cheers and applause thats right. Its the first time late nights gone black to black. cheers and applause yeah ben carson continues talking bleep about muslims, and i continue not giving a bleep about ben carson. cheers and applause and jeb bush says that democrats appeal to black voters by offering them free stuff. Hey, jeb, this black voter wants to give you something for free. cheering time to keep it 100, america this is the nightly show cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central thank you very much chanting larry thank you very much please be seated welcome to the nightly show. Such great crowd it is unbelievable how many people showed up for keishas birthday today cheers and applause i cant believe it she got the whole Merchant Marine Academy to come out for her birthday unbelievable. Love some keisha we have lots to cover tonight so lets get to it. Its time for our ongoing election coverage to find out who will denegrofy the white house. laughter or as we call it, the unblackening 2016. cheering first up, a scary moment at a Carly Fiorina event in texas yesterday. Carly fiorina whoa everybodys okay. Everybodys okay. Larry the curtain literally fell on her campaign. I mean, come on, metaphor gods. That was a little on the nose. And of course, it really didnt help that fiorinas entrance music was this. yakety sax sound alike not a good idea. She didnt think that one through. I just want to point out for all you carlyfiorinahatingonplanned parenthood fans out there this stage collapse was completely unplanned. Now, there was a chance she could have aborted the event but she went ahead with it, and this was her choice. audience reacts i just want to be clear about that. Once again, thank you, metaphor gods. Thank you very much. Now, Carly Fiorina isnt the only candidate Whose Campaign seems to be collapsing. Jeb exclamation point who probably needs to become jeb question mark was asked una pregunta muy dificil on how he is going to get black people to vote for him. Our message is one of hope and aspiration. Larry hope and aspiration okay. Not as catchy as hope and change. But aspiration, ironically, is a very popular black name. Lot of people dont know this. True. laughter yo, aspiration you coming . I dont make this up. All right, so hes sort of on point. But unfortunately, he continued to talk. Our message is one of hope and aspiration. It isnt one of division and get in line and well take care of you with free stuff. Larry what . audience reacts black people vote so they can get free stuff . The only time black people would have voted for free stuff would have been for abraham lincoln. When the stuff they wanted to be free was themselves. cheers and applause that makes sense all right. Okay. Okay. Look all right. Maybe he misspoke. But he got a chance for a doover with Chris Wallace on his sunday show or as we say in the fake news business, a fox mulligan. We need to make our case to africanamerican voters and to all voters that an aspirational message fixing a few big complex things will allow people to rise up. Thats what people want. They dont want free stuff. Larry you just said it again laughter racist Word Association thats going on in your head . You hear black voters and you just think free stuff . Its like hes playing heads up he holds up his phone, somebody yells black voters, and he guesses free stuff laughter anyway, this guy has a lot of nerve accusing black voters of demanding free stuff when this country was built on the backs of free black labor. applause all right . If memory serves, white southerners had quite an appetite for free stuff, too. But forget slavery, or dont. But let me ask you a question, jeb exclamation point. I dont want to say youre out of touch, but do you think its possible that you might have a huge color blindspot . Tell me what is your opinion on racism in this country . I dont think people are inherently racist in this country. In fact, i think that we have a pretty noble tradition of the opposite. audience reacts larry noble tradition of the opposite . Thats like getting a positive herpes test but telling your girlfriend, dont worry, baby i have a noble tradition of the opposite. laughter no, you have a noble s. T. D. , and you should really get some valtrex. But these are all off the cuff remarks. And those can be taken out of context. So what are jeb bushs thoughts on race when hes had a minute to think about it, taken the time to write something down reread it, sent it to a publisher, done two rounds of copyediting, then published it in, say, a 1996 book called profiles in character . Since the 1960s, the politics of victimization has steadily intensified. Being a victim gives rise to certain entitlements, benefits and preferences in society. Many of the modern victim movements the gay rights movement, the feminist movement, the black Empowerment Movement have attempted to get people to view themselves as part of a Smaller Group deserving of something from society. This is not a gaffe. This is how jeb bush really feels. He thinks the systemic oppression of black people by White America is a black strategy. That in the 1950s, black people had meetings to try to be more victimy like we are not getting nearly segregated enough out there and how do we get the police to beat us more . We need ideas, people who said dogs . Who said dogs . Snrrvetle water hoses very good this is how we enter the 1960s, people look, i have been working hard my whole life. My parents told me i had to work twice as hard for half as much. Thats been my mentality, and that is the mentality for many black americans. It is not that we think of ourselves as victims who deserve your handouts. Its that we know we have to work our asses off to overcome a system that for decades has institutionalized ways to keep us out of society. So the idea that black people are strategizing to get anything for free out of this country is insulting. Exclamation point. Well be right back. cheers and applause theres a network that never stops improving. Thats grown faster than any other, covering nearly every american. And these geese. But its not who you think. Squawk its tmobile. Our new extended range lte signal reaches twice as far. And is four times better in buildings. Think you know our lte coverage . Think again see for yourself at tmobile. Com coverage for over 30 years, in study after study, advil is unsurpassed in pain relief. Nothing is proven stronger on aches and pains than advil. Not tylenol. Not aleve. Nothing. Relief doesnt get any better than this. Advil. Mornings. Wonderful, crazy mornings. We figure you probably dont have time to wait on hold. Thats why at xfinity were hard at work building new apps like this one that lets you choose a time for us to call you. So instead of waiting on hold, well call you when things are just as wonderful. [phone ringing] but a little less crazy. Were doing everything we can to give you the best experience possible. Because we should fit into your life. Not the other way around. cheers and applause larry welcome back. Man, so today there was a big announcement about mars. There is water on mars. Yes cheers and applause larry im so excited now, you guys know how much of a space fan i am. I would love to talk about this. But here at the nightly show, our attention has been drawn to a more earthly and seemingly underreported news trend men have been shooting themselves in the dick. laughter lets take a look with our new segment. Dick blowoff blowout brought to you by scotts grass seed. Just because you shot off your dick doesnt mean you cant have a nice lawn. Scotts. laughter okay. Thank you, scotts. The trend started with a guy in south dakota. He shot himself in the dick while trying to purchase a gun illegally. And since he was involved in illegal activity, he made up a story about getting robbed and blamed the shooting on a black guy. But it turned out the one black guy in south dakota was visiting relatives in chicago. laughter so, like his dick, this guys story had an extra hole. audience reacts true. Im not making this up. Then, last week, another incident in washington state. A man, tripping balls on meth, thought his neighbor was under attack from imaginary mexicans. So when he tried to kick in the door, the gun in his waistband went off and the bullet lodged in his nut sack. audience reacts mmm. Now, technically, getting shot in the nut sack is not the same as getting shot in the dick i get that. But its dickadjacent. Its definitely squarely in the area where men dont want weapons going off. It counts these are all true stories guys. Then, just this past Weekend Police approached a brooklyn man who was urinating in the street. When the man tried to get rid of the gun in his waistband, he lost something else. His lifelong streak of not firing hot lead into his weiner. Man, what is going on here . Here to help me understand this trend, please welcome the nightly show contributors mike yard and ricky velez. Hey guys cheers and applause larry guys, whats wrong . Mike shot in the what . Oh no, larry i yeah, he got shot in the i just threw up in my mouth larry okay. Then lets go to the nightly show contributor holly walker. applause holly, what do you think of this trend . Holly its fantastic laughter finally, were going to have gun control cheers and applause larry wait. Gun control . What do you mean . Holly youve heard the phrase the way to a mans heart is through his stomach . Larry uh, yeah . Holly so maybe the way to gun control is through the fleshy stump where a mans dick used to be. Larry wait, holly. You honestly feel like these horrible accidents are going to help the Gun Control Movement . I dont understand. Holly larry, congress cant wrap their heads around mass shootings, no matter how tragic. What they can wrap their heads around is that theres a possibility that they could shoot off their own dicks. Larry so youre hoping congress will do something if enough men shoot off their own dicks . Holly yep thats my current strategy. Larry how is that your strategy . Youre at a shooting range holly larry, i cant shoot off actual ds. Im not an animal. But after shooting a few rounds at paper dicks, ive cleared this place out. Larry but im not sure that will make much of an impact. There are a lot of men with guns out there. Holly were moving in the right direction, larry. And think about it each man who shoots off his dick cant have kids which means fewer people growing up to have guns. cheers and applause larry makes sense. I cant argue with that holly yeah thats progress now, if you will excuse me, i have some paper wangs to shred. Larry all right. Holly walker, everybody. Well be right back. cheers and applause man hmm. What do you think . stranger good mornin store p. A. attention shoppers, theres a lost couple in the mens department. vo theres a great big unkhaki world out there. Explore it in a subaru crosstrek. Love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. Everyone needs protein every day. There are more than 20,000 different proteins in the human body. They fuel our Energy Support our metabolism amplify our performance and recovery. Theyre essential for good health. Your bodys best source for protein . Gnc. Now get the worlds best protein formulas at an astounding price. Buy any gnc protein powder and get 1 half off. Everyone needs protein every day. And now all gnc protein powders are buy 1, get 1 half off. Only at gnc. Howdy america. You notice Something Different about me . Exactly, new briefcase. And this is my new 20 family fill up meal. You can fill up your entire family with a delicious hand prepared meal. For just 20. Hard to believe, but believe. Isnt that right family of four that lives in the back of my limo . Yup were filled up. Yup were filled up. Yup were filled up. Yup they sure did get filled up. Its Finger Lickin good. cheers and applause larry welcome back. Im here with my panel. The nightly show contributor rory albanese, the nightly show contributor mike yard, and hes a prominent activist with the black lives matter movement, deray mckesson. cheers and applause and for everyone at home join our conversation right now on twitter nightlyshow under the hashtag tonightly. Okay. Lets get started. At a Campaign Event last week, jeb bush was asked how he planned to appeal to black voters. This is what he said. Our megs is one of hope and aspiration. It isnt one of division and get in line and well take care of you with free stuff. Larry okay. What kind of free stuff does jeb think were getting . Thats what i want to know. I dont know. I guess i have been black listed from the black list because i aint never got bleep . Im waiting for some free stuff. I wanted to let you guys know you can keep these mugs. Dont worry about it laughter no, i know its going to come off, i just wanted to get it out of the way. I was going to keep it anyway laughter larry it seems to me there is a view that black people think the United States is best buy and were just waiting to loot it. Yeah, you know, jebs comment acts like history doesnt exist. Free means you havent gotten stuff you havent paid for and he comes from a legacy he hasnt earned the stuff that he has. cheers and applause larry its something to hear that from a guy whose father and brother was president. And the word stuff is the meaning its almost like free stuff is a tshirt cannon. Its like, yeah, ive got a dream stuff is so demeaning. Larry its like, civil rights was for something free. Yeah, but like for headphones. Larry materialistic. I never watched a black protest and heard, no free stuff, no peace, bleep usuallyusually asking for expensive bleep like justice. cheers and applause larry why do you think thats such a kneejerk response that black voters are lumped into that one category . Black voters tend to overwhelmingly vote on one side. I mean the last election youve got a black president , sorry, thats just not going to happen with black people voting for someone else. But why do you think theres a knee jerk response to vote all black voters into one class . Weve seen from republicans is they havent talked about race behind immigration. They talk as if history didnt exist. They start history where they want to and they erase where people paid with their lives. Nothing is free. All the people who died while they have been enslaved and anybody else wouldnt say any of it has been free. Larry youve met with some of the candidates, right . Weve met with bernie. Well with meeting with hillary as soon as hopefully with the staff from the rnp as well. Larry have you ever heard of empire . laughter listen to any rap song, you will see how aspirational there are. On the rap songs, we have everything in the world, my yacht, my mansion laughter i feel like were all on the same page. Larry yeah exactly. So i think, honestly, the the the funniest thing is how america doesnt have inherent racism. I can tell you its so much easier being a white guy. This is, like the magician like white people will be like ooh, dont say it no, definitely youre right. I feel like jeb those guys should probably hang out with people outside their circle. I feel like i get pulled over and the police are just checking on me you okay . Yeah, feel good i never felt like that. laughter you feel safe . Eah, i feel pretty good i dont have a license. Oh you dont need a license hanging out in the yard and talking with people who have actually had experiences. You know, you talk about the history of the country, the whole history of the country is we got here and slaughtered the people who lived here and stole from other people to build all our bleep . And no racism . What are you talking about . The whole thing is racism. But jeb bush cant win the republican nomination by saying nice stuff about black people. Do you remember when john mccain tried to call barack a decent family man . People were like what how dare you what about when Chris Christie hugged president obama during hurricane sandy, its like hes out you dont hug a black man on television cant be president cheers and applause i blew it, i blew it. Ts not just a color thing. Ben carson is surging in the polls observe on the republican side. I dont know what thats about. I think they keep him around for entertainment. He talks about god family and country. Its god till its poor people and family till its same sex and country till it involves black people. applause larry i think there is not an understanding of what the issues are. Some people try to knock down the slogan black lives matter by saying all lives matter. As far as sentences go yes. laughter by the way, that looks terrible on a tshirt. Exactly im doing a study on two and two plus two equals four. Yeah, larry, but eight minus four equals four. Im not talking about 80s and fours, im talking about twos and fours. Whats up with that . If all lives matter, we wouldnt be in the streets, right . If black people didnt have to fight for their rights like this, we wouldnt be here. We know its like an ahistorical way of thinking of justice in this country. All lives havent mattered. Larry what do you think the difference is of seeing the perspective. I hate when people say im color blind. Sometimes you should see the differences. Im not saying you should have negative views but there are differences which have made certain team go down certain roads. Thats the weirdest part. Youre about keeping it 100. We have toe still convince republicans racism is real and convince people Global Warming is real we cant fix it because we still have to convince you it exists. Thats a huge waste of time. Larry well be right back. cheers and applause hey, whats up troy . Okay, that it . Thatll do it. Excuse me. Hey, man. Huge fan, man. Oh, thank you. All the touchdowns. And the wins. And the passes. Yeah, you know, i dont like to dwell in the past. But thank you. [ cell phone ringtone ] aikman, touchdown unbelievable aikman, touchdown unbelievable aikman, touchdown unbeliev ends abruptly i dwell in the past. I would, too. I dont blame you. Okay. As long as you are you its miller time. Its here the most advanced iphone yet. Get the new iphone 6s at tmobile. The network thats double its lte coverage in the past year. Our new extented range lte™ signal now reaches twice as far as before. And its 4x better in buildings. Want more . Get the lowest price on iphone 6s with tradein. Zero upfront and just 5 bucks a month with jump on demand™ get it now at tmobile. Sure, tv has evolved over the years. Its gotten squarer. Brighter. Bigger. Its gotten thinner. Even curvier. But whats next . For all binge watchers. Movie geeks. Sports freaks. X1 from xfinity will change the way you experience tv