Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20150205

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20150205

114th United States congress is one month old one month has the new republican control changed the way congress does business . The recipe for making legislative sausage as it were . We examine it in our new segment really . laughter applause can we just im sorry can we just if we could just do something slightly laughter do we have another segment that i could laughter applause im okay with the first one. Now, lets get one thing straight. This isnt a lame gritd locked one 13th congress. Just ask Senate Majority leader mitch mcconnell. We need to open up open up the legislative process in a way that allows more amendments from both sides. Sometimes it will be meaning mean work late, but restoring the senate is the right thing to do. Jon yup. laughter sure. Working late. Easy for you to say mitch mcconnell. You carry your house around on your back. So you dont even need to go home. laughter because i believe and im being completely serious right now Senate Majority leader Mitchell Mcconnell is a turtle. laughter what species . I cannot say. Although his native habitat being kentucky my guess is the highest ranking republican senator is an eastern box tunnel a common musk turtle or i think perhaps this most likely a river cooter. If the sixth term seeing your senator from kentucky would like to provide evidence to refute this charge your move your slow, deliberate move. Perhaps you will allow me to sweeten the deal. laughter cheers and applause i think arbys just went whew. But the point is mcconnell, in contrast to former majority leader harry reid is allowing senators to propose whatever amendments they want to legislation. His first order of business was the keystone pipeline. I can only assume to be used as a mode of transportation in his attempt to as seen here catch super mario, utilizing some kind of laughter applause i look i look forward to the new amendment policy bringing swift and effective legislative dividends. It is an extremely simple amendment. The effective language is only eight words, Climate Change is real and not a hoax. That Climate Change is real and that human activity significantly contributes to Climate Change. Republican senator john hoeven from north dakota. You then put one in that says the same thing but taking the word significantly out. Why did you want the word significantly taken out of there . Because look, it was about finding that balance that will bring bipartisan support to the bill. laughter jon if take out the word significantly was a way to bring republicans on board why not draft the amendment human activity contributed to Climate Change. Remember ronald reagan. The wasnt he great. Three choors for the death penalty. Thats the senate where its all passive aggressive ill change one word. For open unadultated aggression. You have to drop by the house on the Committee Debate on the 9,000th vote to repeal obama care. Had the administration worked with the governors we might be talking about an entirely had the administration worked with the governors. Had the governors worked with the administration we might not number this position i dont know about your state which i think is a crazy state to begin, that and i mean that just as i said it. laughter cheers and applause jon hastings just straight up messed with texas. laughter thats the one thing texas warns everyone not to do. Wheres this ballsy young man from, anyway . The gentleman from florida is recognized. I thank you very much. laughter jon youre from florida. Youre from florida and youre calling texas crazy . laughter might as well call out oklahoma for also having a panhandle. Hey, oklahoma nice panhandle sticking out of your state. Why dont you grab hold of your ugly panhandle and make me some pancakes you bleep . Youre from florida. You cant call other states crazy. That kind of fragrant texas messing is not going to go unremarked upon. You made an ininflamm inflammatory statement about myinate and i will not stand here and listen to it. Jon we are run by children. Lets all calm down. Im sure congressman hastings, he realizes he went a little too far. Lets give him a chance to apologize to the good sir from texas. Well, fine. Then you dont have to listen. You can leave if you choose. I told you what i think about texas. I wouldnt live there for all the tea in china. laughter cheers jon hes crushing this dude. He doubled down. You dont have to listen. You still come from a crazy state. Although, i dont really understand the all the tea in china references. I dont see how thats a positive. That seems more like a burden. Thats a lot of tea. I dont even know where you keep that much tea. Really, you get that much tea youre probably going to get crushed by a billion tea bags. Its not not. Two solid slams against texas. Now if hastings wants to maintain a professional relationship here i do think out of protocol, out of prospect, perhaps its time for him to start walking this back. Two attacks tossed my way. Thats parse and parcel with territory. But there is no reason at all to impugn the people the governor of the state a state of this country and i will await the gentlemans apology. I yield back. You will wait until hell freezes over. laughter jon ohio my god what this man, this congressman hastings truly does not give a single bleep . Just look at him sitting there casually reading. In fact, can we can we zoom in on what hes reading . No bleep whats that sub article . Are you giving too many bleep . Wow, wow. Some prettyularsh words there. What if it doesnt end. What if congressman hastings just fired the first shot in what will soon become an allout floridatexas conflagration. Texas first sends over some rangers on horseback. Florida anticipates the move, sending out sex spring breakers to distract them. Meanwhile, one man florida wrecking crew George Zimmerman is parachuted deep into texas territory. But before zimmerman can stand his ground he is taken out by leather face, texas chainsaw style. Then florida retaliates by sending out an elite squadron on alligators high on the bath salts. Immediately neutralized by a texasreleased lethal cocktail of crude oil, mesquite, barbecue sauce, and chuck bleep morris. And then when the bleep about you get really ugly, you play each Energy Football and everybody has a Tailgate Party and forget about the war. Hook them gator form. Which is really a shame. You know who would have won a floridatexas war . 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As weve seen our Current Congress the 114th is a pig lagoon of animosity and cynicism. Luckily, theres some new blood in town with convictions as yet unspoiled by washington. Freshman senator thom tillis whose message to North Carolina voters has always been clear. Tillis say freemarket conservative. A conservative businessman who cut red tape to create goodpaying jobs. We need to reduce regulation. The overreach is stroig our opportunities. Government needs to get out of the way. Jon getting to the point where a man cant even open a car wash, cafe or leafcovered pit with spikes at the bottom of it or a tattoo baby parlor. laughter damn you government , of course, a lot of politicians spout this free market ideology when it serves their purpose. Its a little harder to do in practice. I was having this discussion with with someone and we were at a starbucks in my district and we were talking about certain regulations. She said, for example, dont you believe that this regulation that requires this gentleman to wash his hands before he serves your food is important . laughter jon but you know what . You said free market. Youre a freemarket guy. You want government out of the way. Senator tillis, its not going to be easy to flop this bedrock principle of modern sanitation regulation but as a free marketeer go ahead. I dare you. I said i dont have any problem with starbucks if they choose out to opt out of this policy. Jon boom this guy walks the walk the title of mr. Ann rand of 2015 goes to thom tillis. I would high5 him but i dont want to die like a character in the oregon trail. Senator really . You dont want the guy to have to wash his hands after using the bathroom . Maybe you dont recognize the need for basic hygiene standards because youre used to the relatively not vomitsoaked starbucks. You go anywhere else, youll see our food service is barely hanging on by a thread. I watched you pick up raw chicken all night in your hands and then touch cooked foods. You dont serve bugs to your customers. Get a exprag pick this bleep thing up look at me look at the crap in the middle of this bar tonight and they didnt even clean it up. Should this place down jon thats what your local bar looks like when they try to follow the rules. If tillis thinks making employees wash hands is too onerous by the government i i qaentcant fault him for sticking to his unregulated guns. As long as they post a sign that says we dont require our employees to wash their hands after leaving the restroom, the market will take care of that. laughter jon you do realize that thats a regulation too, right . laughter all you did was change this to this. laughter thats not getting rid of regulation. That just makes you an inconsistent ideologue with a light fecal dusting in your latte. See, heres the problem. In your truly free market utopian world, the restaurant wouldnt have to tell you if employees hands are washed or not. And by the time the market figured out which which establishment vente Pumpkin Spice came with the turdiccino thats copywrited it really wouldnt matter because we would be far more concerned with the freemarket price spike in cholera medicine. You know this all reminds me of kind of a wonderful bedtime story my bubby used to tell me, my grandmother. She used to say, there was a woman jonathan who had typhoid. Her name was mary. She was a cook and because she had typhoid and didnt wash her hands she killed everyone. laughter good night, sweet pea. So listen senator listen senator dung hands von fecal fingers you think we could do a better job of enforcing regulations or streamlining regulations or creating regulations that make sense and arent onerous . I couldnt gree more. But employees must de. Poop before serving food to the public and most of the rules like that didnt come up because government is onerous or in the pocket of big soft soap. Dont pretend we dont need any of them. Trust me if this lady is making your morning roast, you want her to wash her ive been called a control freak. I like to think of myself as more of a control. Enthusiast. Mmm, a perfect 177degrees. And thats why this road warrior rents from national. I can bypass the counter and go straight to my car. And i dont have to talk to any humans, unless i want to. And i dont. And national lets me choose any car in the aisle. Control. Its so, whats the word . Sexy. Go national. Go like a pro. For the love of money [richard] shhhh. Do you hear that . Its your money. Saaaaaaaarah. Its refund season and nobody gets more of your money back than blockguaranteed. Get your billions back america. Hey. These are good. What have you been feeding us all these years . Kfc popcorn nuggets. 100 white meat, extra crispy, and made from the worlds best chicken. Try our kfc bucket and popcorn nuggets meal. These dont even come with a toy and i dont care. Reliability, is now an american thing. Introducing the all new chrysler 200 americas import. cheers and applause jon welcome back. My guest tonight, bestselling author. His new book is called the work my search for a life that matters. Please welcome to the program wes moore. Sir. cheers and applause wes moore so nice to see you again. How are you . I am doing great. Im doing great, thank you. Jon ive known this gentleman for a few years. Weve done some work together. He is one of the most if i may say so annoying people. Youre so accomplished at such a young age, that it angers me. laughter it angers me, too actually. Jon stop it the book is called the work my search for a life that matters. Youve served in iraq and afghanistan. Youve been in the state department. Youve written your second book. What are you now, 28, 32 Something Like that . 36. Yeah. Jon what what gives you that drive . What what is it that you found in your life that causes you to have this drive . Well, you know, i think part of it is my childhood. I had a difficult childhood where i came up in troubled communities. I watched my father die when i was four. I first felt handcuffs on my wrist when i was 11 years old. And i remember going through this revolution, and even the time coming back from afghanistan, where i wanted to find what does that mean to be successful . What did all that really mean in my own life . And i felt like in this quest and this journey, my understanding, my definition of the work really became where your greatest gifts and your greatest skill sets begin to start overlapping with the worlds greatest needs, and then you chose to do something about it. And so part of the reason why i wanted to tell this story and write this book was almost like a realtime exploration of my own life, about what it meant but then also highlighting these other people who i just drew a tremendous amount of inspiration from, about finding what it meant in my own life to be relevant and truly come alive. Jon this this what you are saying strikes me as the key. It is bringing purpose. And i know one of your greatest causes is helping veterans reintigrate, once theyre done with the war. And i think this is such the key. So much of our perception of it is oh, lets help them. When really, their entire being is, no, we serve. Thats what we do. Let us continue to serve somehow. And you found a way to integrate that ethos. And how do you find your greatness . I think the one thing that all people who are great at what they do, the one thing all of them have in common is they are passionate about what they do. And i remember when i was first leaving the white house and heading back to new york, and i was going to go work in finance, and i remember speaking with a mentor of mine and he said youre going to go back to the finance. And i was explaining to him why, and not one thing that came out of my mouth was because i was passionate about it. And he said to me, if you need to go there, go, and do what you need to do. But the moment you feel like you can leave, leave, because every day youre doing what youre not passionate about, you become extraordinarily ordinary. And what that means is for all of us, we need to find that thing that makes us extraordinary, find that thing that gives us our greatness, and then go after it because thats the only way that youll find that level of fulfillment. Jon or even having that desire. But how do you instill that and so you grow up in troubled communities. Youre working with a community of people trying to adjust to coming back. How do you instill that . How do you go into those communities and convince them that thats worth accomplishing and that they can accomplish it, and that theyre not sisyphus pushing a stone up a hill only to have it roll back down on them or maybe that thats okay. Yeah, i think i remember my mother told me something once where she said that a person needs to think that you care before they care what you think. And so i think the first thing is you have to show people that your level of sincerity is genuine, and you have as much a vested interest in them as they should have in you. I have been thinking about some of the people we feature and profile in the work. A woman in boston who started a business that worked at an apparel company, and the only people she employs are single women who live in poverty, from the top of the organization to the bottom of the organization, as a tribute to her mother. Or a guy named Michael Hancock who grew up in a really tough environment in denver and whose only definition of success was leaving denver jon i hear that from a lot of people. Its a wonderful city. Its a great city. So Michael Hancock, whose definition of success was leaving denver, is currently the mayor of denver. He realized that sometimes the thing that youre most afraid of the thing that gives you the most pain is actually the thing you need to run to with all of your might, and thats where you find your joy. Jon its about purpose will you stay for just a little bit . Weve got to go. But i want to talk a little bit more about specifically the programs youre working with for veterans and then how to take this to scale because i think thats the next level is how do you scale this and make it . Well come back. The work is on the bookshelves right now. Always good to see you. Such a nice man. Wes moore, get the book now. Your favorite taco bell treat. Is now a coffee. 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