As the great star of Bethlehem the wise men to the manger so the joy of the Seas light your way into a happy and fulfilling your here this message of Christmas love comes from Carol Leifer cooperative with a wish for the happiest of holidays. Line . On the 1st. Month of the food supply perfect when they'll soon Springdale wish you a Merry Christmas filled with the warmth of caring the joy of togetherness and the love of friends and family may happy memories linger long after the season is gone may Christmas give you the eyes to see beauty that only the heart can understand Happy holidays. Oh now. Let's go out to focus on the family time today guys being trained they want on the German Coast Guard and I'm a day comes in many a man and we are sinking we are seeking Hello this is the German Coast Guard man to man and we're sinking we're sinking What are you sinking up out. My son thinks that's the funniest that was ever seen falls over in laughter. A few weeks later we're driving down the road and I start singing a hymn from my childhood that goes like this I was thinking to even sit in far from the peaceful show and from the backseat I heard and what were you singing about. And I looked at my wife and I said they see everything we do they hear everything we say they forget nothing and then they repeat. And so I want my desire 22 years in a marriage is to have a marriage worth repeating in the Song of Solomon you see the Daughters of Jerusalem and they say this about the young budding love of Solomon the shoe of my woman we rejoice and delight in you we will praise your love more than wine my desire is to praise the love of young people to rejoice in the light and what God is doing in young budding love I have that passion and I have it for my children I don't want them to be afraid of marriage I want to model it well for them and and so I tell him the old time we are our children's back up singers we say this in our country music a little town called Branson Missouri all the time. Every marriage is a do it need a great backup singers and we desire to start by being great backup singers to our children I want to get married one day I want to get married early I tell him all the time you don't have to wait to get married you can get married and grow up together I used to sit where you're sitting every Wednesday Dr Falwell would speak at convocation and he constantly told us Don't leave this campus without a wife he was always being a great backup singer. And I'm grateful he did because I I met a me on this campus and now we're raising 2 children that we desire to model marriage well for but some of you have maybe not had the great models for Amy and I we decided years ago we want to marriage it's going to be fun because some of you may have heard this message in church growing up and it goes something like this God gives you a spouse to beat you down. And sucked the life out of you. So you can be more like Jesus. And I want to take you ecclesiastics this morning briefly I love the book of Ecclesiastes it's dark it's pessimistic very much that's my personality. If you need a good way to read go to a cliche ask these. Chapter One life is hard chapter 12 then you die these are the bookends of Achilles the Estes. And in the middle of this book you get a cliche assays Chapter 9 verses 739 and it says this go eat your food with gladness and drink your sparkling cider with a joyful heart. I clean that up for the Liberty way let's stay focused this morning . Drink your wine with the joyful Harper now God favors what you do always be clothed in white and always anoint your head with oil it speaking there of joy and festivity and then in verse 9 of chapter 9 it says endure life with your wife all your miserable days. It doesn't say that. I just misquoted Here's what it says enjoy life with your wife whom you love all your meaningless days but this is your lot in life and in your toil some labor under the sun meaning you don't have to choose between a life and a wife you can have both at the same time. I meet young guys all the time that tell me I can't I can't get married I don't want to get married or I meet guys that have gotten married and they say you know I got married young but I had big dreams and plans and goals for the future but when I got married that all changed God doesn't give you a spouse to beat you down and suck the life out of you he doesn't give your spouse to be the grind of life he gives you a spouse to go through the grind of life with and for some of you marriage is not on your radar right now but according to research you got about a 90 percent shot of walking down the aisle one day. And I just want to encourage you I just want to encourage you this morning. When it comes to love it doesn't matter how you meet when it comes to enjoying life and marriage according to please ask it doesn't matter how you meet it's what you do after you meet tell people to I don't care how you Miti Harmony dot com Match dot com Farmers Only dot com. Ancestry dot com I don't care how you can be. Sure how you meet doesn't matter. It's what you do after you me and here's the bottom line enjoying life and marriage according to Ecclesiastes $99.00 is a decision it's not an outcome it's something you decide it's something you choose not something you wait for not waiting for a certain season in life you make the decision let's enjoy life together and be honestly the 1st 7 years of marriage Amy and I we did not enjoy it we got to the point and we we were in love and we were committed and we remove the d word the divorce word from our marriage but man we had the struggles early in marriage as many young couples do until about 7 years in we made the decision that we were going to enjoy life together my wife Amy is way better at this than I am. She said you know what we're going to have fun with everything anything irritating frustrating annoying pet peeves we're just going to choose to find a way to enjoy life together and she said I will let you pick the 1st topic the issue that we may have and I'm going to show you how we can have fun with everything so that's why I told her this is where I started where I was at the time I said baby there's not a lot of adventure for men in the world anymore so would you please let me find my own parking space. I want to do it all by myself. I want to provide this for my family. And she she said all right game on and I pulled past her 3rd space from the door spot she picks out I drive 20 spaces down and the 1st few years of marriage she just looked at me with those eyes that said you stubborn stubborn man. Just take the help receive the help and I know I got it we're going to walk right I was passionate about this. Now all these years later every time we pull into a parking lot I find the spot still and my wife does this and I love it she leans over and she starts massaging my bicep. And she'll say it yourself I. Am so proud of you. Having fun I love I just started studying comedy about the last year and a half and comedy is very simple its premise punchline premise punchline premise punchline my favorite thing is the callback the callback is where you bring a punchline from earlier in the set and you break it off with a different premise 101520 minutes later and as I started out I go Why why don't we do that as couples why don't we turn every conflict like a parking lot situation into a callback and have fun with it instead of always being irritated with each other instead of always in choose to have fun because enjoying life and marriage is about having fun it's about choosing to have fun it flows from the same place your character that commitment flows from so here's how I did now some of you are going to find this early in marriage or in your data right now my wife would ask me questions when we were 1st married think and I had the answers to everything she asked me and I'd be like why do you think I know what we drive through a construction zone and she'd be like hey babe yeah what are they doing right here . I see why I wasn't involved in any of the meetings on this project I have absolutely no idea what's going on here and I used to drive down the road going Why does she think I know these and she you know why she's wanted to connect with me she's not looking for information. Guys we make this mistake a lot we think when she's asking questions that she needs answers no she needs connection. She needs us just to listen and to talk so watch now here's how I turn that into a callback when we drive through a construction zone to have fun and she'll say Hey what are they doing right here I turned into the construction foreman I told him. We're going to 12 planes not 6 you got to have fun with that roll down the window talk to the construction workers as you go by like you're the foreman. I love listening to Pastor Ted coming here and it's our privilege to present this great message to you on today's episode of focus on the family go ahead and get the entire presentation in 13 other outstanding broadcasts on 12 c.b.s. Is our best of 2100 c.v. Collection just make a donation we'll send that to you our number is 800 the letter in the word family 802326459 or you can donate and request that best of cd set that focus on the Family dot com slash broadcast Let's go ahead and hear more about marriage from Ted Cunningham. You don't have to look for greener grass I want you to think about for just a 2nd the guy who's who's at home and he turns on the Harmony Match dot com or our time dot com commercial and he sees a couple twirling around on the screen and he thinks to himself Boy I'd like to have that right now but I can never have that because we never took a test. We will never have that and I always tell the guys in our church stop looking for greener grass where there is greener grass there is a septic leak. Stay home and water your own lawn for a good time call home. But he sees you know if I want to have fun again in life and I want to enjoy life again I need to find someone new no here's the bottom line you will never find compatibility you'll never discover it there's not an algorithm in the world that can put you a someone compatible compatibility is something you choose at something you create It's a decision that you made. Now my wife and I We come from 2 very different background I grew up in the pen of fundamental pre-millennial King James version only Baptist . I have what's known as that guilt prone nature she grew up Assembly of God set 3 Jesus Christ so she. I see all signs on the road is lost to be followed you break when you go to jail God stops loving you that's how I view signs she sees all signs on the road a suggestions for other people very different I grew up in a home and thought savings with money you put away for a rainy day she grew up seeing savings as the difference between the actual price and the sale price she has to love languages if you know what I love language is it's the way we give and receive love her to love languages acts of service and quality time which means I serve her for long periods of time that's how I show him a kind of him love. We make the choice to enjoy life together we're watching movies we love watching movies for Amy watching a movie means surfing Pinterest and reading a magazine. Which puts all of the burden of watching the movie on me something will happen and should just happen. Oh this wears me out I have to pause the movie and say hey there was an explosion on the space station big piece of metal procol up at the space shuttle now they're stuck in outer space she goes through what are they going to do. Again this is that question needing information I'm not an astronaut I have absolutely no idea but I bet if we watch the rest of the movie together. Well know how to fix the space shuttle the next time we need that information. Choosing to have fun together that's another great passage Genesis $224.00 says For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the to become one flesh the 1st half of that verse of the parenting verse that you should leave home you and your are already starting on that journey but you should leave home it's not God's plan for your life to be in your parents' basement at 35 with Star Wars bed sheets on your bed that's not his point. He wants you to leave and to separate and it's a good thing I my kids 12 and 14 soon to be 13 and 15 I share this 1st with them all the time you can ask my son a 12 What's your dad's definition of maturity according to Genesis 224 and Carcillo go how I will not be with mom and dad forever so plan accordingly That's right. You're eventually going to tell my kids all the time we love you You're a welcome to addition to this home but I want you to know we got big plans your mom and I after you leave. And he'll say well what are you going to do well 1st of all we're going to Disney world that's where we're going to kick this whole thing off. But your mom and I were preparing you we want you to leave and when my daughter was 5 years old she was kind of taken over the house and I sat her down I said Corinne may there's only one queen in this house and you and her. She looked at me with those eyes that said we'll see a. Big Talker. The next day she tells my wife there's room enough in this house for 2 queens. And I said Corinne may Cunningham One day I'm going to stand at the back of a church with you looking down the aisle. At some pervert. Oh I didn't say that I didn't say that to my daughter I never said it to my daughter. I didn't want that going deep into her heart. I said I'm a stand back the Church of the I'm not walking you down the aisle until I know he loves you as much as me because here's the thing you are not my queen but you're my princess and one day I'm going to want to walk you down the aisle to give you a way to become another man's Queen I said and that's Genesis 224 for this reason a man leaves us father and mother is united to his wife in the 2 become one flesh the bond according to that passage the bond between a husband and a wife is to be stronger than the bond between a parent and a child and I said career in I want to show you to the best of my ability every day how a queen should be treated that's my goal so you know what to look for. Because I love it when a mom comes up to me at a wedding and says. I don't feel like I'm losing a son they feel like I'm gaining a daughter I say the same thing every time know you're losing a son. And it's time for you to back away so these 2 can become one because we're watching Genesis 224 take place a husband and wife to becoming one I want to rejoice in the light and praise your young love today I want to tell you you got this you can do this and the culture is telling you no you can't you're too young and I challenge the unnecessary delay of marriage but that doesn't mean that I encourage the rushing of marriage. But I'm just saying you can get married and grow up together you can pursue marriage and you can enjoy life together if you make that decision included in your behalf ousts included in your vows because I meet couples all the time that are walking away I'll never forget on the East Coast years ago a lady came up to me after a session I did called from anger to intimacy she was shaking she was so mad she walked right up to me and she said Pastor. All right yeah she said I did say something to you like Wow I said what's that she said my husband left me do you know why he got to me. I said I said I'm getting a little picture of it but it's just a real small little picture of. She said He left me because he couldn't handle being married to a successful one I want a boy here's here's a key relationship truth the issue is rarely ever the issue don't sabotage your relationship over issues get below the surface of the issue and I am here I can say with confidence not even knowing this woman her success did not cause her divorce there was something else going on I said Ma'am can I pastor you for 5 minutes I took her silence as consent. I noticed it from across the room she said what's that I said the giant enormous chip on your shoulder. I don't know who said what I don't know how long it's been there but I got great news for you today she does what's that I said you're 100 percent responsible for it. You can choose today what you're going to do with it you can stay angry and sabotage your next relationship or you can choose to resolve it. You can do something with it I taught are 2 things that they about anger that a mentor shared with me 1718 years ago and it's simply this unresolved anger is like drinking poison expecting the other person to get sick I said ma'am and I say this this comes from the heart of a pastor who loves you you're drinking this poison by the gallons a day I said and the 2nd thing about anger that I've learned is you never bury anger dead you always buried alive and it will resurface in another relationship if you don't deal with it if you don't do something with it and she was standing there next to her son and I said if you're not careful little it'll come out on him I want to encourage you to resolve this anger What do you need to resolve I view anger like a pet we just carried around with us everywhere we go and some of you can handle anger like a carnival goldfish you got it for a couple of days and then it's gone right you don't have it after that others carry it around like a guinea pig I remember my daughter wanted to get paid we went into the pet store and and my daughter's looking in the cage excited to get the guinea pig I call the sales associate to the side I said Yes Ma'am can you tell me how long is this thing going to live. And with enthusiasm she said 5 to 7 years I was like. I was thinking something more like in the 2 to 3 year range What do you got in a 2 to 3 year range this smug sales associate looks at me and she says sir maybe you're not ready for the responsibility of a pet. I said I'm trying to teach my daughter without so much commitment but that to me is always a picture when I see someone carrying around unresolved anger she's holding this thing carrying it around and every day with their thoughts toward that other person in her case her ex-husband who think she thinks left him because of her success she just feeding this any pig. But you know I meet a lot of folks in church ministry that they don't even have a guinea pig they got a parrot I don't know if you know about parrots but they outlived their owners. That Can you imagine I mean going to the lawyers office after someone dies and you get the house you know you get the accounts and you get the bird. But but I that was this lady and I told her you know what needs to happen to the bird you need to take the bird down off your shoulder get rid of it. Get rid of it resolve your anger choosing to enjoy life and marriage it's a decision that you need to make early it's a decision that you need to work through I want to encourage you don't be afraid of marriage Heber's 13 forces marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept here. It's simply a saying whether you're young or old married or single We're all called to esteem marriage as highly valuable and that is my prayer for you thank you Liberty University for having me. What a great message from Pastor Ted Cunningham today on focus on the family and it was one of our top broadcasts from this past year that Ted always hits a home run and I so enjoy his messages and if you appreciated today's content I think you'll really enjoy Ted's excellent book called Fun loving you it contains a lot of practical advice like how to laugh together again how to fight as teammates and not opponents and how to appreciate your mate's better qualities we'd be happy to send you a copy of fun loving you for a donation of any amount today and remember you