Transcripts For KYW The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20170

Chuck, whats at 2 00 . 2 00, debate about whether representative nunes should step aside in the russia probe. What happened about the f. B. I. Testimony into the investigation with snrution. Closed meeting. No thats roger stone. You mean House Committee questioning of carter page on his russian connections. Those are different guys. I dont know. How is anyone russian accent everyone out, i am new boss, now special report from house of representatives. russian music its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight stephen welcomes marisa tomei. And stay human featuring jon batiste and stay human. Now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause captioning sponsored by cbs band playing stephen thank you very much thank you commanding Stephen Stephen hey thank you, everybody cheers and applause thank you so much thank you mark and chris welcome to the late show, everybody im your host Stephen Colbert. And want you to know that Late Show Intelligence Committee will follow our investigation of trump and russia wherever it leads. Usually its to james corden in about an hour. Wherever. laughter for the past week, everyones been wondering about devin nuness secrnt source at the white house. Nunes has refused to reveal who it was, out of concern that if his source is exposed, hell have to come up with a new reason to keep canceling russia hearings. Well, today, the failing New York Times revealed that the person who met with nunes was in fact, two people suspenseful music laughter according to the times, the sources were ezra cohenwatnick, the senior director for intelligence at the National Security council, and Michael Ellis, a lawyer who works on National Security issues at the white house. Say it isnt so, Michael Ellis and ezra cohenwatnick ive trusted you ever since i learned your names at the begiof laughter i cant believe its those two guys whose names ive forgotten at this point right. Stephen the rest of the story hasnt changed. It was legal wiretaps of foreign officials who were talking to trump people. Still dont know what they were talking about. Or if Trumps Campaign colluded with putin. But cnbcs Geoff Cutmore tried to get the answer straight from the horses mouth and the man who rides shirtless on it. You and the russian government did never tried to influence the outcome of the u. S. President ial president ial election and there will be no evidence found . translated Ronald Reagan once debating about taxes and addressing the americans said, watch my lips, he said, no. Watch my lips, no. Stephen ha, ha, ha, ha, that Vladimir Putin sure is a jokester. Knock knock. Whos there . I. I who . Whos asking, i who . Are you journalist . I will kill you. laughter but heres the thing, reagan didnt say that, george h. W. Bush did. Its the reason vlad lost on jeopardys war criminal week. cheers and applause huge ratings. I love watching every year. Every year i love watching war criminals week. Im sorry, your answer must be in the form of a murder. Speaking of Donald Trumps loved ones, yesterday it was announced that ivanka trump will become a federal employee in the white house, serving as the president s eyes and ears. Yeah, yeah, eyes and ears. No word yet on who will be operating his brain. laughter piano riff cheers and applause yay brain very happy to get this man bring your daughter to govern day. laughter so hes hired his daughter as assistant to the president , his soninlaw as his senior adviser, and put eric and donald junior in charge of the National Hair gel reserve. laughter anyway its always 1985. laughter anyway, im not sure whos doing what in the white house. Can we put up the white house chore wheel . Okay, this week ivankas on domestic policy, jareds on foreign policy, and looks like the president is loading the dishwasher again. Big responsibility. A lot of responsibility. cheers and applause youve got to prerinse. But lets take a break from trump can we take a break from trump, please . Can we do that . cheers and applause and lets talk about someone who has no power in washington, mike pence. laughter the Washington Post just did a profile of mike and mrs. Mike, and they have a pretty solid thing going on. Because pence never eats alone with a woman other than his wife. And that can mean only one thing mike pence is such an outofcontrol force five boneicane, that he has to be monitored by karen pence at all times. One amstel light and hes dryhumping the bread basket. Okay . laughter oh, theres snow on the roof but theres a fire in the furnac applause pence also wont attend events featuring alcohol without his wife by his side. Hes so naughty, if you left him alone with a bottle of whiskey, he might try to have sex with it. And jim beam and jack daniels are both dudes. And he is not into gay stuff he has to pray away the mt. Gay. Thats what i hear. I dont know. Then theres the story of how the pences got engaged. While they were out feeding ducks in 1985, mike pence hollowed out two loaves of bread, placing a bottle of champagne in one and the ring box in the other for her to discover as she tore off pieces. Which is pretty impressive. That means karen can tell the difference between mike pence and a loaf of bread. Its actually a really cute engagement story. laughter very cute engagement story. And its a good thing karen was there because you do not want to leave mike pence alone with one of those seductive loaves of bread. Yeah. Ghter the yeast isnt the only thing rising. laughter applause mmm, mmm. piano riff also, its worth noting that the couple later got the bread shellacked. laughter of course. Shellacked bread is an indiana delicacy hey, you remember last year, when North Carolina passed a bill that forced transgender people to use the bathroom that matched the gender on their birth certificate . Basically, you needed two forms of i. D. To go number one. Well, today, North Carolina lawmakers announced a deal to repeal the bathroom bill. cheers and applause sounds like some people have been holding it for about six months. laughter that means big changes for North Carolina. Their license plates can go back to first in flight from their current license plate motto we peek under your stall. laughter and North Carolina lawmakers agreed to change the bill just ahead of a deadline set by the n. C. A. A. , which had vowed not hold events in North Carolina as long as hb2 remains law. So, really, we have College Athletes to thank for this repeal. cheers and applause really nice. Jon really, really something. Stephen and we will thank them the same way we always do by not paying them. laughter and you know, North Carolina is basketball country, so i can see why it would change minds. Now, i am a godfearing social conservative and my faith guides me to reject the deviant sexual proclivities of whats that . No tar heel games . Screw it, pee on me. cheers and applause we got a great show for you tonight. Marisa tomei is here. When we come back weve got the white houses biggest leaker. So wait im sorry. Wait, wait, im getting the latest breaking monkey news. laughter i did not know this was coming, but, ladies and gentlemen, latebreaking monkey news. Were about to go to break. But this ones a little different. So buckle up. You guys like those planet of the apes movies . audience reacts i love em. Man and ape fearing and hating one another is such a great metaphor for how scared i am that a chimp will bite my face off. So many great movies planet of the apes, rise f the planet of the apes, dawn of the planet of the apes, hey, look this planet also has apes i wonder if it turns out to be earth in the end and two apes too furious tokyo chimp. Well, it says here that the i thought it was going to say more than this but it says here that the ultimate battle for humanity hits theaters in july and what youre about to see is an exclusive look at the new trailer for war for the planet of the apes. No ones ever seen it. Got it first. Check it out. Hes a smart one, isnt he . What are you going to name him . Do they look like just he saved our lives. Was remarkable. Apes, apes run, run youre him. Youre caesar. We have been searching for you for so long. I did not start this war. I fight only to protect apes. Human get sick. April get smart. Then human kill april. chanting there are times when it is necessary to abandon our humanity to Save Humanity they must pay. Ill finish this. I offered you peace, i showed you mercy. You talk about mercy no matter what you say, eventually youd replace us. Thats the law of nature. So what would you have done . Apes, together, strong apes together strong i come to save your apes. I came for you. screaming its an important question you ask, but one i think with a simple answer. We have this need to peek over our neighbors fence. And once we do, we see wonder waiting. Every step you take, narrows the influence of narrow minds. Bridges continents and brings this world one step closer. So, the question you asked me. Its you. Everything in one place,. A. Ugh yellow. Face. But crest whitestrips safely workel you used thete oh yea stephen john boehner and stay human, everybody here cheers and applause oh, my friend. Now, weve talked a lot about it, but all this russia stuff boils down to one simple question what is trumps relationship to russia, and when does he plan to leave it for a younger country . The usa today did a little digging and they found that trumps Business Network reached alleged russian mobsters. Okay, the mob. That explains why his hat originally said, nice america you have here. Be a shame if something not great happened to it. laughter but everything the senate or the f. B. I. Or devin nunes has learned comes from secret sources, some from inside the white house. Luckily, i have my own secret white house source. This is late show president ial leakcrets. cheers and applause now, to protect my super secret sources identity, we have dimmed the lights, and put him behind a screen. And, also, we burned off his fingerprints with a George Forman grill. The fat just melts away. Hello, anonymous source. Hello, stephen. Stephen your voice is still altered. Ah, no, i just have a cold, but i should be fine. I took a lozenge. Riccola its been a tough month for the president. Whats the mood in the white house these days . Panic. Complete panic. The staff is scared for their jobs. Stephen are they really scared theyre going to lose them . No. Theyre scared theyre going to keep them. laughter stephen all right, all right. That sounds rough. Okay, lets get to the bottom of this. Devin nunes claims to have a secret source in the white house who the New York Times claims to have revealed. Are they right . No, stephen. Devin nunes secret source is devin nunes. Stephen what . He got this information from himself . Does he have two personalities . Im not sure he has one personality. But he does sneak off to secure locations, and then, when hes alone, he draws lipstick on his hand and interrogates it. Stephen he has a relationship with his hand . Friends with benefits. Stephen are you saying the information nunes as got upis false . I didnt say that, stephen. Im just saying he pulled it from, shall we say, an undisclosed location. I mean the butt, steve. Stephen i got that part. Not a metaphor. Stephen got it. Its a great image. Now, nunes says hes afraid to share the secret documents he saw because currently redacted white house staffers might be unmasked. Are people there worried about possible unmasking . No, we unmask every saturday at our eyes wide shut parties. Trust me, steve bannon looks better in a mask. And wearing pants. There are some things you cannot unsee. Stephen there are also rumors that trump and melania are having marital problems. Is that true . Yes. The problem is that theyre married to each other. Stephen separate bedrooms . It helps when youre in separate cities. Stephen by the way, the president promised that we could expect, some very interesting items coming to the forefront over the next two weeks. Those two weeks are just about up. Any idea what hes talking about . Yes. He swallowed his keys. And theyll be coming to the forefront soon. He ate a lot of oat bran today. Stephen well, thats something to look forward to. Switching to health care, i know the republicans say theyre going to try again, but the president has to be digs appointed by the failure to repeal obamacare. Does he blame paul ryan . No, the president took a hard look in the mirror and took complete responsibility. Im just bleep with yo. laughter no, of course, of course. Trump, obviously cheers and applause trump obviously blames ryan. Stephen so is trump trying to get rid of him . Yes, the president is trying to push ryan out. Much like his keys. I mean from the butt, steve. Stephen anonymous source, everybody well be right back with marisa tomei. cheers and applause band playing youre a crazy big fan of sports. And you dont wanna miss a thing. Stream all your live ncaa march madness games. Get directv for 25 a month when you have the new at t unlimited plus plan. W. I was always searching for ways to manage my symptoms. I thought i had it covered. Then i realized managing was all i was doing. When i finally told my doctor, he said humira was for people like me who have tried other medications,. But still experience the symptoms of moderate to severe crohns disease. In clinical studies, the majority of patients on humira saw significant symptom relief. And many achieved remission. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections. Including tuberculosis. Serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers,. Including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions,. And new or worsening heart failure. Before treatment, get tested for tb. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if youve had tb,. Hepatitis b, are prone to infections,. Or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. If youre still just managing your symptoms, ask your gastroenterologist about humira. With humira, remission is possible. How do you become americas bestselling brand . You make it detect what they dont. Stop, stop, stop sorry. You make it sense whats coming. Watch, watch, watch mom. Relax im relaxed. You make it for 16year olds. Whoawhoawhoa and the parents who worry about them. You saw him, right . Going further to help make drivers, better drivers. Dont freak out on me. Thats ford. And thats how you become americas bestselling brand. Oh, its actually. Sfx short balloon squeal its ver. Sfx balloon squeals ok can we. Sfx balloon squeals goodbye oof, that milk in your coffee was messing with you, wasnt it . Try lactaid, its real milk, without that annoying lactose. Good right . Yeah. Lactaid. The milk that doesnt mess with you. You get to do the dishes. Ed. Bring em on. Dawn ultra has 3 times more greasecleaning power. A drop of dawn and grease is gone. band playing i want to thank you for letting me be myself again cheers and applause welcome back, everybody ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is an Academy Awardwinning actress you know from th the wrestler, spiderman, and my cousin vinny. Please welcome marisa tomei i want to thank you for letting me be myself again cheers and applause stephen nice to have you here. Im a big fan. Likewise. Stephen we met backstage. All day long i thought, i know i did something with marisa tomei before. I figured it out when i looked at paul dinello, my producer and one of my oldest friends in the world. Do you by chance remember coming to second city in 1990 and doing the set, doing the improv set that night . Yes stephen a scene with me and him on stage. I dont remember being on stage. That parts a blank. Stephen i think we were guys hitting on you at a bar or Something Like that, or was it a funeral or Something Like that. One or the other. We were in a cabin and no one could come in. Stephen we were in a snowedin cabin. Gangbusters. Stephen it was fantastic. I dont remember the scenes that dont go well. Is that why i have such affection for you . There is a lot of reasons, but there is history. Stephen nice to see you again. We should Work Together more than 27 years apart. Lest do that. Stephen obviously, Everybody Knows you from your fantastic movie roles. They love you as an actor. cheers and applause we know you from the movies, but you grew up in new york so i imagine you must have first fallen in love acting in the theater. Yeah, my parents love the theater. Stephen did they have to drag you or are you all in . No, it was a great time to spend with them. I got to see a chorus line and first iteration which is super exciting and inspired, my brother and i took tap. Stephen you took tap . Yeah, hes better than me and hes not here. Stephen was there a part you thought, oh, i want to grow up and play that part . I was into Robert Duvall. Stephen who isnt . Yeah, so anything that he was in, that was my aspiration. I wanted to be the Robert Duvall in any part he was in. It was, like, yeah, you know, gender fluidity, popular now. Stephen i love the smell of napalm in the morning. laughter youre in spiderman home coming. Youve played aunt may in the avengers movie. A little bit of controversy because there are depictions of aunt may that exist in the marvel comics, and this is what they are. laughter and this is what you look like. You look like this. This is not same person. applause you can imagine my horror when i was cast and i started doing the research but then i thought, im just going to go with it and i actually made a case to age me up. Stephen no, no. Its good. Its sexy aunt may. Yeah. No, not this. Its sexy aunt may. Well, the new play is at House Committee<\/a> questioning of carter page on his russian connections. Those are different guys. I dont know. How is anyone russian accent everyone out, i am new boss, now special report from house of representatives. russian music its the late show with Stephen Colbert<\/a> tonight stephen welcomes marisa tomei. And stay human featuring jon batiste and stay human. Now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city its Stephen Colbert<\/a> cheers and applause captioning sponsored by cbs band playing stephen thank you very much thank you commanding Stephen Stephen<\/a> hey thank you, everybody cheers and applause thank you so much thank you mark and chris welcome to the late show, everybody im your host Stephen Colbert<\/a>. And want you to know that Late Show Intelligence Committee<\/a> will follow our investigation of trump and russia wherever it leads. Usually its to james corden in about an hour. Wherever. laughter for the past week, everyones been wondering about devin nuness secrnt source at the white house. Nunes has refused to reveal who it was, out of concern that if his source is exposed, hell have to come up with a new reason to keep canceling russia hearings. Well, today, the failing New York Times<\/a> revealed that the person who met with nunes was in fact, two people suspenseful music laughter according to the times, the sources were ezra cohenwatnick, the senior director for intelligence at the National Security<\/a> council, and Michael Ellis<\/a>, a lawyer who works on National Security<\/a> issues at the white house. Say it isnt so, Michael Ellis<\/a> and ezra cohenwatnick ive trusted you ever since i learned your names at the begiof laughter i cant believe its those two guys whose names ive forgotten at this point right. Stephen the rest of the story hasnt changed. It was legal wiretaps of foreign officials who were talking to trump people. Still dont know what they were talking about. Or if Trumps Campaign<\/a> colluded with putin. But cnbcs Geoff Cutmore<\/a> tried to get the answer straight from the horses mouth and the man who rides shirtless on it. You and the russian government did never tried to influence the outcome of the u. S. President ial president ial election and there will be no evidence found . translated Ronald Reagan<\/a> once debating about taxes and addressing the americans said, watch my lips, he said, no. Watch my lips, no. Stephen ha, ha, ha, ha, that Vladimir Putin<\/a> sure is a jokester. Knock knock. Whos there . I. I who . Whos asking, i who . Are you journalist . I will kill you. laughter but heres the thing, reagan didnt say that, george h. W. Bush did. Its the reason vlad lost on jeopardys war criminal week. cheers and applause huge ratings. I love watching every year. Every year i love watching war criminals week. Im sorry, your answer must be in the form of a murder. Speaking of Donald Trumps<\/a> loved ones, yesterday it was announced that ivanka trump will become a federal employee in the white house, serving as the president s eyes and ears. Yeah, yeah, eyes and ears. No word yet on who will be operating his brain. laughter piano riff cheers and applause yay brain very happy to get this man bring your daughter to govern day. laughter so hes hired his daughter as assistant to the president , his soninlaw as his senior adviser, and put eric and donald junior in charge of the National Hair<\/a> gel reserve. laughter anyway its always 1985. laughter anyway, im not sure whos doing what in the white house. Can we put up the white house chore wheel . Okay, this week ivankas on domestic policy, jareds on foreign policy, and looks like the president is loading the dishwasher again. Big responsibility. A lot of responsibility. cheers and applause youve got to prerinse. But lets take a break from trump can we take a break from trump, please . Can we do that . cheers and applause and lets talk about someone who has no power in washington, mike pence. laughter the Washington Post<\/a> just did a profile of mike and mrs. Mike, and they have a pretty solid thing going on. Because pence never eats alone with a woman other than his wife. And that can mean only one thing mike pence is such an outofcontrol force five boneicane, that he has to be monitored by karen pence at all times. One amstel light and hes dryhumping the bread basket. Okay . laughter oh, theres snow on the roof but theres a fire in the furnac applause pence also wont attend events featuring alcohol without his wife by his side. Hes so naughty, if you left him alone with a bottle of whiskey, he might try to have sex with it. And jim beam and jack daniels are both dudes. And he is not into gay stuff he has to pray away the mt. Gay. Thats what i hear. I dont know. Then theres the story of how the pences got engaged. While they were out feeding ducks in 1985, mike pence hollowed out two loaves of bread, placing a bottle of champagne in one and the ring box in the other for her to discover as she tore off pieces. Which is pretty impressive. That means karen can tell the difference between mike pence and a loaf of bread. Its actually a really cute engagement story. laughter very cute engagement story. And its a good thing karen was there because you do not want to leave mike pence alone with one of those seductive loaves of bread. Yeah. Ghter the yeast isnt the only thing rising. laughter applause mmm, mmm. piano riff also, its worth noting that the couple later got the bread shellacked. laughter of course. Shellacked bread is an indiana delicacy hey, you remember last year, when North Carolina<\/a> passed a bill that forced transgender people to use the bathroom that matched the gender on their birth certificate . Basically, you needed two forms of i. D. To go number one. Well, today, North Carolina<\/a> lawmakers announced a deal to repeal the bathroom bill. cheers and applause sounds like some people have been holding it for about six months. laughter that means big changes for North Carolina<\/a>. Their license plates can go back to first in flight from their current license plate motto we peek under your stall. laughter and North Carolina<\/a> lawmakers agreed to change the bill just ahead of a deadline set by the n. C. A. A. , which had vowed not hold events in North Carolina<\/a> as long as hb2 remains law. So, really, we have College Athletes<\/a> to thank for this repeal. cheers and applause really nice. Jon really, really something. Stephen and we will thank them the same way we always do by not paying them. laughter and you know, North Carolina<\/a> is basketball country, so i can see why it would change minds. Now, i am a godfearing social conservative and my faith guides me to reject the deviant sexual proclivities of whats that . No tar heel games . Screw it, pee on me. cheers and applause we got a great show for you tonight. Marisa tomei is here. When we come back weve got the white houses biggest leaker. So wait im sorry. Wait, wait, im getting the latest breaking monkey news. laughter i did not know this was coming, but, ladies and gentlemen, latebreaking monkey news. Were about to go to break. But this ones a little different. So buckle up. You guys like those planet of the apes movies . audience reacts i love em. Man and ape fearing and hating one another is such a great metaphor for how scared i am that a chimp will bite my face off. So many great movies planet of the apes, rise f the planet of the apes, dawn of the planet of the apes, hey, look this planet also has apes i wonder if it turns out to be earth in the end and two apes too furious tokyo chimp. Well, it says here that the i thought it was going to say more than this but it says here that the ultimate battle for humanity hits theaters in july and what youre about to see is an exclusive look at the new trailer for war for the planet of the apes. No ones ever seen it. Got it first. Check it out. Hes a smart one, isnt he . What are you going to name him . Do they look like just he saved our lives. Was remarkable. Apes, apes run, run youre him. Youre caesar. We have been searching for you for so long. I did not start this war. I fight only to protect apes. Human get sick. April get smart. Then human kill april. chanting there are times when it is necessary to abandon our humanity to Save Humanity<\/a> they must pay. Ill finish this. I offered you peace, i showed you mercy. You talk about mercy no matter what you say, eventually youd replace us. Thats the law of nature. So what would you have done . Apes, together, strong apes together strong i come to save your apes. I came for you. screaming its an important question you ask, but one i think with a simple answer. We have this need to peek over our neighbors fence. And once we do, we see wonder waiting. Every step you take, narrows the influence of narrow minds. Bridges continents and brings this world one step closer. So, the question you asked me. Its you. Everything in one place,. A. Ugh yellow. Face. But crest whitestrips safely workel you used thete oh yea stephen john boehner and stay human, everybody here cheers and applause oh, my friend. Now, weve talked a lot about it, but all this russia stuff boils down to one simple question what is trumps relationship to russia, and when does he plan to leave it for a younger country . The usa today did a little digging and they found that trumps Business Network<\/a> reached alleged russian mobsters. Okay, the mob. That explains why his hat originally said, nice america you have here. Be a shame if something not great happened to it. laughter but everything the senate or the f. B. I. Or devin nunes has learned comes from secret sources, some from inside the white house. Luckily, i have my own secret white house source. This is late show president ial leakcrets. cheers and applause now, to protect my super secret sources identity, we have dimmed the lights, and put him behind a screen. And, also, we burned off his fingerprints with a George Forman<\/a> grill. The fat just melts away. Hello, anonymous source. Hello, stephen. Stephen your voice is still altered. Ah, no, i just have a cold, but i should be fine. I took a lozenge. Riccola its been a tough month for the president. Whats the mood in the white house these days . Panic. Complete panic. The staff is scared for their jobs. Stephen are they really scared theyre going to lose them . No. Theyre scared theyre going to keep them. laughter stephen all right, all right. That sounds rough. Okay, lets get to the bottom of this. Devin nunes claims to have a secret source in the white house who the New York Times<\/a> claims to have revealed. Are they right . No, stephen. Devin nunes secret source is devin nunes. Stephen what . He got this information from himself . Does he have two personalities . Im not sure he has one personality. But he does sneak off to secure locations, and then, when hes alone, he draws lipstick on his hand and interrogates it. Stephen he has a relationship with his hand . Friends with benefits. Stephen are you saying the information nunes as got upis false . I didnt say that, stephen. Im just saying he pulled it from, shall we say, an undisclosed location. I mean the butt, steve. Stephen i got that part. Not a metaphor. Stephen got it. Its a great image. Now, nunes says hes afraid to share the secret documents he saw because currently redacted white house staffers might be unmasked. Are people there worried about possible unmasking . No, we unmask every saturday at our eyes wide shut parties. Trust me, steve bannon looks better in a mask. And wearing pants. There are some things you cannot unsee. Stephen there are also rumors that trump and melania are having marital problems. Is that true . Yes. The problem is that theyre married to each other. Stephen separate bedrooms . It helps when youre in separate cities. Stephen by the way, the president promised that we could expect, some very interesting items coming to the forefront over the next two weeks. Those two weeks are just about up. Any idea what hes talking about . Yes. He swallowed his keys. And theyll be coming to the forefront soon. He ate a lot of oat bran today. Stephen well, thats something to look forward to. Switching to health care, i know the republicans say theyre going to try again, but the president has to be digs appointed by the failure to repeal obamacare. Does he blame paul ryan . No, the president took a hard look in the mirror and took complete responsibility. Im just bleep with yo. laughter no, of course, of course. Trump, obviously cheers and applause trump obviously blames ryan. Stephen so is trump trying to get rid of him . Yes, the president is trying to push ryan out. Much like his keys. I mean from the butt, steve. Stephen anonymous source, everybody well be right back with marisa tomei. cheers and applause band playing youre a crazy big fan of sports. And you dont wanna miss a thing. Stream all your live ncaa march madness games. Get directv for 25 a month when you have the new at t unlimited plus plan. W. I was always searching for ways to manage my symptoms. I thought i had it covered. Then i realized managing was all i was doing. When i finally told my doctor, he said humira was for people like me who have tried other medications,. But still experience the symptoms of moderate to severe crohns disease. In clinical studies, the majority of patients on humira saw significant symptom relief. And many achieved remission. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections. Including tuberculosis. Serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers,. Including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions,. And new or worsening heart failure. Before treatment, get tested for tb. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if youve had tb,. Hepatitis b, are prone to infections,. Or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. If youre still just managing your symptoms, ask your gastroenterologist about humira. With humira, remission is possible. How do you become americas bestselling brand . You make it detect what they dont. Stop, stop, stop sorry. You make it sense whats coming. Watch, watch, watch mom. Relax im relaxed. You make it for 16year olds. Whoawhoawhoa and the parents who worry about them. You saw him, right . Going further to help make drivers, better drivers. Dont freak out on me. Thats ford. And thats how you become americas bestselling brand. Oh, its actually. Sfx short balloon squeal its ver. Sfx balloon squeals ok can we. Sfx balloon squeals goodbye oof, that milk in your coffee was messing with you, wasnt it . Try lactaid, its real milk, without that annoying lactose. Good right . Yeah. Lactaid. The milk that doesnt mess with you. You get to do the dishes. Ed. Bring em on. Dawn ultra has 3 times more greasecleaning power. A drop of dawn and grease is gone. band playing i want to thank you for letting me be myself again cheers and applause welcome back, everybody ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is an Academy Awardwinning<\/a> actress you know from th the wrestler, spiderman, and my cousin vinny. Please welcome marisa tomei i want to thank you for letting me be myself again cheers and applause stephen nice to have you here. Im a big fan. Likewise. Stephen we met backstage. All day long i thought, i know i did something with marisa tomei before. I figured it out when i looked at paul dinello, my producer and one of my oldest friends in the world. Do you by chance remember coming to second city in 1990 and doing the set, doing the improv set that night . Yes stephen a scene with me and him on stage. I dont remember being on stage. That parts a blank. Stephen i think we were guys hitting on you at a bar or Something Like<\/a> that, or was it a funeral or Something Like<\/a> that. One or the other. We were in a cabin and no one could come in. Stephen we were in a snowedin cabin. Gangbusters. Stephen it was fantastic. I dont remember the scenes that dont go well. Is that why i have such affection for you . There is a lot of reasons, but there is history. Stephen nice to see you again. We should Work Together<\/a> more than 27 years apart. Lest do that. Stephen obviously, Everybody Knows<\/a> you from your fantastic movie roles. They love you as an actor. cheers and applause we know you from the movies, but you grew up in new york so i imagine you must have first fallen in love acting in the theater. Yeah, my parents love the theater. Stephen did they have to drag you or are you all in . No, it was a great time to spend with them. I got to see a chorus line and first iteration which is super exciting and inspired, my brother and i took tap. Stephen you took tap . Yeah, hes better than me and hes not here. Stephen was there a part you thought, oh, i want to grow up and play that part . I was into Robert Duvall<\/a>. Stephen who isnt . Yeah, so anything that he was in, that was my aspiration. I wanted to be the Robert Duvall<\/a> in any part he was in. It was, like, yeah, you know, gender fluidity, popular now. Stephen i love the smell of napalm in the morning. laughter youre in spiderman home coming. Youve played aunt may in the avengers movie. A little bit of controversy because there are depictions of aunt may that exist in the marvel comics, and this is what they are. laughter and this is what you look like. You look like this. This is not same person. applause you can imagine my horror when i was cast and i started doing the research but then i thought, im just going to go with it and i actually made a case to age me up. Stephen no, no. Its good. Its sexy aunt may. Yeah. No, not this. Its sexy aunt may. Well, the new play is at Lincoln Center<\/a> theater and its called how to transcend a happy marriage and its a complex and somewhat bizarre play, if ive got this right. It has a lot of catholic references in the play but there are also thrupples, et cetera, not what i grew up. With its going back to the gnostic, the roots. Stephen were you raised catholic . I was not. Stephen do you go to church at all or anything like that. No. Stephen broadway. Yeah, just the church of pasta, the church of italian holidays with a very loose religious feeling to them. Stephen your character is a latin teacher. Yes. Stephen do you study latin . It wasnt even offered. Thats play. Lo for me. stephen speaking latin what is that . Stephen the farmer is in gal. That took seven years. I cant remember a thing. I went through my entire vocabulary. Started off with gangbusters, though. Stephen theres a lot of references to meat slaughter. Yes, a lot. Stephen slaughtering animals. A lot of it is getting in touch with the limitlessness of love and that means including the wildness thats inside of us. Involved. I dont do partipant. I did slaughter an anim religio . It was a rmef who i wanted inside of me stephen if think you should be willi ttephf the lines, ntastic. applause piano riff so theres something calle play. Yes, or a an oldpassion and drives his its aian this case, polyamorou within that sleep tot theyre all explin any honor. Hao are you excited about that idea . cheers and applause because for you, not only could you wear the meat d could slaughter the moe would be but i was hoping you and i could a lady gaga. Yes stephen and well do a. You do the lines that say it. Biu that i love you, kiss or hug you. Verying,e im bluffing wmy as long as itee stephen i waou ahaga. Stephen how to transcend a pp well be right back with hugh dancy. Dont look now cre chuck norris comics. Klike reflexes. Is salt shaker. But when you choose unitedhealthcare, so what happened . So thai. Range. Giving me i vell never new pantene doesnt just wash your haing every. Dont just wash your hair cheers app band playing e serybody welcome and now he stars on hulus the thank you so much. E or take Something Like<\/a> that. Not much has happened. Stephen , no, no, no. The last time you were here, this is how long ago, last time you were here brexit hadnt been voted on and we discussed the possibility of brexit. Innocent days. Stephen back when the world was what we remembered. Exactly. Stephen the fansy in our fantasy in our mind matched reality. Its going to happen, theresa may triggered it. How do you feel about the decision your countrys made . A little nervous. Nothings happened yet. Stephen the pound lost about 16 of its value. That little thing, that happened, yeah. But the real thing, what comes after brexit hasnt happened. We agreed to separate but weve still got to figure out the mortgage and the the kids and the alimony and the laboratory and whatever else. Stephen who gets to keep scotland. For example, yeah. Yeah, we should have really talked about that before. Stephen yeah. A little unsure about the future. Stephen make sure you tell scotland its not your fault, dont blame yourself. Now you will have two christmases, scotland. laughter now, people compare brexit to trumps election. Trump actually called himself mr. Brexit. He did. He said, like, im going to surprise everybody, mr. Brexit. Do you see do you see parallels between the decisions made here in the United States<\/a> and the decisions made in england that got you to brexit . Yeah, i think there is overlap in the terrence of people who voted for brexit, people who voted for trump. We ear so insecure as to whether or not were so great that we literally put it in the name of our country, just so you can be clear, its on the label. We are you know, you cant argue. He just put it on a baseball cap. That seems very modest. Stephen youre not new britain. No. There was no argument about it. Nobody said, are we sure about this . Seems a little strong. Its, like, yeah, sounds about right. Well go with that. Stephen i never thought about you guys calling yourselves Great Britain<\/a>. And the weird thing is everybody accepted it. Im going to Great Britain<\/a> for the holidays. Yeah, it works. Stephen so i dont know a lot about britain, i dont know a lot about england. I get some of my news from the b. B. C. Newshour during the day. Where do you get your news, because you live here, right . I do. Stephen do you get your news from the b. B. C. To find out whats going on at home or around the world. Sometimes. The failing New York Times<\/a>. Sad. laughter id start out with the news, i would say, quite ambitiously and then one and two clicks andyot l crowes latest angryo the whole of th upthere ts an n scoobydoo was a guest . Hell . laughter se to be sphen but the animad 4yearold son cyrus talented i. Agreed. Yoever worry you what do you wine. Fier. Stephen r laughter use . Days, the apps. P. Stephen ive th. Tonight. F busy restaurant, like the cutler experience for the next ten years of your life. But remember this . Stephen yeah, thats what i tell new parents. They say, what shall i do . Im, like, get some sleep, not a joke and go see movies, because you dont go out again for years. Think about traveling. Stephen yeah. When babies are really small, i find traveling is okay. The real small ones because they have a handle. Theyre always in that carrying thing. You can go pretty fast. Now, in the path, its about a cult. You guys are in a cult. We are. Stephen have you ever been in a cult or anything like a cult . Well, i did go to a british boring school. There is that. Stephen is that like a cult . All boys and yeah, this one was, all boys. It was a fairly old institution. We had our own language. Stephen you had your own language. Yeah. Stephen is it hogwarts . laughter hogwarts is kind of new vogue. Stephen okay, i understand. Yeah. What do you mean your own language . Literally you arrived at school and they hand you a booklet and they say well test you in two weeks, we have been doing this since the 1400s so dont mess up. Stephen such as . You would say im going to up to books, instead of to lessons. And if you were taking a bicycle, which you couldnt, but if you would have done that you would have been riding your bogle. Stephen taking your bowingle to books . You would be severely punished for that slip sniewp what would the punishment be, hugh . laughter or would it be selfadministered . Yes, and it goes on all your life. Stephen well, lovely to see you again. My best to claire danes. Thank you. Stephen new episodes of the path are available on hulu. Hugh dancy, everybody. Back with a performance by broken social scene. Sick around. cheers and applause ok lets call his agent. Im coming over right now. The newly advanced gle can see in your blind spot. [ dinosaur roar ] onboard cameras and radar detect danger all around you. Driver assist systems pull you back into your lane if drifting. Bye chief. Bye bobby. And will even help you brake, if necessary. It makes driving less of a production. Lease the gle350 for 579 a month at your local mercedesbenz dealer. Mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. Various shouting heigh ho its off to work we go woman on the gulf coast, new exxonmobil projects are expected to create over 45,000 jobs. And each job created by the Energy Industry<\/a> supports two others in the community. Altogether, the industry supports over 9 million jobs nationwide. cheers and applause and that doesnt happen every by accident it takes 15 years to become a heineken brewmaster. Almost as long as it took me to master this look. Still practicing. It takes 15 years to become a heineken brewmaster. Theres more behind the star. Youre a crazy big fan of sports. And you dont wanna miss a thing. Stream all your live ncaa march madness games. Get directv for 25 a month when you have the new at t unlimited plus plan. Like paperless, multicar, and safe driver, that help them save on their car insurance. Any questions . Yeah. How do you go to the bathroom . Great. Any insurancerelated questions . Mmhmm. Do you have a girlfriend . Uh, im actually focusing on my career right now, saving people nearly 600 when they switch, so. Wheres your belly button . [ sighs ] ive got to start booking better gigs. Take an extra 20 off. Friends and family sale thats an extra 20 off shorts for women and men an extra 20 off womens skechers and an extra 20 off the big one bath towels. Plus, everyone gets kohls cash too. Right now, at kohls. Are you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool . Try zyrtec\u00ae its starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. Stick with zyrtec\u00ae and muddle no more\u00ae. Stephen my next guests are performing new Music Together<\/a> for the first time in seven years. Here with halfway home, ladies and gentlemen, broken social scene cheers and applause you said were halfway home you said survive you said were halfway home you said survive come right, into the sunlight cause i see their cold eyes i fear they still grow like it was so what as if its so much all through my fallen face end to end you said were halfway home you said survive this is my horror time this is my fallen fate cause if you never run, never run, how they gonna catch you alive cause if you never run, never run, how they gonna catch you alive you said were halfway home you said survive dreams change and i know that im gonna die but i dont need what i know now you were beautiful my love i see what i wanna hear if you dont believe in headlights you wont get caught in the mighty its crossfire its the blazing fear tears its call fall end to end and i fear they still grow and youll forget call out for a change but not believe in anything oh no cause if you never run, never run, how they gonna catch you alive cause if you never run, never run, how they gonna catch you alive cause if you never run, never run, how they gonna catch you alive cause if you never run, never run, how they gonna catch you alive cheers and applause friendship, ladies and gentlemen, friendship. Thank you. Stephen broken social scene everybody stephen broken social scene everybody well be right back. Tha. Oh, burnton gravy . Ie. Gotta rinse that. Nope. No way. Nada. Really . Dish issues . Throw it all in. New cascade platinum powers through. Even burnton gravy. Nice. Cascade. They have to be great on the inside and outside. My hygienist said to think of my teeth like an apple. To strengthen both, she said to go pro. Go pro with crest prohealth advanced. It strengthens. Teeth inside, and is better at strengthening the. Outside than colgate total. Best checkup ever. Stephen thats it for the late show everybody tune in tomorrow when my guests will be susan sarandon, joey mcintyre, and robert klein. Now stick around for james corden and his guests, adam scott and michael pena. Goodnight captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group<\/a> at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where you come from its gonna be all right its the late, late show ladies and gentlemen, all the","publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"archive.org","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","width":"800","height":"600","url":"\/\/ia600605.us.archive.org\/14\/items\/KYW_20170331_033500_The_Late_Show_With_Stephen_Colbert\/KYW_20170331_033500_The_Late_Show_With_Stephen_Colbert.thumbs\/KYW_20170331_033500_The_Late_Show_With_Stephen_Colbert_000001.jpg"}},"autauthor":{"@type":"Organization"},"author":{"sameAs":"archive.org","name":"archive.org"}}],"coverageEndTime":"20240627T12:35:10+00:00"}