Events they experience together in school and all those factors came together in what turned out to be the horrible perfect storm no flash photography permitted and falling of a lecture we will have a book signing in the lobby dont forget most of their events are offered as the podcast with Business Leaders who visited this spring. But before we get to the main event is my pleasure to introduce a friend and supporter the Senior Vice President and chief operating officer a dedicated member of our foundation and has continued to be a key supporter like todays leading voices end with the overall Performance Associated with operations safety reliability and customer satisfaction. In addition to serving on our board and board of directors we are thrilled the he is here today to introduce todays guest speakers. [applause] this morning we have a great speaker and a great audience. What a phenomenal way to start the morning. For though libraries leading voices hearings. Sponsored by 86 with the couple of representatives will he do have some questions it is a great program. At peco we deliver innovation and smart energy for save reliable and Clean Energy Services for customers and our peco of ideas is part of this thank customers have saved more than half a billion dollars of the last two years under sweet ideas this is what customers can use to grow their businesses. Leading voices inspires all of us to become leaders in the workplace our guest today is no exception. Daniel shaipo one of the leading experts on conflict resolution and made a career out of helping people navigate these conversations as a founder and director working with conflict resolution initiatives east asia and the middle east. Serving as chair of the world when Economic Forum on conflict resolution with conflict Management Program now reaching more than 1 million young people in 30 countries please help me to welcome our esteemed speaker, daniel shaipo. [applause] good morning first of all, a huge thank you for making this happen today it is very fitted to have an Energy Sponsor sponsoring our even today it is a tremendous honor to be here today so i will start with one simple question how many of you have had an emotionally charged conflict in the last six months . [laughter] ferry enough. My sense is that every person considered a human being does not experience them does experience them on a regular basis but had to deal with the most effectively . This is our research has taken me with personal levels at the office or at home how you deal with these more effectively . I will start with a different question. Does anybody know what a popple our tree is . Popular treat poplar tree. It is deciduous. And the leaves will shaken the wind. If not for the fact there was a single goal poplar tree right at the border between north and south korea. Each year this little deciduous tree would grow and though leaves woodblock the south korean view of the bridge of no return as a conduit between north and south korea. In every year there would send all soldiers to trim the tree. Until august 6, 1976 when they went out to a tree and the tree and along comes a lieutenant to walk up on the south you try to trim the tree . I will shoot we are going to shoot. They literally chase with the south korean dream team that this is a security concern did not stop them from trying a comeback two weeks later on august 18th with a much larger team and u. S. Soldiers in u. N. Officials all there with the single purpose of what . For security purposes and now from the north marching along a much larger team of north korean soldiers and once again hiv2 trim the tree we will shoot. And then this turned into a bloody mess. And then to u. S. Soldiers decapitated and koch and camera broadcast around the world we experienced this in different contexts as well and what happened there as a side note after we were talking of military leaders or diplomats the one gentleman his face is red i dont thank you understand i was there i knew those boys. This was and at just the loss of our soldiers but under a humiliation. Surprise surprise it now reaches of i is the United States to the white house where then president ford makes a very difficult decision. You are all leaders in this room what do you do . He turns to the key adviser what do you think we should do . I think we should bomb the north koreans. The president thinks about it and ultimately decides of Corporate Strategy is to cut down the tree so now back to the scene all the fighters as a step for man platoon trained in anticondo and b52 bombers circling around with the single purpose of what . Trying to use chop down this street and do they do it . Yes it takes one hour was there for the incident . No. But as i was learning about this situation what struck me most literally was almost world war iii and literally over a tree . And obviously over much more than just a tree but there is too fundamental questions were talking about today question is a letter just as relevant in the International Sphere as of our whole lives why do we get so stock with the emotionally charged complex . And how do we get out . There is something strange about these if this was the United States and canada we would sit down with five minutes with the diplomats and have it figured out in asia it was almost rolled or three. What happened . So where do these ideas come from today i will talk about some of the elements of the book you have in your hand. Host the basis of a framework what is the fundamental mindset to just divide people in this situation when it does not serve the your own better good . That paul us toward the mindset but to get one from Laboratory Research and now is working with everybody from Civil Society groups with former yugoslavia to working with Business Executives and heads of state across the board to learn from all of those experiences but i can promise that my greatest learning has come up from three of those hardest bargainers of the world you have to believe me on this and it is these guys. They are my children i dunno , if you have beautiful things that look like this they are my greatest learning how you negotiate the nonnegotiable but a share this with you to reinforce the point that you are negotiating all the time with conflict at work but also of home so lets jump into the big challenge how should the deal with emotionally charged complex . Now hold is obvious. It tears the relationship apart the cant avoid conflict you can avoid commercially charge divisive conflict and the stuff is costly typically on the financial spreadsheet at work there is one of mine that deals with conflict but yet theyre all these hidden cost as well using nice but pleasure name . What say we are working together i despise you you despise me were in a project together how will our decisionmaking we . , a generation will he share . Not maturity may be disgusted how loyal . Our loyal to the oh . Although the hidden implicit cost of the organization you lose your star player he said i have had enough with this organization the cost of conflict so how should you deal most effectively . We found the single most dangerous element isnt about the behavior or what we say but there is a mindset the first one they go back one moment this is how people of conceive of conflict resolution we have a problem there is a conflict it will rationally float across the waters with their differences you will get to that nice Little Island to celebrate success with conflict resolution. What is the problem with this picture . This is not a conflict feels like it typically looks like this. [laughter] for the waves polis one direction the undercurrents we cannot even see pull us faraway with a head wind and the tail wind and then back you go 50 kilometers or 50 years and the question is what pulls us to all these Different Directions . Is a divisive mindsets we might be best friends that were correct home but the second we are in the emotionally divisive conflict the moment i feel my identity threatens to i am what are the three basic characteristics that call to mind conflicts from your own mind . Think about them. When you start to feel adversarial we may be best friends but now it is us purses them all the sudden my thinking is i am right and you are wrong. I will argue my perspective to death to defend it and i will close my years to lure prospective. The user the three basic characteristic of the tribe defect mindset it is powerful and were not immune. Nobody. I will give you an example of the brief for chapter of the book, many have you been to switzerland . Have made you have been to davos in the mountains . I was invited by a nine Profit Organization to do a little workshop in january for the annual summit of the Economic Forum to key january is c0 worse and and for heads of state and people with amazing portfolios. So i let a small workshop that is called the tried to exercise and they bring in the 48 leaders one by one ceos from the fortune 50 Companies Security experts it is an Impressive Group faces a different tables and i say to them now you of a wonderful opportunity to create your own tribe to the group had their identification with their questions you need to answer here some supplies and give them balloons literally have a picture of the deputy head of state with a balloon on his head wonderful black male i will never use. [laughter] but they cut back to the room and now we feel in energy of six very different tribes and characteristics to get in front of the room i said okay lets debriefed this exercise they think it is interesting that all the sudden it goes completely black and it to their room burst the intergalactic alien his head paul denies i have come to destroy the earth i will give you one opportunity to save this role from complete destruction you must choose one of the six tribes to be the tribe of all of you you cannot change anything about your tribe and if you cannot come to an agreement by three rounds of negotiation the world will be destroyed. And as ridiculous as it sounds the Global Leaders realized we will step up to the task were Global Leaders there are six chairs in the middle of the roof or representative no agreement fastforward round to six chairs and a middleoftheroad six representatives would reach group no agreement. Round three. These leaders realize we have one final round to save the world from the aliens and it just so happens as they come back into the room or the circle five men and one woman the moment they get in the center they start yelling this woman gets so enraged she literally stands on her stool and yells this is another example of mail competitive behavior. , to my tribe. [laughter] what tribe joins hers the others refused and our world explodes and i have run this exercise dozens and dozens of times around the world for leaders across the continental east and australia the United States to mid career executives with the most modest exceptions the world explodes again and again and again in the course, if only 50 minutes they can create such an identity that theyre so attached to that they would rather explode the world than sacrifice the identity think of the challenges that face our world today how to negotiate climate change. International security security and stability in the middle east had to negotiate with isis . Those of our identity bound how about family members with the fundamental value based difference . This is the challenge in the opportunity it is a devout skills but the opportunity is the mindset to argue transform moving away from that tried effect . The problem however all these forces are conspiring against us and a hint negotiating the nonnegotiable i talked about those and i call them the five floors of the tribal mind those that will tend to pull us to the effect of that thinking and feeling repetition compulsion assaults on the sacred and identity politics i will touch on a few of these now you to look at the rest of the book think about that conflict you were thinking about earlier between you and somebody at work or at home to be so emotionally consumed the you can think of nothing else or the other person who perpetrated that effect against you that is vertigo but we often get into it without realizing it when we are stuck in the emotional tornado in kansas the outside those emotional walls any move toward the tried defect. Number of years back had a wonderful and eccentric professor who shared a story he was in the mall with his wife shopping for a bedspread and his wife absolute thought they needed the 500 bedspread about this as stupid as financial decision we would never make and then what happens they get into a conflict in the small arguing and we started to scream at one another in for just a moment my eyes averted those of my wife and there is a circle of onlookers watching us and i had not noticed that i look down at my watch and 20 minutes had passed a pod was five this says vertigo a warped consciousness or tie space dont disappear but become convoluted then all the sudden four years ago on a tuesday you forgot to put down the toilet seat that is bader for conversation as one of my colleagues calling it that passed that becomes the present that the future that becomes inevitable now wonder i cannot trust you and you see this in broad scale conflicts as well 15 years ago you did this as if it happened yesterday and we are in vertigo. Now i will move on dash introduce to most of these you have an idea what they are but second we will do an exercise because it is Early Morning philadelphia locate a Single Person find a partner. So that you do not know next you or in here you. Find a partner you want to sit next to then be near them and by the way if you do not do this exercise i promise i will humiliate you so find a partner. [inaudible conversations] does anybody not have a partner . Suddenly this turned into social hour here in philadelphia eight you for doing that so quickly. We will do a little exercise now. The goal is to help you to better the person you are it a partner with it as a learning process that may be a little uncomfortable. You will share four things. Did not start into like explain and say go so we do it at the same time. Number one. What is your salary . [laughter] honestly. Not what the tax forms say but really. Number two. With the political campaign. It forward with a sure political leaning . Democrat . Republican . Independent . With a sure political leading . Number three. The first to you are sharing. The next two you will take your best guess with your perception of the other person. Number three. How attractive deal three your partner is . [laughter] any questions . Yes, sir. We telling or asking . So you are telling for the first time. Youre still telling, but its your best guess of how attractive you think this other person is and what age you think they are. Its all telling, but its a different form of telling. Yes, a question over here. Sorry . What is number three . How attractive do you think the person sitting beside you is . Okay. Any other questions . Youre ready to go. And number four, age. Age. How old you know what . Here. Dont start. Any other questions . Go back and forth, one question okay. Shh. So the question here, do you want us to go back and forth . It doesnt matter. My son sat in on one of my lectures recently, he suggested you do rock, paper, scissors to decide. [laughter] thats up to you. Before we begin, any final questions . Yes. [inaudible] are you going to the question here is are we going to have an ongoing relationship. [laughter] are you married . [inaudible] trying to not hurt the other persons feelings . Are you trying not to why would you hurt the other persons feelingsing . I wont ask. Is so how are you feeling right now . Im feeling a little anxious. Im not sure what my mindset should be going into the conversation. Am i trying to develop a rapport with the person because were going to have an ongoing interaction . Yes. So the question is what should my mindset be . Are we going to have a working relationship . Is this exercise going to have a second part to it that i should know about . If i saying . Thats Say Something thats offensive, no. I can tell you factually theres nothing beyond this. Theres no other part to it beyond this. Any other questions . You serious . Are you going to make us do this for real . [laughter] i ask you, why not . Im waiting for you . Why not . These are very difficult things to vertigo. [laughter] so theyre very difficult things. Why are they difficult . We already shared all this when we were getting to know each other. [laughter] why is this difficult for you . Theyre very personal. Theyre very personal. And charged. And theyre charged. Okay. Politics charged . Today . [laughter] and theyre charged. And any how are you feeling . Im hoping youre going to call it off. [laughter] hoping im going to call this off. Thats not a feeling. What are you feeling . Anxious. Anxious. How many of you are feeling anxious on some level . Without unduly traumatizing you further, my answer is, no. Were not going to do this exercise. [laughter] no, or were not. No, were not. My purpose, though, some of you are like, oh, i wanted to [laughter] no, and, in fact, i recently this exercise came to me literally last week. And i was doing this exercise in new york for a group of very established, to doing this exercise for a group of very established lawyers, mediators from the new york area. Afterward i said, oh, were not going to do this, and they were like, oh, thank god. Afterwards theres this reception. The drinks start get going, and this one gentleman comes up to me with a french accent, i must just tell you, everybody is doing your little exercise. [laughter] and my sister was there as well, and she walked away traumatized. So anyway, why are we doing this exercise . My interest is not in traumatizing any of you. Its because of this. Taboos. Taboos are social prohibitions. They are, as my motherinlaw likes to put it, the big nonoes. The things youre not supposed to say, the things youre not supposed to do, the things youre not supposed to feel in a family or at the workplace. And the problem with taboos in terms of conflict is that these are often the elements that lie just dead center at the heart of our conflict sit