It is just an amazing handbook that everyone should have in their library and actually they should probably carry copy and highlight and tag the pages you know I want to know why it is having needs you know because all of us have needs and we need people but why is that a good thing how do we how do we can organize. What we need and the relationships we have what would work well if we talk about which question should we talk about you said why why are they a good thing it is a house of work what's the best way to handle this I think maybe start with the right yeah yeah because that's a big question with Christians it's a it's a selfish and that's why I I took the concept of bio nutrients away I'll have you know I'm taking little supplements today if you have enough calcium you're great if you don't how calcium you get like bone problems if you have enough iron great if you don't then you have an immediate problems that the body requires by you and nutrients well researched so I took the term relational nutrition actually into the term and relational new to the same thing to because we have needs on a brain level just like a body needs and so instead of a pill or supplement Jill and I can talk with you and we can give you encouragement Well that's a relational new tweak it happens digitally or own text on a phone call or on a dinner or whatever and that's the way that God keeps us positive and creative and focused and able to persevered through things so if you need it from the Bible you go back to you go back to the beatitudes were Jesus said he said Blessed are those who hunger and thirst and you go to James as as you have not because you asked not so we're supposed to ask for a need to be met because then we've got to get healthy to make the world a better place that's how the world goes round just the So So when you're talking about relational nutrients break that down into I know you get a for quite a for quite a mess Yeah tell us a little bit about that just like we got iron. You know what we just what we got the vitamins and minerals and water protein all that there are 4 quadrants meaning 4 categories is 22 new chairs but that takes too long the 1st quadrate I read the book for a younger person order is the present that meets Demi somehow didn't we need people after just shut up and be there with us and love us and not talk a lot and be emotionally present and turn to us and tune in and empathetically and comfortably in a comforting way and that does so much so don't have to have something profound instead of the missing link is in people who think they're not doing if they're being present just my Jet Chapter 2 is only good thing those guys did as if they sat with him 7 days and 7 nights did not speak a word because his grief was very great you can't overestimate be present number to convey the good sometimes discouraging you don't believe in yourself maybe you messed up in a presentation need somebody say hey I believe you and I and I respect you number 3 is deliver reality sometime please somebody to be our Yoda Hey I got a problem here I don't know what's the strategy for my business or or I'm not child parent is kind of what we do here on the show is the Yoda you know truth inside reality and the 4th one is called action sometimes you've got to get up but do something what's the plan what the action steps that's how we stay healthy I love it so much and you can get your copy and people feel it New Life dot com or give us a call 1800 new life and we're taking calls so give us a call to 1802 tonight 3000 and we'll be right that after the break. I feel blessed to have had this opportunity for my needs to be met connecting with other women who are fighting the same fight and hoping for healthy marriages and growing closer to the Lord on their journey many Michelle and I want to personally invite you to the reast or workshop. If you have been affected by the trail it To find out more information about the life of the world or any of the resources mentioned on today's program call 1800 likes Now back to new lifeline. And welcome back we are so excited that you joined us this is Becky Bram sitting in for Steve our to burn and joined by Dr John towns in and Dr Jill Harvard taking your calls we and we want to encourage you to download the new life app if you haven't done it already it's a great resource we all carry our phones around with us or even your i Pads or whatever tablet you use and you can get it at your app store absolutely free not only can you listen to the program there but you can also watch the clip new life video clip me like library there as well as free resources and tipsy it's just a great thing to have so that you can continue with your new life we're going to go to Darla in Dallas Texas How are you Darla thanks for holding on how can we help you today. You know if I have a question for you I. Could pick their Christianity. But he. And I have tried to address with me I'm you know according to scripture on how you know I try to deal with the sponsor like he. In the beginning I think started job land here. And. On and created my own performance plane and and then we have the quarterly meeting he he have a daily meeting and in the Bailey meeting with the public to say what we what we do well and that's what I've been doing of course in the beginning I didn't have a train or plane and you know I have a training plane and no one trained me so he goes and when he gets into the meeting he predicts that he created bad math performance and so doing either if I go to an office or doing a quarterly needing our faith in him you know I'm doing exactly what you tell me to do so is there anything else and he doesn't communicate with me though in fact in the e-mail he doesn't not the time he doesn't respond he didn't he doesn't talk to me I have been questions he doesn't know and he can't get a great need to be a No one who does know it all. And so this recent ex. At the phone he stood up McDonough. We had all definite fun every once in about 17 people and he threatened to. In my employment Oh goodness so how can I tell the average on a thing in the step into you know I mulled over it in the day I did well the one thing Mayo and get you know hey you know what you'd be you know I was a cop Well we it was a fun and to me you know we did this you have a professional Nations you know what the he give me anything other email about something that occurred like 2 or 3 weeks prior and you know I wanted to you know formal and he never apologized he never say anything that he would want he did want to do one thing that I'd be a few weeks ago but no it sounds and sounds like a mess it sounds like a master you have one of the expert leaders here Dr John Townsend helps people in a relational this time John what would you direct There are yet Darla Yeah because right this is like beyond what it should be that was super unprofessional and and email asking him to change is sorta like. You know put a Band-Aid on something really bad I can see why you would do that we got to go beyond that now you said you had all hands meeting with all folks meeting it's 17 people is does your Does your company have an h r human resources department. Yes yes you do but they are. Horrible. I mean they they don't they don't support the employee They absolutely. All right and I want to go over kind of the questions we're supposed to ask to and I'll get I'll get to something here with you there no case H.R.'s just don't want to disqualify them. Does he have a boss or does the own the company. He has a right he has the ball you have access to that boss. I could be accurate. So that bar but no. He no he'll he know how that person you that me in the hallway in Anthony did not give me you know work well knowing that is a good thing that that's an advantage to you know that dynamic so but that the conversation goes like this you go to your boss and say I would never go around you but if we can't solve this and the shaming you just did I don't think it was you know a real problem for me and all that so I'd like to if we can't solve this I'd like to call your boss and bring it to I have a 3 way talk that's how this is done. Ok And when I say that is because there's a thing called in management called managing upward when you manage somebody working for you that's managing downward Well unfortunately Darla you're having to manage someone who's not very competent and so that means that you've got to number one in a respectful way you've got to use the authority system of the org chart system but the 2nd thing is why are you telling him that I need to go to your boss I would add this and I just call this the ally and this is something I write about you need to ally with the pressure that he is under now the words look I'm a team player and I know you say he's got pressure from his boss who have pressure from his boss from the stakeholders in the customers everybody's got pressure for his own k p I's press on metrics for example for his goals so if you say to him Look I want help you with your job you've got to you've got a burden on you then he feels allied dollars not after me she won't tell me when but you're going to have to bring that 3rd party in great insight John great insight now that I've done a I've been married or not going to manage or not or Ok wow the problem the if you didn't know his. Dad and if you're not which is your boss's crisis problem see that's not dollars probably the boss's boss a problem keep putting the pressure we're no longer Right right well thank you so much star and good luck Yeah I think we'll send her a copy of people feel as well yeah there's some stuff in there about chronicling contaminates them when we take it to the workplace in the book and it can be helpful to some some principles in there so to that point John I know we talked about the 7 seas before but just for those listeners that may not have heard that when you're talking about chronics or contaminants Can you explain and I and those people well products are the category I'm originally from the south and we still call them bless their heart oh yeah bless their little pointed head yeah I mean that's they're still very not I mean there's not a bad person but they're. A They've always got a problem in marriage and money or whatever health they never solve their problems because they have what I call in the book a 0 learning curve it's flat and so you get all this advice and you pray with them and you give them 3 steps and you Vava and they go to they screw up their life again 0 learning curve and you've got their nice people which you can't put a lot of time until they start doing your homework assignment right so that's one way we suck our lives dry the other contamination they're just bad people I mean I believe in the evil of the world unfortunately and there's a devil and there are bad people and the and they're in the pace they want to mess up your marriage yeah their business your heart your organisation your church and you have to keep a very short leash on them Jesus to take this shake the dust off your sandals so be careful with chronics and be not around contaminant I think it's so powerful and we all had people come into our minds as you were talking about that you got somebody you're watching Yeah yeah yeah yeah and usually what I do is go Oh bless your heart. But now I know that's. Not your job to Rodney Let's talk to Rodney who is not one of those blessed your kids but he isn't the Saudis in Dallas and listens to Katie b.r.d. And we love our listeners and Kay to be ready how can we help you today. Coming or going complicated. We need to start ripping your. Youngest. Well Chris. You know there's. Hard to be able to do 3 years. In seeking the boy speedy were. Faking seizures at school and just school and she's still settle this big school and gets hospice. Claiming that she's been assaulted raped and been. Coming clean about it over a year later. And even called. C.p.s. On me and may. And since then. Our relations been very strained. And. I don't feel safe I don't trust her. Comfortable and. My wife she's on her part she has a husband she wants support support but. The . Player and the family member. I want action be taken serious and. The. Boys like Reza fulfillment center and. Following along those lines with the c.p.s. They keep moving. Which is why. They gave us the resources you know that. The ideal by any means. And well. Rodney what have you done yeah you take out many of those resources or find some that were more suitable for you. Well. Those resources that you know are ideal or more likely long term solutions for. Living here. But for 2 to 3 years now and she's been seen as a crisis medicated. She sees a social worker. Weekly. How about you know how about you and your wife. We haven't been a good to all up together. But I'm a little of that and. It's going. On Me I've actually had to go back. To be a. Yes I don't want to quit being because the kids who are school are. So. Down the yard and even on medication. To bouts it is a lot you know a lot so I yeah it's a lot to raise teenagers no matter what you know they're dealing with but when you have 2 of them that have some big challenges it can be a lot on top of what you're already dealing with you know I don't know what your 1st 1st to say let's ask what your question Ronny. That would be we can see how that's what you will help us focus of can really help piece or just ask a ask a question. Well. I guess you know. I mean so far what we did to this point and out came out with a plan and productive for you know for our our daughter to you know start making changes in our life and then also heard you know what my wife and I can do better and then you know. That period if you know you know don't change them it's a good plan you know well it's a fine you know other you know kind of patients. But. Every time this comes up just as one person came up you know my wife and I will have a big fight because because because mama bear protective like you so I get that but . You know on the one that's left holding the bag I'm the one that. You know for a very much go look at victim and this person for sure that. You know to grow with remorse. And thoughts compulsive birth to her. You know so that's what scares me you know to my wife a while to realize. My point if you realize the danger that I feel on a daily basis and you know it's a good church you know that was good point. In you know what and what a marriage hurt we were we go driving let me let me interrupt you for just a 2nd we're going to go to a break in a minute and when we come back we'll offer a couple options I think it's hard when there are so many things that are overwhelming you to even articulate what it is that you need and where do I start and it sounds like you've done some things. But this is a family issue everybody needs help you know on the compassion. And I would say the reason why your wife is blowing up is because she's feeling it to shine under the pressure Yeah yeah everybody under pressure Exactly so we're going to take a break and we'll come back but you know I'm all of us have family issues and sometimes these things it feels like the house is on fire and there is help there's help. At Metro the best deal in wireless is on switch to Metro and get one full Amazon Prime membership included every month plus get 2 free phones from top brands like Samsung and l.g. With huge h.d. Screens all with 2 lines for just $90.00 that's the best deal in wireless only at Metro. Station to the corresponding eligible number not currently active on the mobile network active on the train passed on the days before per account or household offers if you can change over deliver new as a prime numbers Amazon Prime has 121 on promote the user to supply the store for details and terms and conditions these 2 musicians play the same instrument one is a rock the other is more romantic They may sound nothing alike but they're in total harmony when it comes to breakfast at McDonald's whether you play hot licks or can't play a lick together we breakfast get into the groove with a $1.00 any size Macapp a premium roast coffee only at McDonald's your morning starts. Limited time only a participating McDonald's cannot be combined with any other offer or combo meal Black Friday deals to make your home shine a season start with gloves because we're saving you big on holiday decor and more like 25 percent off artificial Christmas trees choose from a variety of sizes tree species and colors to suit your home style be the head of the neighborhood by decking out your outdoors for 15 percent off flick in stock inflatables and while you're shopping check out your gift list by picking up a Lowe's gift card for these Black Friday deals and more do it right for less start with Love office roll through 1127 the supplies last exclude special order indoor outdoor potted imports trees us only. And we're back with sleep from the official sleeping well as part of the n.f.l. Line 7. Part of the player's very popular game there Sleep Number 36 more beds you can choose the comfort on either side your sleep number setting next caller Ok we can help keep you sleep yes it senses your movement and automatically just give you both effortlessly comfort and now say 50 percent honestly cumber 360 limited editions market plus special financing available and Saturday on your competitive edge goes the number dot com special point to something intimate the things required to store people's 40201100 k. After a tax. We'd love to hear from you if you have a question or a comment call toll free 180-229-3000 now back to life. Welcome back we're so thankful that you've joined us Joe went to you good an offer Rodney some help Ok so. I think for for Rodney there's Becky like you were saying there's so many things going on here and what you know what I usually do is like you start with some help and then you keep upping the level of help based on the need right created So it's yeah it's like if you're scooping out water out of a boat you use as many back it says you need so I think for firat me he's good to go and get help for himself 1st because he needs to look stable in order to help the situation I'm concerned about the wife yes with 3 members of her family not doing well right and so I would draw her in and tap into those v.a. Been benefits as best you can for the 2 of you to be united and have some support so then with the daughter again if it's not working then you go to your treatment team and you do need a team on this and say Ok guys it's not working let's take a next step so instead of using like your biggest hammer and going to the most extreme. In form of treatment you start with the next level what would be the next level up from what we're doing now maybe she needs to be in a contained treatment program this is a kid that is not contained at all she's acting out all over the place she's impulsive as Ronnie as you've said so we need a place that can contain her and where people where she will head up against and they are trained to deal with that so that might mean that she's going away for a few weeks to a program Ok And they're also programs for a few months I have known people to send their kids to you know treatment boarding schools for 6 months that have made all the difference in the world if that's necessary. So that idea I love that idea of being the level of us yeah he's a step up processed in till you find what works well reminds me going back to the 7 season we were talking about the 2 bottom you know the chronic and the contaminants but John we've got to build up those top tier people and so who are those top tier people well the top to and in my book people fuel our coaches which is people that have expertise that we need it could be a spiritual director could be a ther