So heres the thing cheers and applause Stephen Larry . Good to see you. This is my show. Why are you doing the monologue . Larry oh. I thought that whoever leaves 11 30 p. M. At Comedy Central just gets the late show. laughter applause i thought thats how it worked. Stephen no. Larry so, anyway. Stephen larry, larry. No. Larry its because im black, isnt it . Stephen a little bit. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight stephen welcomes Larry Wilmore chris noth and musical guest sampha, featuring jon batiste and stay human. Now at the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey hey, everybody cheers and applause whoo jon batiste and stay human, everybody cheers and applause hey welcome to the late show thank you so much please, welcome to the late show, everybody. Im Stephen Colbert. Happy to be here. Please have a seat. Hey, did you all see the big trump speech last night . I havent seen that many angry white people since they cancelled a coldplay concert. The last 24 hours of donald trump has been an emotional roller coaster. You must be this crazy to ride. First, he was in mexico, looking for an ally. There are many improvements that could be made that would make both mexico and the United States stronger and keep industry in our hemisphere. Stephen thats not softening. Trump has always called for a wall between the hemispheres and he will make the oceans pay for it. But as soon as he got back on u. S. Soil, he was back to trump classic. A quick warning if you have any small children in the room, please place them in front of you as a human shield. Jim . If these violent offenders cannot be sent home, our Law Enforcement officers have to release them into your communities. audience reacts those released include individuals convicted of killings, sexual assaults, rape, attempted murder, and child molestation. The result will be millions more Illegal Immigrants; thousands of more violent, horrible crimes; and total chaos and lawlessness. Thats whats going to happen, as sure as youre standing there. laughter applause whispers stephen is the bad man gone . laughter jimmy . Do i have time to change my pants . Because i am at code brown right now. Okay. People, we are calling this a speech, but that implies he spoke. He really screamed, so im going to call it a screech. How does he change emotions so quickly . He went from mr. Cool in mexico to thermonuclear explosion in like, an hour. Im starting to think there might be more than one donald trump my theory trump is actually three oompahloompahs standing in a human pyramid inside his suit. They take turns on who gets to be the head. One of them is reasonable. And two of them really dont like immigrants. It would explain all his policy reversals, and his skin tone. And trump was just Getting Started yelling about foreigners. Most incredibly because, to me, this is unbelievable, we have no idea who these people are, where they come from. I always say trojan horse. Stephen yes, a trojan horse. Or trojan pinata. Theyre a crafty people. You know, theyll make it. It will be festive. Theyll wheel it to the border and well hit it, but instead of candy falling out, it will be Illegal Immigrants who will steal our jobs and our candy point is, we cant accept them because they may not accept us. Sometimes it is not going to work out. It is our right as a sovereign nation to choose immigrants that we think are the likeliest to thrive and flourish and love us. Stephen yeah, america has the right to choose immigrants who love us. And donald trump knows theyre out there. Hes already married two of them. laughter cheers and applause come on piano riff you know you know thats true so to calm our fears and give us some new ones, trump laid out his tenpoint immigration plan, and he started with the hits. We will build a great wall along the southern border. chanting build the wall and mexico will pay for the wall. Believe me. Hundred percent. They dont know it yet, but theyre going to pay for the wall. Stephen yes, mexico doesnt know it yet, but theyre going to pay for the wall. Hell just sneak it onto the dinner check. as mexican president lets see, we had the potato skins, cheeseburger, two diet cokes, a 50 billion border wall. Was that for the table, right . We all ordered that. After that, trump made a solemn scream to protect america from these monsters. We will terminate the obama administrations deadly and it is deadly nonenforcement policies that allow thousands of criminal aliens to freely roam our streets, walk around, do whatever they want to do, crime all over the place. Stephen yeah, they walk around, they crime all over the place. They crime over here, they crime over there, here a crime, there a crime, everywhere a crimecrime. applause there is no other way to say it but trump is ready to make us safe on day one. There are at least two million two million, think of it criminal aliens now inside of our country. Two million people, criminal aliens. audience reacts we will begin moving them out day one, as soon as i take office. Day one, my first hour in office, those people are gone stephen gone gone, now a lot of people have said its impossible to deport 11 million Illegal Immigrants, so trumps only going to do 2 million in the first hour. It helps to break down a big task into manageable chunks. Point is, hes going to do it. Because trump is sick and tired of america getting pushed around by those huddled masses yearning to breathe free. Hard to believe with the power we have, hard to believe. Were like the big bully that keeps getting beat up. You ever see that . The big bully that keeps getting beat up. Stephen you know how poor, defenseless bullies are always getting beat up. Remember how bad you felt when that mean karate kid beat the crap out of cobra kai . That movie ended horribly this time, the bullies win. Trump 2016 sweep the leg. cheers and applause piano riff no mercy so this is a bad situation, but, dont worry, trump has a loud solution. I call it extreme vetting, right . Extreme vetting. I want extreme. Its going to be so tough, and if somebody comes in, thats fine, but theyre going to be good. Its extreme. Stephen yes, extreme extreme, extreme, extreme vetting. air guitar applause so extreme im talking underwater paperwork, citizenship test on a skateboard, and no one gets in unless they can complete the american ninja warriors course. As always, our extreme vetting will be sponsored by mountain dew baja blast. applause laughter of course Donald Trumps not the only news out there. Turning to the where are they now file, Hillary Clinton is still running for president. Shes been keeping a low profile, and it could be because of the scandals that continue to swirl around the Clinton Foundation the Nonprofit Charity she and bill set up to ensure that future generations would have an ample supply of clinton scandals. The latest is an investigation that found bill clinton used taxpayer cash to supplement the pay of Clinton Foundation aides, and to buy the groups i. T. Equipment, including servers. Servers . Stop it if your name is clinton, stay away from servers. That goes for hillary upgrading her data storage, or bill talking to the waitress at applebees. Dont do it just go to the kitchen get your own hot wings. applause now, it turns out bill got this money through something called the former president s act, which is like a pension that Congress Passed to maintain the dignity of the presidency by helping former commandersinchief avoid hard times. Its so important. You dont want some weird old president wandering around your neighborhood, pardoning pigeons for a nickel. Well, it turns out, since bill here you go, give me 5, ill tell you the launch codes. All right. laughter well, it turns out, since bill clinton left office, he has made unprecedented use of the former president s act, requesting 16 million, more than any of the other living former president s. Makes sense. It costs more to run a Global Charity than what george w. Bush was requesting as w. Bush i need 20 for my foundation to buy art supplies so i can continue to paint my toes in the bathtub. But i got to work on my george bush impression. laughter but as bad as this all looks for bill and hillary, the investigation did not reveal anything illegal which, at this point, really should be hillarys campaign slogan. laughter stick around. Well be right back with larry. Wilmore. cheers and applause nexium 24hr is now the 1 choice of doctors and pharmacists for their own frequent heartburn. For complete protection all day and night make nexium 24hr your 1 choice. With a little bit of uh uh, and a little bit of i said, its getting hot in herre so many flavors to love. Limearita. The bold margarita. Ill have that goat cheese garden salad. That gentleman got the last one. Sir, you give me that salad and i will pay for your movie and one snack box. Can i keep the walnuts . Sold. But i get to pick your movie. Can i pick the genre . Yes, but it has to be a comedy. A little cash back on the side. With the blue cash everyday card from american express, you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. Throw. Its more than cash back. Its backed by the service and security of american express. Olive garden now offershen you catering delivery. Nt . Its more than cash back. We make the food and deliver it to your door. So you can enjoy whats important. New extra moisturizing discover the wbath routine. Sons with 10x more moisturizer in our wash and an ultrarich cream for 24hour hydration especially on dry skin. Johnsons® for every Little Wonder take on any road with intuitive allwheel drive. The nissan rogue, murano and pathfinder. Now get 0 apr for 72 months, plus 500 bonus cash. cheers and applause singing mac the knife cheers and applause stephen welcome back hey, everybody my first guest tonight is a comedian, writer, producer, and my brother from another network. Please welcome Larry Wilmore cheers and applause sorry for that little mishap earlier. Stephen no, happens every night. Its the first time we broadcast it, though. laughter thanks for making time to be here, man. Thanks for having me. Stephen im going to take a page out of your book. Lets keep it 100. How do you feel about the sudden and unexpected cancellation . How do you feel about that . Are you trying to get me canceled again, stephen . Whats going on . Stephen no, just want you to keep it 100. I will. I am very disappointed. I thought we would be on through the election. You never know whats going to happen. Its tough when you do a tv show. Youre thankful to do a tv, but we havent talked to them in a while and youre the only one in a relationship that didnt know it was over. Hows it going, larry . Great you know . laughter so im sad but proud of the work we did. I like to live in the abundance of being grateful for what we had to do and i hope i can do Something Like that again sometime. applause i will say i am very upset they did cancel a brothers show when all the best worst racial stuff started happening. Hillary calls trump a bigot, he calls her a bigot, hes going on his mexican tour, youve got a quarterback that wont stand for the nationa National Anthem fore issues. The best race stuff happens when i lose my show. Stephen always the last place you look. Yeah. laughter stephen one of the things i liked from the first moment the show was on the air, i love this shot. I love that map back here. That spoke volumes. Why did you make that chose . Steve bodo who is on the daily show stephen great guy, yeah. People asked me, why is the map upside down . I said i disagree with your premise. Upside down is just an opinion. If you were out in space, it might not have any orientation. Weve just agreed as a culture to call that a certain way. But if i disagree with your presently its on that and decide to look at the world in any way that i want, then thats what our show is. Our show is were going to look at the world in a different way. Stephen i understand it. What happened to this map . I love this map. I have no idea. Stephen i hope no one stored it this way because that would be very upsetting. That makes no sense to me now. Mr. Wilmore, you forgot your map laughter stephen jon stewart was on your last show. Yes. Stephen and he said the show started a conversation. What conversation do you hope you were starting and how do you think the conversation can continue. Jon was great. Stephen not a fan. Larry yeah, i dont want to get in that tiff. laughter john is great. Stephen super supportive. Larry frustratingly right. Stephen very few times when ive gone to the mat with him about this is not going to work comedically, i cannot say enough words on the number of times he was right and i was wrong. Jon said he wanted to be a show where people could be on that dont get to be on all the time, hear voices that dont get to be heard. Jon said, larry, you can go to any problem in the country now and if you scratch it hard enough, it will probably be race, class or gender that will be the issue. I never thought of it that way. He felt it would be nice to do these issues on the show. They were tough issues, but we felt we could do a comedy show talking about the hardest things to talk about in this country. Stephen one of the things you were talking about that i liked on your show is what you called the unblackening. Larry yes. Stephen explain to people who may not know what the unblackening is. Larry well, that is president obama leaving the white house. The white house is currently being unblackenned. Stephen its still at peak blackening right now. Larry i would call it max blackening at this point. It is maxed out. I told the president make sure he takes the culturally appropriate stuff out of the white house. You dont want someone coming in going, cocoa butter, what is this . Get that stuff out. laughter stephen that sounds delicious to me. Yeah, well, it can be. Stephen without going into any details that i dont think are appropriate is that i was lucky enough to be invited to the president s Birthday Party a couple of weeks ago. I guess the brothers invitation got lost in the mail. Not like i was busy doing anything. laughter stephen one of the things, he looked around the room and said, huh, this is probably as diverse of party that ever had been at the white house. I had to go over to the portrait of mckinley and explain. He looked surprised and shocked. Larry its great when the white people make it a diverse party. Stephen felt that way. Larry but it is one to have the lasting legacies of the president. People ask me what do i think would be the best thing to come out of the presidency . I think its obama being the president. When office kid you couldnt even think of a black man being a quarterback. Now to seeing him leading the free world, words cant express it. The fact that kids wont even question that thats an issue. Now it may happen with a woman in the white house. That it wont be an issue that a woman can lead the country. It wont be a question anymore. cheers and applause stephen well, that leads me to another subject here, which is that you and i both hosted the white house accordance dinner. Eyes white house correspondents dinner. Yes, when you called president bush your nigger, i couldnt believe that. I stole it from you so i just wanted to give you props. Stephen you got it, baby, you got it. That is really tough. Yes. Stephen what people dont understand is all they ever see there is 3,000 people in that room. Larry i had news people flipping me off. Stephen no way. Don lemon hugged me afterwards, wolf blitzer was really upset. Stephen he was really up set larry yes. Stephen i really hate that ass bleep Larry Wilmore applause we wont complete that because i said the word separately. Larry stephen, that was my whole joke. I did a joke about obama and drones. Stephen its newt fun night unless you make fun of somebody in the room. Larry i thought it was a roast. Stephen those people have the Nuclear Launch codes but they cant take a bleep joke. Larry yeah cheers and applause stephen i want to rule the world but heaven forbid you should take a poke at me. Larry i dont know. Stephen yeah. Larry it was fun, though. Stephen you got to hang around afterwards. Larry yeah. Stephen you cant leave the room. Its not like there is a limo waiting for you to dive through the window and get away, as much as you want to. laughter larry and because of that type of room you dont know how you did, because there were a number of people that werent too happy with what you did. They dont want to look at you. You dont want to name animals you might have to eat if you live on a farm. They dont want to make eye contact because you might have to be dismissed. Then people in your family say, it was great. I dont know if i can trust you. You love me. Gets in the way of a real opinion. Stephen harry, a great actor, a very dignified talented actor. We went to university together. I had not seen larry for 20 years. He was there the day i did it. I was on the dayias and he comes up and says, that was really good. I said, its great to see you, i dont think these people liked it. Harry has such a fan tact voice. He leans back and he goes bleep these people. laughter larry he said it there . Stephen he said it there. Larry oh, my god thats fantastic applause stephen so, larry. bleep these people. Larry yes stephen that was good. Larry thats what im talking about. Stephen Larry Wilmore, everybody well be right back with chris noth cheers and applause its the final days of the ford freedom sales event. And the deals just got better. Im free to do what i want and have a good time. Just announced 0 financing plus 500 labor day cash across the entire 2016 ford lineup. And specially tagged vehicles get an extra 1000 smart bonus cash. Freedom from interest. And freedom to choose with ford. Americas bestselling brand. Im free, baby hurry. 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