[ laughter ] the chicago cubs are in the world series this year, hoping to win their first championship in 108 years. Just think in a couple of weeks the cubs could have won a world series and we could have a woman president. Or they could both lose to a racist mascot. [ laughter and applause ] the indian is so much happier than he is. [ laughter ] Vice President joe biden told reporters yesterday that he is considering getting involved in academia after leaving office and is in talks with a couple of major universities. When asked what he was thinking of teaching, biden said, oh, im not teaching. [ laughter and applause ] im not going back to teach. A Political Science professor at developed a new mathematical model that predicts donald trump will win the election. Said trump, mathematical model . She sounds ugly. Hard pass. [ laughter and applause ] i mean mathematical . No thank you. Donald trump, today, criticized some of his republican primary opponents for refusing to endorse him, saying, quote, i dont know how they live with themselves. Said his opponents, we dont, we live with oures [ audience ohs ] [ light laughter ] Donald Trumps campaign manager, kellyanne conway, appeared on trumps new Facebook Live show and said trump unequivocally will win the election. So look out cnn, theres a new, often wrong news channel in town. [ laughter and applause ] at a rally in florida yesterday, but in his defense, he thought it was ann coulter. [ laughter ] so nice to see you. Youre dressed very patriotic. [ light laughter ] donald trump masks are currently outselling Hillary Clinton masks by masks by 10 for halloween next week. And if you see someone at your Halloween Party wearing a tim kaine mask, thats tim kaine. [ laughter ] hundreds of Harvard Students staged a walk out this week in solidarity with University Dining hall workers who are on strike. Said Harvard Students, you cant take advantage of them just because they went to yale. [ light laughter ] and finally, scientists have discovered that monkeys have the ability to make and use tools. So if you thought they were good at throwing poop before [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. Truly this is when i i have a talk show. This is the kind of guests i most wanted to have when i got to host my own show. First we have the wide receiver for the pittsburgh steelers, my beloved pittsburgh steelers. Antonio brown is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he is the editorinchief of vanity fair and his book vanity fairs writers on writers is out today. The fantastic Graydon Carter stops by. [ cheers and applause ] and hes one of our greatest young comedians working today. You know him from snl, he has a new standup special on Comedy Central, and hes a great guy. Pete davidson is joining us. [ cheers and applause ] how about that . Plus music from a great band right here in brooklyn, lucius. So we have an absolutely [ cheers and applause ] outstanding show for you tonight. But before we get to that, as you probably know a president ial debate was held last wednesday being held right here right now. Thats right. I invited donald trump and Hillary Clinton to our studio and theyre here and ready to go. So without further adieu, its time for another late night president ial debate. . . [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome to the late night president ial debate. Im your moderator seth meyers. At this time wed like to welcome both candidates to the stage. Wed like secretary clinto of a winner and mr. Trump to enter with the energy of a man forced to go to dinner with his wifes friends. [ applause ] perfect. Lets get started. Secretary clinton, the first question is for you. Why do you think you and your husband are qualified to be in 240 years. [ light laughter ] seth mr. Trump, based on everything you have seen so far, what do you think should happen in this election . My opponent should win this race. [ light laughter ] seth secretary clinton, you attended donald and melanias wedding. I heard he wrote his own vows. Do you remember what those vows were . You complain, ill get you deported. [ laughter and applause ] seth mr. Trump, whats the most important skill youve learned since you started your campaign . About three months ago i started reading. [ laughter ] seth wow. Congratulations. Has this made you sound any smarter . Very much smarter. [ laughter ] seth secretary clinton, can you name someone who has hands similar in size to mr. Trumps . Unfortunately dozens of toddlers. Seth mr. Trump, what do you have to say to the 14yearold girls out there who might be offended by the misogynistic things you say . Well see you in four years. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] seth i may remind the audience to not make the ooo noise. [ light laughter ] mr. Trump, if you had to crystallize it in one sentence, what is your stance on the hokie po its what its all about. [ laughter ] seth secretary clinton, what two words would you use to describe your husband when he was president of the United States . An eating machine. [ laughter ] seth mr. Trump, what do you think happens to people when they die . You go to florida. [ light laughter ] africanamericans and latinos in this country. Those people . I dont know those people. [ laughter ] seth secretary clinton, youre often critiqued for being overscripted. Will you ever do anything spontaneous . I have a plan for doing that. [ light laughter ] seth mr. Trump, where do dust bunnies come from . Her and obama created this huge vacuum and a small group came out of that huge vacuum. [ laughter and applause ] seth very helpful. Good to know. Secretary clinton, if you lose, whats going to happen to the people who didnt vote for you . We would then have to put them on trains, on buses to get them out of our country. [ light laughter ] seth mr. Trump, i heard that you shower in the dark. Why do you do that . What i have seen, what have i seen is so bad. Seth mr. Trump, i heard hillary made fun of you for talking like yoda. Did she say she was sorry . Apologize, she did. [ light laughter ] seth sorry, she was. Secretary clinton, what is the one thing you absolutely cannot do . Talk briefly. Seth well that wasnt bad. We will do it in the style of the classic game show, the newlywed game. Mr. Trump, for ten points where is the craziest place you and hillary have made whoopie . In the back of an airplane on the tarmac in arizona. [ light laughter ] seth lets see what she wrote [ ding ] . . [ applause ] congratulations you two love birds are going to niagara falls. Mr. Trump, your campaign has been faltering. You have been accused of sexual assault, yet your family stands by you. Why . We give them 1. 7 billion in cash. [ light laughter ] seth secretary clinton, what do you think of old people falling down . Its funny, but its also really troubling. [ laughter ] seth i feel the same way. Its pretty funny, but its troubling. But its pretty funny. [ light laughter ] proven to be a liar on many different ways. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] seth and finally, were going to close with the same question we always ask mr. Trump. Hows your penis . Its a disaster. [ laughter ] seth oh, youre being hard on yourself. Hows your penis . Its very sad. Seriously hows your penis . Its probably gonna die. [ laughter ] seth finally, mr. Trump hows your penis . Its destroying our country. [ laughter ] seth well, it looks like were out of time. So on behalf of the candidates have a good night. Well be right back with Antonio Brown. [ cheers and applause ] . . Alright, hows this for a tv show. Sous chef. Lawyer by day, prepcook by night. Also, his name is sous. No. Sloppy joseph. 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[ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Please, give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, back tonight with the band, shes an accomplished musician from new york city, one please give it up for Allison Miller, everybody [ cheers and applause ] be sure to check out allisons drumming tips over at reverb. Com. Its always such a pleasure. Allison, thank you so much for being here. Thank you. [ applause ] seth you guys our first guest tonight, is a fourtime nfl pro bowler and a starting wide receiver for the pittsburgh steelers. Please welcome to the show, Antonio Brown. [ cheers and applause ] . . . . Seth what are you are you going to do homework while youre here . No, i got i brought a little gift for you today. Seth what do we got . Microsoft surface 4 pro. Seth oh, this is fantastic, with the steelers logo on the back. Steelers, tight logo. Seth and you are working with microsoft, yes . Yes. This is what we do for our team playbooks. Seth yeah. And we study on here. Seth so you didnt have to pay for it, really . Its a gift . Seth okay, good. [ laughter ] i dont want to, like, feel like have to then give you a gift because you just kind of got it for free. Yeah. [ laughter ] seth so i have to ask, how is business . Booming. Seth business is booming. Now, this is something. This is your catchphrase, that business is booming. Yeah. Seth i know this because i follow you on social media because im that kind of fan. I would follow you physically if there was no social media. [ laughter ] so, when did you how do you come up with business is seth with d. J. Khalid. D. J. Khalid. We were sitting there, talking, and he said, you know what, antonio . Its time, i think, to take things to a new level. Seth uhhuh . I said, its time to make things start booming. Seth wow. [ laughter ] and we ran with it ever since. [ laughter ] seth he seems like a very positive guy, d. J. Khalid. Hes really encouraging, man. Seth yes. A great friend. Seth i feel like no one would ever sit with him, and then, their catch phase would be, business is okay. [ laughter ] so, i want to check in with this of coube the game last week, and you got a little banged up. Yes. Seth you had to leave the game and came back in. How are you feeling . I feel good for the most part, but we got our ass kicked. Seth yeah. You played the new england patriots, and it was tough to watch. Of course your a probowl quarterback, ben roethlisberger, wasnt playing. Is it hard . I thought landry jones, the backup, played well, but it must be hard to play without ben . Its always hard to play without ben, you know. Ben is a halloffame quarterback, and every time hes in the lineup, it gives the team so much confidence, but landry stepped in and did a it wasnt enough for us to get the job done, so were excited about the buy week to get everyone healthy and back, so we can get back on the right track. Seth now, you dont seem to be a guy that is short on confidence. Yeah. Seth you dont strike me as someone whos short on enthusiasm. Yeah. [ laughter ] that is not the hair cut of a man who lacks confidence. Right. [ laughter ] seth and, but you actually have gotten in trouble with the league. You received multiple fines and flags for celebrating after touchdowns. I would just like to show a quick highlight reel for maybe lets take a look at antonio celebrating. It almost figures. Touchdown. Oh my god. [ cheers ] touchdown pittsburgh [ laughter ] Antonio Brown this time for the 44yard touchdown. [ laughter ] you wonder how hines ward feels about that. [ laughter ] Antonio Brown [ cheers ] hes a one man wrecking crew seth i mean, its fantastic. Yeah. Seth how i want to go through them a little bit. On the full flip, how much is that planned . Its not planned. Its all about, in that moment, youre just so excited. The energy from the fans yelling out loud, it just gives you an amazing feeling that you just do what you feel. Seth wow, because if they no matter how much they yell, that would not inspire me to be [ laughter ] and i would be like, i might do a fist pump maybe. [ laughter ] but, now that, you will not get a fine for the flip, but a penalty flag. Jumping on the goal post, now that one, do you wish looking back are you happy that you did that one . [ laughter ] that was a great moment, you know. [ laughter ] seth did you in your head, did you think youd be able to hold on to it . For a little bit. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] but, we saw you had some thrusts. You had an issue with thrusting. You scored this just happened on back to back monday night yeah. Seth opening season, we saw that youve had four thrusts i would say, maybe three or four thrusts. You got a penalty flag. You got a fine from the league. Yes. Seth and theres actually a key peele, a fantastic sketch show, they have a sketch about how many thrusts is legal. And, you scored a touchdown later this year, and you tried to bring the thrusts down. What would you say you did the second time . I did two thrusts. Seth two thrusts. [ laughter ] but you still got a flag. I still got a flag. Seth so what has the League Reached out to you to let you know what the thrust limit is . [ laughter ] i think theres no thrust mi i just think you cant make it derogative where it looks bad. Seth yeah. Where people watch. Seth well, yeah, when im watching at home, i just want you to know im thrusting constantly. [ laughter ] i cant stop. My wife says its a problem. [ laughter ] so, you have four children, correct . Yes. Seth and do they have an enthusiasm for football yet . I think they love it, you know . Seth mmhmm. I think they see me play it. Theyre around it, so i think they enjoy it. Seth and they do seem to emulate you a little bit. And it seems like your son just icing himself as well . Yeah. [ audience aws ] autos icing out with his dad. Seth and, which thats auto . Autonomy. Seth autonomy . And, is this him as well . Yeah. Seth because i really like this one. Thats his younger brother, ali. [ audience aws ] seth ali. There you guys go. And, who and this is is it true that you guys get your hair cut at the same place . Yeah, same guy, nelly the barber. Seth there you go. Look at that, side by side. [ audience aws ] um, but this, i want to show this Instagram Video real quick so we can show the exact skill level. Obviously, its in the family how well you guys are receivers. Lets take a look. Yay [ applause ] seth adorable children. Thank you. Seth last thing im gonna ask you about because i actually believe we have something in common. You are an obsessive flosser. Yes. Seth and, is it true . I have heard that you always have dental floss on you. Its my i. D. Badge. Seth really . [ laughter ] yes. Seth and, is it do you have a container of dental after every meal. Seth really . Yes. Seth this is i love that youre you may be a Spokes Person for microsoft, but youre doing more for the dental association. [ laughter ] true. Seth and would you say this . The key, to children out there who are watching, the key to business being booming in the teeth is flossing after every meal . True. [ laughter ] always floss. Seth always floss. Thank you for that message, and thank you so much for being here. Ill such a big fan. Thanks for having me, seth. Seth keep business going. [ cheers and applause ] Antonio Brown everybody well be right back with Graydon Carter. [ cheers and applause ] . . Enjoy your phone you too. inner monologue all right, be cool. You got the amazing new iphone 7 on the house by switching to at t. What . . Aand you got unlimited data because you have directv . . Okay, just a few more steps. 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