Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20160728 : vimarsana.com

Its from a game show the mayor has invited me to compete. Hi, jakov [applause] what the hell is that . [laughter] whos laughing . Eric, the mayor has invited us to compete on a game show in south park first prize is an allexpensepaid vacation. Wow, thats cool. I can help you get ready. Whoop whoo [laughter and applause] come on, come on. [telephone rings] hello . Mayor . This is jakov im the tall fellow down the block yes, yes, jakov, youre calling about the game show. Congratulations. Will you do it . Sure, if a free trip is involved. Can my whole family go . Of course thats the point just be ready this afternoon at the Public Access building. And good luck. Hope you win. Cool beans we got him. All right, the boys here will keep little eric cartman distracted. Meanwhile, we get rid of the jakovasaurs and bring some normalcy back to this town ready . All break [jakovasaurs whooping] hey, ned, a package came for you today from voice box express. [belching] oh. Boy. Oh. Boy. Now, remember, barbrady, all you have to do is lose. Right okay, lets quiet down, people and jakovasaurs. Now, as you know, the winner of this little game will get an allexpense paid trip for himself and 50 of his closest relatives to lovely france and all one of you lucky contestants has to do is answer only one of these questions. Are you ready, players . Ready ready okay, hands on your buzzers. [buzzer sounds] 47 you have to wait until i ask the question first. Sorry thats okay. Hands on buzzers. Turkey sandwich damn, hes quick. Oh, sorry no, im sorry. No, its my fault. No, its all me. My bad. Sorry. Sorry. Will somebody please unplug the goddamn buzzers . Got it. Now can we get on with this . First question what color is blue . Blue . What . Blue is blue . Aw, did i lose . What, lose . No, no, hang on. Youre supposed to lose, you idiot where am i . Just dont answer any more questions, got it . Okey dokey. Sorry, folks. A little mixup. Were playing best out of three. What are we doing out here, you guys . I want to see if jakov wins that game show. Oh, hell win. Dont worry. We just have to show you this new species because youre the departmentofinterior guy now. Soon they will all be eaten by bears. Let me get out my notepad so i can classify this new species. That should be fine, just fine. Just fine. Fine. There it is that must be of the antelope family. Thats kenny with branches on his head. Why did you bring me all the way out here, you guys . Cartman, jakovasaurs are making south park suck. You have to understand that. What does that have to do with me being all the way out wait a minute, youre distracting me that game show is a fix cartman, wait [muffled] hey, guys, what whats two plus two, jakov . I dont know four . [bell dings] jakov, what is your name . Jakov. [bell dings] oh, screw it. Jakov wins i do . [all cheering] you and your entire family are going to wonderful and exotic france hooray all right, everybody. Lets get them to the airport. Lets go, people. Theres no time to lose but what about our clothes . Shouldnt we pack first . Jakovasaurs dont wear clothes, jakov. Oh, yeah well, goodbye, everybody well send stuff from france all goodbye whoo [light laughter] jakov close the door open this door eric, this is for the best. I am departmentofinterior guy, and i have authoritah no jakov, dont go hi, eric okay, bye, then come back. Eric, its important for you to understand dont, mother. Just dont. I know its hard, eric, but ive learned something today. You see, animal species come and go. Its all part of natural evolution. The jakovasaurs would have gone extinct if we hadnt interfered because their particular form of life simply wasnt practical. [speaking clearly] we cant go around saving every form of life any more than we can kill them all. We have to let nature run its course. Ned, that voice box sucks i know; im still trying to find my old one. Well, then, what say we all go get some ice cream . All hooray no, thats okay. Ill see you guys. Dude, ive never seen cartman care so much about something. Yeah, i guess he finally found something thats as annoying as he is. Bonjour. Bonjour. Cafe . Oui. Come on, kids lets go find the pyramids whoo aah [crash] [all laughing] [speaking french] [speaking french] [speaking french] from philadelphia where you probably wont get punched more than once, its the 12016 Democratic National convention. Lets not get crazy. Night two. Every minority the cameras could find. cheers and applause . Trevor welcome, everyone, to the daily show. Im trevor noah. So excited to have you. Thank you so much. Were in philadelphia, people, we are in philly officially covering the Democratic National convention. Im so excited, our guest new york senator Kirsten Gillibrand is joining us, everybody. Good time, good times and speaking of excitement, is everyone excited about having the first female nominee for president . cheers and applause . Trevor americas first female because i am. I am not going to lie, i am. Yes. Its so great to be here when america takes these major steps forward. Its also exciting because it is a first. First anything are exciting, you know. Yeah, first day of school, you know, first comment on instagram. First. First time you had sex. applause . Trevor yeah, first time you had sex right. laughter the point s the point is, yesterday was a historic occasion. And now were joined to celebrate that history with desi lydic, everybody. Desi lydic. Hello, desi. Trevor, let me tell you something, in this country a lot of bars give women free drinks on tuesdays and call it ladies night. But last night was the real [bleep] ladies night. cheers and applause you realize before yesterday america had 131 male president ial nominees, 0 female nominees and 0 squirrel nominees. And after 240 years and 56 elections, women have finally edged out squirrels. applause look, i know hillary kept it low key and accepted the nomination by video because shes classy like that. But this was so huge. She deserved to ride in on a shooting star like katy perry at the super bowl trevor she really is a fire work, desi. An people must have been losing their [bleep] in the convention . Yes, they still are i wish i could stay in here forever because outside people are just kind of like oh, first female nominee, cool. Hey, look, trump is doing an ama on reddit. Trevor i feel you there. I feel you, even some major american newspapers in fact used pictures of hillarys husband when talking about how she made history, or should i say hersstory. No, history is fine. But seriously, what the hell . This is a huge deal for this country. You know, every one talks about how advanced america is compared to the rest of the world. But we suck at having women in power. Want to know who got here before us . Pretty much everybody. Argentina, germany, mongolia, liberia, [bleep] pakistans already assassinated a female leader. Might have gone a little too far down progress lane. There is a real [bleep] spot you want to stay in. Trevor desi, it is funny you say that because when obama won, even black people in africa were losing their [bleep] and hes only half african. Yeah, exactly. Trevor, hillary is full woman. Plaws. God and look, look, i know maybe some conservative women dont exactly feel like celebrating at hillarys victory. But you can hate hillary and still love what happened last night. cheers and applause yeah. Because her victory and power empowers all women. Even if you want to use that power to say that hillary planned benghazi from a secret email server that she bought with goldman sax donations. You can do that. Hillary busted through that Glass Ceiling and you can follow her through it. Even if it is just to take her down. This is just really beautiful, when you think about it like that. Trevor it really is beautiful. An its long overdue, men have been running the white house for a hundred year, they have screwed a lot of [bleep] up. Yeah, and now its time for women to screw some [bleep] up. Trevor des ir desi lydic, everyone, desi lydic. Now after Hillary Clinton got enough votes to officially win the nomination the democrats spent most of the night impatiently waiting for bill clinton to show up. Then they spent the rest of the night waiting for bill clinton to stop talking, no, i am kidding, it was a beautiful speech. Those of us that have more yesterdays than tomorrows tend to care more about our children and grand children. The reason you should elect her is that in the greatest country on earth, we have always been about tomorrow, your children and grand children will bless you forever if you do. Trevor i just like there is some guy right now going my children and grand children will bless me forever, sounds nice but i already bought the hat. Trevor it was a really emotional night, it was a really beautiful, powerful, emotional night. I mean nothing could ruin it. I yes, look, there was one weird thing. If you were as energized as i was and am right now take out that phone, fire up that laptop, pry that ipad out of your kids hands and go to Hillary Clinton. Com and give what you can. Even 1 can make a difference. Trevor look, guys, i know you need funding to run a campaign, but you cant bring out movie stars to an arena named after a bank and have them ask the rest of us for the money. I mean come on come on you have some money. You have to admit, you have some money. Mer ill streep is not staying at an airbnb, i know that. Im not saying dont ask for money. But at least show me that you need it enough with the movie stars, why dont cut away to chuck sheumer in a garbage can or something, you know. The reason bernie raised 200 million was because Bernie Sanders looked like he owed someone 200 million. People saw that guy people saw that guy and everyone was like damn, damn, i got to help this dude out. Ive got to i mean i have 27, is that enough . Look, democrats, you should need zero dollars to win this race. Because when you look at the two candidates sidebyside, it is embarrassing that this is even a contest. And i know, i know applause . Trevor i know people will try and say oh, no, no, its all about objectivity. Yes, and any objective person can see that of the two options, one is not an option plawtion plaws. Trevor one is not an option. There are basically two life boats. One we have seen float. Its weathered many a storm and yes, it sprung a few leaks, metaphorically speaking. The other life boat is made out of cheese dood els. laughter and it has a shark in it. And it is on fire. And its underwater and its name is donald trump and its show currently leading in the polls, people which baffles me. Because even if we remove no democrat, no republican, none of that, just two human beings, person one versus person two, and you know what i am not even going to do it. This is what their friends and the people who have known them forever, these are the best things that their people could say about them. When hillary graduated from law school, hillary went undercover going door to door, school to school, investigating discrimination. Everything my father does is first class. He loves real estate. He loves building the greatest projects in the world. She also started the first legal aid clinic in northwest arkansas. It was a building called the ge building. I didnt like it. I said donald, stay away from it. He bought it. Made 2 or 300 million on the deal. Thats what he does. After intense shuttle diplomacy with israel, the palestinian authority, egypt, she did it. A ceasefire. Donald transformed a landfill into a championship public golf course. Hillary introduced a bill, signed into law, that helped First Responders get the benefits they earned. Donald trump purchased a weinery in 2011, making it a worldclass destination and the largest vineyard in virginia. Trevor yeah, thats right. Now ask yourself, where would we be without the largest winery in virginia. Where would we be, people. We would be forced to drink wine from other states or even, the second largest winery in virginia. And lets stop acting like a few of hillarys failures define and tarnish her very successful career. For instance, in 20 12rbgs hillary broke erred a ceasefire between israelis and palestinians. Do you know how hard it is to get those people to stop fighting . It is almost assed assed about s eagles and giants fans. This is how mondaymentus it was. But look, if we are being on swrekive, we should look at bots sides, yeah. What was donald trump doing around the same time. Well, it turns out he was dealing with a Different International cries i while hillary was handling peace in the middle east he was tweeting at Robert Pattinson that he should dump Kristen Stewart for cheating. Yeah, seven tweets, inct fa. Seven tweets. If thats not commitment, then i dont know what is, people. That is commitment applause applause . Trevor and look, if you were interviewing these two for president , you would probably look at hillarys resume and be like oh, i see you have quite a lot of experience here. Oh, and you have also lived in this very office, oh. Thats very impressive. And then you would look at Donald Trumps resume and be like oh, im sorry, sir, were looking for a president. It looks like youre applying to be americas racist landlord. U m u m applause . Trevor now dont get me wrong. Dont get me wrong. Im not saying Hillary Clinton is better than donald trump at everything. No. For instanceness, if America Needs golf courses, then you can call donald trump, if America Needs more buildings with the name trump on them, then you call donald trump f America Needs another reality tv star, you know who to call. Fanned america has dropped something between its car seat and that elbow thing in the middle, you call trump because his hands are the perfect size to fit in there, and get the thing out. But for president , but for president of the United States, we shouldnt even be having this discussion and one of the most compelling reasons, one of the most compelling reasons why, just happened today. And well talk about that right after the break. Well be right back. applause my brother and i have always been rivals. We would dream about racing each other, in monaco. We were born brothers. Competition made us friends. Wish bold in the 2017 camry. Toyota. Lets go places. [h avy sigh] real meal for five bucks. Real meal for five bucks. Real meal for five bucks. Real meal for five bucks. Real meal for five bucks. [deep breath] finger lickin, finger lickin, finger lickin. Gooooood applause . Trevor welcome back to the daily show. Now we were just talking about the two choices in the president ial election. Its basically a choice between grandma nixon and the fifth horseman of the apocalypse. Like i said, its really no choice at all. One of the clearest examples of that came in just today. Were in the middle of the democratic convention. All eyes on Hillary Clinton. And you know how when a toddler feels like someone else is getting the attention that he should be getting, so the toddler starts banging pots and pans and vomiting to see if it will get a reaction . Yeah, well, imagine if that toddler could call a press conference. Yeah, once again, donald trump grabbed the spotlight. And this time not for tanning purposes, no. He used it to address concerns that the russian government may have orchestrated the dnc leak. So all we wanted to hear were trump is that he is not working with russia to sub vert the american election. I will tell you this, russia, if you are listening, i hope you are able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing. I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press. Lets lets see in that what happens that happens, what be will next. Trevor are you [bleep] me did this this guy, a man running for president just asked russia to hack america. Do you know, for a person who is claiming bring jobs back to america, he sure started outsourcing them real quick. applause so let me understand. So donald trump called on a foreign nation to commit a crime in order to hurt his political opponent. This is what happened, people. In real life, its not a matter of interpretation. An heres why this worries many people. Because during the campaign, trump has called to change American Foreign policy in a way that directly benefits russia. On multiple occasions he said he wouldnt necessarily intervene if russia invaded a nato ally. On monday he said that the u. S. Should have abandon a bunch of countries that have always been in line with the u. S. Against russia. They have to pay. They got to pay. Were protecting germany, nothing but money. When i talk about reopro tect japan, which is great. You always have to be prepared to walk. Oh, we may have to walk. Trevor you know, the fact that you can interchange a donald trump quote with a drunk bus driver, should make americans very afraid. You always have to be prepared to walk. We may have to walk, folks. Sorry, we may have to walk. applause its almost hard to believe hes saying this stuff outloud. Its like you have ever seen that movie the manchurian candidate, about a russian mole who is brain wawshed to run for president. Trump is like ifed manchurian ran as the manchurian candidate. So laughter so because of all of this because of all of this, reporters are, if you can believe this, actually starting to ask questions of trump and his russian linked Campaign Manager paul manafort. Like for instance whether donald trump has any financial ties to the russian government. Trump tweeted yesterday that he has zero investments in russia. But does russia have investments in trump . Would mr. Trump be willing to release his taxes to provide transparency on this issue . If mr. Trump has said that his taxes are under audit and he will be not be releasing them it has nothing do with russia. Mr. Trump has no financial relationship with any russian oligarchs. If thats what he said, thats what i said. That is what my position is. Trevor that, that, that that, that, that that, this, that, that, this, is, is, that, that, that is what remix. Here is how we know manafort is shady. When this same guy was asked about trumps investigation to the email hack, he responded like a guy whose wife had caught him sexting another woman. Listen that answer. Paul manafort, are you cheating on me we, we we have no relationship, this is an absurd attempt by the Clinton Campaign its absurd, and, you know, no is ba is to it. Trevor the allegations are absurd, interesting way to put it. Because remember when Melania Trump plagiarized Public Access<\/a> building. And good luck. Hope you win. Cool beans we got him. All right, the boys here will keep little eric cartman distracted. Meanwhile, we get rid of the jakovasaurs and bring some normalcy back to this town ready . All break [jakovasaurs whooping] hey, ned, a package came for you today from voice box express. [belching] oh. Boy. Oh. Boy. Now, remember, barbrady, all you have to do is lose. Right okay, lets quiet down, people and jakovasaurs. Now, as you know, the winner of this little game will get an allexpense paid trip for himself and 50 of his closest relatives to lovely france and all one of you lucky contestants has to do is answer only one of these questions. Are you ready, players . Ready ready okay, hands on your buzzers. [buzzer sounds] 47 you have to wait until i ask the question first. Sorry thats okay. Hands on buzzers. Turkey sandwich damn, hes quick. Oh, sorry no, im sorry. No, its my fault. No, its all me. My bad. Sorry. Sorry. Will somebody please unplug the goddamn buzzers . Got it. Now can we get on with this . First question what color is blue . Blue . What . Blue is blue . Aw, did i lose . What, lose . No, no, hang on. Youre supposed to lose, you idiot where am i . Just dont answer any more questions, got it . Okey dokey. Sorry, folks. A little mixup. Were playing best out of three. What are we doing out here, you guys . I want to see if jakov wins that game show. Oh, hell win. Dont worry. We just have to show you this new species because youre the departmentofinterior guy now. Soon they will all be eaten by bears. Let me get out my notepad so i can classify this new species. That should be fine, just fine. Just fine. Fine. There it is that must be of the antelope family. Thats kenny with branches on his head. Why did you bring me all the way out here, you guys . Cartman, jakovasaurs are making south park suck. You have to understand that. What does that have to do with me being all the way out wait a minute, youre distracting me that game show is a fix cartman, wait [muffled] hey, guys, what whats two plus two, jakov . I dont know four . [bell dings] jakov, what is your name . Jakov. [bell dings] oh, screw it. Jakov wins i do . [all cheering] you and your entire family are going to wonderful and exotic france hooray all right, everybody. Lets get them to the airport. Lets go, people. Theres no time to lose but what about our clothes . Shouldnt we pack first . Jakovasaurs dont wear clothes, jakov. Oh, yeah well, goodbye, everybody well send stuff from france all goodbye whoo [light laughter] jakov close the door open this door eric, this is for the best. I am departmentofinterior guy, and i have authoritah no jakov, dont go hi, eric okay, bye, then come back. Eric, its important for you to understand dont, mother. Just dont. I know its hard, eric, but ive learned something today. You see, animal species come and go. Its all part of natural evolution. The jakovasaurs would have gone extinct if we hadnt interfered because their particular form of life simply wasnt practical. [speaking clearly] we cant go around saving every form of life any more than we can kill them all. We have to let nature run its course. Ned, that voice box sucks i know; im still trying to find my old one. Well, then, what say we all go get some ice cream . All hooray no, thats okay. Ill see you guys. Dude, ive never seen cartman care so much about something. Yeah, i guess he finally found something thats as annoying as he is. Bonjour. Bonjour. Cafe . Oui. Come on, kids lets go find the pyramids whoo aah [crash] [all laughing] [speaking french] [speaking french] [speaking french] from philadelphia where you probably wont get punched more than once, its the 12016 Democratic National<\/a> convention. Lets not get crazy. Night two. Every minority the cameras could find. cheers and applause . Trevor welcome, everyone, to the daily show. Im trevor noah. So excited to have you. Thank you so much. Were in philadelphia, people, we are in philly officially covering the Democratic National<\/a> convention. Im so excited, our guest new york senator Kirsten Gillibrand<\/a> is joining us, everybody. Good time, good times and speaking of excitement, is everyone excited about having the first female nominee for president . cheers and applause . Trevor americas first female because i am. I am not going to lie, i am. Yes. Its so great to be here when america takes these major steps forward. Its also exciting because it is a first. First anything are exciting, you know. Yeah, first day of school, you know, first comment on instagram. First. First time you had sex. applause . Trevor yeah, first time you had sex right. laughter the point s the point is, yesterday was a historic occasion. And now were joined to celebrate that history with desi lydic, everybody. Desi lydic. Hello, desi. Trevor, let me tell you something, in this country a lot of bars give women free drinks on tuesdays and call it ladies night. But last night was the real [bleep] ladies night. cheers and applause you realize before yesterday america had 131 male president ial nominees, 0 female nominees and 0 squirrel nominees. And after 240 years and 56 elections, women have finally edged out squirrels. applause look, i know hillary kept it low key and accepted the nomination by video because shes classy like that. But this was so huge. She deserved to ride in on a shooting star like katy perry at the super bowl trevor she really is a fire work, desi. An people must have been losing their [bleep] in the convention . Yes, they still are i wish i could stay in here forever because outside people are just kind of like oh, first female nominee, cool. Hey, look, trump is doing an ama on reddit. Trevor i feel you there. I feel you, even some major american newspapers in fact used pictures of hillarys husband when talking about how she made history, or should i say hersstory. No, history is fine. But seriously, what the hell . This is a huge deal for this country. You know, every one talks about how advanced america is compared to the rest of the world. But we suck at having women in power. Want to know who got here before us . Pretty much everybody. Argentina, germany, mongolia, liberia, [bleep] pakistans already assassinated a female leader. Might have gone a little too far down progress lane. There is a real [bleep] spot you want to stay in. Trevor desi, it is funny you say that because when obama won, even black people in africa were losing their [bleep] and hes only half african. Yeah, exactly. Trevor, hillary is full woman. Plaws. God and look, look, i know maybe some conservative women dont exactly feel like celebrating at hillarys victory. But you can hate hillary and still love what happened last night. cheers and applause yeah. Because her victory and power empowers all women. Even if you want to use that power to say that hillary planned benghazi from a secret email server that she bought with goldman sax donations. You can do that. Hillary busted through that Glass Ceiling<\/a> and you can follow her through it. Even if it is just to take her down. This is just really beautiful, when you think about it like that. Trevor it really is beautiful. An its long overdue, men have been running the white house for a hundred year, they have screwed a lot of [bleep] up. Yeah, and now its time for women to screw some [bleep] up. Trevor des ir desi lydic, everyone, desi lydic. Now after Hillary Clinton<\/a> got enough votes to officially win the nomination the democrats spent most of the night impatiently waiting for bill clinton to show up. Then they spent the rest of the night waiting for bill clinton to stop talking, no, i am kidding, it was a beautiful speech. Those of us that have more yesterdays than tomorrows tend to care more about our children and grand children. The reason you should elect her is that in the greatest country on earth, we have always been about tomorrow, your children and grand children will bless you forever if you do. Trevor i just like there is some guy right now going my children and grand children will bless me forever, sounds nice but i already bought the hat. Trevor it was a really emotional night, it was a really beautiful, powerful, emotional night. I mean nothing could ruin it. I yes, look, there was one weird thing. If you were as energized as i was and am right now take out that phone, fire up that laptop, pry that ipad out of your kids hands and go to Hillary Clinton<\/a>. Com and give what you can. Even 1 can make a difference. Trevor look, guys, i know you need funding to run a campaign, but you cant bring out movie stars to an arena named after a bank and have them ask the rest of us for the money. I mean come on come on you have some money. You have to admit, you have some money. Mer ill streep is not staying at an airbnb, i know that. Im not saying dont ask for money. But at least show me that you need it enough with the movie stars, why dont cut away to chuck sheumer in a garbage can or something, you know. The reason bernie raised 200 million was because Bernie Sanders<\/a> looked like he owed someone 200 million. People saw that guy people saw that guy and everyone was like damn, damn, i got to help this dude out. Ive got to i mean i have 27, is that enough . Look, democrats, you should need zero dollars to win this race. Because when you look at the two candidates sidebyside, it is embarrassing that this is even a contest. And i know, i know applause . Trevor i know people will try and say oh, no, no, its all about objectivity. Yes, and any objective person can see that of the two options, one is not an option plawtion plaws. Trevor one is not an option. There are basically two life boats. One we have seen float. Its weathered many a storm and yes, it sprung a few leaks, metaphorically speaking. The other life boat is made out of cheese dood els. laughter and it has a shark in it. And it is on fire. And its underwater and its name is donald trump and its show currently leading in the polls, people which baffles me. Because even if we remove no democrat, no republican, none of that, just two human beings, person one versus person two, and you know what i am not even going to do it. This is what their friends and the people who have known them forever, these are the best things that their people could say about them. When hillary graduated from law school, hillary went undercover going door to door, school to school, investigating discrimination. Everything my father does is first class. He loves real estate. He loves building the greatest projects in the world. She also started the first legal aid clinic in northwest arkansas. It was a building called the ge building. I didnt like it. I said donald, stay away from it. He bought it. Made 2 or 300 million on the deal. Thats what he does. After intense shuttle diplomacy with israel, the palestinian authority, egypt, she did it. A ceasefire. Donald transformed a landfill into a championship public golf course. Hillary introduced a bill, signed into law, that helped First Responders<\/a> get the benefits they earned. Donald trump purchased a weinery in 2011, making it a worldclass destination and the largest vineyard in virginia. Trevor yeah, thats right. Now ask yourself, where would we be without the largest winery in virginia. Where would we be, people. We would be forced to drink wine from other states or even, the second largest winery in virginia. And lets stop acting like a few of hillarys failures define and tarnish her very successful career. For instance, in 20 12rbgs hillary broke erred a ceasefire between israelis and palestinians. Do you know how hard it is to get those people to stop fighting . It is almost assed assed about s eagles and giants fans. This is how mondaymentus it was. But look, if we are being on swrekive, we should look at bots sides, yeah. What was donald trump doing around the same time. Well, it turns out he was dealing with a Different International<\/a> cries i while hillary was handling peace in the middle east he was tweeting at Robert Pattinson<\/a> that he should dump Kristen Stewart<\/a> for cheating. Yeah, seven tweets, inct fa. Seven tweets. If thats not commitment, then i dont know what is, people. That is commitment applause applause . Trevor and look, if you were interviewing these two for president , you would probably look at hillarys resume and be like oh, i see you have quite a lot of experience here. Oh, and you have also lived in this very office, oh. Thats very impressive. And then you would look at Donald Trumps<\/a> resume and be like oh, im sorry, sir, were looking for a president. It looks like youre applying to be americas racist landlord. U m u m applause . Trevor now dont get me wrong. Dont get me wrong. Im not saying Hillary Clinton<\/a> is better than donald trump at everything. No. For instanceness, if America Needs<\/a> golf courses, then you can call donald trump, if America Needs<\/a> more buildings with the name trump on them, then you call donald trump f America Needs<\/a> another reality tv star, you know who to call. Fanned america has dropped something between its car seat and that elbow thing in the middle, you call trump because his hands are the perfect size to fit in there, and get the thing out. But for president , but for president of the United States<\/a>, we shouldnt even be having this discussion and one of the most compelling reasons, one of the most compelling reasons why, just happened today. And well talk about that right after the break. Well be right back. applause my brother and i have always been rivals. We would dream about racing each other, in monaco. We were born brothers. Competition made us friends. Wish bold in the 2017 camry. Toyota. Lets go places. [h avy sigh] real meal for five bucks. Real meal for five bucks. Real meal for five bucks. Real meal for five bucks. Real meal for five bucks. [deep breath] finger lickin, finger lickin, finger lickin. Gooooood applause . Trevor welcome back to the daily show. Now we were just talking about the two choices in the president ial election. Its basically a choice between grandma nixon and the fifth horseman of the apocalypse. Like i said, its really no choice at all. One of the clearest examples of that came in just today. Were in the middle of the democratic convention. All eyes on Hillary Clinton<\/a>. And you know how when a toddler feels like someone else is getting the attention that he should be getting, so the toddler starts banging pots and pans and vomiting to see if it will get a reaction . Yeah, well, imagine if that toddler could call a press conference. Yeah, once again, donald trump grabbed the spotlight. And this time not for tanning purposes, no. He used it to address concerns that the russian government may have orchestrated the dnc leak. So all we wanted to hear were trump is that he is not working with russia to sub vert the american election. I will tell you this, russia, if you are listening, i hope you are able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing. I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press. Lets lets see in that what happens that happens, what be will next. Trevor are you [bleep] me did this this guy, a man running for president just asked russia to hack america. Do you know, for a person who is claiming bring jobs back to america, he sure started outsourcing them real quick. applause so let me understand. So donald trump called on a foreign nation to commit a crime in order to hurt his political opponent. This is what happened, people. In real life, its not a matter of interpretation. An heres why this worries many people. Because during the campaign, trump has called to change American Foreign<\/a> policy in a way that directly benefits russia. On multiple occasions he said he wouldnt necessarily intervene if russia invaded a nato ally. On monday he said that the u. S. Should have abandon a bunch of countries that have always been in line with the u. S. Against russia. They have to pay. They got to pay. Were protecting germany, nothing but money. When i talk about reopro tect japan, which is great. You always have to be prepared to walk. Oh, we may have to walk. Trevor you know, the fact that you can interchange a donald trump quote with a drunk bus driver, should make americans very afraid. You always have to be prepared to walk. We may have to walk, folks. Sorry, we may have to walk. applause its almost hard to believe hes saying this stuff outloud. Its like you have ever seen that movie the manchurian candidate, about a russian mole who is brain wawshed to run for president. Trump is like ifed manchurian ran as the manchurian candidate. So laughter so because of all of this because of all of this, reporters are, if you can believe this, actually starting to ask questions of trump and his russian linked Campaign Manager<\/a> paul manafort. Like for instance whether donald trump has any financial ties to the russian government. Trump tweeted yesterday that he has zero investments in russia. But does russia have investments in trump . Would mr. Trump be willing to release his taxes to provide transparency on this issue . If mr. Trump has said that his taxes are under audit and he will be not be releasing them it has nothing do with russia. Mr. Trump has no financial relationship with any russian oligarchs. If thats what he said, thats what i said. That is what my position is. Trevor that, that, that that, that, that that, this, that, that, this, is, is, that, that, that is what remix. Here is how we know manafort is shady. When this same guy was asked about trumps investigation to the email hack, he responded like a guy whose wife had caught him sexting another woman. Listen that answer. Paul manafort, are you cheating on me we, we we have no relationship, this is an absurd attempt by the Clinton Campaign<\/a> its absurd, and, you know, no is ba is to it. Trevor the allegations are absurd, interesting way to put it. Because remember when Melania Trump<\/a> plagiarized Michelle Obamas<\/a> speech, remember that . Well, before the Trump Campaign<\/a> admitted it, here is what manafort said. To think that she would do Something Like<\/a> that, knowing how screut niezed her speech was going to be last night, is just really absurd. Trevor oh, that thing that definitely happened was also absurd, absolutely absurd. Smart, actually. Because when you think about it, absurd doesnt mean untrue. It just means ridiculous. Yeah. Platypuses are absurd, but they still exist. So manafort is right. He isnt saying the russia accusations are false, hes just acknowledging that all of this is bad [bleep] crazy. applause but, but since the allegations are so absurd, trump felt the need to take the podium and reiterate how absurd they are. It is so far fetched t is so ridiculous, honestly i wish we had that power. I would love to have that power. Will you russia has no respect for our country. And thats why if it is russia, no one knows, its probably china. Trevor im sorry, what . Its probably china . America is about to elect a president who treats Foreign Affairs<\/a> like a game of clue . Its probably china with the computer in the library . What do you mean probably china . applause up to this point, up to this point nobody else had mentioned china. No one had mentioned china in connection with the email hack. Nobody. Most people in a position to know said its russia. But after about 30 minutes, donald trump then said this. We done even know who it is. I heard this morning, one report said they dont think its russia, they think it might be china. Trevor im sorry, you heard this morning. You were the one who said it how do you say that, oh, i heard, i heard this morning. I heard this morning, when i said it myself. You cant do that, sir, you cant do that. You cant cite yourself as a source. And you know how i know that, because someone said it earlier in this show. Me, i said that. You cant cite yourself, its like editing your own wikipedia page, what the hell is wrong with you. This is [bleep] is getting scary. I dont understand how some people say they cant see it. Because donald trump is almost like Global Warming<\/a> right now. People are trying to deny that its real. They think its something we can worry about later. But it is happening right now. And it also involves a lot of cow [bleep]. So again, again, this should be no contest. Because lets look at if, lets be honest, flat out, republican or democrat, the worstcase scenarios, with Hillary Clinton<\/a>, worstcase scenario, you have a bad president for four years and america has had bad president s before. You will get through it. But america, you have never had a donald trump before. A man who claiming to be leader of law and order and make america safe candidate, that man who invites foreign hackers to steal files that he himself to contain American National<\/a> security data, that man, that say leader you have never had. A man who publicly admires and now possibly colludes with vladimir putin. I man who is lovingly endorsed by kim jungun, a man who praises and doubles down on praising saddam hussein. These are his role models. And these people, what you have to understand, once they are in power, they dont go away. You dont get a chance to vote them out in four years. Their rule ends when the country ends. So to all the people out there considering voting for trump, i hope you enjoy your vote, because on days like this, you realize, this could be the very last vote you will ever get. Well be right back. You boys new round here . Yeah, im a w poptart and im orange crush poptart well then two big swigs on me. She was really cool. Cant hold your soda, boys . Tadaaa crazy good so thats why i learned how to train opossums. singing lil sweet comin out the bushes. Shhhhh for listening to donna drone on you deserve the sweeeet treat of a diet dr pepper. Yum. That is sweet. How sweet . I dont know. Honey who are you talking to . Its no one thats right, he didnt listen to donna, you did. I can see you talking to a little man. Ok its lil sweet. Hey man. Diet dr pepper. Its the sweet one the extra crispy colonel. My extra crispy, twenty dollar fillup feeds a family of four. Its crunchy juicy and oh so tasty. Kfc. Its extra crispy good. Introducing tmobiles most epic deal ever get a free Samsung Galaxy<\/a> for everyone in the family. Thats right, a free Samsung Galaxy<\/a> with every new line and get 4 lines with 6 gigs each for just 30 bucks a line. Plus everybody gets unlimited streaming from their favorite services. Dont wait. Get a free Samsung Galaxy<\/a> for everyone. So get tmobile now. Because our most epic deal ever is only for limited time. Hair is delightfully fragrancedl with notes of moroccan rose and the freshness of springtime unforgettable, wherever you go the scents you cant forget. From herbal essences, blooming now new taco bell poll finds their breakfast versus no bacon. Go figure. Introducing taco bells new 1 morning value menu. The only dollar breakfast value menu. That brings home the bacon. [sfx bong] cheers and applause . Trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is United States<\/a> senator representing new york, please welcome senator Kirsten Gillibrand<\/a>","publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"archive.org","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","width":"800","height":"600","url":"\/\/ia803403.us.archive.org\/14\/items\/COM_20160728_083500_The_Daily_Show\/COM_20160728_083500_The_Daily_Show.thumbs\/COM_20160728_083500_The_Daily_Show_000001.jpg"}},"autauthor":{"@type":"Organization"},"author":{"sameAs":"archive.org","name":"archive.org"}}],"coverageEndTime":"20240625T12:35:10+00:00"}