator Lindsey Graham. cheers and applause trevor senator Lindsey Graham, thank you for being here. Good as it gits goetz. Which is kind of sad, really. Trevor whats as good as it gets, you or the show . What are you saying . Is that just a phrase you say . Its an observation more than anything else. How are you doing. Trevor im doing great. Thank you very much for being on the show. Absolutely. Trevor lets get straight into it. Lets cut to the chase. Cut to the chase. Trevor you have officially endorsed ted cruz. Im on the ted train, absolutely. Whats not to like. Trevor which is a very interesting train for you to be aboard. laughter . Well, i started with 17 cars. Im down to three. Trevor you were actually one of the cars. Well, i didnt last very long. Trevor you were an empty car and got on the train absolutely. Trevor this is why this is so interesting to have you here. We can play if you killed ted cruz on the norofloor of the senate, and the trial was in the senate, nobody could convict you. cheers and applause trevor so its safe to say that you are were are not a fan of ted cruz. It tells you everything you need to know about donald trump. Trevor yeah, but i i dont understand this. You really, really, really you dont like ted cruz. I dont dislike ted. Ted and i have a lot of differences. Im Getting Better at this. laughter trevor you guys are like a. Hes not completely crazy. Good. Hes really trevor so partially crazy, partially crazy. That works in washington. You got bernie. Trevor okay, okay. Not fully crazy. What turns you on because bcruz . That hes not trump. Trevor thats all you need . And that hes a republican who will not we will not get completely killed. And if donald trump wins i think it taints conserve tich for decades to come. Hills racism, bigotry, xenophobia, other than that hed be a good nominee. Trevor heres a question i have for you, though, heres a question i have were about to lose to the most dishonest woman in the america, Hillary Clinton. Trevor if you say donald trump is not a republican, why does it seem like the Republican Base fits him like a glove . Whats going on . Do the voters not know that or have you maybe given them the impression that maybe this is a party that supports xenophobia and bigotry and all of those things you listed . Is that possible . applause . Its possible that some do, absolutely. 35 of my party believe that obamas a muslim born in kenya. Hes locked that crowd down. Now, 55 of us just think hes a bad president. Trevor oh, i there was a joke there, but then you guys were not on his side at all. You gierpz not i dont get paid to do this is there you should have done it the other way around. I hear what youre saying, so youre not on that train. No, no i understand, youre sayingresang there are some peon the party who do not have the are you a a citizen. Trevor am i a citizen, i am not. Do you have a green card . I do not. I would be out of here in a hurry. Trevor is that you worried about why did you say that . If trump wins, your days are numbered, pal. You a black liberal guy from africa is not going to work for him. Trevor you have the look of terror in your eyes. This is fascinating, because youre literally like, were all gonna die. Were all gonna die. Were all gonna die. You know what you look like right now, have you seen the movie wheres theres one guy, and hes got, like, a shotgun running down the street, the end is near the end is near you say Trud Ted Cruz over donald trump. But heres another trevor i dont understand. If it is like being okay, first of all, who is shooting and who is poisoning between trump and cruz . Well, don coald is like being shot in the head. You might find an antidote to poisoning, but i dont know. Trevor wait, are you saying are you saying im saying my party is completely screwed up. Trevor but then why would you nominate anyone, then . cheers and applause i dont understand. Why nominate anyone . Why not why not why not go behind kasich. If we didnt nominate anybody we would start all over again. Its called democracy. Welcome to america. Im going to change my name to bodie mcboat face graham and see if that helps. Trevor this is so much fun. I feel for you, and were going to talk more about the party, but thats all weve got time for in this segment. Well be right back with more from senator Lindsey Graham, everybody. cheers and applause yeah, i was just talking uhabout yourico . Emergency Roadside Service and how its available 24 7 and then our car overheated. What are the chances . Can you send a tow truck please . Uh, the location . Youre not going to believe this but its um. Its in a tree. I wish i was joking, mate, but its literally stuck in a tree. car horn honking a chainsaw . No, no, all we really need is a tow truck. Day or night, geicos emergency Roadside Service is there for you. I think the first step to being able to create a helpful solution is just to be able to recognize problems in the world around you. When i was a kid, scientists were my childhood superheroes. Im really passionate about starting things that move the world forward. Pursuing your own dreams. Persevere. Ignore what people say you cant do. Dont you dare change the rules. Dont you dare play with your food. Dont you dare get any big ideas. Were looking for ways to connect with each other. Just ask. Just ask questions. How can tomorrow be better . Dont you dare take that apart. Dont you dare paint on the walls. Dont you dare stay up all night on the computer. I think id want to see people dare to empathize. Dont you dare tell stories. Dont you dare play games with me. Dont you dare raise your voice. Ricky Gervais verizon is the Number One Network in america. I know what youre thinking, they all claim stuff like that. Yeah, but some of them stretch the truth. One said they were the fastest. We checked, it was fastest in kansas city and a few other places. Verizon is consistently fast across the country. You wouldnt want to hear from the bloke who packs your parachute, its good over kansas. Do you know what i mean . So thats, you know. Anywhere else, splat. Only verizon is the 1 network for consistently fast speeds. And now if you buy a Samsung Galaxy s7 edge you get one free. So, youre saying we cant use sorry sir its hotel policy. L . Is it really hotel policy . Im afraid so sir. Do it. How about now . I deserve this. You deserve to be fired. Four flavors, four shapes, cheetos mix ups. cheers and applause . Trevor welcome back to the daily show. Were here with senator Lindsey Graham. And i did a little bit of research on you. I knew that you grew up in a bar, i guess, as a back of a bar. Yes, the back of a bar. Trevor and i also know youre a bit of a pool shark. I thought lets play a game of pool. And i know youre probably better than i am. Were going to raise the stakes. Every time one of us misses a shot, we have to give donald trump a compliment. laughter . This is going to hurt you as much as me. Trevor the compliment is under the table, taped to the bottom of the table. So every time either of us misses a shot, then we have to take a compliment from under the pool table and thrad out lout loud. This is the most pressure ive ever had playing. Trevor you said you want to bet. You said you want to bet. Because youre the guest, you break. Senator Lindsey Graham breaking for Donald Trumps compliment. We owned a bar, liquor store, and pool room. This is why i would mack a great president. Trevor oh, nice break. Not really. But the good news is i dont have to shoot next. Trevor oh unless youre really good, youre pretty screwed. Trevor im not im from a third world country. We dont even know what this is. We dont have pools or tables. laughter look at this. Hes got a good stick. I can tell already. Trevor i dont know with this. cheers and applause oh okay, i have to im going to read im just im going to read im going to read the compliment. Here it is. Oh you know Donald Trumps not so bad because having wispier hair is highly valued in many dog breeds. cheers and applause your shot. Oh oh all right, the key to pool is the next shot, not the shot youre about to make. So the goal is to get so i can make the 14. Trevor heres a question imagine if you applied that technique to the war in the middle east. laughter applause okay, all right. Trevor the next shot. Okay. Thats isil in syria. Trevor okay. This is going to be isil in iraq. Trevor you notice youre still in the middle east, though, right . Yeah. Trevor so thats isil in syria. Whos that . No, libya is much more problematic. Trevor oh oh all right, here we go. Damn it. laughter doesnt let minor things like facts or logic get in the way of perfectly bad policy proposals. laughter my man donald. Your next president. Trevor no, no, not enough. Compliment time. Donald trump is hes not so bad. Hes not so bad because orange is a really difficult color to wear and hes really committed to it. There it is. applause mine was he makes boehner look like an albino. laughter applause trevor who is this guy . Who is this guy . This is the shot, though, this is the movie shot. Make the shot. This is the shot. You want me to make this and end it. Trevor make the shot. Come omake the shot. Make the shots. cheers and applause trevor senator Lindsey Graham, everybody thank you so much for being here, senator. Thank you for joining us. Thank you. Trevor good luck with trump. Thanks. Trevor i truly believe he is the candidate of your dreams. If those dreams are nightmares. Senator Lindsey Graham, everybody. Thank you so much. Well be right back. This is the allnew 20wow, its nice. Lets check it out. Do any of you have kids . I do yes. This car has a feature built in called teen driver technology, which lets parents see how their teens are driving. Oh, thats smart. It even mutes the radio until the seat belt is fastened. Will it keep track of how many boys get it in the car . laughter cause that could be useful. This is ahead of what my audi has for sure. Wish my beamer had that. I didnt even know that technology existed. Im not in the market for a car but now i may be. Hey there, can i help you with anything . Hey siri, whats at ts latest offer . Oh, i dont think that siri can. Right now, switch to at t for an iphone and get one free. Wow, is that right . Yeah, its basically. Yes. That is the current offer from at t. Okay siri, you dont know everything. Well, i know you asked me to call you the at t hostess with the mostest. Okay, shut her down. Turn it off. Right now, buy an iphone and get another one free when you add a second line. Which has that one scene you forgot about. So you use your goto parental blocking device. Which also happens to be your goto snack. Baked with real ingredients. No artificial flavors or colors. Introducing good thins. Your goto good. cheers and applause . Trevor thats our show. Join us tomorrow night at 11 00. Now, here it is, your moment of zen. Stand by me ill stand by you come on stand, stand by you