Incidentally is how melania keeps away from him around the white house. [ laughter ] donald donald, i know youre in here [ laughter ] according to the new york times, President Trumps threat to respond to north korea with fire and fury was entirely improvised. Oh, we know. [ laughter ] were all living the ultimate nightmare. Weve been invited to somebodys fouryear long improv show. [ laughter ] okay, to get started, i just need a suggestion of a place you might bomb. [ laughter ] dildo . Come on. [ laughter ] fol it wasnt a suggestion, was it . You werent suggesting it earlier . [ light laughter ] well, my head writer said that in the room and i thought, oh, that would be really funny. Ill improvise that. [ laughter ] backfired. [ laughter ] following President Trumps threats of fire and fury against north korea, secretary of state Rex Tillerson said that trump is sending a strong message to north korea in language that kim jongun would understand. And then kim sent a message in a language trump would understand. [ laughter and applause ] three florida teens who robbed a man at gun point were caught by police this week after they bragged about their crime on snapchat, but at least their mug shots were fun. [ laughter ] the new England Patriots have become the first nfl team to buy their own planes to fly to games. While the Cleveland Browns have been downgraded to the overhead bin on spirit airlines. [ laughter and applause ] they make them wear the whole uniform. Two Boston University students recently launched a sushi restaurant inside their dorm room. While every other students dorm room just smells like they did. [ laughter ] and finally, a california man is suing the makers of heineken, claiming he found a gecko in his can of beer. But on the bright side, he did save 15 on car insurance. [ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have such a great show for you tonight from snls weekend update Summer Edition, colin jost and michael che, my very good friends, are here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] also we will be watching an episode of game of thrones with leslie jones. Its another episode of game of jones. [ cheers and applause ] and we have a director of a fantastic new Netflix Documentary nobody speak trials of the free press. Brian knappenberger is here. [ cheers and applause ] very exciting time to talk about a very interesting documentary. Before we get to all of that, as President Trump faces increasingly difficult challenges like north Koreas Nuclear weapons program, hes encountering two major problems diplomats dont trust him and he cant seem to stop himself from lashing out on twitter. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth the International Community is struggling to contain the rapidly escalating threats of north Koreas Nuclear program. And one big obstacle theyre facing is the fact that no one takes the president of the United States seriously. Buzzfeed reported today that trump is something of a laughing stock among europeans at international gatherings. One revealed that a small group of diplomats play a version of word bingo [ laughter ] whenever the president speaks because they consider his vocabulary to be so limited. Everything is great. Very, very great. Amazing, the diplomat said. [ laughter ] of course, the only problem with trump bingo is that the games never last very long. Look at this. I was at the Coast Guard Academy this year, gave the commencement address, and it was an amazing, Incredible Group of people and a really great day. Bingo bingo bingo [ laughter ] seth the fact that diplomats dont trust the president is obviously a problem, especially now when the world is in a standoff with north korea. Its an extremely tense, delicate situation that requires calm diplomacy and sober deliberation. Unfortunately, we elected human bullhorn with a corn syrup addiction. [ laughter ] so yesterday bullhorn mcsyrup responded to north koreas latest threat by saying this. North korea best not make any more threats to the United States. They will be met with fire and fury like the world has never seen. He has been very threatening beyond a normal state, and as i said, they will be met with fire, fury and frankly, power, the likes of which this world has never seen before. Seth why is he sitting like that with his arms crossed . [ laughter ] he looks like hes pondering his order at starbucks. Yeah, let me get the fire and fury. [ laughter and applause ] extra whip. Also, hey, man, when you respond to north korea youre not supposed to sound like north korea. Obama didnt respond to putins hacking by riding shirtless on horseback, even though everyone would have loved that. [ laughter and applause ] now this morning trump seemed to double down on his remarks with a series of ominous tweets about the u. S. Nuclear arsenal. And it wasnt just that the content was ominous, but the way he posted them, because first he tweeted, my first order as president was to renovate and modernize our nuclear arsenal. It is now far stronger and more powerful than ever before. And then he left that up on its own for seven minutes. [ light laughter ] hey, man, you cant put an ellipsis after a tweet about nuclear weapons. And, look, hes probably doing it because he knows its more dramatic this way, but for me, im just going to imagine that hes too exhausted to do two tweets in a row. Dot, dot, dot. Send. Oh, son of a bitch, that took it out of me. [ laughter ] oh, theres like a pinching in my ribs now, oh. I need some water. Oh, man, i really i hit the wall at 130 characters there. [ light laughter ] oh somebody send in melania so i can steal her youth. [ laughter ] [ audience groans ] [ applause ] so trump trump is talking tough on north korea, but if this week has shown anything its that we have a president who is temperamentally unfit to deal with a situation like this. In fact, his own advisors have complained about trumps habit of making major announcements on twitter without consulting his aides first. Like, when he tweeted out of nowhere the appointment of his new fbi director Christopher Wray who was Chris Christies attorney in the bridgegate scandal. Politico reported that inside the administration there was little initial support for wray. After talking extensively with christie, trump decided to go with wray without telling others on his staff. The most shocking thing about that story is the fact that trump still talks to chris christie. [ light laughter ] and christie doesnt even have his phone number. When he wants to get in touch with donald trump, he just closes down a beach. [ laughter and applause ] now trumps new chief of staff, john kelly, is apparently taking a lead in trying to control trumps twitter feed. And the first step, apparently, is understanding why trump tweets the way he does. Politico talked to several trump advisers and this is how those advisers described trumps tweeting habits. The bursts often come, advisors say, when trump is frustrated with his staff or news Media Coverage or just wants to buck everyone and do it his way. He also will marvel at how quickly his tweets appear on the television screen. [ light laughter ] the president s aides talk about him like hes a monkey who just saw a magic trick. [ laughter ] [ laughter and applause ] seth and then the card the card was there and then it wasnt there, but the lying media wont tell you that [ laughter ] theyll tell you the card was never there, i told but i saw the card. [ light laughter ] theyll say russia took the card. [ light laughter ] but we all know it was china. [ laughter ] yet, while most of trumps advisers try to get him off twitter, others are encouraging him to keep using it, even in situations like the north korea crisis, where it could make things worse. Assistant to the president , sebastian gorka, for example, was asked on fox news how the u. S. Could get china to help with north korea. Would they would use trade policy as leverage . Or maybe vote at the United Nations or some behindthescenes diplomacy . Gorka had a slightly different suggestion. What card left do you have to get china to act . We have, you know, the president s twitter feed. [ laughter ] seth but the twitter strategy does not seem to be working on china so far. After trump complained in a series of tweets about chinas unwillingness to stop north koreas weapons program, china responded by calling the tweets, quote, emotional venting. China now treats our president the way parents treat a 16yearold who wont come down for thanksgiving dinner. [ light laughter ] im sorry devin isnt here. Hes doing some emotional venting. Dont make excuses for him, karen. This is all because youre so hard on him. Oh, now its all my fault. I can hear you down there and its hurting my feelings [ laughter and applause ] can somebody pass the mashed potatoes . In fact, im not sure i trust trumps ability to make decisions about International Affairs via tweets just in general. According to the Washington Post, his advisers recently tried briefing him on the war on afghanistan, but even a single page of bullet points on the country seemed to tax the president s Attention Span on the subject. One trump confidant said, i call the president the twominute man. The president has patience for a half page. A half page. So basically, they have to brief him via limerick. [ laughter ] north korea has matter thats fissile. It looks like theyre making a missile. Not to be crude, we are so screwed, unless we can get your dismissal. [ cheers and applause ] you know what . There is one thing trump is right about were facing a serious threat from north korea, which is why its crucial not to discuss classified information in public. Trump has repeatedly railed against leaks of classified information and on tuesday, when u. N. Ambassador nikki haley was asked about a fox news report, based on Anonymous Sources that contained classified information about the north korea situation, she got trumps message loud and clear and refused to comment. On the front page of foxnews. Com right now there is a story that apparently the Intel Community has picked up. Antiship cruise missiles were being loaded on to a patrol boat or patrol boats in north korea. What can you tell us about that . I cant. Why . I cant talk about anything thats classified. And if thats in the newspaper, thats a shame. Its incredibly dangerous when things get out into the press like that. You are not only just getting a scoop on something, youre playing with peoples lives. Yes. And this has got to stop. Seth see, there you go. Straight from the ambassador herself. People have got to stop spreading these anonymous leaks about classified information. Its a shame. And it endangers national security, end of story. [ keyboard clicking ] no one should be wait, what is that sound . Is someone tweeting something on an iphone . Oh, no President Trump this morning retweeted a fox news story about u. S. Spy satellites that they say detected north korean antiship cruise missiles. Seth look, my tweets on tv [ laughter ] it started here and then it was in my thumbs and now its on tv [ light laughter ] we have basically elected one of those guys who waves their arms behind local newscasters on the street. [ laughter ] dude dude, im on tv [ light laughter ] this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with game of jones, everybody [ cheers and applause ] thats the new rockstar. All jeans on sale, up to fifty percent off. No time to spare inside the rack houses every barrel is aged four long years, for a fuller, smoother flavor. Our history is made from the inside. How will you make yours . Whats that . P3 planters nuts, jerky and seeds. I like a variety in my protein. 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Cats cant resist. boy and these are the lungs. class ewwww boy sorry. dad dont worry about it. mom honey, honey, honey, honey vo at our house, we need things that are built to last. Thats why we got a subaru. avo love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. Get 0 apr financing for 63 months on all new 2017 Subaru Legacy models. Now through august 31st. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] sitting in on the drums with us tonight, she plays for the one and only beyonce, and her brandnew ep stealth is out now on all digital platforms. Venzella joy is here, everybody [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much for being here. Thank you, seth. Seth a couple of things i love. I love the Television Show game of thrones. I also love snl cast member leslie jones, who is emmynominated this year. [ cheers and applause ] emmynominated leslie jones. We combined the two last night. Check it out. Seth i love game of thrones. What i love even more is reading my friend leslie jones live tweet it as it airs. Im with leslie now. She was too sick to live tweet it on sunday, i havent seen the episode yet. Were gonna watch it together now. Yes seth this is episode two of game of jones. Woo [ light laughter ] okay, you know you gotta watch from the beginning cause you know they got casterly rock up in the beginning. Seth i wouldnt have even known that if you hadnt pointed it out. Yeah, but you you got to notice that. Theyre doing all of the kingdoms, man. Seth you are watching the show on another level than im watching. Because i am game of thrones, homie. Seth when it comes to game of thrones this is where you are the most like a young, nerdy, white 12yearold. [ laughter ] oh, yeah, here we go, baby seth thrones. How do you feel about Jamie Lannister these days . Man, i feel like he a onearm bandit right now. Thats what i feel like, mr. Goldfinger. Yo, but this is gangster right here. Seth bronn . Bronn is the gangster, yo. Bronn is the dude that, like, in the hood that knows where all of the 1 cigarettes is, you know what im saying . [ laughter ] its not a castle. How about that one . Seth where would queen leslie want her castle . Oh, compton. [ light laughter ] thats the only way to have a castle, is in compton. Seth would you give it a like, fancy name . You couldnt just call it compton castle. What would you call it . I literally would call it the compton castle. [ light laughter ] that is exactly what i would call it. [ laughter ] i would have stopped that dagger with my own heart. Seth i feel like we talked about this last time. You would not have romanced with littlefinger. I didnt say that. I do believe that i said i still would do it with littlefinger, but seth okay. I would just have to watch him the whole time. [ light laughter ] seth with the lights on . Yeah, i couldnt have my eyes closed in passion. Itd have to be open the whole time, like [ light laughter ] and bronn, they need to really just get a blood test on him because i just think he high. [ light laughter ] i almost died for you. [ light laughter ] thats the look that every man gives me when im standing there in front of them going, why . Why you cant text me back . Seth they give you bran face . They give me bran face. [ light laughter ] give me ban face like, im the threeeyed raven. [ light laughter ] seth thats why he didnt text . So youve dated multiple threeeyed ravens. All of them was threeeyed ravens. I think one of them was a crow, though. [ light laughter ] yeah this is what im talking about, baby yeah seth what . Whats this reaction . Oh, yes, baby seth oh, i see. Arya [ light laughter ] seth arya. Arya is a warrior. Seth shes coming home. Shes coming home, baby. They all together, homie. Seth is this gonna be emotionally rewarding . Its gonna be emotionally rewarding, but i just have to say, this is definitely not a black family. [ light laughter ] seth wait, whats the difference . Okay, first of all, brans home. Aryas home. Nobody wants to make no macaroni and cheese . [ laughter ] im saying nobody wants to get together and have some chicken and ribs and stuff. Littlefinger cant get no hamburger buns, you know what im saying . Come on, this a reunion seth yeah, i guess. As soon as the family come in, you have Family Reunion its a Family Reunion see, they supposed to be rolling in there. They supposed to have like a deejay. Theyre supposed to have like some bench tables set up. People are supposed to be, you know, hey sansa and arya, bran is home you shouldnt have run from the guards. I didnt run. You need better guards. And, too, they acting like they dont know each other because like sisters, id be like, girl [ light laughter ] and then what happened with the bolton boy. I mean, im telling you, he raped me every day he raped me every day seth theyre playing it too close to the chest for sisters. Let me tell you, let me tell you, id have no face [ light laughter ] man, bran. See, he high. [ laughter ] always out here by the tree, he spaced out. What is you smoking, bran . [ light laughter ] look, now, let me just say this. Im not saying that black people have been right all the time, but check this out. They fought together against their common enemy. Blueeyed devils. [ light laughter ] those was white folks its white folks that came out the cave and they t