Youre all going to be doing this. We know for i fact you have massive numbers of noncitizens registered to vote in this country. Nobody disputes that. Please, no. Look at him. We know for a fact you have massive numbers of noncitizens registered to vote in this country. Nobody disputes that. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight stephen welcomes. Shailene woodley, laverne cox and rick and marty lagina. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now live from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it is Stephen Colbert cheers and applause . Stephen whooo whooo hey, everybody. applause thank you very much. Hey, welcome. Welcome to the late show, im your host, Stephen Colbert. You guys watch thank you very much. You guys watch the grammys last night . James corden did a great job, fantastic show. Everybody was there. Fun sized superstar bruno mars saluted prince, daft punk and the weekend performed in supermans fortress of sal teud. Dwight yoakam wondered on stage apparently looking for the parking garage. There were a few technical deficits. Adele had some, lady gaga and metallica had some problems with the mic, evidently. Its the first time in history a metallica crowd had to say, what . We cant hear you. Turn it up. Im not getting im not applause but im being told, im told that cbs has found the missing audio track. Jim, can we play that with James Hetfields vocals restored. Im on the right track baby i was born this way. laughter gaga, gaga and metallica perfect. Just great. Such a blending of the styles. Of course the star of last night as every night was beyonce. cheers and applause she was nominated for nine grammys including album of the year for lemonade. Everybody expected her to win, especially the woman without actually won. I cant possibly accept this award and im very humbled and im very grateful and gracious but my artist of my life is beyonce and this album to me, the lemonade album was just, so monumental, beyonce, it was so monumental. Stephen i think adele just said i ama let me finish but beyonce had one of the best albums of all times. Right . She selfkayneed. Very few people can pull that off. In fact, adele was so shaken by the win that she accidentally tore her grammy in half, thats right, even adeles victories are breakup stories. But you know who did not win a grammy last night . Donald trump. Yeah. Rigged. Totally rigged. laughter millions of illegal grammy voters. Sad. Didnt happen. Fake news. Thats fake news. Fake awards. applause this week donald trump took japanese Prime Minister shinzo abe down to maralago and at dinner trump was swarmed with paying members who were hoping for a few seconds with the president. Now i know that sounds like corruption applause let me set the scene. President trump and Prime Minister abe are eating their dinners when they receive news that north korea had test launched a ballistic missile. This is a provocation by a Rogue Nuclear state. So President Trump immediately retreated to a secure location where he could be briefed on the details. Im just kidding. laughter trump took the call on his cell phone at the table and the meal quickly morphed into a strategy session in full view of the fellow diners. Thats right. Trump team handled an International Crisis like teens at and afterprom party looking at dereks instagram. Did you know hes with kaylen, did you know he is with kaylen, i disn know kaylen had nukes. Thats sad. Other diners even posted facebook photos of trump and abe looking at one imagined are classified documents by the light of someones cell phone flash light. But im sure those documents are secure unless that cell phone flash light also show has a camera attached to it it. Cant happen. Another guy posted facebook photos of himself with a guy who carries around the Nuclear Launch codes, identifying the staffer by name. This is rick. Rick is the man. Or applause rick is the man or more accurately rick was the man, until his identity was compromised next to the carving station. The guy has since taken down the facebook post. And i cant blame him. He only got 20 likes. laughter i think a post about the Nuclear Launch codes really should have blown up. Of course of course what . applause of course people are still upset about trumps travel ban. So yesterday trump sent out a new face, white house senior policy advisor and young gargamel stephen miller. He was on all the sunday snows. He was on the nation face, he was on meet the goatee and sunday with this week george. And the nation face himself, John Dickerson had an introspective question for miller. When i talk to republicans on the hill, they wonder what is the white house, what have you all learned from this experience with the executive order . Our opponents, the media and the whole world will soon see as we begin to take further actions that the powers of the president to protect our country are very substantial and will not be questioned. Stephen adding i am become death, destroyer of worlds. Kneel before zod. laughter kneel, kneel, kneel. applause have John Dickerson washed and brought to zods tent. Jimmy, can we just play that last sentence again. The powers of president to protect our country are very substantial and will not be questioned. Stephen will not be questioned . Let me test that theory. What the [bleep] are you talking about . cheers and applause stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen thank you very much. Miller didnt just talk about the travel ban. This week the department of Homeland Security estimated that trumps border wall is going to cost 21. 6 billion dollar bills. But miller says it is a good investment. This wall will pay for itself many, many, many times over. laughter . Stephen it will pay for itself . I thought mexico was paying for it. Now trumps going to make the wall pay for the wall . Thats not fair. Thats not fair at all. But miller took his strongest stand when it came to defending the president s super crazy charges of voter frawt. This week trump said the only reason he lost New Hampshire is because voters were bussed in from massachusetts. And miller has the evidence, kind of sort of. Wine strawb weintraub says a call upon the president to share voter fraud evidence so allegations may be investigated promptly, do you have that evidence . This morning on this show is not the venue for me to lay out all the evidence. Stephen okay. laughter not all the evidence. How about some of the evidence. Maybe any of the evidence . George, go to New Hampshire, talk to anybody who works in politics there for a long time. Everybody is aware of the problem in New Hampshire. Stephen oh, i didnt know he had an eye witness. Your honor, i would like to call to the stand anybody in the state of New Hampshire. Get them up here. And while miller doesnt want to show any evidence on tv, he will show all of his face on any of it. Im prepared to go on any show, anywhere, any time and repeat it and say the president of the United States is correct, 100 . Stephen any show, any time, anywhere . Perfect. How about the late show tomorrow at the ed sullivan theater. cheers and applause good . Okay. And guess what, youve already confirmed that you will be here tomorrow. Need evidence . Ask anyone in the state of New Hampshire. And listen, if you dont show up, im gonna call you a liar. applause and if you do show up, i am gonna call you a lie tore your face. We have a tbreat show for you tonight. Shailene woodley is here. Stick around. The late show with Stephen Colbert. Stephen hey, welcome back, everybody, give it up for jon batiste and stay human. applause . Stephen folks, before we get started, we want to say, you know, our friend charlie rose at the charlie rose show and cbs this morning, he had open heart surgery last week, and hes doing great. Hes doing great. We just want to say get well, charlie. Get well. Have them throw an extra heart in there, throw an extra one in there. Youre a star. You can get that. Hi them give me two extra livers. Yeah. Jon hes got two. Stephen comes in handy, in case one blows out on me. Jon right. Stephen speaking of hearts, valentines day tomorrow. That is called a segue. And i just want to talk to this guy over here, you know love, right. I love, love. Stephen we both have valentines. Some people out there maybe do not have a valentine. Have a little trouble finding someone to be with on valentines day. Jon yeah, i know, but thats why i made a simple guide to teach everyone how to find love in just six easy steps. Jim hello, students im jon batiste and this is piano 10fun. How to love. Lets face it, when it comes to feelings, love is the big ka humana. But if you are one of the less than five percent of americans who still havent found a soul mate, listen up. Less lesson one, historys greatest lovers. None of us would be here if it werent for two very special people falling in love. Tom hanks and rita wilson. Dont think we could carry on without them. And if you want to foa about love, learn from the best by reading up on famous couples like adam and eve, romeo and july yetd, garfield and dillbert. Nick and 25 eligible bachelorettes and who could forget earth and moon. Just kiss, already. Lesson two, dating. Dating is like a job interview. If you play your cards right, youll end up working at sports authority. But why tell you how to go on a date when i can take you on a virtual date. Put on your vr goggles now. Hello. Thanks for meeting me here. You look great. How you doing . Me too but my name is not alex, its jon. Tell me a little about yourself. Ha, ha, i dont trust caterpillars either. You want to see the menu . What . Why would you say that . Hammic alajawan was a herror of the nba. This date is over. You have failed the date. You will die alone. Ha ha ha ha ha. Great job. Lesson three, so you have fallen in love and decided to make it official, huh . That means its time to pop the big question. Will you marry me . Your proposal is a moment you want to remember forever so be sure to get it on camera. Heres a tip, propose on a slip and slide thats being used by a group of funloving golden retriever puppies and theyll send the tape in to americas funniest home videos am you can win 10,000. I use my money to buy this giant check. Buyers remorse. Lesson four. Stephen jon . What are you doing in my dressing room. Im teaching the people about love. Lesson five, the movie forrest gump. My favorite part is when he gets that boat and he is on the water and he hasnt seen Lieutenant Dan a long time and then see him a across the water and he like Lieutenant Dan, dan, and he jump in the water and he swim and hes like oh, shucks have i to catch Lieutenant Dan, i havent seen him, since vietnam. Pop pop pop. Then he died, oh, lesson six, there must be two dozen songs written about love, all you need is love, love me do and octopu s garden. You dont need to be in love to write a love song. Heres a hint. Write a song about Something Else in life that you really care about and then just switch it out for your lovers name. Check out this tune i wrote. I got a great deal down at the nissan dealership. And you sleep in my garage. And i love it when you say beep beep. And when you go vroom, vroom. Oh i love you girl. I love you. Oh oh, oh, oh. And that is how you love. Now take off your vr goggles right now. This isnt real. Great job. You completed my virtual love seminar, happy valentines day. cheers and applause well be right back with shailene woodley. Oh, i lof you love you girl. Stephen welcome back, everybody. My first guest tonight is a golden globe nominated actress who starred in the fault in our stars and the di verge ent series. Please welcome shailene woodley. I can see all i want. How is it. Stephen how is it . Yeah, hi. Stephen how are you. Im good. Stephen that is a beautiful dress and you have recently been made an add mirnl i see, it gives you a little authority. Thank you, its not mine but i agree, i think its really pretty. Stephen this isnt mine either. I was warned before i met you that you. Were you warned. Stephen i was warned that you were a hugger. Yes. Stephen i was warned you are a hugger and i got a great hug from you. Im glad you liked it, thanks for hugging me back. That would have been weird if you hadnt hugged me back. I just hug you and you just stand there. Stephen where is the hugging come from . Is it very full and loving hug. I was actually just talking to somebody back therement i feel like its actually in this industry you meet someone for five seconds and there is a handshake and a hi how are you but no one is listening to you how you are, good, not dwoodz, i feel like we do that a lot in life especially with our phones and technology there is not a lot of real interactions so maybe it has something to do like that or maybe i just dont like shaking swubs hands because then your hands get all grimy. Stephen uhhuh. I really want to use some pu rell right now. We didnt shake hands. Stephen did you grow up in a hugging family. Was it encouraged at home . No, i mean kids, make sure when you go to school today that you hug everyone in class. No stephen we had to hug each other. Im one of 11 i had cans and we had to hug each other. We couldnt fight, when to end every fight with a hug. Fighting both of my parents are psychologists and my brother and i, we fought a lot as kids. Over silly things and there was this one time in particular my dad made my brother and i sit on our front law. Lawn, i grew up in su bur be suburbia so we tbheu every neighbor. We had to sit on the front lawn for what felt like four hours t was probably 30 or 40 minutes. Stephen you had to hug each other. We had to hug each other. My dad would come out every ten minutes. Have you worked it out yet, you have said your sorry. My recollection is my brother and i just agreed to say lets just tell him that we worked it out and then we can leave. Stephen wow, do you recommend that kind of parenting . Are you going to do that with your kids. I dont know. I mean i think its kind of hilarious, right . Like we make our kids hug each other. Stephen my family. I would have laughed. Stephen hug and kiss, are you not allowed to leave the spot where the fight was happening. Until you hugged it out and kissed it out. Stephen hug and kiss, that was it, had to. And did that just become routine and was it did you actually get over it. Stephen we learned to pretend. Exactly. We learned to pretend to love each other. How does that work out for you. Stephen fantastic. We still pretend to love each other. Actually we love each other very much. Are you very interested in the environment. I want to show this photo. Are you cool with us showing that photo. You can show that. Stephen i thought perhaps at first you were auditioning for orange is the new black. But this is you actually having been arrested at the Standing Rock protest. Yes. applause i wish i had known. Stephen go a heads. I wish i had known that this was going to be as public as it was. I would have made like a face. I feel like im looking at the person like are you kid ming right now. Stephen i think is t is a fairly good face if. I was arrested and put in an orange jump suit i wouldnt look as serene as you do. Explain, i know there have been several protests out in the north of the American Plains over development on tribal lands. Specifically e explain Standing Rock. Standing rock has been the tribe Standing Rock has been opposing this since 2014 and last year starting around september thousands of people flooded to the reservation to protest this pipeline and we got the army corps of engineers under Obamas Administration to deny the easement so they couldnt drill. And as we have all maybe heard in the last few weeks, there has been an executive order from Trumps Administration saying that they were going to go ahead with the easement anyways and start drilling. Stephen so do the protests continue or is it sort of fet aplomb. The protest is continuing, people are still there. But the thing that i like to sort of Start Talking about now is that the front lines dont necessarily have to be in north dakota. The front lines can be wherever you r you can create a protest in new york city, you can create a protest because protests are about creating awareness and about people coming together. And i think one of the biggest ways that were going to defeat this pipeline more so than even protesting on the front lines if thats not your speed is to divest from these big banks that are invested in the pipeline. And thats not just about banks that are invested in the pipeline, its about banks that are invested in the, you know, the immigration, all of these things. So there will be a website up in the next few days called how to di vest. Org and you should check it out. Stephen so did you actually go to the old Gray Bar Hotel were you actually thrown in jail. I was, yeah. Stephen was it one of those things where you went into the yard and punched the big es person you could see, what was it shall how long were you there . I was only i was lucky. My mom was actually with me in north dakota that day by happens chance. Stephen mom what are you doing in north dakota. She was out there to actually participate with this pow wow in rapid city, south dakota. We were up there, i was faced, i got arrested. I handed her my phone and i was like keep recording. And the look on her face, she wasnt there she was shocked. I cant imagine actually what it would be like to see yu daughter handcuffed and taken away. Stephen did at any point she say i want to you hug it out with the police officer, okay. Well, now you are in, it is a mini series, a new show on hbo called Big Little Lies with Reese Witherspoon and Nicole