The suspense is killing me. [laughing] larry its hump day. I feel randy. This is the nightly show lets do this. [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [cheers and applause] larry woooo woooo thank you, very much. Audience larry larry thank you, very much. Welcome to the nightly show im larry wilmore. Now another president ial candidate has announced for 2016. We jump into the on going election coverage. Roll that intro. Larry ya. Wooo i can not wait, man. So, who is promising to denegrofy 1600 pennsylvania avenue now . Today i announce with gods help liberty lovers everywhere that i am putting myself forward as a candidate for president of the United States of america. [laughing] larry im putting myself forward . No one else put me forward. No it was me. Im responsible for this bad idea. Even the liberty lovers told me not to run. They refuse to put me forward. They tried to put me back. Not really sure why i gave them a shout out. So how is he selling the putting forward of himself . Paul has released his Campaign Logo and slogan. Defeat the washington machine. Unleash the American Dream. Larry unleash. Its the American Dream not the kraken. Unleash. If you want a bad ass kraken vive. How about defeat washington bloat slash washingtons vote. Come on. Oh wait. Here you go. Vote for rand paul, i will gouge your eyes out. Come on. Thats what im talking about. Thats direct. These are just suggestions. Im just putting my Campaign Slogan skills forward. What else did he say. I promote as reagan put it peace through strength. Larry okay. Hes going after the base of traditional republican. Got it what else . Searches of american phones and computers are unamerican. Larry oh wait my bad. I get this base is libertarian. Lets quit building buildings in Foreign Countries and build bridges here at home. Larry wait, is his base democratic. I see an america where criminal justice is applied equal ly and any law that incarcerates people of color is repealed. Larry wait people of color. Hes all about that base. I get it. It makes sense. I get it. Wow. So he seems to be pandering to all of these distinctly different tkproupz. Okay. My question to you rand paul who are you talking to . You know what lets check the website. Look he has everyone. Democrat, fishermen. My favorite is jewish for rand. Thats awesome. It first read jew for rand. They switched it to jewish because people got upset. Advice if youre looking at making stickers labeling jews as jews. Probably wont get a lot of takers. [laughing] larry not going to happen. So truthfully i have no idea who is guy is talking to. Here to help me sort this out is mike yard. Mike, thank you for coming to the show. Appreciate it. Mike, im trying, im trying to figure this out who do you think rand paul is talking to . Me a black man. I feel what hes serving up, larry. Larry what are you talking about . Rand paul is the new obama. Larry wait, what. Yes. By bass brother. I know its a lot to handle. Hes the first term u. S. Center. Larry like obama in o7. Hes raefpbing out to disillusions. Larry okay. And he has curly hair and a white mom. Larry okay. I didnt put that together. But, mike no, rand paul is not black. Okay. Who knows what went on a few generations back in kentucky. We dont know. Larry okay. I see what you mean its possible. I am saying he seems to give a damn about black people. Did you know in 2013 he went to Howard University and said the trust of a entire race of people was missing. Larry that took big balls. Big, maybe black balls. Larry okay. Hes pro weed. Pro gold. He said this in his speech. I will do whatever it takes to defend america from these haters. Not one penny more to these haters. Haters, larry. He said haters twice. By Inauguration Day larry i know. I dont know what to say, mike. Its it seems like a stretch. Im not sure its enough for him to get the black vote. Larry, i agree. My idea is he needs back up singers. Larry back up singers . Let me state a fact. Black people believe anything back up singers repeat. Thats science larry. Rand paul has a lot of quacked stuff. If he has fine black back up singers singing it were onboard. Larry how did you figure this out . Larry you know how many people missed the Midnight Train to georgia . Black people dont have a schedule. Larry i didnt know that. Its the same with the love train and the soul train. Same thing. Larry okay. I will bite. Larry, i can show you better than i can tell you. Lets bring out the night light. I will be rand paul. Unleash the American Dream. See. Larry nice. He makes the lame slogans pop. Here is rand pauls speech. In my vision for america any law disproportionately incarcerates peopling of color is repealed. Ray ray is coming home. We have to stop limiting kids to failing schools larry i dont know what to think mike. Martin luther king spoke two americas. He described them. Described them. As two different americas side by side. Dr. Paul loves dr. King. Larry i think i like it and see your point. It works for anything layery. You want to go to the knicks game . Larry im a lakers fan come on and get your knicks fix, come on. Larry i want to go. Its amazing. Mike and the night lights, everybody. We will be right back. Amazing. It works. Larry mmmm, they made french toast out of banana bread, then topped it with candied pecans and bananas . Its like a match made in heaven. Like bacon eggs. Oh look, bacon eggs. The new banana bread french toast slam. Dennys. Welcome to americas diner. The further you go the more interesting it gets. This is the pursuit of perfection. [cheers and applause] larry okay. Welcome back. Now obviously tonight i need to talk about what is going on in South Carolina. I want to Say Something for the record. Now last saturday a white cop in South Carolina killed a black man named walter scott. Officer slager stopped scott for a busted tail light and he ended up dead. The police say scott took slagers taser. He said he was threatened and fired his weapon. For the record this crazy black thug was attacking him. He did what he had to do. And for the record, this time we have the record. There is a cellphone video of the shooting scott tries to run away. The cop shoots him in the back five times killing him. It appears officer slager immediately began the cover up. He handcuffed scott and picked up the what looks like a taser and laid it next to scotts body. End of story, right. Another black man shot in the back by a cop. Says america filled with baseballs and a bald eagle head. Officer slager was charged with murder after the video emerged. Thats the great news. [ applause ] larry thank you. By the way thats how low the bar is right now on great news. Right. The fact that a cop who coldly murdered someone on camera faces the remote possibility of justice gives me the warm fuzzies. For the record all this good news does is makes me think how many murders are not caught on camera . Let me show you another video of citizens and police. This cop is great. Right, he has one guy pinned. Then another guy comes up. You have these drunk guys hes wrestling them. When does the gun come out . Now hes detaining two who are wielding out. This is going to turn tragic any second. White thats it . These two white guys jumped a Police Officer and theyre in a threeway standing tickle fight. The brother in South Carolina was running from the cop and hes not alive today. I said it once before. I will stop talking about this [beep] when it stops happening, for the record. We will be right back. [ applause ] [sfx squeaking brakes] uhh you do know, the experts at midas will tell you what needs fixing now and what can wait, right . Like, i dunno. Brakes . [laughs] of course i do. One of the best things about driving is being able to stop. Get up to a hundred dollars back by mail on a twoaxle brake service. Brakes. Tires. Oil. Everything. [sfx mnemonic] what do you think . When i first sit in the seat it makes me think of a bmw. I feel like im in a lexus. You would think that this was a brand new audi. Its like a luxury car. Feels kind of like an infinity. Very similar to a range rover. This is pretty high tech. Yeah it is. It reminds me of a mercedes. This is chevy . Laughing i have a new appreciation for chevy. They thought about me. I could totally rock this. This thing feels pretty boss. It looks kind of dope. Thats pretty cool. This is the jam. Pretty bomb dude. Maybe i will go chevy. Im definitely in. Larry okay. Welcome back to the show. Joining us tonight hes the cohost of about race and ceo of cultivatedwit. Com bar a bar a ton day thurston, kat timpf and bernie sanders. Were talking about rand pauls cannedcandidacy for presidency. Nobody knows what to do with him. There is the paul fringe in there. Bernie you have worked with rand is he legitimate or cray . Cray is short for cray cray. Hes legitimate candidate. Larry ya . Basically after you get through the nuances of a rand paul over ted cruise or jeb bush their views are pretty much the same. Tax breaks the billionaires, cuts for medicare medicaid. Most money for billionaire. Larry hes leg legitimate hes the republican dna. To make the rich richer and everyone else poorer. Larry okay. Rand i dont know if he fits nicely his nuances are on positions that i agree with him on. Larry he is reaching out to black people. He went to howard, tperg ferguson. I think he has a show on bet. Reaching out to the nerdy millennium and why is he going after people not likely to vote, bar a ton day . Baratunday. Hes reaching out to those left behind. The wiretapping. Thats not something they hear politicians talking to their issues in the direct way. Hes not doing what the gop hasnt done. If he reaches out to kwaeus and women maybe he can catch up. Larry one person clapping much. One person cares. Nice. Larry is rand paul feeling like the future of the Republican Party or an ab i aberration . Probably a little bit of both. I think the marijuana thing is kind of huge. Nobody has taken that and said liberal or conservative. Its not only clear it should be decriminalized but legalized. Hes taken a half step. Then jeb bush is like i smoked it myself. He wasnt maybe the coolest guy to smoke with. Larry now apparently nobody is inviting him back. Its a problem that he has its hard to reach out to women when you are antichoice. Larry huhuh. Its hard to reach out to the Gay Community when you dont support gay marriage. Larry thats going to be a problem. That surprises me. Isnt he suppose to be a libertarian. Privacy is a main issue. How can they not be prochoice . That was decided on the spry vat privacy ish you. Here is why. He wants to win in a republican primary. He saw his father. He was a extreme libertarian. People were like down with the nsa. People were like yes no more wars. Repeal the civil rights act. Yes. Chill out. Larry so hes more of a nerdatarian. Hes being careful. The twoparty system. He cant say, if he says oh, ya gay marriage, of course people are like youre ruining america on one side. Its hard. He needs to change his position. Republicans need to change their position on gay marriage. Larry you think they will change their position on gay marriage. They have to. Everyone is down with it. Larry it sucks on that issue. Obama i think that line was [beep] wha when he said i evolved. The world changed and he evolved with the world. Larry no, persony. In a sense thats what politics is about. When people change. When the country changes. Then politicians change. Many ways people lead the politicians. The term is the Major Economic issue. Middle class continues to decline. The rich get richer. We have the highest rate of childhood poverty of any country larry thats happening for democrats and republicans. Thats happening on both sides. I think a lot of people think nobody is looking out for us. Is he cracking open here. Are you cracking open the door, youre an independent . We came from the west coast. We have people supporting a progressive agenda. That says the Government Works for all of the people and not just the people on top. [cheers and applause] larry we dont have progresses. Thats not true. We do. Progressive agenda says like European Countries many of them tuition in colleges should be free. [cheers and applause] larry right. Thats something rand paul would never support. There is something about his appeal to black people thats worth an extra note. The bar is low for republicans talking to black people. Larry yes. Talking to black people is a huge thing. When you go from the party officially endorsing your president isnt a citizen. You talk to mexico about sealing the border only. The rhetoric is we dont want you. For him to go to detroit and sit in the same room with black people is a big deal. [laughing] larry you know, for republicans to sit with black people. Hes the only one trying to do this. Hes trying. Thats something. Larry he will get punished for reaching across the isle. Yes. Everyone hates him. I feel like ahhh. You want to hug rand paul. Ya i do want to hug him. Thats another discussion. [laughing] larry alright. On that note one last thing. Were going to keep it one hundred. A quick one. Time for one. Keep it one hundred. You have to keep is one hundred percent real. Where is my little thing. Keep it one hundred. There we go. Im giving you bernie, i have a question for you. There is tea to throw at bernie. I want to throw something at senator bernie. Larry bernie, youre the only one im asking. Okay. Larry one question. This is the keep it a hundred question. I know what it is. Are you running for president . You can announce it on the nightly show keep it one hundred. Let me say this. [laughing] i am giving serious thoughts and if we can demonstrate that we have a whole lot of people willing to stand up and fight. Raising a reasonable amount of money i would run for president. Larry that sounds like a yes. Bernie is keeping it one hundred. We will be right back announcer if youre in new york city come see the show. Go to introducing, new cheezit crunchd so its all about firsts. Crunchd is cheezits first ever puffed up crunch made with 100 real cheese. Its the first time cheezit is in the chip aisle. And its the first time. [cheese] laughing [cheese] no go ahead. Ice bank mice elf. [cheese] laughing ice bank mice elf . [cheese] yeah you do, because youve been a bad, bad boy. We take the time for our cheese to mature in our new cheezit crunchd. Doug, we have the results, but first, we have a very special guest. Come on out, flo [house band playing] you have anything to say to flo . Nah, ill just let the results do the talking. [crowd booing] well, he can do that. We show our progressive direct rate and the rates of our competitors even if progressive isnt the lowest. It looks like progressive is not the lowest ohhhh when we return well find out whether doug is the father. Wait, what . Get ready to be obsessed. Sweetarts soft and chewy ropes. With no artificial flavors or colors. New from sweetarts. Wanna get roped in . Ahh, nothing like the peace and quiet of a beach escape. Funny, there was no mention of hail in the weather report. Go smell the roses. [cheers and applause] larry thats all the time we have for tonight. I want to thank our panelists. Finally tonight a reminder i will host this show tomorrow night in spandex. Thats right. Spandex. No, those are the rules. March madness, boner time tournament. Guys, im halfy about this. I want to thank you at home for the spandex solidarity. I feel less alone. Thank you to the wrestlers and true american patriots super heros and expectant mothers and even a race horse. [laughing] larry keep the photos coming with the spandexsolidarity. If youre come to the show tomorrow feel free to wear spandex. You will walk away with a special keep it one hundred sticker. Good night everyone. dramatic music playing