Thats not bad. Tonight, stephen welcomes aaron paul. Michael ian black. And a musical performance and a musical performance by silversun pickups. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now its time for the late show with Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen wooo wooo wooo wooo Stephen Stephen stephen. Stephen thats nice. Thats nice. Oh oh cheers and applause thats lovely. Thats good. Oh, thats as mazing. You can always you can alway always you can always tell when its a friday crowd. That is a real friday crowd right there chanting my name. cheers and applause thats nice. Well, welcome to the late show, everybody. I am Stephen Colbert. Listen, i want you to forget Everything Else in the news because im about to share with you the biggest story out there peeing in the shower makes sense. Yeah, okay, maybe peeing in the shower is not the biggest story, but you have to admit, it is the number one story. Heres the deal researchers have crunched the numbers and determined that by not flushing toilets and by peeing in the shower instead, the American Population would save 185 billion gallons of water every year. cheers and applause okay . All right . So thats settled peeing in the shower is good for the planet. Thats science. Now, id like to take a minute to address the staff at equinox gym. Well, well, well. Whos the monster now cheers and applause it looks like just keep going. Just keep going, baby. It looks like somebody owes somebody an apology. Im sorry you caught me saving the planet for our grandchildren. Anyway, im glad i got that off my chest. Same goes for the folks at golds gym, curves, and home depot. laughter applause wasnt my fault those things werent hooked up. Okay. Hey, anybody here seen hamilton . You guys seen hamilton . Its great. Its like cats if all the cats were shaved and all the music was good. The star you know, the star and creator of hamilton, linmanuel miranda, friend of the show, fantastic guy, sadly, he has officially announced he is leaving the show on july 9. Audience ooh stephen i know. Same reaction i had. It was an amazing run. I dont know what hes leaving to do i assume be on the ten dollar bill. Linmanuel mirandas dad says he wants to see the show a few more times, but its very difficult to get tickets. Thats right, even the Founding Fathers father cant get in. That is going to be an awkward conversation at the next big family dinner. So, son, have you seen any good movies lately . Ive seen a bunch, since i cant get tickets to hamilton. whos playing the part now . Does he love his dad . Are you at all interested in whos going to be the next president of the United States . Has that crossed your mind . cheers and applause we talk about it sometimes over here. There might be a new development. Yesterday, Oprah Winfrey officially endorsed hillary clinton. applause yeah that is officially called a smattering, by the way. That is a smattering. Oprah thinks secretary clinton will make a great secondmost powerful woman in the world. applause cheers stephen it was worth it. Anybody here watch pornography . Anybody . cheers and applause not me, but good for you for being honest. It turns out the Hacking Group anonymous has hacked isis twitter accounts and filled it with gay porn. cheers and applause in a related story, my web browser was also hacked pie anonymous. I just want to get that out there. I dont know what happened with the history this, but ive been boot shopping. Also this week, one of the biggest Adult Entertainment sites on the internet its got a lot of porn. Its got eye cant say the name. I cant say the name, because, you know, you cant say the name. Lets just say it has so much porn of different kinds, its like a central hub where you can go find find porn. Well, this site, they announced that theyre reaching out to a new demographic launching explicit audio for the visually impaired in which professional voice actors explain what is happening in the scene. Yes, yes. Good for them. Theyre making porn for the blind. Which is good, because if you use porn long enough, you will eventually need these services. applause good for you good for you. Hows your eyesight, jon. Jon oh, man, im good, 20 20. Stephen i, on the other hand, wear glasses. Its all this new service is all thanks to this porn sites philanthropic arm. And its nice to know a porn site can have a philanthropic arm. Because the other arm is a little busy right now. And im told that i can actually show some of these audio enhanced clips so you can get a feel for it. And again, these are real clips. A white woman in a cheap looking red power suit sits next to a tall, lanky, white, middleaged man with brown hair, a white shirt, grey suit and a red striped tie. We move to an interview where we see a teen girl sitting from the waist up in a bright white room. Cut to a side shot inside a cab, and a girl gets in black hair, lots of makeup, and squeezing a nice, curvy figure into a tight blue dress. Stephen great description. Great description. Finally, at last, the blind can enjoy pornographys low production value. Now, this narration is a good start, but it could be classier. So tonight were doing our part. Ive hired distinguished bbc narrator, nigel winthrop, to take porn audio description to the next level. Dingdong goes the doorbell as the pizza man awaits with baited breath. A beautiful woman answers in a flimsy negligee. She must be taken with fever or else have Something Else on ther mind. That will be 17. 50 says the pizza map, a fair sum in the opinion of your humble narrator. Does it come with extra sausage. How should i know . Youre the one who ordered it, thinks the pizza man. The womans hands are upon his belt buckle. Good lord this isnt what he expected at all. Tangled Like Fighting cobras the two proceed to the chauffeur where they perform duties of marital qng great vigor. I think ill pause for this moment. This part seems wrath intimate. Here comes the pool custodian. Stephen thank you for your service, nigel. applause classy, very classy. Excellent job, great job. Say hi to jon batiste and stay human, everybody cheers and applause stephen are we long . How long are we . 30 seconds. They tell me to do this next thing here. This is the next thing were doing . All right. Its fathers day this weekend. Did you guys know that . Did you remember . Have you gotten anything for your dad, jon. Jon yeah, my dad is in town right now at my house. Stephen thats nice. Thats fantastic. Say hi. Jon i will. Stephen hes a lovely man. Stephen hes a great guy. Stephen thats the day when we tell our fathers how much we love them and we appreciate them. Are there any dads here today . Any dads . Stand up, dads. Stand up. Lets give them a round. Happy fathers day. Look at that. Yeah do it good for you. Good for you. All right, all right. Thats fantastic. Thats fantastic. You know, im a father, too. That i know of. And fathers let me just drink my cove here. Fathers are the ultimate authority figures. Mothers are the ultimate authorities, but fathers are definitely the authority figures. And fathers like me like to think that their words are absolute, like a lot of other authoritarians throughout history, such as genghis khan, benito mussolini, and harry styles. Cross this guy, yoo youll be going in one direction straight to hell. These ruthless leaders have but two things in common absolute authority and a big furry hat. cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen behold the big furry hat fathers day edition. Now that this hat is upon mine head, i am endowed with unquestionable power. This is due to my hats main attributes its bigness and its furriness. Any proclamations i make about fatherhood whilst wearing the hat are now and forever law. Let us begin. laughter as of this fathers day, any child whose cell phone is on the family plan, must answer the phone when their family calls them. cheers and applause hereforth, whatever words dad sings along with the song on the radio are now the words to that song. cheers and applause any child that takes the batteries out of the Remote Control is now the Remote Control. cheers and applause all children shall either stop growing up so fast or allow their dad to hug them in public. cheers and applause do not look inside the Cardboard Box of magazines in the garage. There is nothing to see there. Henceforth, no one shall mock their father if he cries during the song cats in the cradle. laughter im fine. Theres just something in my eye. If a child brings a friend over for dinner, the dad may address that friend as katie, because that was the name of that other kid the child brought over one time. laughter cheers and applause if you are watching a movie with your father and a sex scene comes on, no one may speak of it or make eye contact for three days. laughter cheers and applause the hat has spoken cheers and applause well be right back with aaron paul happy fathers day the new ford escape. Life is a sport. We are the utility. Be unstoppable. And our adult childrenlaws have are here. Still. D in with us. So we save by using tide. Which means we use less. Three generations of clothes cleaned in one wash. Those are moms. Has anybody seen my pants . Lasts up to two times longer. Put those on, dad its got to be tide. Try duo fusion ing antacids . New, two in one heartburn relief. The antacid goes to work in seconds. And the acid reducer lasts up to 12 hours in one chewable tablet. Try new duo fusion. From the makers of zantac. Theresany day now ful baby. [crunch] youre eating doritos . Really . laughter owww give me that screaming [baby crying] [crunch] band playing cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. My first guest tonight won three emmys for his role as Jesse Pinkman in breaking bad. He now stars in the hulu drama the path. Eddie, thank you for coming. What did you do to get ashley to break up with lock . You had him do it . Eddie. bleep you, cal. You broke your sons heart. It was for the best. For the best. So he can end up like you . All of you. As a prisoner. A bunch of bleep prisoners. Okay, eddie, lets go. Eddie stephen say hi to aaron paul, everybody band playing cheers and applause how you doing . cheers and applause what a nice crowd. Stephen very nice, very nice. Yeah, people love aaron paul. People love aaron paul. I love you all. I love you all. Stephen and why should they not . You know, weve met before. Yeah. Stephen and you know that im a fan because breaking bad was the first show. cheers and applause it was the first show that i binged, and you never forget your first. Do people still i appreciate that. Stephen yeah, yeah, its an intimate feeling. Yeah. Stephen we spent a lot of hours together. And you just didnt know it. And people still yell, science bitch yes at you every day. Every day. Honestly, i get called a bitch every day. Believe it or not, yeah, its true. Its great. Its great, yeah. Stephen well, the new show is called the path. Which is about religion, bitch. Its a little different. Its a little different. Stephen you grew up with a truings arity. Youre the son of a baptist minister. I am. I grew up inide how, and my father is a Southern Baptist minister. Stephen how do you go from the son of a baptist minister in idaho to an actor . That distribute seem like the most direct path. I was just obsessed with movies ever since i was a kid. I started watching films like stand by me and goonies just over and over applause . Goonies fans. And thats when i started to save up money to move out to l. A. At age, like, 12. laughter . Stephen i understand its true. Stephen is this a true story. I heard that right before you got breaking bad of, like, a real low point in your career . You were completely busted. Yeah, you know, as an actor you have a lot of highs and a lot of lows. Mainly lows at the very beginning. At least for me. Stephen most actors, like 95 of actors are unemployed. Its true. Stephen its a scary thing to tell your parents youre going to do. And my main thing was never to ask my family for anything financially. This was my dream. So right before breaking bad was just i was struggling to pay my rent. I didnt know when my next paycheck was coming. And i had to ask my family to help pay my bills, which is just so so embarrassing. You know, i was mid20s. Had no money. And then i read the pilot for breaking bad, and i just eye knew i had to fight for it. And they gave it on to me. Stephen have you ever paid them back . cheers and applause . I have. Stephen you paid them back . I paid them back. Stephen thats a good feeling. That must be a good feeling. It felt good, it felt good, yeah. Stephen this is about a cult, sort of, right . Its a religious movement yeah,. Stephen i didnt want to i didnt want to its true, you know. The people in these movements, you know, they dont think theyre in a cult. Stephen every religion started off as a cult. Because its just a few people when it starts off. Its true. It all starts with an idea. Stephen a cult is somebody elses religion. laughter yeah. Thats actually very true. Stephen yeah, it is. Thats a great phrase. Stephen im a very wise man. No, but, is this a real is this based on a real cult . Theyre call the meyersist. Is that a real thing . No, Jessica Goldberg and the team of writers just created this incredible movement. I mean tfeels real being inside of it, to be honest. But they just pulled from many different cults, movements, religion s. Stephen is that tempting to you . Does the idea of a cult tempt you at all . I kind of like the idea. Of course. Who hasnt wanted to drink the koolaid a little bit. Stephen well, somebody who could just tell me what to do, how to live my life. Tell me what the future holds, and ill do whatever you want. Someone providing answers is very tempt expwhring. Stephen just dont leave the compound and be willing to be childs father bride. I heard you got your house on airbnb. Is that true . It is. Stephen air bnb is a little cultir. It is. I used to have my house on airbnb. Stephen what happened . I have a lovehate relationship with airbnb. I use it all the time. Secretly, i was renting out my house in idaho, but then airbnb, blasted it out to the world that it was my house. And then stephen did they tell jew no shame on you, airbnb stephen wait, so they just said, hey, by the way, you could sleep with aaron pauls stuff tonight. They just, you know, threw out the listing. And i started getting all these messages for people wanting to stay at my house. Im like, this is great. But then the messages were like, oh, my god. I love you bitch. I cant wait to sleep in your bed, bitch. Im like what is happening here laughter and then i just google, you know, Aaron Paul Airbnb and its just everywhere. Some of these messages do you still have any of them . I i i can definitely pull off because i still use airbnb. I have the app right here. Let me just okay, you actually have it. I mean, listen to this. Stephen you actually received this. Yes. Dude, would love to rent your place for a few days to a week. Huge breaking bad fan. My dates are flexible. Would be driving from northern caly. Just me and an older female friend of mine who had a stroke and definitely does not party. laughter sad. I will throw in some extra cheddah to have you knock on the door and when opened call us bitches. Smiley face. Peace, iain. I mean, that is one of many. Stephen congratulations. Congratulations. Ill tell you, well be right back with more aaron paul. Stick around. applause oh say, can you see freeze this is a bust. Hands behind your back, mr. Choreographer. In massachusetts, its illegal to dance to the national anthem. Strawberry flavor, oh say can you tea. Make time for snapple. Hi hows it going . Today were going to be comparing the rollformed highstrength steel bed of the Chevy Silverado to the aluminum bed of this competitors truck. Awesome alright, let em drop. [loud crashing] wooo [laughter] lets see how the aluminum bed of this truck held up. Ohh. Wow thats a good size puncture. Thats all the way through for sure. Full on crack here. You hear aluminum now youre gonna go uuhh lets check out the silverado steel bed. Wow yeah. Couple dents id expect more dents. Chevy clearly held out better than the ford. Wheall i can think abouthit, is getting relief. Only nicorette mini has a patented fastdissolving formula. It starts to relieve sudden cravings fast. I never know when ill need relief. Thats why i only choose nicorette mini. No other scents feel like glade. Melt your mood with our hawaiian breeze fragrance. Feel relaxed, feel glade. Now you cant spell nutriam i right . T nut, i mean whose to say its pronounced nutriton, anyway . My mixes contain delicious nuts, specially blended for your optimal nutrition. Thats right, i just changed a word in the english dictionary, forever. Planters. Nutrition starts with nut. Stephen band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, were back. Here back with our friend aaron paul. You were saying earlier you grew up in idaho, right . Yeah, all over idaho. My wife and i spent a lot of our summer in this little town of mccall, at my grandmother erschels cabin. Stephen mccall, idaho. We love small towns here at the late show. We even do a segment called community calendar. I have covered everything from chelsea, michigan, to min iewka, illinois. Have. Have you done one for idaho . Stephen not yet. Now its time for mccall, idahos, community calendar. cheers and applause stephen welcome to community calendar. Its whats happening this summer in and around mccall and valley county, idaho. Personally, i cant get enough of this town. In fact, i have to admit, im a mccallholic. laughter seriously, i have a problem. laughter stephen this saturday, the Mccall Hiking Club will be meeting at 8 30 a. M. At the south end of the riteaid parking lot. But if riteaid asks, theyre parked there because theyre customers. Every tuesday and thursday is open dinner at the mccall senior center. As the website says, dont be shy. All ages are welcome to attend. But only those under 80 are welcome to leave. Mrs. Henderson, please come back. Your family is worried. Stephen every tuesday at 7 00 a. M. The mccall Optimist Club meets at the pancake house. Meanwhile, the mccall pessimist club. Meets probably never. laughter the new meadows Senior Citizen center has announced they will be hosting bingo every first and third wednesday. Meanwhile, the Cascade Community center holds bingo every friday. And theres bingo in the <