Got some very good news today. For those of you who are looking to get off the planet. Anybody ready to go . Astronomers at the Carnegie Institution is discovered more than a hundred potential planets that may be habitable. Which means were one step closer to finding a planet with intelligent life. [ laughter ] its exciting. Especially, for members of the scientific community, this is on the level of like a woman brushing up against them on the subway exciting. This might not be the best time to make contact with aliens. They say, take us to your leader. What do we do at that time . Our leaders a little busy on twitter right now. How about we take you to oprah . Shes nice, youll like her. What a day it was in washington today. [ cheers and applause ] i know that many of you in our audience are here on vacation or whatever. But it might have been our craziest one yet. You know, there were demonstrations across the country today to protest the president S Immigration policy. Immigrants were encouraged to skip work today for what they called a day without immigrants, or as steve bannon calls it, a good start. You came to work today, guillermo. You didnt know about it . No, i knew, but i didnt want to leave you alone. Jimmy thats nice. He cares more about me than himself. Thats what you look for in a friend. [ cheers and applause ] there were marches in philadelphia and austin, washington. Here in l. A. , with no immigrants, we have a lot of immigrants here in l. A. , people were forced to babysit their own children. Arnold schwarzenegger had to impregnate a meter maid today. It was awful. But a lot of coverage of this important protest got lost because the president decided to hold an impromptu press conference, and it was a sight to see. It reminded me of something youd see before a payperview boxing event. I guess he did it because hes mad and wanted to blow off some steam. The tone of the press conference was like if your dad found a pack of cigarettes under your mattress. He was mad. Talked for an hour and 17 minutes, which is more than hes spoken to melania all this year, the whole year. He covered a lot of subjectins,o we boiled it down so you can get the gist. The whole russian thing, thats a ruse. The greatest thing i could do is shoot that ship thats 30 miles off shore right out of the water. Everyone in this country is going to say, oh, its so great. You know what uranium . Nuclear holocaust. Hillary clinton did a reset, with this stupid plastic button, that made us all look like jerks. Its all fake news. Its all fake news. Im changing it from fake news, though. Doesnt that undermine go ahead. Where are you from . Bbc. Theres another beauty. I want to find a friendly reporter. Not good. Not good. Not good. Not good. Okay, sit down i understand the rest of your question. Are you going to include the Congressional Black Caucus i would. Do you want to set up the meeting . No, no. Are they friends of yours . The least racist person. I cant believe im a politician. Im the least antisemic person youve ever seen in your entire life. I do get good ratings, you have to admit that. I won. Donald trump rants im not ranting and raving. This administration is running like a finetuned machine. Wow, there you go. That was one day. That was today, this morning. You know its a bad press conference when assuming all black people know each other wasnt even the worst part of it. Its been a long three weeks. Ive been doing this show for 14 years. The only time i can remember this much kracraziness was when Charlie Sheen was on that winning streak. Maybe the Michael Jackson trial. Except for fox friends, the president is extremely angry at the news media. He spends a lot of time watching people talk about him and it gets him riled up. Would someone take his phone and tv away before we all get blown to smithereens here. [ cheers and applause ] hes also mad at whoever keeps feeding stories to reporters. This was the most interesting thing the president said today. The leaks are absolutely real. The news is fake. The leaks are real, but the news is fake. Its like saying the boobs are real, but the implants are fake. Its like a fire horn, one explosion here, three more over there. Every time you turn on the tv, its trump, trump, trump. Shame on melania. Did a New York Times reporter call Melania Trump a hooker . Plus, the president s daughter tiffany, no one would sit next to her at a fashion show. That jimmy thats when you know things are bad. So much trump that weve reached a saturation point. It makes you wonder how much americans are even able to process. Today we decided to test it, we asked passers by a question that involved stories from the news and the season premiere of the walking dead, for this edition of the confusing question of the day. How concerned should americans be how concerned should americans be about russian influence in the general election and has general flynns resignation affected the morale of the Current Administration with barren and melania in new york while nick and darryl try to get enough people to battle the saviours. I dont think thats relevant. A lot of these situations are being handled not really ethically, in my opinion. How so . Just the morality of organized crime in general. How concerned should americans be about russian interference in the u. S. Election and is general flynns resignation affected the current stragedz with barron and melania in new york, while rick and darryl try to gather people to battle nationwide league an and the saviours. People should be concerned. Flynn lied and trump knew and didnt say anything about it for three weeks. But will king ezekiel help rick to battle nationwide League Battle nationwide league an . No. Why . Because they have support from the trump voters, but thats all the support they have. Is that a yes or no question 124. Yes. You cant really answer that information. Im not too up on current events, but i feel like all americans should be worried. Thats all i know. Im not too up on the specifics. But we should panic . Yes, ill say that. So i think will russia trying to get involved in our politics, i think this is their right. The question is, can we stop them from doing it, or how can we mitigate it, so it isnt right to get involved in our politics. How about rick and nationwide league an and the savors . What . With that being said, i dont know how much we can do. Dont we want to see some payback for glen and abraham . Of course we do. I believe as a nation, we should definitely pick and choose our battles, though. We should be really, really threatened, because donald trump is a [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. Whoa, one more question. Are you shaving this . Whats going on there . I dont know. Yeah, i just trim a little bit. But not much. Let me ask you one more time. How concerned should americans be with russian interference in the u. S. Election and has general flynns resignation affected the Current Administration while rick and darryl try to gather enough support to battle nationwide league an and the save yors . No. See, that wasnt so hard. Thanks. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy all right. Its thursday night, and as is our tradition, we bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week, whether they need it or not. Its time for this week in unnecessary censorship. [ applause ] were going to be [ bleep ] your wife in a very short period of time and i look very much forward to that. And i want to [ bleep ] everybody in the room. Most people buy flowers for mom on mothers day, but youre doing it on valentines day. Yeah, my mom [ bleep ] me all the time. Cant forget about mom on the little days. The other thing we were doing today, we were watching how long each of you took a [ bleep ] today. Weve been together for ten years, and i [ bleep ] you like youre my dad. I dont [ bleep ] my dad, so it doesnt mean a thing. But i feel like i would. When you talk about [ bleep ] size, youre a really good person to look at. Okay, no, ive never brought home a white guy. Ive [ bleep ] white guise, ive never brought home a white guy. The search is under way for the national [ bleep ] of the year. Id like to ask you, if youd like to [ bleep ] . Sure. That was the biggest pleep bleep ive ever seen. Ive [ bleep ] bigger. Much, much bigger. Really . [ applause ] jimmy when we come back, Sports Illustrated william suit model kate upton answers three ridiculous questions and our friend ya ya reviews the oscarnominated film arrival, so stick around, well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] [ distorted voice ] progressive claims to show people their competitors rates alongside their direct rate to save you money. But whats really going on . When played backwards at 1 8th speed you can clearly hear. What could that mean . Woman tom . Tom theyre just commercials. Or are they . Youre waking the neighbors. Well, mom, maybe the neighbors need to be woke. I think its actually awoken. No, that doesnt even seem right. No, its awoken. Revealing the truth to help you save. Htheres not much time left toy footlonggrab any footlongn on the menu for just six dollars. So, bring your appetite and just six dollars. Because the six dollar subway footlong fest ends february 28th. Sir . You give me that salad and i will pay for your movie and one snack box. Can i keep the walnuts . Yes. But i get to pick your movie. Can i pick the genre . Nope. With the blue cash everyday card you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. Backed by the service and security of american express. Why are people afraid of clowns . Probably because so many clowns kill people. But do they . Do they really . They hurt. Would you rather have pies for feet, or wooden teeth . Pies for feet. Pies for feet . Hundred percent. Could get sloppy. But if i was ever hungry, i could eat my feet. If you and i were stranded on a Desert Island together, do you think you could learn to love me . The longer you think about it, the more insulting it is . I guess so. [ laughter ] you know what, ill take an i guess so. Thats the most beautiful thing anyones ever said to me. A morgan mule with captain and ginger ale. Jimmy that was kate upton. Were planning our vacation together. Speaking of vacation, this is something that could help potentially make air travel a less horrible experience. Charles de gaulle airport in paris is testing facial recognition technology, special software that analyzes your face and i guess it determines whether youre good or evil by looking at you. This article said soon you will never lose your boarding pass, because it will be your face. Which i dont know if the person who knwrote that knows how good am at losing stuff. The goal is to easy up the process, i think its nice, after years of trying to get into our pants, the tsa wants to get to know us. [ laughter ] the commissioner of the nfl met with les moonves, the owner of cbs, to come up with ways to make Football Games go faster. The average length of a Football Game right now is 8 1 2 hours, and ratings were down this year, 9 during the regular season. The thinking is that accelerating the pace will help boost ratings. So theyre looking for ideas. I have ideas. My favorite personal way to speed up the games is by drinking heavily. Idea number one, get rid of the second quarter. Nobody needs it, nothing ever happens in the second quarter. Three is fine. They could also limit the number of huts the quarterback can say. Hut one, hut one hut is enough for anyone. But this is the best idea. Consider this, they should release all the games at once, the whole season, so we can bingewatch them. Like netflix. [ applause ] i could be commissioner of the nfl. By the way, speaking of the nfl, theyre reportedly making a movie about the life of new England Patriots quarterback tom brady. Its the inspiring story of a man who overcame a comfortable middleclass upbringing. Super human talent and incredible good looks, to succeed. So theres something for matt damon to take his pants off to in the future. [ laughter and applause ] speaking of matt damon, and i dont like to mention his name, but he office ellen today, and based on what he said on the show, i might have to get serious with this jerk. So, jimmy is here, i think, next week. Is there anything that you want to my condolences. Okay. Anything you want me to pass on to him . No, i have extremely low expectations for his performance on oscar night. Im sure hell live up to them. I might even throw things at him. I dont know. You really should, because we will watch just to see that. Im not promising im going to throw something at jimmy, but theres better than a 50 50 chance. Let me tell you something, you throw something at me, i throw something at you. And i dont throw like this, okay, i throw. I throw. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i will beat you so far down into the ground, theyll have to dig you out with way steam shovel. Does that even exist . All right, so a week from sunday, im hosting the oscars here on abc. [ cheers and applause ] there are so many great movies and to help you choose which one you will choose to see before the oscars, we asked our friend to review some of the years nominees for best picture, and he did because he doesnt have anything else to do. So here he is now talking about the moving arrival. Action. Now . Hi. Hi on action. Hi. Is camera running . Hi, its me, im yaya, im talk about the movie you are at the top of everyones list when it comes o translations. The movie talk about military. This the lady amy adams. And the guy next to her, jeremy rening and they do the movie with ben af flit, stole the bank and he want to take the money from the bank and he die. And this movie behind me look like alien. You remember the lady shes in the plane and the alien come in her face like this. You dont touch him because he love her. I got picture with her, her name is sigar leaver. And this movie it remind me like the movie 8e. Steven spielberg is very nice guy. He got power, he fly from the ground up to the air, he say, i want to call home. Go watch the movie and good luck for the movie and good luck for everyone. Good luck for amy, for oscar, i dont know she won oscar before . I dont know. Jimmy thank you, yehya. Tonight on the show, jordan peele is here, and well be right back with viola davis, and also have music from remy ma. Jimmy portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by cinnamon frosted flakes. A sweat cinnamon taste and the frosted crunch you love. To you flakes. A sweat cinnamon taste and the frosted crunch you love. Kimmel u by cinnamon frosted flakes. A sweat cinnamon taste and the frosted crunch you love. Jimmy you look like a combination of mario lopez and millhouse. Right . Youre like marios nerdy brother. Yep. The triple bacon buttery jack, with hickorysmoked bacon, bacon mayo, and my super secret ingredient. Bacon butter its amazing. Lets email the team. Email . Dont worry, were not going to get hacked. Weve been hacked what they got Everything Everything everything. Who could have done this . . Professionals. Whoa. Bacon butter. What . ooh, i havent had lunch. Ouch the word is out. Get my new triple bacon buttery jack before its gone. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi there, tonight on the show, a very funny guy with a very scary new movie called get out, jordan peele is with us. And their new album comes out tomorrow. This means what, guillermo . Plaita oh, silver or bullet. Jimmy silver or bullet . Yeah. Jimmy youre not from mexico, are you . No, im from utah. [ laughter ] jimmy fat joe has lost a lot of weight. He might just have to change his name to just joe. All right, our first guest tonight is a gifted actress, desperately in need of more shelving at her house. Shes won more than 30 awards for her role in fences. Meanwhile shes holding down a day job on hohow to get away wh murder, please welcome viola davis [ cheers and applause ] jimmy how are you . Im fine. Jimmy you look fantastic. Ive won over 30 awards . Jimmy Something Like that. Im not good at math. You got that at wikipedia, right . Jimmy maybe not even that. Yeah. Well, you have won a lot of awards. You lost your voice, i heard. Well, i got a little flu. But thats traveling back and forth. My husband and i got sick. I say i got the flu, he got bubonic plague. I mean you would think that. Im sick, im sick. Im sick too, julius. [ laughter ] jimmy it always turns into a competition, doesnt it . You guys, you know, you guys. Jimmy i thought you lost your voice from giving so many acceptance speeches. You are the oddson favorite to win. Some say youre a lock. [ cheers and applause ] you know ive been the oddson favorite to win before and did not. Jimmy is that right . Yeah. And its devastating. Jimmy it makes it worse . Yes, it makes it worse. Youre sitting there and youre like, okay, im the oddson favorite and then your name is not called. Its like falling from a 100story building, as opposed to if you know youre losing, its like falling from a onestory building. Jimmy so you should wear a helmet maybe . [ laughter ] youd be the one person in a helmet, that would be a good look. Exactly. Jimmy who writes the great speeches that you give . I write them, jimmy. Jimmy wow, thats really impressive. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy not doonly do you hav that going on yeah, theyre off the cuff. You want me to help you . Jimmy ill take any help i can get. You got your star on the hollywood walk of fame right across the street [ cheers and applause ] jimmy the only im youd be compelled to lay on the floor in hollywood. Youre in a prime location, right in front of the marshalls store. Have you ever been into a marshalls . I love marshalls. Jimmy oh, really . Ive got about 12 things of soap from marshalls. I got those fluffy, furry pillows from marshalls. I have Weight Watchers trail mix from marshalls. Jimmy really . You know, when they make the trail mix at marshalls, it means its at the end of the trail, right . Listen, im an equal opportunity eater. So i took the Weight Watchers and they put it right at the checkout counter. Jimmy this is in your hometown. They named a street after you. Yeah. Jimmy who is that man, the street namer . This is james deosa, the mayor of my hometown, central falls, rhode island. And this is the only street that has way on it. Jimmy and whats with the summer too . That was the name of the street. That was the old name of the street and then you have my name on top of that. Can i just tell you, it was awesome. Jimmy i bet. To be the little girl who most of my childhood was spent running, chucking the finger and calling people mfers [ laughter ] this is it, man. Jimmy but theyre going to keep summer . Summer is so much bigger. You need to talk t