growling salmon. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight stephen welcomes Jessica Lange, gold. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. Now live from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause band playing thank you folks, welcome to the late show piano riff welcome to the late show. I am your host Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause i want to thank everybody at home joining us. Were about 20 minutes late because of the masters. Hope you enjoyed it with the little ball in the hole. Before we get started, i just want to take a second to say that, as you may or may not know, that the great comedian don rickles died today at the age of 90, and while i didnt know don rickles, i did have the incredible honor to meet him once backstage at the emmys. We were both up for best host of a variety show, and the better one of us won. I went over to congratulate him when he was doing his photos backstage with his emmy and our show the colbert show just won for writing. applause he hugged me and told me i was good, and i felt like a made man because we all should have his career and be who he was. Married to his wife, i dont know, 120 years, Something Like that. So god bless you don rickles and thank you. Thank you for everything youve done. Keeper cheers and applause theres a Big New Development in the trumprussia investigation. Earlier today, House Intelligence Committee chairman and guy who once looked at a magic eye poster and cant snap out of it, devin nunes, stepped aside from the investigation. cheers and applause right . piano riff hes gone. Do you know what this means . Now a totally different republican will be covering trumps ass. laughter but its not forever. Nunes said hes stepping down temporarily. Its only temporary. Maybe 1520 years, depending on which judge he gets. laughter you see, nunes is stepping aside because the House Ethics Committee is determined to investigate allegations that nunes may have made unauthorized disclosures of classified information. Good news, congressman nunes we found the leaker hes in your mirror. laughter applause okay . The guy you shave, thats the guy. What else. Oh, this is huge. The fight continues over the confirmation of Supreme Court nominee and accountant looking up from his tax forms to dream of being a playwright, neil gorsuch. And today was a battle royale, with cheese in the senate. You see, the democrats took a stand. Breaking news from the senate floor the senate has wrapped up now that first important vote. The vote tally was 55 to 45. And with that, that means the democrats have successfully filibustered President Trumps Supreme Court nominee, neil gorsuch. cheers and applause stephen woooohooooo they did it yeah hell, yeah yeah, man they did it democrats won for about an hour. laughter because then, Senate Republicans forced an historic rule change to advance gorsuch anyway. audience reacts to, no, no, listen its like the saying goes, if at first you dont succeed, change the rules and now you win laughter the rule change was getting rid of the filibuster, a last resort commonly known as the Nuclear Option. Heres how it works the democrats filibuster the nomination. So the senate casts a vote to break the filibuster. When that doesnt pass, the senate revotes on that same motion. And when that doesnt pass, Majority Leader Mitch Mcconnell introduces a point of order that it should take 51 votes instead of 60 to overcome a filibuster of a Supreme Court nominee. And its called the Nuclear Option because they need some part of it to sound exciting. laughter now, not every republican wanted this. Heres what john mccain said tuesday about anyone who would defend the Nuclear Option. I would like to meet that idiot. I would like to meet that numbskull that would say that. That, after 200 years, at least 100 years of this tradition, where the senate has functioned pretty well, theyd think it would be a good idea to blow it up. Whoever says that is a stupid idiot. cheers and applause stephen hmm. Jon choice words there. Stephen you have to be pretty dumb for mccain to call you a stupid idiot because he thought sarah palin could be president. laughter applause pros a bold, bold stance, but thats the maverick or it was, because today mccain voted for the Nuclear Option. audience reacts well, senator mccain, in the words of an american hero, youre a stupid idiot. laughter cheers and applause thats not me talking to him. I think youre great. This other guy thinks youre an idiot. piano riff speaking of stupid idiots, donald trump. applause the president had a big guest at maralago today chinese president , xi jinping. Theres a lot to work out between our two nations the threat from north korea, the status of taiwan, and how to pronounce this china. China. China. China. You know, china china china china china stephen you would think hed know how to pronounce it, its on the label of all his neckties. cheers and applause stephen trump has been planning this meeting since the start of his campaign i would not be throwing him a dinner. Weve had this conversa i would get him a mcdonalds hamburger and say, you, we gotta get down to work. Stephen thats also his idea of a great first date. All right, youve had your big mac, now lets work on little donny. laughter its salty, its got the special sauce. audience reacts what . what . and oddly sesame seeds. audience reacts trumps going to the meeting feeling confidant on the way down to maralago. Trump told reporters on air force one, i think weve had one of the most successful 13 weeks in the history of the presidency. I dont know if its the most successful. I can say its not the least. William Henry Harrison died of pneumonia four weeks in. Nah, still better than trump. And trumps been doing a lot of crowing. You might even call him a cock. laughter to the new york times, he made an extraordinary claim about a demoratic congressman Elijah Cummings was in my office, and he said, you will go down as one of the great president s in the history of our country. really . I get the you will go down part, but, after that, you kind of lost me. cheers and applause jon im going down and you aint around yeah stephen let me remind you, Elijah Cummings is a member of the Congressional Black Caucus and lifelong progressive democrat. So if this quote sounds a little farfetched, its because, yeah, representative cummings released a statement saying, i have said repeatedly that trump could be a great president if if he takes steps to truly represent all americans rather than continuing on the divisive and harmful path he is currently on. So apparently, no matter what you say to trump, he only hears the good parts. laughter Everything Else just sounds like the Charlie Brown teacher. Wawawawawa, great president , wawawawawa. applause piano riff today were learning more about a big event yesterday when steve bannon was removed from the National Security council. cheers and applause its so nice to have bannon fans here tonight theyre so rare, so rare. It wasnt easy to remove him. They held a hot match against his back until he released his pincers. laughter they think the head might still be in there. Might get an infection. Now, a senior white house official said that bannons departure is in no way a demotion, and that what bannon set out to do on the council has been accomplished. Im not sure if he accomplished his goal. There are still some muslims in america. laughter still some, right . Can you check on that . A couple. Okay, good. But word on the street is that Jared Kushner helped push steve bannon out. How many jobs does that kid have . laughter im not sure im surprised by this. Im not surprised at all, in fact, because theres friction between these two, because whenever kushners not around, bannon calls him a cuck. And bannon tried to stop the demotion, threatening at one point to quit if it went forward. Wait, steve bannon, you threatened to quit if you got kicked off the National Security council, then you got kicked off, and you didnt quit . Thats a t. C. M. , bro. Total cuck move. cheers and applause piano riff hashtag t. C. M. laughter join the conversation. cheers and applause this was on msnbc, on the coffee joe morning it is reported that when bannon threatened to leave, he said, if my talents arent needed here, i can take them somewhere else. Oh, yeah, there are so many places where Steve Bannons talents would be welcomed cross burning laughter as an extra on the walking dead, or philadelphias Mutter Museum of medical oddities if you havent been, you must go. But, again, bannon refutes all of this. He says that, under obama, the n. S. C. Was operationalized, and he was just there to ensure that it was deoperationalized. Its impossible to know what he means because neither of those are words. But he enmeaningized them. Now some people are saying that bannons departure is part of a bigger rift in the west wing, between the nationalists and the globalists. Yes, the nationalists versus the globalists. Its like the jets versus the sharks, but no latinos. Easy, ban pow, pow, pow, pow, pow cheers and applause piano riff stephen weve got a great show for you tonight Jessica Lange is here. Stick around. cheers and applause band playing yoheres your reward. 100,000th point. Can i get one more . Thatll be 15,000 points. Some Loyalty Programs arent always rewarding. Thanks captain obvious. But hotels. Com is. Its small batch. Instant savings now, free nights later. Hotels. Com. The goalie has studied every one of your shots. She knows youre going for her left corner. She even teases you, calling the shot. But her legs are the ones trembling, not yours. Time to shine. Orbit. School lunch can be difficult. Cafeteria chaos. One little struggle. Can lead to one monumental mishap. Not with ziploc easy open tabs. Because life needs ziploc. Sc johnson. cheers and applause band playing Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human, everybody. Give it up for the band cheers and applause all right, welcome back, everybody. Please. Im just going to do this over here again, do it over here again, because i have a very special announcement right now. I just found out, right before the show, something we didnt know. You know how we had the lateseason storm stella . Well, we made a little fun of the Weather Channel because theyre not allowed to name anything, but they do it anyway. Theyre not part of the government. And they named is winter storm stella, so we made fun of them by renaming it winter storm crazy balls. And it turns out, just having some fun, it turns out theyve got a sense of humor because theyve just told us and this is i can say this . Okay. Next year, for the 2017 2018 winter storm season, the third storm, the letter c storm, will be winter storm colbert. cheers and applause there it is. Jon thats what were talking about wooo stephen its true. This is real. This is real. And i have i have always said it is so great that the Weather Channel does this. They should be part of the government. Theyre really such an important part of our culture. Jon right, right, right. Stephen looking forward to that next year. Please, everyone stay safe during winter storm colbert. Speaking of natural disasters, donald trump. laughter today, President Trump went to a rally in ypsilanti, michigan. And he talked about his close ties with the auto industry. During my first week in office, i brought American Auto companies to the white house. None of them ever got to see the because nobody took them into the oval offers they employ tens of thousands of people, but i brought them into the oval office. Stephen its true. Trump was the first president to bring Auto Executives into the oval office. Hes also the first to bring in steve bannon, k. F. C. Lunch buckets, and that beeping houseplant he got from vladimir putin. Beautiful, never seems to be watered. And trump also talked about other big changes he plans now that hes in office. Our trade deficit last year reached nearly 800 billion. Nothing happened. But something did happen, happened on november 8. Believe me, it happened. Stephen always so inspirational when, four months after the election, the president s message is, believe me, this happened. It reminds me of m. L. K. s this is not a dream speech. Wake up. I think thats how it goes. Jon i dont remember it like that. Stephen and tonight that was today, tonight the president is in nashville, tennessee, holding a huge rally in hopes of winning last years popular vote. laughter its going to happen. But meanwhile, the obamacare replacement, the trumpcare, is in huge trouble. Its too conservative for moderates, too moderate for conservatives. Its like a formula 1 race car made by volvo that runs on the tears of old people. laughter doctors hate it, retirees hate it, humans hate it, breitbart hates it this bill is so unpopular and offensive, trump might appoint it to his cabinet. laughter cheers and applause jon there might be a position for it. Stephen big fans of trumps cabinet here tonight. So with opposition on all sides, some are warning the president what passing this bill could do to his reelection hopes. I think donald trump is going to get caught on this in 2020. I think this is a trap set for trump. Stephen oh, its a classic trump trap. laughter you know how to set a trump trap you just prop a box up with a stick put a taco ball under it and do the trump call classy boobs classy boobs classy boobs well be right back with Jessica Lange. cheers and applause band playing new, peach, from limearita. Make it a margarita moment. Various shouting heigh ho its off to work we go woman on the gulf coast, new exxonmobil projects are expected to create over 45,000 jobs. And each job created by the Energy Industry supports two others in the community. Altogether, the industry supports over 9 million jobs nationwide. These are jobs that natural gas is helping make happen, all while reducing americas emissions. Energy lives here. All while reducing americas emissions. Im not a customer, but im calling about that credit scorecard. Give it. Sure its free for everyone. Oh well thats nice and checking your score wont hurt your credit. Oh im so proud of you. Well thank you. Free at at discover. Com creditscorecard, even if youre not a customer. Before you set out, you plan to capture every moment. But what you really cant plan for is when the moment captures you. Marriott now has 30 brands in over 110 countries. So no matter where you go, you are here. Join or link accounts. Arbreak through your allergies. Try new Flonase Sensimist instead of allergy pills. Its more complete allergy relief in a gentle mist you may not even notice. Using unique mistpro technology, new Flonase Sensimist delivers a gentle mist to help block six key inflammatory substances that cause your symptoms. Most allergy pills only block one. And six is greater than one. Break through your allergies. New Flonase Sensimist cheers and applause band playing stephen i was just talking to pay no attention to the man behind the counter. Thanks. Welcome back, everybody. My first guest tonight is a legendary actress who is currently portraying the legendary actress Joan Crawford in fxs feud. Bette, its todays work, its a good scene and joan likes it. I never said that. I agree with bette, the writing doesnt begin to capture howski. The intent is there. But the execution is lackluster. You work on that. See what you can do. Well anxiously be awaiting a rewrite. I like that, anxiously awaiting. laughs . Stephen please welcome Jessica Lange. applause Stephen Lovely to meet you. Thank you for being here. Yes. Thank you for asking me. Stephen now, i dont know if anybody here, like the producer who talked to you before you came out here, told you that youre partially responsible for me being in show business. No stephen yeah, yeah. Why . Stephen why . Well, i was a young man in college studying philosophy, and i didnt know what to do with myself. I wasnt going to open a philosophy shop. And i came home from college, and my mom, while i was away freshman year, had gotten cable, now that i wasnt there anywhere g. M. laughter and i came home one night after being out with friends and there was this movie on that i had heard of but never seen called all that jazz. In all that jazz if you havent seen it, its a tremendous movie. You play the inspiration to joel gideon. Youre death. Angel of death. Stephen youre the angel of death. Of course, right. Stephen and i watched and i went, death doesnt look that bad. It looks pretty good. Its not a flattering portrayal of show business. No. Stephen and i just thought i have to be part of that. So thank you, thank you for helping suck me in to this circus world we live in now. That was fosse. He was really something, wasnt he . Stephen i didnt know him but, yeah, what an extraordinary character. Yeah, yeah. Stephen the ugly looks beautiful and the ugly is beautiful in that world. Yeah. No, i mean, and he really you know, with that film, i mean, he he really felt strongly about, like, this imaginary character, you know. And we were way over budget, way over schedule, and the studio didnt want to shoot it, and he really insisted, like, taking that last week and shooting all those scenes with the angeath. Ste