Roots crew. Questlove 544 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, hey enjoy yourself. Welcome. Welcome. Please, have a seat. Enjoy yourself. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, everyone to the tonight show. This is it. [ cheers and applause ] this is the show. This is the one to be at tonight. Hot show tonight. Hot show [ cheers and applause ] oh, my goodness. Well get to the show. First, heres what everyone is talking about. Of course, it is still the election. And i saw that Hillary Clinton actually went to her granddaughters Second Birthday Party instead of preparing for the first debate against trump. Yeah. I guess she figured being around a bunch of screaming toddlers might help her even more. [ laughter and applause ] thats right, hillary went to her granddaughters Second Birthday Party. Apparently she played her Favorite Party games duck, duck, question and pin the blame on the i. T. Guy. [ laughter and applause ] i never heard those while speaking to the students at the university of New Hampshire yesterday, Hillary Clinton said, quote, isnt this one of the strangest elections youve ever seen . And then college kids were like, uh, were 18. [ laughter and applause ] it is the only election weve ever seen. Havent seen that many. And get this. Hillary said that when she was a young woman going to law school, she had to take out loans, because her dad couldnt help her pay for it. Because hed already gone broke donating to her future president ial campaign. [ laughter and applause ] another fundraising letter . Ugh, all right. I read that just this past week, Hillary Clinton spent 12 million on campaign ads compared to donald trump who only spent 600,000. And you can really tell donald trump is doing campaign ads as cheaply as possible. Take a look at this recent ad. Our children watch everything we do. And the person we elect as president has the power to shape their lives for years to come. Hillary has spent her entire career bringing folks together on behalf of our kids. Wrong. Hillary will be a president our kids can look up to. Wrong. A president who believes in our kids and will fight for them every day. Wrong. Thats why i believe in donald trump i hope youll join me. Im donald trump and i approved this message. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i guess it gets the point across. Steve wrong. Jimmy actually, Michelle Obama is campaigning quite a bit for Hillary Clinton. And yesterday she said hillary is the only person in this race who has any idea what being president is like. Then trump said, i heard that on thanksgiving, you get to fire a turkey. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] thats what im hearing. And Bernie Sanders is also campaigning with hillary. Yesterday he asked a crowd at one of her rallies, is everybody here ready to transform america . Followed by his next question, does anybody here remember where i parked . [ laughter and applause ] its a 94 taurus. With the left blinker on. And get this, donald trump is reportedly angry that his advisers are saying that he struggled during the first debate. Then his advisors were like, oh, so you can hear us. [ laughter ] it was as if there were a wall between us. Check this out, you guys. Esports has been getting really big lately and a lot of professional video game players are actually getting pretty famous. Heres a guy who goes by the name of seagull finishing up an interview at a competition this week. And check out his cool handshake at the end. Watch. Excellent, man. Thank you very much for your time. And were gonna send it back to the desk right now. Oh [ laughter ] im not gonna leave you hanging. Im not gonna leave you hanging. [ light laughter ] jimmy in case you missed it, lets get a closer look at that handshake. [ laughter ] [ laughter and applause ] i guess video games help with the handeye coordination, but not handhand coordination. [ laughter and applause ] and finally, heres a crazy story. This week, a woman in tennessee walked into her home and found two burglars having sex on her couch. When they tried to run away, she yelled, at least steal the couch [ laughter and applause ] who needs it . We have a great show tonight, you guys. Give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we have a giant show tonight. This saturday, she is hosting the season premier of saturday night live with musical guest, the weeknd. Margot robbie is stopping by [ cheers and applause ] jimmy plus, he is the current Vice President of the United States. We are delighted to have him here. Vice President Joe Biden is on the show tonight steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] good show. Jimmy amazing. And then, im so excited for this. For the First Time Ever on the tonight show, we have music from metallica [ cheers and applause ] oh hardwired. To selfdestruct metallica. I mean get ready. I mean, this is they dont do they dont do this type of stuff. They dont do tv. They dont do they always do travel with joe biden. Steve thats true. [ laughter ] thats one thing they do. Jimmy thats one thing, you know. But so a good. Im just so happy theyre here. What a great, giant show. Thank you guys so much for being here tonight and watching. [ cheers and applause ] very exciting. First for you guys right now, it is time for tonight show hashtags. Here we go. [ applause ] Hashtags Hashtags jimmy here we go. You guys are on twitter, right . Are you on twitter . [ cheers ] we use twitter on our show every single week. So if you watch our show and you want to play along, we do this thing every wednesday where i send out a hashtag and we ask you guys to tweet out things based on that topic. So since the first president ial debate was this week, and both candidates received plenty of advice from their campaign staff, i went on twitter and sent out a hashtag called badvice. Do you get it . Steve got it. [ light laughter ] i dont get it. Jimmy i dont have to describe yeah. We asked you guys to tweet out some funny, weird, or just plain bad advice that youve gotten. We got thousands of tweets. Within 30 minutes it was a a trending topic in the u. S. [ cheers and applause ] so thank you so much for those tweets. Now i thought id share some of my badvice tweets from you guys. This ones from micahwilliams24. He says, guy at work tried to give me marriage advice and finished with, trust me, ive been married three times. [ laughter and applause ] well, then thats three times the experience. [ light laughter ] this ones from 2omarsc1. Sounds like hes a robot or something. [ light laughter ] he says, when someone had a a cold, my grandma used to tell them to drink tequila because, either youll lose the cold or youll forget about it. [ laughter and applause ] steve thats good advice. Jimmy good idea. This is good. This is from shawnget. He says, my grandpa once told me not to use my blinker when driving, because its no ones business where youre going. [ laughter and applause ] hey, mind your own business. This ones from britbroadhouse. She says, i was told to sprinkle baby powder on my sheets the freshen them up. I woke up looking like a a powdered doughnut. [ laughter and applause ] slept like a baby, literally. This ones from chelseybunbun. [ light laughter ] thats a good one. She says, my dad told me if you have a bad cough, take a a laxative then youll be afraid to cough. [ laughter and applause ] steve what . Jimmy what is he talking about . Steve thats why they call her bun bun. [ laughter ] jimmy i dont know. This last ones from kellygator. She says, bought a car that smelled like cigarettes, was told vinegar would fix it. Now my car just smells like pickled cigarettes. [ laughter and applause ] there you have it. Those are our tonight show hashtags. To check out more of our favorites, go to tonightshow. Com hashtags. Stick around, well be back with Margot Robbie, everybody [ cheers and applause ] foot steps crickets chirping jet engine heart beat water splashing rain drops engine revving tires on wet road lease the exhilarating 2017 lincoln mkz for 349 a month only at your lincoln dealer. Oh with a little bit of uh uh, and a little bit of i said, its getting hot in herre new limited edition cherry from limearita. The bold margarita. You never believed in fairytales. Knights in shining armor or happily ever after. But you believed when the right one came along, youd be ready. Time to shine. Orbit. Im not a customer, but im calling about that credit scorecard. to dog give it. Sure its free for everyone. Oh well thats nice and checking your score wont hurt your credit. Oh to dog im so proud of you. Well thank you. Get your free credit scorecard at discover. Com. Even if youre not a customer. And so when i saw that, that was completely disqualifying. Im a republican, but this election is so much bigger than party. My son max cant live in trump world. So im crossing party lines and voting for hillary. I dont always agree with her, but shes reasonable. And shes smart. She can work with people to solve problems. I want to be able to tell my kids that i did the right thing when it really mattered. Im Hillary Clinton and i approve this message. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy she stole the show this summer playing harley quinn in suicide squad, and a few days from now shes hosting the 42nd season premiere of saturday night live with musical guest, the weeknd. Please give a warm welcome to one of our favorites. Heres Margot Robbie [ cheers and applause ] jimmy margot hi. They love you. Come on, they love you. Are you so excited . I love coming here. It is such an ego boost. Jimmy it is . No, we love having you here. Please, please, please. Im psyched to have you here, im psyched to have Vice President joe biden and im psyched to have metallica all in one show. I know that is like jimmy im very excited. Im nervous. Thats mind blowing. Metallica. Jimmy isnt that great . I mean and the Vice President , but like metallica. Thats insane. Jimmy have you ever seen the Vice President in concert . [ laughter ] metallica . Have you seen those guys . I havent seen them in concert. But i meant, i love them. Jimmy did you have like a a metal phase, did you ever get into . I did. I had a real, like, heavy metal phase. When i was like 14. And i dyed my hair black and i literally cut with it a razor blade. And i would only wear band shirts and like, only listen to like the heaviest of heavy metal. Jimmy and who were you into . I was a really weird phase. Like silverstein and like, bullet for my valentine. Jimmy really. Slipknot. I went to a slipknot concert. It was actually to this day, probably the best concert ive ever gone to. Jimmy is that right . It was amazing. Jimmy slipknot. Its just an amazing performance. Even if you dont like metal, i think you would appreciate a a slipknot concert. Because its just like incredible to watch. I was on a soap at the time in australia called neighbors. And, as you can imagine, the people that would generally watch neighbors, youd imagine it would be like families at dinner time or like young people. But at the slipknot concert, i got more recognized at the slipknot concert than anywhere else id ever been whilst on neighbors. It was so weird. And i was like well, this is one place no one is ever going to come up to me here. And like, these huge guys with like, tattoos and like, piercings everywhere, would be like, is bridgets baby really dead . And ill be like [ laughter ] jimmy at the slipknot concert . Yeah. And i was like you watch neighbors . Are you serious . Jimmy i love it. You would never know. You never know anyones story. They loved everyone. It was so random. Jimmy thats the coolest thing ever. I love hearing that. Saturday night live, im hearing the best things from everybody. They loved having you there all week. Oh my god. Its so like its an intense week. Its really fun, right . Yeah. Ive been upstairs all week. Its really fun. But its like jimmy whats weirding you out. Whats making you whats your experience . It its just like not i dont know if im going to be able to pull it off. And like so many times, we did the table read yesterday. And was just about to go to lornes office and like just be like, you got the wrong girl for the job. Im so sorry, but i shouldnt do this. You should get someone else to come in and do it. And i hope its not too late, but im going to like not do it. Jimmy what do you mean . Have you met with the writers and everything . They have great writers. Yes, no. They are amazing. Jimmy theyll make it work. You have the weekend performing as well. Yeah. Jimmy you get to see him rehearse at all . I havent seen him rehearse. We shot like, one quick promo. I didnt want to be like i didnt want to like stand out. It is so weird meeting people that you idolize. You dont want to be uncool. Like, i met kate mckinnon. We did a promo. And im like, such a huge fan of hers. I met her. And i was just like, i didnt know what to say. It was so embarrassing. She came over here. She was like, a big fan. Big fan. [ laughter ] and i was like no, im your fan. Jimmy that is a great impression of kate mckinnon. Thats unbelievable. She was just like, big fan. I was like, no, im your you never say what you think you want to say when you meet someone like that. You just sound uncool. Jimmy did you give any tattoos to anyone this week . I havent given a tattoo this week. Jimmy the last time we talked about this, and this is something you end up doing on the set is you actually, illegally, i should add is there a law against it . Jimmy im sure you have to be licensed to do that. You cant just do that to people, yeah. Ive always wondered if it is like okay to do that. Jimmy you give tattoos to people on the set and they let you do it because youre so charming and nice. They make it seem like fun. Then afterwards, why did i do it . Jimmy well you did this one, i said give me a drawing of what you would tattoo. Yeah, last time i was here. Jimmy and you drew this. A little girl with a balloon. [ light laughter ] thats my specialty. Like stick figurey. Jimmy i love that so much. Seriously, i think thats one of the cutest drawings ever, and im not ready to get a a tattoo. Maybe next time. Jimmy but i was thinking, i had a rubber stamp made of the drawing. I thought maybe if you would like, you can give me my first tattoo. It is just its kind of temporary. It will last the weekend. Yeah. Oh, my god jimmy im going to do it. That is so thoughtful, jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] all right. On your bum cheek . Jimmy no, no. I think here is cool, right . Well play it safe. Jimmy i do play it safe, yeah. Next time well get it for real though. Jimmy i dont know. Alright girl, here we go. Oh, not bad. [ cheers and applause ] can i have one too . Jimmy yeah. You have the show. You have the show. You said that. Jimmy are you sure . Ill wash it off. These arent permanent so it should be easy. Jimmy ok, ready pal. Im so psyched to get it. Oh my god, i love it [ cheers and applause ] jimmy that means youre going to have good luck. You guys, do not miss Margot Robbie hosting the season premier of saturday night live this weekend we love you Vice President joe biden joins us after the break. Stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] i like my turkey carved thick it isnt just grandmas who are passionate about turkey, so is subway. The allwhite meat in our new, thickcut autumn carved turkey sandwich has no artificial preservatives or flavors, and is topped with cheddar and cranberry mustard sauce. Only at subway. [ rear alert sounds ], [ music stops ]on ] on the road again just cant wait to get on the road again [ front assist sounds ] [ music stops ] [ girl laughs ] on the road again like a band of gypsies we go down the highway [ beetle horn honks ] no matter which passat you choose, you get more standard features, for less than you expected. Hurry in and lease the 2017 passat s for just 199 a month. I got it, dad. Ow we love to keep them safe. So we made the Nest Protect Smoke and Carbon Monoxide alarm. It speaks up and can alert your phone if theres a problem. Or let you know if everything is just fine. Because, ya know, we worry. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we are very honored to welcome our next guest to the tonight show. Hes the 47th Vice President of the United States. Everyone, please welcome Vice President joe biden [ cheers and applause ] welcome to the show. And thank you for being here. Its good to be here. Jimmy oh, please, its my pleasure. Just before we begin, im a a fan so go easy on me. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, thank you. Me, too. I actually met you once before. We were at a time 100 event. Thats right. Jimmy it was a beautiful event. I went up to you and i apologized for making all the jokes that weve made about you i said, but thats my job. [ light laughter ] and i didnt get a cut. [ laughter ] jimmy didnt even get one little cut. But, we actually did some research. Ive probably done 347 jokes about you while you were in office. [ light laughter ] shouldnt i get some royalty for that or something . Jimmy yeah, we can probably get you want some water . Got a mug of water we can offer you that. Ive not been gainfully employed since ive been 26. You know, i mean, im gonna need help when i get out of this job. Jimmy i remember when we were talking that night and i said, im sorry, you know, but i have to do these jokes. And you were a great sport about it. You said, well, imagine if i ran for president. Well, hell, your ratings would go way up. [ laughter ] jimmy i was bowing to you. I said please make that happen. Yeah. I got to see you speak that night and i have to say i was so impressed. You were just such an amazing uh oh. Jimmy no, im serious. It was a moving speech. And it was great. It was right after the Boston Marathon attack. And, you spoke so eloquently and beautifully about america and how, you know, we stand up to, you know, to these attacks and we dont let terror stop us. It just, it was fantastic. I mean, people were crying. When i say people, i was crying. [ light laughter ] you quoted an irish poem. And i think it was heaney or something. Seamus heaney, yeah. Jimmy Seamus Heaney . The cure of troy. Theres a