What the hell . So its not a strong field. And who knows if they can beat you in 2012 . But i tell you who could definitely beat you, mr. President. 2008 barack obama. You would have loved him. So charismatic. So charming. Was he a little too idealistic . Maybe. But you would have loved him. I still think we all remember that inauguration day. The first lady was there. And may i say for as beautiful as you look that day you look even more beautiful tonight. [ applause ] now, you on the other hand, mr. President , have aged a little. What happened to you . When you were sworn in you looked like the guy from the old spice commercials. Now you look like Louis Gossett sr. I never said this to anyone before, but maybe you should start smoking again. Is this the change you were talking about . Mr. President , look at your hair. If your hair gets any whiter, the tea party is going to endorse it. They say diplomacy is a matter of carrots and sticks. And since mrs. Obama got to the white house, so is dinner. Youre very skinny. She doesnt let you eat. I felt weird about eating dessert. I left it untouched. Ive never done that before. You know the real reason people thought you were from kenya had nothing to do with your birth certificate. Its because you lost so much weight we thought you were the guy who won the boston marathon. This is how you know this countrys in bad shape. Our president is starving. North korea is sending him food aid. The quote i hear the most about the president is that hes always the coolest guy in the room. Thats what everyone says. Hes the coolest guy in the room. All right. Heres my question. Who else is in that room . Its not hard to be the cool one when the other guys in the room are biden, hagel, and kerry. Id be cool too if i was stuck in a room where tom vilsack is showing stephen chu how to do the harlem shake. Its good to see that White House Press secretary and boy detective jay carney is here. Its a big night for jay. I havent seen him this nervous since the president told him, look, just go out there and tell them the websites broken. Theyll understand. That actually probably was a moment. Mr. President , you have to admit, and you already have, the launch of healthcare. Gov was a disaster. It was so bad. It was bad. Look, i dont even have an analogy because the website is now the thing people use to describe other bad things. They say stuff like, i shouldnt have eaten that sushi. I was up all night healthcare. Goving. Boy, that latest johnny depp movie really healthcare. Goved at the box office. Oh, look at my new rug. The dogs healthcare. Goved on it . You cant get healthcare. Gov out of shag. But thanks to obamacare, or as the president refers to it, me care, millions of newly insured Young Americans can visit a Doctors Office and see what a print magazine actually looks like. Thats awesome. Mr. President , thank you so much for taking time away from being on jimmy kimmel to be here. Its amazing to see the president having this fancy dinner. And i know this must have cost a ton of food stamps. So thank you. I can say that. You know, because a lot of you probably dont know this but president obama and i actually grew up together in chicago. I remember when we used to go down to the Cabrini Green basketball courts. Id lace up a pair of jordans. Hed slip on a pair of my moms jeans. And we would just miss threepointers until sundown. But of course wed have to stop and pray to mecca. But those were simpler times. Now youve got problems with congress, with putin, with israel. You said it yourself. Can he cant solve these problems by Holding Hands and singing kumbaya. Kumbaya of course is the village in africa where the president was born. Am i saying it right . Kumbaya . Thank you. After six years in office your Approval Rating is at 48 . Not only that, your gray hair is at 85 . Your hair is so white now it can talk back to the police. Little high five about that one. Our coverage of the white house Correspondents Dinner begins at 6 00 p. M. Eastern with red carpets arrivals followed later by remarks from the president and comedian larry willmore. You can see the entire event live on cspan. On American History tv on cspan 3 therefore, this committee has undertaken such an investigation. Its purpose is not to impair the fbis legitimate Law Enforcement and counterespionage functions but rather to evaluate Domestic Intelligence according to the standards of the constitution and the statutes of our land. Over 40 years ago a Senate Select committee chaired by senator frank church, democrat from idaho, was convened to investigate the intelligence activities of the cia, fbi, irs and the nsa. And this weekend marks the 40th anniversary of the church committees final report. And over the next five weeks well look at portions of the 1975 televised hearings. Saturday night at 10 00 eastern the commission questioning cia director William Coley about illegally stored biological weapons. I cannot explain why that quantity was developed except that this was a collaboration that we were engaged in with the United States army and we did develop this particular weapon you might say as a possible for possible use. And on the civil war at 6 00. In 1860 the United States was 70 years old. It was not old enough to have wisdom. The lee family at that time had been living in virginia 225 years. I do not think lee anguished at all over the decision he made that april evening. And i think that devotion to duty came forth in 1861. His primary duty was to his family. His family had been virginians for over two centuries. The old dominion was lees birthright. Historian james bud robertson talks about general robert e. Lee, his ties to virginia and his various military campaigns throughout the state. Then sunday morning at 10 00 on road to the white house rewind, the film a private decision chronicles the 1968 president ial race. From the first primaries in New Hampshire and president johnsons surprise withdrawal through the assassination of robert f. Kennedy and Richard Nixons victory over Hubert Humphrey in the general election. And at 8 00 on the presidency he was one as a result of that because i think ones ability in Foreign Policy and as a head of state of the United States as the head of the chief of the armed forces of the leading power in the world and very much the leading power in the free world, is to think responsibly about what one can achieve and to try and define ones policies and to try and understand geopolitics in that light. Military historian jeremy black looks at the origins of the cold war and focuses on guite d. Eisenhower as a military man and president. For the complete American History tv weekend schedule go to cspan. Org. The fcc has voted to move forward with proposed rules that would require Internet Service providers to ask consumers whether they want their personal data shared with third parties. A group of legal and privacy analysts gave differing views on how the roles would affect consumers and businesses at a forum on capitol hill hosted by the congressional internet caucus committee. This is just over an hour. All right, folks. Welcome to another Congressional Internet Caucus Advisory Committee briefing. Thanks, everyone, for coming to this recess ie