A breezy mix of sun and clouds tomorrow Saturday's 70 clear to partly cloudy to 48 Sunday much like Saturday on and off some time with the breeze at day's high 67 Monday partly sunny high 60. 4100.7 The word 100 points the word. Media Group 100 points the word new life life is furnished by new life clinics. a new life classic Friday's show there's nothing classic about this show so we're glad you don't. Think a listen I hear Steve is that we're going to yeah Ok so we have Yeah we have some class but it's not a classic you know we were on our trip that we take and some folks said yeah I listen every day except for Friday. And so you're not live so here in Florida we heard them we had to change that and so here we are live and and you may not be used to calling on Friday so here's the number 180-229-3002 get to calls already before we even announce it but you might get in today because it probably isn't a high call day because folks aren't used to calling on Fridays 180-229-3002 doctors and a non-doctor Dr Jill Hubbard Dr Alice Benton Steve our brand new Dr Steve Yeah ready to take your phone calls now I have to start by saying this is November the 3rd it's the 3rd day of our focus here in November on Thanksgiving and there there's a group of very thankful supporters they pooled their support. To challenge others to do the same they came up with $260000.00 and they said wow we're going to give you this we're going to give you this no matter what so it's not like a matching fund they said but use this to challenge other people to come alongside and match this rather than us match their money with them to match ours and I'm so thrilled because you know what we're all in this together this is not some group of people doing their life new life doesn't exist without the support of you we all support new life and to different degrees in one way or another but we're almost together every time somebody calls and because of that phone call they sit down on Thanksgiving with the whole family and they're together and the dad cutting the turkey because he didn't have to move out because he didn't take care of the pump that's on you guys that's on your support did that we can't do it without you and when we you know we were over in Greece 3 women walk up they see somebody who's name tag has got a new life on they go oh. No they're from the Virgin Islands they go oh really yeah we're on w g o d great station down there I think that's the station we're on w. God and and they said yeah we know we love new life and so in that area we may be the only counseling that they get and like in Nome Alaska we may be the only counseling that somebody gives And and so that's not us that's. You the supporter the listener all of us together so please help us because. We we need help to stay on the air and all the places that we're on in 2018 makes all the difference in the world so please if you can call us at 1800 new . To life and help us help others in 2018 and we'll send you the 2000 and 1830th anniversary calendar 30 years of ministry here in 2000 they think right now you can call us at 1802293102293000 and we'll be back right after this by the way u.k. Fax listeners Jill Hubbard myself Chris Williams were coming up there to see we're going to be with you with a about that later on also. Just so Actually where when you're in a Gift of any amount you get the New Life 2018 wall calendar it's our 30th anniversary ever. Months got a pearl of wisdom some of them are actually diamonds some nickels and beautiful pictures that are great all the stuff that we're involved with and as I mentioned November the 10th that's Friday 7 pm Christ Community Church in Milpitas I'm going to be up there with Jill and then Chris Williams We're going to take questions we're going to talk and we're going to record a radio program it's going to be a great time it'll be a lot of fun we always love getting to be with you so right now I'm going to go to the phone and I'm going to talk with right there on line number 2 no Martha San Diego California Martha k n l b is the station How you doing. The Morning. Thank you for your. Help in my mind to call you are not quite so. Faded when my husband had to give me a b. On paypal. Ready over a year where I hear that from him when I don't I'm not being unfaithful I'm not having. It at someone like I wouldn't be proud of a. Good guy or they would not all anybody else Ok Martha. Is there 1st I don't get this out of his or anything that was going on that he would be suspicious that was you know was there anything like Facebook or anything that would cause him to be suspicious that some valid suspicion. Well yes. And we'll see how the parts and you can comment have. A take a phone company complain a mop and blow it out my husband didn't want to do it so I don't see that one put. Me in one day he. Got again and I really need that and then he won't be picky lad like you know if I had but I'm quite open to. Be here. Only that he didn't like the look of the guy looking at him mad because I called him already. Got me thinking I got it now I have never heard. Anything about my husband and he could being. Mine over and over sort of right now when he goes to my closet think that ideas for church. Where good things aren't so let me start with Dr Jill Hubbard and see if she could give you some help here and then we'll see what Alice has to say Martha 1st of all I'm sorry this is a very stressful situation and you know. It sounds like too that coincided and I guess I'm wondering are you saying that you stopped having sex with your husband when his kind of paranoid suspicions. More stirred up. Well he was the founding meeting like me here I love a good thing I didn't think of all get me in command of my house and I feel lucky thinking all that. Thanking me how can I with all of my love. You know me. I don't know what. Ok I'm going to do but right right right so you're feeling hurt so you're definitely you know pulling away it seems like there's no middle ground for the 2 of you I mean this is certainly a situation where when you reach an impasse in of relationship like this it's only going to deteriorate unless you get some help unless the 2 of you can come together and sit with somebody and kind of have a meeting of the minds a lot of times just to well Ok Ok so he's kind of fixed on you know we could say his delusion about this I also wonder about your husband's acting out because it isn't uncommon when someone is having an affair or doing Pernod that they accuse their spouse of the very same thing. Yeah so I wondering if anything like that could be going on. Because you want to let me. Know I don't want to thank you don't think what I talk about I don't want to talk about it I don't want I don't care about. You know what do you think you should do Joe given that he might be a mean there has to be a positive step or 2 toward repair Right right and so I think you know instead of he's kicked constantly throwing up roadblocks Martha I think you need to tell him that you want to move towards him you want to love him in the way that you guys once did and that it isn't your desire to withhold from him but you need to meet him you know he needs to meet you in the middle and I would ask him what does he suggest. For moving forward Ok because to just throw up all these roadblocks and not have a solution where does this go from here right so you need to try to engage him in helping. To solve the problem and see what one would be willing to do in moving towards you and your way to the way to do that is you may say Ok so this started with you accusing me of this and now we're totally separated totally completely I want to see if we can't get closer together I miss us before all this happened so when I come out yeah I'm thinking that yeah that Friday. Thursday he grabbed me because he wanted to make me say yeah you know me I'm going to be on baseball and he got me to . The lack of what I'm saying I'm Ok so he. And now you can down Ok yes so I have a more problem I want to see my mom because he taught me if you leave I'm lucky I'm on changing the law are not coming back and he was right in King Well let's let's get out his perspective what do you think would be the most helpful thing that she could do I'm going to offer a thought or 2 in a moment my for 2 quick questions do you have any children together. I think you have any children with your husband but there are. Certainly makes you do it yes or do but they're older Ok and and are you receiving any professional help at this point you seen a therapist you know you know I've been through each week to you not to get Ok so so we're just yeah Ok So Mark that last question what do you want from us. Well. So my advice. Was not to do what he always mocked me regarding Need wrong if. He doesn't want to go I'm going to I'm going to cut my throat you wanted by some how to move forward and what I would offer to you is that I think you need the guidance the ongoing guidance of a therapist here because there are a couple of different things one is the self protection that you're going to need moving forward. Out you physically lashed out with and also a past of how you can if you're going to move forward with this what you will need to require and ask of him because of your suspicions of his infidelity so I think you can offer to him that you would take a polygraph test because you have nothing to hide and I think that would be a show of good faith to him and I think you should also offer him transparency by saying Here are my passwords here's my email you can take a look at any of it here's my phone too but I also need to ask the same from you husband we need shared transparency to be able to move forward I'm going to go get a therapist and I want you to come with me for the sake of our marriage we need intervention I start might also be a pastor if he's unwilling to see a therapist but perhaps if your church going maybe he'd be willing to talk with the pastor but what's so important Martha is that you follow through on this no matter what his response is to you. So I want you right now. Here's a dilemma. It sounds like that he is so totally unwilling and own to talk about another issue and say but I think her on her in sex and on or codependency group along with the counselor he is really going to be the only way she's going to find some insight and wisdom to move forward because he's I really I'm with you guys there's. Him right there may not be and are there drugs and alcohol involved I mean what's happening right now but it's you know it's all it's all yes you know but but if he has the problem with alcohol then of course the answer here he gets treatment researched and then all this other stuff falls in place but it brings me to a question we've had this come up a few times so the Bible says don't withhold sex from each other now is that an optional scriptures it one of those things where you know you just if you feel like it and if. It really is a problem for a lot of people because they think it's Ok to stop other than mutual agreement you certainly don't want to be intimate with somebody that you know to his. Exact So so what I mean it seems like when she made that decision things got worse not better. It's just I mean when you that's the answer but I think you have to come toward someone and say I want to be with you but I am so hurt I don't feel safe being with you and you can go where 5 what do I need to be able to feel safe enough to be with you so I'm going to be intimate with a husband that gets counseling with me I'm willing to go to meet with a husband who's transparent with me and then that gives the power to the spouse and say I agree I think here's what I take from that scripture I think it's very powerful and it's and it also you know Scripture says for man not to for a woman not to your bodies not yours although So if you reach that point where there's some kind of impasse in the relationship Ok then let's say. We have to get help I don't feel right about this we have to get help because this is going to drive a bigger wedge between us so let's go get the help so that this becomes once again a healthy part of our relationship not something that stays broken now Martha I'm going to send you take your life back there is tremendous tremendous help in this book over not reacting to him but being responsive to God there is a great section on how valuable you are to God and that giving you the right responsibility to make good choices for yourself and you guys I mean any time you're suspicious and and there's no evidence in here there's no evidence these people were ever together ever so we have to you have to do something when you get these nags like this anything else you want to add well it's just maybe a lot more the same but I would really wonder from him why is it that you want me to say something to you why do you know me to say this to you even if it's not true what does just do for you. Because yeah I mean so I'm hoping her getting strong and healthy will somehow draw him into a path and a process that can lead there also I want to talk to Carrie from Mobile Alabama Sirius x.m. Hey there. How. And I got the careworn we're doing all right we're called there to start off with on on Friday maybe we ought to go back to the classic programs but no but we're glad you're on with us from o.b.o. Alabama Ok well I'm not calling about any problems is that makes for a good thing. I wanted to call and thank you guys I've been listening to you I'm an ex and for the last almost 30 years my boss is a Christian and he actually got me into listening to the Christian channel on x m and I listen to you guys dedicatedly for the last 30 years I've actually called you a couple other times well once you help me with my teenage daughter. I also gave you some advice when my mom passed away suddenly you also helped me with a brand new Mary hitch. Because I had been single for 17 years and I was lucky playing to find a connection with my husband and not Lydon's my own independence I guess. And then here recently just actually maybe a month or so ago I actually took custody of my granddaughter and sent me a book on that to kind of help me with that because I having issues with say the parent canary and I wanted to thank you guys because you have given me so much to work with them my life even just your help with other people listening to this stuff that they're going through and I've added it into my life how to be able to communicate with people and get my feelings across without being offending offending anybody or you know at least making my kids understand that there's always a different path and to try new things in their life and to not be afraid and to open up for my spouse which was really difficult but I wanted to thank you guys you've been such an inspiration to me and. My story includes multiple physical and emotional affairs every day men struggle with sexual integrity impure thoughts strip clubs progress my wife that I had betrayed her you considered that I would get to the bad one I had some idea of you know what you expect but I had no idea that it would have an impact on me that it did there's just something about the way that you meet in a large group and then. In the sharing it's just something that never experienced a form to register or to find out more call 1800 new life that's 180-639-5433 or log on to New Life dot com It's just the 1st time in My Lai that I ever felt comfortable and sharing the real me with other men in my mind it is one of the most critical things that a guy can do in its recovery 1800 n e w l i f e 100.7 Don't worry I am Dr George Schultz with an exclusive offer for felony life live listeners here on 100.7 You may be struggling with stress anxiety or p.t.s.d. Is anxiety interfering with your relationships your health and keeping you from enjoying life let's work together to change that right down this website it's my name in one word Joel Schultz dot com That's j o e l s h u l t s dot com there's no season goes east and sign up to join me at Colorado Springs on Saturday evening Nov 11th for an informative and life changing workshop on effective coping with stress anxiety and p.t.s.d. Will be at the at the end conference center south near the world arena go to Joel Schultz dot com now so that you can develop proven strategies for improving your life by helping you live with a loved one who is struggling visit Joel Szell's dot com to find reduced Bice's for 1st responders service members and veterans and their family members and for teenagers seating is limited so get your tickets now at Joel Schultz dot com for the stress anxiety and p.t.s.d. Workshop Saturday Nov 11th in Colorado Springs. $100.00 points the word. Love to hear from you if you have a question or a comment call toll free 18093000 now back to the life line. Well I am so thankful we got a call that sank this and it's so great when we get to hear the results and you know let me just encourage you if you want to thank as we're right here I mean we'll be here we'll be here Monday Tuesday when it's just a reminder of why we do what we do yeah and it really is and we love it it works yeah so hey call us if you can and say thanks and we'll thank you like I'm going to send her the calendar This least I can do and you can get one gift of any amount but just to reiterate we're going on November the 10th all you Northern California listeners Christ Community Church in your beat is 6 to 645 if you want to meet with one of our call screeners and get on the program that we're going to tape there I think the whole thing starts at 7 and we love Kay fax listeners it's a great say one of the greatest stations ever and so come join us Dr Jill Hubbard Steve Barber and Chris Williams We're all going to be there right it's a rarity join us. Well we love it. All right let's go to and from Boston Massachusetts one of my favorite cities w e z e is the station and how you know. I'm Ok thanks for taking my call and I really appreciate what you did if you don't have to work for a long time and I have to say no one was doing that back in the day and you know wending Christianity record called The Rich. And I think you got it and that's really important for Christians everywhere. And I call it you guys all year the question. The only relationship. Gave me advice that I really needed to speak and. I had a murder difficult. I don't rehash the whole thing and I followed that advice and so I'm here into this now it's very little contact with my family and my reality I follow up question and. I'm greeting each of those relationships and I feel a lot of guilt about having or to abandon my family who I went through a lot. Of difficult time with. And unexpectedly it's effected my mental health in a way that I can't I wasn't I wasn't anticipating it better and for it like relief at 1st but now I'm kind of struggling with. How do good relationships. Now what do you think any end in sight here for her. Yeah and I I so appreciate you calling us back again and it's understandable that you would be going through the grieving process and be struggling with kilts because limiting contact with family of origin is a very tough decision to make so I have 2 things I want you to consider one is how your grieving because when we proactively grieve with safe people when we step into the emotion and we share what we're feeling and we let the feelings flow in the presence of safe people it really helps move us along in the grief process when we grieve in isolation it tends to elongate the grieving process and then as you mentioned the guilt I would also ask you to consider in the presence of your safe people where the guilt messages are coming from because I would assume your family of origin is reacting to you limiting your exposure to them and the grief they get m