cheers and applause larry yeah man what a great crowd. Thank you very much. Thank you, i appreciate it. You know that means a lot. You know that means a lot to me, especially on a special day like today, 65th birthday, you guys. And not only that, theres a gentleman up top who is going to buy beers for everybody. cheers and applause i think its fantastic. So and weve got a great show for you tonight, too. Oh, and also before we go any further i want to acknowledge a very special anniversary today not the 30th anniversary of the birth of miewno mars. Which is still not a National Holiday in this racist country. Im talking about laughter respect im talking about something a little more depressing. Video from october 7, 2001. Thats the day the u. S. Began its assault, the war in afghanistan against the taliban and al qaeda. Exactly 14 years later to the day. Larry 14 years my god, this war is officially a teenager. laughter this war now has two things to worry about never ending and having its mom walk in when its jerking off. Afghanistan oh, man no, no, no applause yeah. Now, theres this concern out there that weve gotten completely numb to the horrors of war. But try to be numb to Something Like this. According to Doctors Without Borders, its hospital in northern afghanistan came under repeated, direct attack on saturday from a u. S. A. C. 130 gunship. 12 staff and 10 patients, including three children, were killed. Larry what . I mean, we bombed a hospital . How does Something Like this even snap and whos responsible for this . Senator, this is the fourth time in four days that the pentagon has changed their story tho attack. At first they didnt know if the hospital was hit. Then they had thaidz it was an accident. Then they said it was called in by the afghans, and now general campbell telling your committee the airstrike was called in by u. S. Special operations forces. Should they have handled this whole thing better . Larry yes they should have oh, my god, did a human really ask that question to another human . laughter let me see if ive got this clear American Forces started bombing before we had the information on what it was we were bombing. Maybe thats a detail you want to nail down before dropping cruise missiles on buildings. At the very least do a google earthpass. laughter , i mean, this is a really bleep problem. The old bomb first ask questions Later International policy is how we got into this mess in the first place. applause its true. And the bottom line is, the Afghan People deserve to get the medical care they so desperately need. Afghans deserve to go to a hospital and expect the same basic results as americans to go in for a minor procedure sp then die of a staph infection a week later. Thats what we get. Thats what we get. But yesterday, the president acknowledged mistake and placed a personal call to do,s without borders. This morning from the oval office, president obama spoke by telephone with Doctors Without BordersInternational President dr. Joanne liu to apologize and express his condolences to the m. S. F. Staff and painters who were killed and injured when a u. S. Military airstrike mistakenly struck an m. S. F. Field hospital over the weekend. Larry ill tell you what, as long as the United States is apologizing, president obama, could you grab bush and everybody who has been in government for the past 14 years to apologize to everybody in the whole bleep world for being over there in the first place . cheers and applause lets move on. I cant even talk about this. But if you were turning to social media for a little lighthearted cat meme toy make you feel before better after that last story. I have bad news. Rupert murdoc Rupert Murdochy apologizing this morning for a tweet he posted last night about ben carson and president obama. It read, ben and candy carson are terrific. What about a real black president who can properly address the racial divide and much else. Larry hold on, hold on, now. Lets unpack this 140character putt down from the nearly 140yearold character. laughter lets examine it. What about a real black president who can properly address the racial divide . Now, i havent seen that much racism packed into one vehicle since amistad came to america. cheers and applause seriously. So let me see if i understand this. So he blames one black man for not properly addressing the racial divide and he does it by racially dividing him with another black man. Well done, sir. Mwa brilliant, brilliant move there, sir. Well done applause all right. So let me break this down. Another ill tell you, lets start with real black. There are a few things that are real black an 8ball, the dead of night what . laughter and the bleep definition white people made up to subjugate an entire group of people. Its applause cheers it is called it is called the onedrop rule. And if you look at wikipedia, which is my source for everything, laughter it will tell you any person with even one ancestor, subsaharan ancestry, one drop of black blood is said to be black. If you look at blackipedia, it says go bleep yourself. Blackipedia blackipedia, a lot more confies soois. In other words, that one drop meant you were contaminate asked you were then subject to all the horrible laws that come with it. You know what im talking about. Jim crow. bird crowing . Larry man, jim crow is scary. The reason murdoch thinks carson is the real black person is because carson is his brand of black person. Let me say, if carson becomes president , i will move to fiji and create my own brand of water called miji. cheers and applause and, apparently, ill go on an unbelievable diet and, two, murdoch and his ilk will probably declare that racism is officially over and the real black president will agree with him, and i will drown myself in my miji which i cant afford. My own miji is very expensive, you guys. The second point, also, is why is it up to black people to heal the racial divide . How do you think the racial divide started . We didnt enslave ourselves or. cheers and applause that didnt happen. We or come up with jim crow so we could live on the margins of society. Did you mak think the whole lyng was a prank we came up with what got out of control . Sorry, that didnt start by us, either. That cause the racial divide. Why is it up to us to heal it. You had 43 president s to clean up that exphes now theres a brother in the white house, and youre handing him a mop . You can kiss my black ass. Well be right back. cheers and applause nothing like a good, quick meal to bring two people together. Campbells skillet sauces. Ready in under 20 minutes. Campbells. Made for real, real life. Now with the new paper mate inkjoy 2in1 stylus pen, you can bring joy to your tablet and your writing. The new 2in1 paper mate inkjoy stylus pen. Thank you so much. Did you say honey . Hey, try some . Mmm that is tasty. Is it real . Of course. Are you . Nope animated you know im always looking for real honey for honey nut cheerios well youve come to the right place. Great, mind if i have another taste . Not at all mmm youre all right bud . Never better i dont know if he likes that. Yeah part of the complete breakfast geico motorcycle, great rates for great rides. Whats the secret to wendys barbecue pulled pork sandwich and pulled pork cheese fries . Is it the Hickory Smoked pulled pork with the crunchy slaw . The brioche bun . Or that its topped with your choice of three Barbecue Sauces . Yes . cheers and applause . Larry welcome back. A texas mom posted on facebook that has a lot of people talking about an interesting word choice in her sons geography textbook. A line in cosby burrens ninth grade textbook got attention for the wrong reason. Capture referred to african slaves as workers. booing . Larry workers . This is insane i mean, theres a reason slave ships were called slave ships. They werent carpools. What were people thinking . But anyway, so check out what kobes mom did. Immediately, she put it on facebook, her message went viral. And forced the publisher, mcgrawhill education, to say, we made a mistake, and change the wording to describe the arrival of african slaves to the u. S. As a forced migration. Larry wait. Forced migration . laughter thats not even remotely better. It was a kidnapping. cheers and applause it was a forced migration . It was an abduction. I mean, this is a horrible misrepresenting of what actually happened and its profoundly frustrating to see history being minimalized anyway. Who wrote this textbook anyway, Rupert Murdoch . I dont understand. But mcgrawhill is changing their textbooks and this was an awesome win for this texas mom. And also an awesome win for us because shes here right now. Please welcome roni deanburren. cheers and applause thank you so much for coming to the show. Thank you im happy to be here. Larry that was such an amazing thing that happened. What was your first reaction when you saw that in your sons textbook . Well, i kind of chuckled because of his text message. I knew he was being sarcastic was, we was real hard workers, werent we . I thought it was equally ridiculous. I couldnt believe that. Larry its just amazing to me, it seems like weve reported on some stories. Do you think theres some soft selling on some of the bad parts of American History to make kids feel better . Whats going on there . I absolutely believe that. I believe we want to tell these stories can we want to soften them. Its almost like we want to write history with a pencil instead of a bleeding pen. And you cant do that. applause larry right. But its like theyre going to hurt their feelings if we tell the truth. Like we dont want to tell them they were slaves and we kidnapped them. Yes, you did. Larry it makes us better to know the truth, right . Thats right. Larry knowing those truths helps you move past it. I think its important for us to see who we were as a country to see where we came from sowe we didnt start off were sort of obsessed with the idea of american exceptional itch, that were perfect and the bottom line is we have some ugliness in our part, too, and we need to own it. cheers and applause . Larry absolutely. So true. And all of us were involved in the past. But all of us are involved in making a better future, too. How important do you think it is for parent to be vigilant with their kids education and that type of thing . Oh, my gosh. It is everything. Every piece of paper that comes home. Every assignment. I mean, big through that backpack. Make it your business to find out what they were teaching them every single day. cheers and applause larry absolutely. And to mcgrawhills credit, they are going to change this and what are they, like put some stickers yeah, were going to do stickers is apparently the new thing. I guess teacher teachers are suo take time out of their day and stick books. I dont know what that is supposed to look like. Larry covering up information that got them in trouble in the first place. No more stickers. Larry what i think you and your son have done is really, really superb, and we wanted to give you a great example something to remind you of the vigilance and we are presenting you with the the nightly show award. Well be rig jet. Com is here. The smart way to save on pretty much anything. Its the biggest thing in shopping since. Credit cards. And all you do, is sign. With jet. Com, you can save on pretty much anything. Its the biggest thing in shopping since, shopping. So what have you got . Thats some next level stuff right there. Nfl bistro chairs huh . No . Your order number is two. This is kinda cumbersome. I guess my question is, why . To see a great idea go to courtyard. Com for your chance to wake up in the stadium on super bowl sunday. Courtyard. Official hotel of the nfl. Dont hurt yourself. Whoa, whoa. I just want to take a vacation. Redeem our hotel points. This seems crazy. Tell us something we dont know, captain obvious. Ok. With hotels. Com, when you collect 10 nights you get one free. Oh. And this room smells like cat food and sadness. Im here with my panel. Nightly show contributor, jordan carlos. His new documentary call me lucky is available now on iitunes and out on dvd october 13. Comedian and director. Bobcat goldthwait. And shes host of the youtube series, stare at shannon, one of our buddyses, comedian shannon devido. And for everyone at home, join our conversation right now on twitter nightlyshow using the hashtag tonightly. I was talking earlier about the Rupert Murdoch tweet saying ben carson would be a real black president. Oh, boy. Larry what do you think he meant by real black president . I dont know how black he wanted, you know, the president to be. Samuel jackson, another president jackson which would be kind of awesome. Every time he got on air force one it would be like there better be no bleep on this bleep plane. Whats in your wallet . When you hear real black, what does that when i hear a white guy say that, its usually a red flag. I go, like, oh, i gotta get out of this conversation really quick. Hes a real black i dont really want to hear Rupert Murdoch weighing in on who or what anybody is. Except if theyre an internationally known phone hacker like himself. Larry exactly. applause it get me how much energy is spent trying to unpack obamas identity. You know, he wasnt born here. Hes a secret muslim. Now hes not even black. I know, right . Its like whatever fit the episode that day is what they want him to be. One day hes not black enough. The next day hes malcolm x. Wharf makes the episode work on real housewyches fox news that day. By the way he didnt know his dad. In america, it dont get no blacker. Larry also, ben carc ofns talking about popeyes. He said the Popeyes Organization. No black guy says Popeyes Organization. He purchased a ticket. Larry lets get biscuits from the Popeyes Organization. Nobody says that. You can put it in my satchel, that will be great. Larry shannon, i know youve dealt with issues of people trying to define who are you, right . You were talking about that. You would be surprised how many people ask how black i am. Its surprising. Its surprising. But, yeah, you know, when people with disabilities are often portrayed as sick or sadless and hopeless. People dont think i leave my house, let alone have a college degree. It often ends with me at paneara fighting with people whether or not i i can open the door by myself. I got it no you dont yes, i do. Larry why is it up to black people to heal this racial divide . How come you guys cant do it . Yeah, bobcat. Answer, answer un, at the middleaged white guy meeting last night in fresno. In fresno. At the Popeyes Organization laughter . We were talking about the Popeyes Organization. , yeah, i dont understand why it is strange. Not to make everything about me, but im about to. Larry thats okay. I got hit by t. M. Z. , and they go they were going theyre going to reboopt police academy. Dont you think the original cast should be in it . And i was like, no, a lot of them are dead. And i said i said, if were going to, you know, reboot it they should do what they did to 21 jump street and make it a comedy this time. Oh your move gutty. Im bringing this up because what i said that didnt make the broadcast is i said do you think this is a good time to be making movies about whacky policemen . Theyre killing civilians now. Yeah, so i dont think you got real black on them. Di. Larry there you go. Now it all makes sense. Do you think anybody would say Something Like, we should have a real woman in there instead of Hillary Clinton . Would somebody say that. What say real woman . Do you have 25 hours . Well, i gotta tell you, my mind went to a whole bunch of different places when he said, real woman. Larry what do you think of when you think real woman . I did immediately have a very sexist image pop in my head at that moment and it was wasnt pleasant. It was hillary in a boustierre. It really was. Thats really what happened in my head. Larry and saying the president is a real bleep . No one has a problem with that. Nobody has any issue with that. Its a lot of victim blaming you know what im saying . And to quote a white person eye never thought i would do this. Larry you never thought you would quote a white guy . Not on this topic. Not on this topic. But we did not start the fire. Is has always bun burning since, what, the world has been turning. Larry our greatest poet of all time. What is the worst real . The worst real. Larry yeah, like bernie sanders, hes not a real jewish. Hes not hes not a real socialist. I bet there are some socialists complaining about that. I bet if you called my musical taste real nickel backy, i would get really offended, real emotional. And that and really racist. When people say, hes really racist. Hes racist but hes not really racist. Like, there are people in my family that are really racist. I dont want to meet the people in your family that are slightly racist. Larry okay, were really over time. So well be right back. cheers and applause to feel this special. You need to eat this special. I love it kelloggs special k. Made with whole grains and fiber. To help a body thrive. I love it folic acid and vitamin d. To make a body feel this good. Start your day with 150 nourishing calories. In a bowl of special k. I love it eat special, feel special. Discover more ways to eat special. With special k. This is not a couch. This is where the whole squad gets cray cray. Where one more episode means all the rest of the episodes. Where we whistle explosion and crush pizza rolls. This is not a couch. This is an act of freedom. So sit back, and watch me fly a pizza roll into my mouth while this dog watches. One blood mary served at a perfect 98. 6 degrees. Some drinks are hardly refreshing. Naw dowg, im good. This party is dead. I love it. Redds wicked apple and new black cherry. Refreshingly hard. Wow mary, is like, every mom from the neighborhood here . 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