cheers and applause larry thank you very much welcome welcome to the nightly show. audience chanting larry oh, thank you very much we dont have a lot of time, guys old lives matter. laughter we found that out. Thank you. laughter i got it so wrong. Well, all lives matter. I said old lives matter, larry come early, you will find out whats going on. laughter of course, theres lots of Big Convention news to talk about, so lets see whats happening with the unblackening. screaming so Hillary Clinton officially accepted the democratic nomination for president tonight. We taped this before she officially accepted it, so theres still a chance that it didnt happen. I dont know hillary that well. There is still a. 0009 chance that she doesnt want to be president , so dont tell me what happened. No spoilers. Well have more on that tomorrow. laughter but the convention started off last night if the same way i started off every morning with some good oldfashioned trump slams. Donald trump is such a moral disaster. The richest thing about donald trump is his hypocrisy. The donald is not really a plans guy. He has no clue about what makes america great. Actually, he has no clue, period. cheers and applause larry i got one, i got one hes stupid. laughter cheers and applause i got another one hes still stupid. But the slams werent just coming from the stage, they were also going at the stage. For example, look what happened to leon panetta, not to be confused with his paninimaking cousin, leon panera. laughter youve got to try his bread unbelievable. Dictators from Saddam Hussein to vladimir putin. Crowd no more war no more war no more war larry so the crowd was yelling no more war. Now, the audience wasnt happy with panetta because, as former c. I. A. Director and defense secretary, many of the progressives blame him for escalating drone strikes, such as the one that was recently responsible for the deaths of at least 73 innocent people in syria. sigh but lets get back to the fun stuff joe biden, in a moment of uncensored anger, let out an expletive that somehow was not bleeped by the network. He cares about the middle class . Give me a break. Thats a bunch of malarkey larry gasp he said the mword . laughter how am i supposed to explain that to my kids, or anyone who was not born before 1920 . Hmm . But the speech of the night belonged to president obama, who did his typical soaring rhetoric with call and response, though some of the response to the call was a little odd. And thats why we can take the food and music and holidays and styles of other countries and blend it into something uniquely our own. Heckler gumbo laughter applause larry gumbo . how much do you want to be a part of this speech . Like gumbo, right, mr. President . Like gumbo were on the same page youre not going the speech with him, calm down. laughter but obama did more than describe Cajun Seafood stews. He also reminded them of a very important task. And then there is donald trump. Dont boo. audience booing vote. applause larry vote dont boo . Ill tell you who wont like that ghosts. laughter in fact, weve just received a formal statement from ghosts on behalf of the entire ghost community, im offended that our president would tell us not to boo. Saying boo is how we make a living as apparitions of the dead. Moreover, we cannot vote, on account of the whole dead thing. So, president obama, please stop taking jobs away from hard working american ghosts. applause boo. Boo. Obama made it clear to the audience how he really felt about his bestie, Hillary Clinton. I can say with confidence there has never been a man or a woman not me, not bill, nobody more qualified than Hillary Clinton to serve as president of the United States of america. cheers and applause larry man whoo man move over, gayle king, because hillary officially has the best black friend ever laughter last night wasnt just about saying goodbye to obama, it was also about saying hello to tim kaine or should i say hola, senor kaine . The best compliment that you could pay to somebody was to say that they were listo. Ready. Not inteligente smart. Not amable friendly. Not rico rich. But listo. Listo is it just me or does tim kaine seem like a laidback middle School Teacher . laughter doesnt he . applause hey guys check it out, guys the only homework this weekend is to have fun fiesta but some had a problem with this white man who was speaking the language of el diablo. Hillary clinton, instead of choosing a latino, she chose an old white man who speaks spanish. That is a slap in the face to hispanic americans. Larry are you kidding . Hispanic americans love slaps in the face. Its what 90 of telenovelas are about. applause all right . Got it . Dont be telling me. No, angry trump lady, as far as latinos are concerned, this is more of a slap in the face. When mexico sends its people, theyre not sending their best. Theyre bringing drugs. Theyre bringing crime. Theyre rapists. Larry and angry trump ladys not alone. This blondeito on cnn shared her univision. Im hoping im not going to have to kind of start brushing up back on my dora the explorer to understand some of the speeches given this week. Larry brushing up on dora the explorer . You mean learning about maps and thieving weasels . Whats wrong with speaking another language . For her thoughts, we turn to nightly show contributor and resident latina grace parra. cheers and applause thank you, larry. What the bleep is so wrong with people learning a second language . Is it because that language is spanish . We really dont want to think our politicians are smart enough to speak another language . Look, if trump started to break out into a little german, i get it, that would be terrifying. laughter but were talking about our neighbor, mexico. We share a border with them nobody gets upset when americans just break out in canadian laughter larry grace, i dont think thats a language. You dont know what youre talking aboot, larry. laughter of course, it is, eh . Larry grace, that was horrible. Callate, lorenzo slaps larry look, are we so nonaspirational that we have to continually declare war on knowing things . Even the pide piper of the even the pide piper of the uneducated himself, donald trump, is married to a woman who speaks many languages slovenian, english, french, serbian, german and Michelle Obama. cheers and applause larry once again, grace, i dont think Michelle Obama is a language. slaps larry we should encourage all americans to be smart and do things like learn spanish as opposed to just speaking english louder around someone who speaks spanish. Larry shes right. Very nice. Grace parra, everybody rolling rs slaps larry larry parra, right. Well be right back. O larry welcome back as i discussed on the show last night, bill oreilly had a whitehot take after Michelle Obama said in her Convention Speech that the white house was built by slaves heres how i reacted last night. Michelle obama is essentially correct in citing slaves as buildings of the white house. Builders of the white house. Slaves that worked there were wellfed and had decent lodgings provided by the government. Larry what . your takeaway about slavery is that they were wellfed . Thank you, massa oreilly for clarifying me about slavery applause i pull out my slave impression now and then for these moments. laughter well, oreilly had a full 24 hours to rethink it. Did he double down on his comments, or did he show contrition in this wake of his insensitivity . The answer. Might surprise you. small beat if you dont know who bill oreilly is. For the rest of you, heres the obvious. That commentary 100 accurate, providing context to mrs. Obamas remarks and explaining how the administration of George Washington conducted itself in the construction of the executive mansion. Larry are you kidding me . what is wrong with him . This is clearly all part of oreillys research into his new book killing sanity, because who the bleep finds the Silver Lining in savory . lining in slavery . But it brings up an interesting question is the kind of context helpful in the discussion of slavery . Well, there is only one way to get to the bottom of it an oldfashioned cable news argument. So without further adieu, heres another installment of pardon the integration. arguing larry please welcome the nightly show contributors mike yard and rory albanese. cheers and applause tonights topic oreillys white house slave comments. Rory, you will start by taking oreillys side and, mike, you will argue against. Mike no, no, no. This is time, i want to start by taking the bad side. Okay . Yep. Because whenever we do this, i start by taking the sensible position and rory takes the ignorant position. Then we switch and at the end of the segment with me taking the controversial side, and you two say im a dick. So, no, this time, im going to start by taking the crazy position. Larry mike, we dont do yes, you do. Every time. Larry okay, okay, mike. You know we love you. Sure, well try it that way. Thank you. Rory fine with me. Mike not falling for this crap again. Larry okay, mike, so tell us why bill oreilly was right. Begin mike well, oreilly was simply pointing out the fact that not all slaves were treated that badly. Thats it rory jesus, mike i cant even believe you said that. Larry yeah, mike, what the bleep . Whats wrong with you . Mike no, no, thats not how this works rory larry, i dont want to do this anymore. It just feels icky. Larry i agree, lets just end this. And the winner is rory because mike is totally fine with slavery and loves bill oreilly. Rory oh, thank you. Id like to dedicate my decisive victory to the descendents of slaves. Larry awwww, rory. Mike i dont believe this bleep . Larry this has been a heartbreaking episode of pardon the integration. Mike yard and rory albanese, everybody well be right back. cheers and applause whoo oh, dont worry it. They cant hear me. Im just in your head. announcer vo no matter how you use your data verizons got your back. Introducing the new verizon plan. Now get 30 more data. No surprise overages. And keep the data you dont use. All on americas best network. We put our energy into dgiving it the bold,. Rich taste of real starbucks espresso with a hint of cream. So you can put your energy, where it really counts. Starbucks doubleshot espresso. Real life energy. [h avy sigh] real meal for five bucks. Real meal for five bucks. Real meal for five bucks. Real meal for five bucks. Real meal for five bucks. [deep breath] finger lickin, finger lickin, finger lickin. Gooooood larry hi, welcome back im here with my panel. First up, the nightly show contributor ricky velez. The nightly show contributor grace parra. cheers and applause and his new book the world according to star wars is out now, author, harvard law professor and former administrator of the White House Office of information and regulatory affairs, cass sunstein. cheers and applause and for everyone at home, join our conversation right now on twitter nightlyshow using tonightly. So right now, as were airing, probably or maybe hillary has already accepted the democratic nomination. Last night, obama threw his full support behind hillary saying she was the most qualified. Do the American People even care about qualifications right now . laughter they certainly do. Larry evidence, please. laughter the election of barack obama. Larry yes, they cared about it in 2008 and 2012 applause but they tried to use i it agait obama in that election. And did not succeed. Larry so you think they care about qualification. Absolutely. There is a difficult time in terms of people facing economic distress, there are threats. Secretary of state dealt wish shoes of Economic Policy both from the senate and the white house. People care a great deal about that. Larry youve heard of donald trump, right . The main qualification some people have is just that youre not Hillary Clinton. I feel like a bunch of republicans is all they care about as long as youre not hillary, were good. Which is so unfortunate. Shes so experienced and somebody we should be looking at and thinking i want to vote for her because shes hillary and not just someone whos not trump applause its pro trump or antitrump or less pro trump and pro hillary. Americans dont care about qualifications. You hired me on this show, a political show. laughter you dont care about qualifications. Larry well see. But you are a very funny young man. I tell big jokes, larry, thats my job. Larry its all about balance. Just looking out for my homeys laughter so do you think its going to be more of an anti you know, the message of the d. N. C. , was it more antitrump or prohillary . Completely comparative. You have one person with a record of achievements in the domestic and international preen nay. The people who love her most are those who work with her most closely. They admire her and like her. Then you have someone larry trump is opposite. Well, his family lovers him but if you get them behind closed doors, i think theyre thinking this guy should not really be president of the United States. Larry you think so . cheers and applause you know what . I think eric trump has that look in his eyes. It would have to be a closed and soundproof door. He has a tv show, the apprentice, there was a star wars theme on one episode where he was talking with darth vader, i dont think thats the qualifications even his family thinks larry you may be giving his family too much credit. laughter i dont think this is the last trump will run for president by the way. I think ivanka has it in her eyes. Larry do you think . Yeah, dont you think . I have been looking in those eyes. Yeah, i get it. laughter i will vote for that trump is hundred . Larry ivanka . Yeah i dont know the names of the other ones. laughter who knows the other trumps . Nobody. Its ivanka and donald. I know tiffany because i feel bad shes the nonivanka one. She just called her ugly in a nice way. applause builds character. No larry its so odd to me because the numbers are so close together, you know, right now. Now that were at the end of this convention, which do you think resonated with the American People more. Some of them were amazed by the republican one its like a nascar. A lot like that. laughter larry if there was somebody other than trump for the republicans would that make a difference now . I think so. If they had one of the ones who had experience, you know, Jeb Bush Larry do you think he would have a showing. I think maybe he didnt need the exclamation point. Maybe if he had two, he would be the nominee. laughter but some of the republicans, they would be formidable, they wouldnt be turning off their own party the way trump is. Trump does have a kind of tv show apprentice talktodarthvaderonair quality which the others dont but i think it would be a more serious competition in the end. Larry same or different . No, it would be different. This guys wild i would rather vote for Stonecold Steve Austin at this point. It would be amazing laughter larry now that hillary is actually the nominee, does it feel different . As a woman, it does. It feels real good. cheers and applause i also am a bernie fan, and i have to say it felt a little bittersweet. I like bernie a lot. Its been sad the last couple of days to see him its kind of tortorturous to make him sit through that hour after hour after hour larry hes never been to a party so late. laughter i feel bad because hes not going to be able to run again. I feel like they should have done, like, what they did at the end of radio the movie, where they let him run a touchdown just to have it. laughter applause larry just swear him in a little bit laughter radio, thats what we have been looking for. Well be right back if you live in new york city or are planning to visit, grab tickets to the nightly show. Im going 100 miles per hour. Jump 50 feet over the rapids and i crash land. Check out my scar. Theres nothing there you didnt jump the creek theres a new neosporin antibiotic that minimizes scars. New neosporin plus pain itch scar hi. Hey. Youre that guy from verizon who switched to sprint. I used to ask if you could hear me now, but its 2016. And Sprints Network reliability is now within 1 of verizon. And sprint saves you 50 on most verizon, at t and tmobile rates. Thats why millions have switched. Make that millions plus one. Can you hear that . Dont let a 1 difference cost you twice as much. Switch to sprint today. Larry all right. Thanks to my panelists ricky velez, grace parra, and cass sunstein. Thanks for watching. Goodnightly, everyone cheers and applause