Thank you to all of you for coming. Welcome to l. A. Im glad youre here. Im not sure im glad im here. Im concerned because i dont know why they announce this kind of stuff. Maybe they want us to be prepared. Yesterday at the National Earthquake conference, it was in long beach. If earthquakes had any sense of humor, they would strike in long beach while its on, but a scientists who specializes on studying the fault says the southern part of the fault which includes here in los angeles is, quote, locked, loaded and ready to go. Like its bruce willis or something. [ laughter ] jimmy and whose side are you on . It makes me nervous. I spent the last night gorilla gluing my hourglasses to their display stands. One of the guys who works here, lets call him joe because thats his name. Joe bought an earthquake preparedness kit. Its a bucket full of supplies. One of the items listed is an emergency toilet. He was curious to see what it was. It turns out the emergency toilet is the bucket itself. I guess in an emergency everything is a toilet. [ applause ] jimmy you dont really need a bucket. [ applause ] jimmy thank you for that weird unregulated applause. They say the most important things to have, and this is important to have in your earthquake readiness kit is water, food, and dwayne the rock johnson. If you have those things applause ] jimmy today is the fifth of may, its Cinco De Mayo. [ applause ] jimmy everything had spanish sounds like a party, doesnt it . You say the myth fifth of may in english, its boring. This is what i love about this country. We get drunk for the irish on st. Patricks day. For the mexicans on Cinco De Mayo. I dont think other countries are getting drunk on the fourth of july to celebrate us. Even the president celebrated Cinco De Mayo today at the white house this morning. The traditional pardon of the avacado. It will live to see another sal id. Maybe in some places they dont know what it is, but its a good deal in l. A. This is courtesy of our local morning show. This is the Cinco De Mayo of the segue of the day. This is in houston, texas. Going on right now. Speaking of house of fire, Ross Matthews is with us now. Good morning. Cinco de mayo. Jimmy at least he was today is always a fun day for guillermo. Guillermo, have you been partaking where is guillermo . In the lobby. Jimmy why is he in the lobby . From hollywood, its your favorite show, it is the best show. It is the guillermo show. And now heres your host, guillermo. [ applause ] guillermo oh law. Welcome to the guillermo show. And a happy Cinco De Mayo. Happy Cinco De Mayo. Guillermo please hello to my band. Jimmy hello, band. Do you hear that today donald trump issued an apologize to mexico . No. Guillermo me neither, that son of a bitch. Okay. It is time to play my favorite game, rob high, or rob lowe. Guillermo rob high. That was fun. Lets do it again. Rob high or rob lowe. Rob high or rob lowe. Guillermo rob lowe. [ applause ] guillermo my first guest is handsome and talented and hes on the floor. Please welcome, rob lowe. [ applause ] how are you . Guillermo good. How are you. Jimmy guillermo, hes supposed to be on my show. You speak spanish, rob . Guillermo yes. [ speaking in spanish ] jimmy i dont know what theyre saying but it doesnt sound flattering. [ speaking spanish ] [ siren ] guillermo it is time for how low can rob go . Guillermo well be right back. Jimmy how the hell did he get rob lowe and the churr o buroo. Donald trump observed Cinco De Mayo. He posted this on facebook. I swear this is real. We did nothing. He posted happy Cinco De Mayo. The best taco bowls are made in trump tower grill. I love hispanics. [ booing ] jimmy there you go. All is forgiven, i guess. He even built a little wall around the mexican salad so it doesnt get on his american desk, i guess. [ applause ] jimmy i dont know if you noticed, the taco bowl itself looks exactly like his hair. Right . And then that taco bowl went directly into his trash can of gold. Is that pandering or insanity. Donald trump is the Presumptive Republican nominee. He sat down with the New York Times to sketch out his plan for the first 100 days of his administration, and well, this is the plan that he sketched. Its about what you expect. He says that by the 100th day of his presidency the wall on the border of mexico will be designed. Immigration ban on muslims will be in place. The four horsemen will be scheduled to appear. Hell get to work chiselling roosevelts face on mt. Rush mother and replacing it with his own. If Bernie Sanders is elected, he plans on spending the first 100 days figuring out the lincoln bedroom dvr because hes old. Hes reportly running out of money. Theyre said to be low on cash. His fund raising fell in april partly due to the fact that most of his donors were at coachella for most of april. Even with the drop in do nations, he raised more than 25 million last month. What is he spending that money on . I can only assume hes blowing it on all styling gel. Speaking of older guys. This is from a beyonce concert. Someone takes his membership to the Oprah Book Club very seriously. Jimmy thats definitely not becky with the good hair. I see why beyonce has a baseball bat. Its thursday night. That means its time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not. It is this week in unnecessary censorship. This morning donald trump went on National Television and [ bleep ]ed my father. Looking to bring back [ bleep ]ed jabs, and people are going to be [ bleep ]ing jobs again. Teacher appreciation week is an opportunity for us to [ bleep ] a teacher. Is my eye okay . I just got whacked in the eye with a fb fb. I will [ bleep ] you and your families every day whether you vote for me or not. I grabbed the shaft and [ bleep ] the [ bleep ] that way. Weve learned a lot of things since i was a kid. I used to have adults blowing [ bleep ] in my face all the time. My mother used to always say never [ bleep ] the volunteers, johnny. I would be frustrated if i had that much [ bleep ] in any mouth too. I cant find someone to love me, to [ bleep ] me. Can i have my own now . Rub my [ bleep ] first. Come on. Whos in charge . All right. Ill rub your [ bleep ]. Jeez. We have to take a break. When we come back from the break were going to go out on the street and ask people what is the biggest lie you ever told your mom in front of their mom. So stick around. Itll be fun. [liquid dribbling] do you sell highend champagne . In the back. [beep, beep] [cork pop] have a good night. The new waterresistant galaxy s7 edge. Innovative sonicare technology with up to 27 more brush movements versus oral b. Get healthier gums in 2 weeks guaranteed. Innovation and you. Philips sonicare. Save when you buy the most loved rechargeable toothbrush brand in america. Life is a sport. We are the utility. The new ford escape. But pantene is making my hair hairpractically unbreakable. Ff. The new prov formula makes every inch stronger. So i can love my hair longer. Strong is beautiful. Pantene. Jennifer martinez was able to put extra moneyher mortgage, back into her homebased business. Helping her do what she was destined to do. Like a boss. Buy in. Quicken loans. Home buy. Refi. Power. Jimmy hello. Jimmy tonight on the show we have music from bebe rexha, from marvels agents of shield, chloe bennet is here, and well i need to have one more look at that donald trump Cinco De Mayo post. Guillermo are you now more supportive of donald trump now that you see he loves hispanics . Guillermo never. Jimmy is there any amount of a key la in the world that could convince you otherwise . Guillermo never. Jimmy today is Cinco De Mayo and sunday is mothers day. Dont forget. Mothers give us life. And in return we give them mimosas. Personally, i dont know if i believe in this whole mother thing. I have no memory of being born. As far as i know i was always here. Now this woman is Walking Around claiming i came out of here. Its disgusting. How do i know shes not just a nut. She is a nut, by the way. I can say that because shes on vacation right now. But on mothers day we tell our moms how much we love them. There are some things we dont ever tell them which is dishonest. Thats not right. To break the barriers, we asked people whats the biggest lie you ever told your mom, with their mom standing right next to them. With that said, enjoy this mothers day confessional. What is the biggest high youve ever told your mom. Oh, no. What did i sign up for . Me and my best friend used to sneak out and go to drag queen shows. Whats the biggest lie youve ever told your mom . That i wasnt out all night doing drugs. News to me. When . High school. What is the biggest lie youve ever told your mom . I love you. Whats the biggest lie youve told your mother . Maybe that i didnt back into the neighbors mailbox. I didnt know about that. With her car. My car . Whats one thing youve done that youve never told your mother . I hit someone on accident and i got a citation. Was it really by accident . No. Whats a lie that youve told your mom . That i havent taken her makeup and i took a lot. What makeup . Ive taken some lipstick and nom foundation. And . And some powder. And mascara and eye shadow, maybe. And . Blush. I took some blush from her too. Whats the biggest lie youve ever told your mommy . That i stealed it. What did you steal . Daddys wedding ring. What . Daddys wedding ring. Where did you put your dads wedding ring . Under my pillow. Was your husband freaking out . Yeah. We ripped the house apart. We asked him and he didnt tell us until we bribed him with ice cream. So you did know where it was . Are you lying right now . Can i go pea now . Yes. Whats the worst thing youve done that you never told your mom . The first kiss. Im not kidding. Thats not cool, dude. Is h he not allowed to kiss . No, were talking on the way home. Was it worth it . Yeah. Thats, no. Whats the biggest lie you ever told your mom when you were younger . That i never smoked. I used to take her cigarettes. I used to light them on the stove in the kitchen and smoke them. And then before she came home, i used to put the vents on in the house and get the cigarettes out. You . No, my mom. My mom. [ bleep ]. Thats another lie. Did we just uncover that you smoke . Whats the biggest lie youve ever told your mom . That she looked good in a dress even though she didnt. That was a low blow. What are you going to get your mom for mothers day . Um, flowers. Maybe a new dress. Burn that one. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Cant win, i guess. Happy mothers day. Jimmy tonight on the show we have music from bebe rexha, from marvels agents of shield, chloe bennet is here, and well be right back with rob lowe. Text mom. Ill be right back. Be good. Boys have been really good today. Send. Lets get mark his own cell phone. Nice. Send. Brad could use a new bike. Send. [google ] message. You decide. Theyre your kids. Why are you guys texting grandma . It was him. It was him. Keep your family connected. Appconnect. On the newly redesigned passat. From volkswagen. Innovative sonicare technology with up to 27 more brush movements versus oral b. Get healthier gums in 2 weeks guaranteed. Innovation and you. Philips sonicare. Save when you buy the most loved rechargeable toothbrush brand in america. Think you know tmobiles coverage . Think again in the last year weve doubled our lte coverage. Our new extendedrange lte now reaches twice as far. And is 4 times better in buildings. See for yourself at tmobile. Com slash coverage. Jimmy tonight, from marvels agents of shield which can be seen tuesday nights here on abc, chloe bennet is here. Then, this is her new single, its called no broken hearts bebe rexha from the samsung outdoor stage. Next week our guest chairs will be filled with the likes of ryan gosling, russell crowe, alec baldwin, kerry washington, shonda rhimes, mike birbiglia, riley keough, dave salmoni is bringing animals from the wild, new England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski will be here, also from the wild. And we will have music from the goo goo dolls, dead and company, Cole Swindell and our mashup monday next week will be flo rida georgia line. Thats flo rida mashed up with florida georgia line. It will be ridiculous. Jimmy our first guest is an emmy and golden globenominated actor whose perfect face you can see every week on the very funny show the grinder it airs tuesdays at 9 30 on foxplease say hello to rob lowe. [ applause ] jimmy how are you doing . I hope your show is as good as guillermos show. Jimmy i hope guillermo didnt tempt you with his tequila. Youve been sober for a long time. I figured i was going to throw away 26 years of sobriety away with guillermo. Jimmy who would you hang around in the old days for Cinco De Mayo . In the 80s every day was Cinco De Mayo. Yes. Jimmy was it really . Am i right . I mean, come on. Im from ohio, and in ohio not only did we not have spanish. In fact, if you go to a taco bell, it was phonetic. If you went to a taco bell, it was like taco. It was my first thing. We didnt know from spanish or Cinco De Mayo. Jimmy unbelievable. Until i got here when i was 14. Jimmy this kind of explains whats going on with donald trump right now. How great was that instagram . You cant make it up. Jimmy it makes me wonder if theres a person in the office that goes no, maybe we shouldnt put that on. There must not be a person. Theres no person. No. Jimmy i know you just had a big trip around the world. Where did you go . I fall asleep or start slurring, i havent had a stroke, hopefully. Im just jet lagged. I actually, my wife and i and my best buddy and his wife did a big little world tour. We were in washington d. C. , dubai, the maldive islands. Lebanon and the lebanon syrian border, nine kilometers from isis. We wanted to look and sort of just. Jimmy you have a terrible travel agent. I mean, really. [ laughter ] yeah, and then las vegas and home. Jimmy las vegas . Most people go lebanon, syria and vegas. Jimmy they all all the places right there in vegas. Paris, new york. I could have saved money and time. Jimmy who shot this photo and what ocean are you in . Thats me at the man from atlantis in the indian ocean. Jimmy you even look perfect under water. Its weird. Very nice to say. I was on my way down to rest. There was a shark that had a hook in its mouth and a piece of line caught. It had been caught. It was hiding in a cave. So we went down and tried to get the hook out of its mouth. Jimmy how did you know it was down there in the hook. The dive master said theres usually a shark in the cave, and when we went down theres a hook. Jimmy you answer to a dive master . Im no expert. Jimmy why dont you have a snorkel . I have gills. Jimmy how long can you hold your breath . My son matthew is a free diver and spear fisherman. He can hold his breath for a long time. He goes down deep when he spear fishes. Im working on it. Im probably at a solid minute, but not much more. Jimmy thats pretty good. Wait. Get back to you pulling a now, did you actually pull the hook out of the sharks mouth . I pulled the line, the line, and the dive master cut it out. Jimmy what kind of a shark was this . A nurse shark. Not a great white. Jimmy okay. Not one thats going to say thanks, now im going to eat you. Im not that dumb. Jimmy sharks, when in the future, when youre down there swimming know you did this good deed for their fellow shark. When im surfing and if i run into a great white, ill tell it. I dont think itll do much good. At that point try whatever you can. Jimmy how are things going on the grinder . You have a lot of fans. You gave the show the same name as an all male dating app. We figured it would just expand the audience. Jimmy has that dissipated . Have people started to think of your show first . People go grinder, where did you come up with that, and i saw Peyton Manning retiring and he said, you know, to his teammates keep grinding. Im like see, people use this phrase. It isnt just a dating app. Jimmy youre right, and yet, youre wrong. And im also wrong, very wrong. Jimmy your brother directed an episode of the show. My brother chad. It was great. We have a total shorthand as brothers do, and i would do a take and he would come around in the monitor and go, you know, and i would say, you know the, e, and there was a lot of utterances but no words exchanged and we would go back. Jimmy do you listen to him . Hes your little brother. Why would i listen to him . Jimmy its a little bit weird having your brother be the boss, isnt it . Well, the show is called the grinder, and i am the grinder. And doesnt your brother work here . Jimmy hes a director. And youre jimmy kimmel on the jimmy kimmel show. Theres no confusion over two wears the pants. Jimmy well, we both wear pants. For a while he was coming to work without pants but i had to talk to him, and he decided to wear them. And your son is on your show. My son plays joel on the grinder. We did a lot of Work Together on the last episode. Jimmy is that fun or do you get nervous for him . I get nervous for him. Im starting to get to the point where i can look at him and act with him as just another actor which i think is a great compliment to him. Jimmy do you find yourself coaching him when youre acting with him . A little bit i do. Jimmy do you have to resist the urge to coach him . No. I kind of want him to find it on his own, and he came into it as a he was a writers assistant in the writers room in the leadup and everybody fell in love with him and said play this part. Jimmy hes still in college. Hes in stanford. Jimmy have you told him its unnecessary to complete his degree . Would you like me to tell him . I dont want you to tell him. Hes a smart kid. He was studying neuroscience. Now hes going to wear makeup for a living . The world doesnt need more actors. Jimmy god forgive he follows the same path of every day being Cinco De Mayo as you did. Theres that. Jimmy how many tv shows have you been in and movies . Do you know . No. Jimmy when when he come back, well show photographs of your various characters and see if you can name the characters. Well play it with rob lowe right after this. Lean on me by telekinesis mcdonalds quarter pounder with cheese seared on our grill and made with 100 real beef with no preservatives, fillers, or additives. Think you know